Tough Times

[PirateLover]

Everybody has their own problems in life, this is true. We all go through pain, suffering, and loss. I guess this is what it's like getting older. But right now I could use a little love.

Things have been a little rough for us over the last year and half. I am in a not-so-well paying job that I don't particularly love, but I'm losing it in June because we are closing. So it's a blessing to be free, but scary to be back looking for employment.

Over a year ago, we lost DH's father suddenly of what was likely a heart attack (No autopsy). He was 54. DH's mom has had a tough time battling depression, having panic attacks and such. Turns out there is actual a small issue with her heart, and she's having surgery today. (My husband is awful with remembering these things, so I'm not sure what the procedure actually is). She is supposed to come home today, though, so we hope for a speedy recovery. She just lost her father a month ago (DH's only remaining grandparent). It was tough but he had been unhealthy and in hospice care a while. We also lost my Great Aunt Helen, a wonderful woman who had also been sick for some time.

Now, my 91 year old grandfather(My hero, and my last remaining grandparent) looks to be at the end of his life's journey. Up until December he was pretty darn good. He lived independently, with daily visits from his kids and grandkids just to check up. He had all of his faculties about him, I even did an extended oral history on him over last summer for my graduate course. He's a depression kid, WWII Vet, worked hard all his life-a true definition of the Greatest Generation. His only issue was his spinal stenosis. Over time, he lost his ability to walk, and he could just never come to terms with this. He always tried to do too much. His last fall placed him in the hospital, This started a game of volleyball between a local rehab/nursing home and the hospital. He got a cold that wouldn't go away, then started developing aspirational pneumonia. Overall I am appalled by most of the treatment he recieved at that home, but that's for another day. He developed a gall bladder infection, infection from his foley not being correct, and development of the aspirational pneumonia again. Eventually, on Easter Sunday, the Catholic nursing home sent him back to his house after 4 months of the bouncing around. Each time he's gotten increasingly agitated, frustrated, miserable as you can imagine.
Even though the family hired a lot of help from various agencies, it was rough, and it appeared that he had developed the aspirational pneumonia again. Only this time he refused to go back to the hospital.

Long story short he has now been accepted into a newer, beautiful place to be cared for, and it seems like this is the end. He has now slept for 3 days and is being made comfortable. He is not eating or drinking but from what the nurses were saying, they have seen worse people wake up from this, or they have seen people go as long as 2 weeks before they pass.
I just need some prayers to make sure he is peaceful. He always said "Que Sera, sera. Whatever will be will be." But I just prayer that he doesn't remain trapped in this state for too long. He has a living will, no feeding tube, DNR etc. He does not want to live that way. Incidentally, today is the 10th anniversary of his beloved wife's passing. Grammom had Alzheimer's and we went through a long difficult drawn out time with her. I am hoping he can finally go home to her soon and be at peace.

[tjstrike]

Our prayers go out to you and your family Maryanne, I hope everything goes the best that it can. I was the youngest of 5 children in my family so I lost all my grandparents at an early age and also my father to a heartattack so I kinda know how you feel and I know it's not a good feeling. I have my own family now and I and I hope to break the trend and be around to see my grandkids grow up.

Best wishes, Troy

[Wolf]

I'm praying for his pain and your family's as well, he sounds like a terrific, strong man. I wish him the very best, in all aspects.

[disneymom15]

Sending you some My mother passed in Sept, in the end she pretty much just slept constantly. The family and the visiting hospice nurses kept her comfortable for 6 days. It was a blessing when she finally passed.

[laprana]

I'm so sorry you're having to go through this and for everything else you've gone through the last year and a half. Sending lots of prayers, good thoughts, and to help you through this difficult time. I hope for peace for your grandfather and for you.

[DVC2004]

You are in my prayers. I'm so sorry for what you are going through.

[MNNHFLTX]

That's a lot to be dealing with at one time, Maryanne. My prayers are with you and your family, and especially your grandfather.

[SBETigg]

Oh, Maryanne, big hugs for you! I know how much your grandfather means to you, as mine does to me. And to have had so much loss recently makes it maybe that much harder to lose someone else dear to you. I'm so sorry. I wish him peace and comfort and I wish you love and peace, too.

[Mousefever]

I'm sorry you're going through so many losses. I'm not surprised at all that you're feeling a sort of snowball effect. It sounds like your grandfather has made the decision that it might be his time to go. I had a similar experience with my Great Aunt Be, who was 93 at the time. She had taken care of everyone else throughout her life, including her roommate at the nursing home who had passed away the month before. We let her know that she didn't have to stay for us any longer and that she deserved to go be with God and her family. A week later she died peacefully. It seemed like she needed that permission to cease being the caretaker of everyone else before she would go.

I am so happy for you that you were able to record your grandfather's history. What a gift! His legacy can live on for generations because of your efforts. I know he knows how much you love him, Maryann. I pray that he is in peace as he goes through this final transition.

Amy

[Davy Crockett]

I lost my father a little over three and half years ago at just 64 and there's not a day that goes by that I don't miss him and wish that he was here and we could share just one more day together. I know these are just words, but they're heartfelt and I wish the best for you and your family and you're in our prayers. Just know God has a plan for each and every one of us!

[Kairi_7378]

Sending you an internet hug and some real prayers.

[ElenitaB]

Maryanne, so sorry that you and your DH are going through all of this. You're in my prayers and also sending

[TheDuckRocks]

Maryanne, getting to know you here on Intercot as a wonderful young woman who is intelligent, kind, thoughtful, open and most of all loving, my heart is hurting for you. When you lose someone you love so much it just plain stinks. My prayers and thoughts are with you now along with many

[Tick-Tock]

I'm so sorry. I hope you can take some comfort in your wonderful memories of him from throughout your life.

[tinksmom02]

So sorry for all that you've had to deal with recently. Sending you thoughts and prayers.

[PirateLover]

Thank you everyone for your prayers and words of support. DH's mom is doing well after her procedure. Pop is still hanging on. I feel as though he knows someone still needs to see him... He had not opened his eyes in 3 days. He looked worse today and has a fever again. He is in "Good shepherd" hospice and tomorrow is good shepherd Sunday. We were at a vigil mass tonight in honor of the 10th anniversary of gram's passing. I'm not going to lie, even though I know he is going to a better place and will be at peace I am very distraught. It is hard to have it so drawn out. Each day I break a little more. This will be the toughest loss of all this far in my life. Please keep the prayers coming.

[Disney Doodle]

Sorry to hear of everything that is happening in your life at the moment. Sometimes it feels like everything is going wrong and that you will never feel happy again, but time will heal as they say. Your Grandfather will be in no pain at the moment and I am sure he is now getting the excellent care that he truly deserves.

I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.

Angie.

[Ian]

It always amazes me how these things happen in groups like this. It really is true that when it rains, it pours.

Thoughts are with you and DH, Maryanne.

[Hammer]

Maryanne, you have my prayers.

I am not one to post personal things on the general board. I usually just mention it in the moderator forum, since I'll be away from my forums. I'm not a big fan of sharing personal things with tons of people. Just how I am. However, I will share some info now so you know you aren't alone and will get through this.

July 2010 my father passed away from cancer. That in itself would be enough for most to deal with, but God wasn't done with our family. Spring Break 2011, my cousin Molly died of alcohol poisoning on Spring Break from college. A couple months later, another cousin who was a lawyer in Atlanta committed suicide. Then, in early January of this year, my cousin Debbie and her husband, were shot and killed in their home in the community they lived in Tampa.

All of these events have been hard to deal with, but you find you have inner strength you never knew you had. I'll be honest, I've changed. I'm definitely a "tougher" person. Also, as 2 of these deaths actually made it onto some national news outlets, people who work with me found out a lot about my family and some treat me differently as they mistakenly think I'm wealthy and are pretty distant toward me, feeling I'm taking the job of someone who needs it . You learn to adjust and find out who really knows you.

I'm not going to lie, even though I know he is going to a better place and will be at peace I am very distraught. It is hard to have it so drawn out. Each day I break a little more. This will be the toughest loss of all this far in my life. Please keep the prayers coming.

When my Dad passed, the drawn out process was the toughest part. You have to let him know it is okay to let go.

[PirateLover]

Christine thank you for sharing. What an awful thig to go through. I understand holding back personal stuff and I have not been posting as much of that kind of personal info like I used to.

This level of loss is a tough -and new for me. Even though i've lost other granparents I think it's the combo of the age i'm at now and the importance he had to the family I am a very sentimental person, and with the loss of him I also feel like a loss of my childhood in a way and a true end the to old order of things. Even though his legs had been breaking down he was still the patriarch, the focal point of the family. I know he is leaving his body but will be with me spiritual. I know this because I truly believe I have been visited spiritually already by my previous grandfather that passed and gram at various points. He knows it's ok. Every person who had visited had said goodbye, has whispered in his ear that it's ok. I've played and sang music softly in his ear that he loved like que sera sera, beyond the sea etc which take on whole new meanings now. If he can hear us, he knows it's ok to let go. That's why spiritually I think he must still be fighting because somebody else needs to see. This morning his pulse was still strong and his fever dropped. My mom spent the night so he wouldnt be alone. She is a saint. I need to deal with my own sense of loss but I know I need to be there for my parents.