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  #1  
Old 04-19-2007, 02:05 PM
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Default Working and Mom Guilt...

Well I have something I am struggling with right now. I currently work full time and it's too long a story, but for various reasons I have applied for another opportunity that recently presented itself. I did interview and I should hear something back either way next week.

Anyway, this opportunity is great but I am very nervous and honestly I feel guilty. Although I work full time now this new job, were I to get it, would shake things up a little at home. My schedule would be less predictable and I would have to live in another state for a period of two months initially. Away from my husband and kids. This part would be temporary but I can't help but feel bad. How are they going to handle me being gone for that long??? My mom can help out but I know I will be missed and miss them greatly. I would get to go home for a short period during this time but it would be brief. Also I would have to miss a vacation we had planned to Yellowstone/Jackson Hole. Although they would still be able to go and the In law's are going, too...

This is a great opportunity and great pay/benefits, and a chance to do a very exciting job. I just feel bad. My husband is nuetral about it- he supports me. But I wonder if this is the right thing and how this will affect my family...
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  #2  
Old 04-19-2007, 02:20 PM
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You have to ask yourself some tough questions I guess.

Will the ultimate pay off be better for your family? (is there more money/stability/personal satisfaction or with luck all of the above)

Two months is an eternity before you start but not that long once you've started.

I've done this twice for my job once was about 6 weeks (home on weekends) and then my DH & DS moved to the new town to join me.

The 2nd time we moved I was gone more then 3 months. (again home on weekends and for some vacation time in there). That time DH didn't even have family support to fall back on.

In the end we've moved into better neighbourhoods both times, better schools and my income has more then doubled in 5 years...and I like what I do quite a bit. DH has been happier in each job he's gotten in the new locations then in the one he had before we made these choices so it's worked.

It's pretty funny when your DS looks at you and says so and so moved in my class...him mom must have been promoted.
(However that doesn't mean I didn't get some mighty sad moments missing them along the way).

But it has to have that pay off...Good luck with your choice!!
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  #3  
Old 04-19-2007, 03:18 PM
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Thanks for sharing your experiences and your advice. It's nice to know it can be done! We wouldn't have to move, but I would be gone for that period of time. So maybe it wouldn't be that bad...I'll be considering all this.
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  #4  
Old 04-19-2007, 04:04 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by DVC2004 View Post
Thanks for sharing your experiences and your advice. It's nice to know it can be done! We wouldn't have to move, but I would be gone for that period of time. So maybe it wouldn't be that bad...I'll be considering all this.
See without the move I'm sure my DH would have said it was a breeze. The first time he even did it on a three shift rotation (Did I mention yet he's a pretty cool DH?)
Much can be done to preplan some of the hassles as well. If your getting a large enough perdiem for eating (mine is more then I can eat every day most days) you can use some of this money to do stuff like hire a temp. cleaning service once a week etc.

Stock up now on frozen cassoroles, get a slow cooker etc. If you'd like any other ideas please let me know or feel free to PM for moral support as you go through this. I know posting on Intercot and having my "virtual" friends helped me a lot!!
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  #5  
Old 04-19-2007, 04:57 PM
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Although I haven't had to do what you're considering personally, I work with a few women whose DH's have had to do it -- and I'm friends with a few women who've done it. By and large, although they were missing each other during the initial separation, like Natalie said, once they were into it, it went by quickly, and looking back on it, it seemed a very short time in the long scheme of things. You mentioned that the pay & benefits would be better, and that you feel you'd really like the new job -- I would guess that after it's all said and done and you're back home, the fact that you like what you're doing will come out at home b/c you'll be happier... and better $$/benefits can't do anything but help, either!!
Good luck w/your choice -- I'm sure you'll know down in your heart what the best choice is, and that it will turn out for the best.
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  #6  
Old 04-20-2007, 02:41 AM
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Default Good Luck on Decision

The most important thing here is that your husband supports you. You are extremely fortunate that he does. Have you discussed this with your children (I can't recall if you mentioned their ages) to hear what they think?

I think if it will significantly improve your family's future, the eight weeks will be worth it. You'll just have to thoroughly prepare for your absence. Frozen meals, outside help, frequent e-mails, phone calls and care packages home to the family will help them time go by. I would be really sad about the vacation, but that will probably help them pass the time and help forget about being away from you.
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  #7  
Old 04-20-2007, 09:00 AM
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Another thing you need to consider is how you will feel if you don't do it. Will you always wonder what could have been? Will you secretly blame your family for holding you back? Deep down inside. I don't think I could ever do it, but my dad did it before I was born. He moved half way across the country for work and my mom stayed behind with my older brothers so they could finish the school year. Then they moved to where my dad was.

The fact that you have all this family support, and that your family will not have to move is a plus. It will be sad, but if you get a lot more satisfaction out of this new job than your current job, you will be a happier mom, wife, daugher, etc. Sometimes you just have to bite the bullet and do something hard because it will make life better in the end. Good luck with your decision. Also, Jackson Hole will be there next summer too, why not just go again?

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  #8  
Old 04-20-2007, 11:11 AM
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Thanks guys for all the moral support and good advice. My boys are 8 and turning 10 in June. I didn't talk to them about it yet (I haven't been offered the job yet, supposed to hear next week), just my husband. The good news is a majority of this absence would be in early summer and my youngest is off from school (he'd be home anyway with Grandma because I have been working full time for several years) and my oldest goes to year round school and goes for half days (and weekly fun field trips) in the summer. So both would be busy doing things. The vacation is disappointing but I do think they should still go. My MIL and FIL would be going as well so there will be plenty of things to do and it would be nice for them.
They could also potentially fly out and visit me once, maybe twice.
I know dads do it all the time. I guess in the grand scheme of things it is not very, very long. DH is not overjoyed but he is supportive and that is important. I think if he did not support me I probably would not consider it any further. Well, thanks again all.
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  #9  
Old 04-20-2007, 12:54 PM
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I don't know if you've heard (read) me use the analogy of family dynamics to that of all family members in a little dingy. When one person moves and rocks the boat everyone feels the movement b/c all relations are interrelated. Preparation/communication is the best way to manage it. Considering your children's ages I don't think it's necessary to tell them until the job is more a reality. Family members, your husband and extended adults are the ones who will ultimately have to pitch in b/c as mentioned it is only a brief time.
Research has repeatedly demonstrated that "if momma ain't happy ain't nobody happy" If mom is satisfied with her job then the children adapt to the circumstances, they are resilient.
Tough, yes I imagine it would be tough to make such a major change in family structure but it is very temporary. Sounds like the vacation could take a large portion of the time as well.
Personally, if I could manage it and felt that it would be beneficial (the job would be a great opportunity) I would do it. Don't let a short term obstacle predict your long term goals.
Best of luck.
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