My Dad

Mickey052501 · #1 11-11-2007, 07:31 PM

Hi Friends,

I don't know if anyone remembers but in April, I lost my father unexpectedly. I don't know if it is because of the holidays coming but I am having a very difficult time with it lately. I have been attending a daughter's support group lately, but talking to my friends at Intercot has always helped me to get through difficult times. Well, I just needed to talk.

Thanks,
Jen

SBETigg · #2 11-11-2007, 07:57 PM

Aw, Jen, hugs to you! I'm sorry you're having a hard time. It's good that you're going to a support group, and please know that we're all here for you, too.

jodijo · #3 11-11-2007, 07:58 PM

I lost my mom 2 years ago. The holidays are always difficult. Please feel free to PM me anytime you need to talk.

Mousefever · #4 11-11-2007, 08:49 PM

Hi Jen. I'm so sorry to hear that you lost your dad this year. Five years ago I lost my mom very suddenly also. I'm not saying it's any easier to lose a parent who has died after an illness, in fact I'm sure it's just as difficult, but at least you have a chance to say goodbye. It was very difficult that we didn't have that opportunity to say "I love you," one last time.

Our first holidays were hard too. My family was scheduled to go back to PA for Christmas at my parent's house that year. It was very sad. I think that our impulse was to spend much more money than usual on presents to, in some way, make up for the absence of Mom. Of course, it didn't work.

One special thing my sister did was to make Christmas ornaments for us with my mom's photo inside. (Kinko's, I think.)

I don't have any words to make the holidays any easier. I'd just suggest spending time with your family and enjoying the traditions you've always enjoyed. I know it stinks and I'm sorry.

Amy

Melanie · #5 11-12-2007, 07:13 AM

Jen, I am very, very sorry you are feeling so down lately.

It's certainly understandable and expected with the holidays approaching. Lots of

and :hugs: to get you through this difficult time.

ChipnDaleGal · #6 11-12-2007, 08:56 AM

I think your sadness sounds very normal and human. So many happy memories are often associated with the holidays. I hope you can reach a time when those memories bring you more comfort and joy than sadness.

faline · #7 11-12-2007, 09:09 AM

Holidays are very difficult after a loss. More pixie dust headed your way as you deal with your grief and loss!

MNNHFLTX · #8 11-12-2007, 09:34 AM

Jen, I'm sorry for the sadness you are feeling. Grieving for and missing someone you love goes on for a long time after they pass; in fact, in a way it never really goes away but becomes easier to deal with as time goes by. My mom passed away ten years ago and there is still never a day that I don't think about her, but now it is with loving memories, more so than sadness.

I hope that the people in your support group, as well as your family and friends, will keep you surrounded in love and understanding this difficult holiday season. And of course, we are here to listen too.

MsMin · #9 11-12-2007, 11:34 AM

Sending you well wishes and hoping too that you find comfort during these difficult times. Sometimes during the holidays we have to push ourselves a little to be with family and friends and sometimes we just need time alone. It is a difficult time as the loss is still very fresh.
Try to do things that bring you joy and take care of yourself as you know your father would have wanted you to do. I think that support groups are great and do bring comfort but as you mentioned you do have a wonderful support group here as well. Feel free to PM me if you you have questions I can help you with to help cope through this difficult time. Don't feel badly if you are not getting what you need from the support group sometimes the personalities don't blend well or situations. If you have any questions about what you can expect from a group let me know.

and and

to bring you comfort during these difficult times.

Mickey052501 · #10 11-12-2007, 04:48 PM

Thank you everyone so much for you love and support, it means so much to hear from all of you. I can always count at my friends at Intercot to make things better. Lately, I have been having a lot of dreams about my dad and it is nice to see him in my dreams, but it is also difficult too. I guess it will take time.

Jen

KarenP · #11 11-12-2007, 06:48 PM

I am very sorry for your loss, Jen. I know how you feel. I lost my mother very unexpectedly 15 months ago. I struggle with it every day, but it is especially hard around the holidays. I think with sudden losses we also have to deal with the shock of it all, along with the grief.

I sure hope you feel better soon!

DisneyDudet · #12 11-12-2007, 07:14 PM

I have not had to experience a loss as great as yours, but any loss hurts. The holidays are important in bringing families together, which is why it hurts so much. Try to remember the happy times and special things done during the holidays.

I have found that continuing to do all traditions, despite missing someone so special does help. It helps bring the missing piece back for a short time. It is hard sometimes, but time does heal.

Sometimes there's no words to make things better, but just knowing there's someone out there caring about you and are willing to be with you in silence helps.

Here's some

to help get you through the holidays with happiness. Its ok to be sad, it just affirms the love you had for him. Its also ok to smile and be happy, as I'm sure that is what he would want you to do.

Remember, he will always be with you. Maybe that is what him being in your dreams are telling you.

We are all here for you.

Don't hesitate to just speak up if you need something.

Here we go again... · #13 11-13-2007, 11:27 PM

I am so sorry for your loss. I wish I could say that it gets easier....
I lost mom to a heart attack 13 years ago. I still have not been able to deal with the loss. It feels like she is missing the most important things in life...

It does get easier to remember all of the wonderful things about your father. So in the begining you might feel a little guilt for some of the things you did or said. Soon that will all go away and will be replaced with happy memories that will pop up at the weirdest times.

Talk to people... many of your friends might not know what to say so they may seem like they are avoiding you. If that happens, reach out to them. Let them know that you are going through a rough time but having to do it without friends would be even harder.

My prayers are with you and your family.

Mickey052501 · #14 11-15-2007, 09:15 PM

Thank you so much it really does help hearing from everybody. It was 7 months yesterday that my dad died and it is certainly still very painful.