Why all the negativity?

[TheVBs]

I'm newish here, and I would like to start this thread by saying that I've encountered many friendly, helpful and welcoming people here! They helped me make our last trip even better than I could have without coming here to ask so many questions. Thank you!

But, I'm often floored at the negativity and venom that crops up here. I don't have a lot of experience on forums, but I'm not entirely naive about them either. I know these things happen. I just did not expect them to happen so regularly on a site devoted to the Happiest Place on Earth.

I've done a lot of reading here and I've never seen a question that deserved hostility, yet it happens regularly. Is this really in the Disney spirit?

[2Epcot]

Generally speaking I think this site is much friendlier then many other similar sites online. Most questions get answered without attacking the person answering the questions. I have not been on this site as long as many others, but in the time I've been here, I've seen the same questions asked many, many times. I think people need to remember the person asking the question is new, or may have never seen the questioned asked. Sometimes people will joke or answer sarcastically because the question has been asked so many times.

[TheVBs]

You're right, most questions do get answered with positive, helpful responses. I definitely don't count joking as an unfriendly response. I don't belong to any other Disney forums, but the one or two others that I do participate in very rarely, if ever, have things devolved into something really negative. I assume that you've participated in other Disney forums that are less friendly? Perhaps I am so taken off gaurd by it here that it seems to happen more often than it really does? I don't know. I just know that I've been really shocked more than once by the venom that's cropped up here. I'd hoped that by opening a discussion on it, people might be able to express feelings calmly to clear the air. Too naive of me?

[Strmchsr]

The problem is that people will post things on a board that they would never say face to face. They seem to think that the relative anonymity of the web gives them carte blanche to say whatever they want. This is especially true when "sensitive" issues come up and everyone and their dog feels they have to voice a strong opinion about it (i.e. taking kids out of school, resort mugs, etc). Any time we see those sensitive topics come up we try to keep it under control or we lock the thread.

The other problem is when you're reading words you might interpret it differently than how the poster intended. With only words and no non-verbal clues we can mistake meaning.

That said, us moderators on Intercot try VERY hard to make sure this stays a friendly, family-focused site. If you see a post you feel is out of line then click the "report post" button. A message will be sent to the moderator(s) of that forum and they will take a look at it to see if it's inappropriate. There are several other Disney sites which tend to be very negative and we want Intercot to be known as a very positive place.

[Missy_Mouses_Dad]

I apologize if I came across as negative in my resort cup thread. I was passing along a rumor which I heard last week to see if anybody else has heard anything.

Bad Missy_Mouses_Dad...I am putting myself on a timeout...with a pitcher of beer and pizza

[TheVBs]

Everything you've said is true, people hide behind anonymity, there's a lot of passion involved and I have seen a lot of moderator announcements trying to keep things on track and I think you guys do a great job. I've never reported a post here because I'm not sure where the line is. I think it's obvious that spam and swearing would not be tolerated here and would get pulled pretty quickly. However on another site I'm on, personal attacks are not tolerated and will get reported, pulled and the poster would be given a warning. Basically, when I see someone here being accusatory, in other words coming right out and saying that a person is trying to cheat the system or making insinuations about thier level of class, that's upsetting. Everybody has a different opinion and approach, and I think it should be possible to express that without being accusatory or mean. I think I've identified the hot topics here and it's obvious that on some of these we'll all have to agree to disagree. I guess, ideally, I'd like to see people express their opinion without personal attacks.

[Marker]

I totally understand your point of view. I have noticed the negativity before, and commented it. I guess I've grown to accept some of this simply as just the way these things go.

There are certain topics, Disney related or otherwise, that will almost always spark "emotional" responses. Sometimes is surprises me that people get so worked up over what seems to be merely a matter of differing opinions.

Some of my observations...

1) There are those folks who appear occasionally who seem to get their jollys by sparking up drama. Voicing points of view in opposition to whatever is said, seemingly without any logic or reason.

2) I think sometimes folks will confuse a critique with simply being critical. They are not same thing. Some people just like to complain. Just listen to some people talk, some folks would have nothing to say if they weren't complaining about something.

3) Sometimes the line between fact and opinion get blurred. Opinions get voiced as though they were gospel truth, and opinions that are presented are interpreted by the reader as though it was fact. Either scenario can cause drama, especially when allowed to fester.

4) Some folks are just too darned emotinally attached to their opinions. If they don't like something, then NO ONE should like it, and if they do there must be something wrong with them.

5) Sarcasm - an entry typed with what seems to be an obvious touch of humorous sarcasm, can be read without hearing the intended sarcasm and instead sounds excessively critical. We forget that the "voice" with which we make comment, is not always read with the same intended "voice".

I'm sure that all of us have both been guilty of or have fallen victim to most of these at one time of another. Typically we all mean well. And like all families, sometimes we all get along great, and sometimes we don't.

Having played here for several years, I will say that in my opinion, the tone has gotten much more critical in recent times. To a newcomer coming in, who hasn't seen both sides, it could definitely feel like a more critical environment than intended.

But of course, that's all just my opinion. And even though I sometimes find the negativity to be tiring myself, and may even "take a break" occasionally, I always come back because, as Disney fan boards are concerned, this one is home, this one is where my Disney family is.

[hubbyofadisneyholic]

I think it depends on your expectations.
If you ask the "is it OK to?" type question, you have voluntarily opened the door and can't be surprised if some one responds with a "NO" and gives their view on the subject.
Is that being negative? I guess to the person hoping to get public acceptance for the action behind the question it is.

Somebody way wiser than me said something long the lines of "don't ask the question if you don't want to hear the answer"

There are definitely "hot button" topics that are guaranteed to stir up a hornets nest.

[AuntKari]

I don't belong to any other sites. I don't think this site is negative or cruel or attacking or unfriendly at all!!! I think the people who have answered me have gone out of their way to help me make my trip for my sister's family everything it could possibly be!!! I am so greatful for the love, concern, excitement, joy, and help I have received!!! The "debating" subjects I have joined have been informative and I think we have a great opportunity to have Disney hear our voices about any of our disappointments or critiques. How can we all help each other if we can't critique? How can Disney improve on its problems if we don't share our concerns? I even asked a question about holding a place in line (as I am happy to miss anything and go hold a place in line for my sister's family) and everyone who answered that wanted to say "are you crazy!" answered me with an understanding that I didn't know how the lines moved and worked at Disney. No one was cruel!!! I can't thank all of the regulars and mediators enough for being here to assist people like me make my trip for my sister's gang a trip of a lifetime. I think this site is wonderful and I tip my hat to all of you who work tirelessly to help people like me. This trip is going to be so special!!! I may have to tell you all about it. Thank you, Aunt Kari

[5togetherWDW]

I have great appreciation / respect for the way Intercot is moderated. In fact, Intercot is the only forum site in which I choose to participate.
At times, I have seen that there are certain users who do like to stir things up. Generally, I avoid particpating in those threads.
When the water mister discussion started getting negative, I debated clarifying my post (I had said that my mother could not get her hearing aids wet -- another poster said what I had written was untrue, saying there wasn't enough water to bother hearing aids. I was tempted to respond detailing her specific medical needs and explaining the modifactions that we must make each day) -- but decided that there was nothing to be gained in so doing. At times, people make assumptions that are incorrect - thats natural. Since the posters had moved on to debating the use of sprayers / sprayers rights, I left the conversation and chose not to return.
Personally, I tend to think of the site as a family of sorts. Discussions on Intercot are like conversations being held at a gathering. Just as in my backyard -- when that loud mouthed cousin of mine gets on his /her soapbox, I wander over and visit with someone else.
Thank you, all, for keeping Intercot a family site --

[Piglet822]

I've never reported a post here because I'm not sure where the line is.

To report a post click on the triangle with the exclamation point in it. The moderators of that forum will be notified by email. You can also write a brief description of why you're reporting the post.

[PAYROLL PRINCESS]

I think for the most part people here are very friendly and go out of their way to be helpful. There are times that what you post doesn't read the way you are trying to say it. I know I've been guilty of that before and I apologized to the person I inadvertenly offended. It certainly wasn't my intent.

My sis and I belong to a board that has to do with cruising and she was just saying how hostile people were to her post because she said something negative about Norwegian Cruise line. Apparently they thought if you don't have something good to say, don't say anything at all. So much for freedom of speech!

I do enjoy this website because of all the friendly people and hope it stays that way.

[TheVBs]

I think it depends on your expectations.
If you ask the "is it OK to?" type question, you have voluntarily opened the door and can't be surprised if some one responds with a "NO" and gives their view on the subject.
Is that being negative? I guess to the person hoping to get public acceptance for the action behind the question it is.

Somebody way wiser than me said something long the lines of "don't ask the question if you don't want to hear the answer"

There are definitely "hot button" topics that are guaranteed to stir up a hornets nest.

I see this as a totally acceptable scenario, and you're right, if you ask the question you have to be prepared for the inevitable responses.

However, a few times I have seen new(er) people ask something about how things work in a given case - not an "is this cheating" type of question - and get almost flamed for it with some responses that were not just in the negative (as in "I don't thing you should do that") but that were actually insulting to the individual. Would you ever think that was really necessary? I know if that had been one of my first experiences here, I would not have stayed.

[TheVBs]

I do want to reiterate that I really like this site, most of the people here and have found it to be friendly and helpful! If I didn't, not only would I not continue to participate, but I would not go so far as to open a touchy subject in the hopes of making people take a moment to think before they write.

There's nothing wrong with having an opinion on how things should or shouldn't be done, it's just that it's never necessary to be insulting or mean to the individual asking. And I do realize that the written word can come across very differently than face to face. I'm sure I've faced the same problem, from both ends and will be careful in the future not to assume someone means to be rude. But this is why I think it's important to think for a moment about how our responses are framed and how it might impact someone reading it. To say, "I wouldn't do things this way because I really believe that's breaking the rules, or it might cause another guest some inconvenience" makes total sense. To respond, "I think that would be a stupid and tacky thing to do" just doesn't to me. I mean would anyone ever consider that a polite, helpful response?

And I do want to say again that I think this is a wonderful site. And I dearly hope the people who consider this site home and family, do not see this as an attack on the site. Perhaps I'm more sensitive to these types of comments because I'm new here and haven't encountered this kind of interaction on the other forums I belong to. I will definitely try to give everyone posting the benefit of the doubt.

Please don't be angry with me or offended that I'm hoping to discuss this.

[Marker]

And I dearly hope the people who consider this site home and family, do not see this as an attack on the site.

Not at all. I find this to be a very interesting discussion. In fact, I think it's good to hear what people's impressions are.

This is a very informative board, with some very knowledgable participants. There are also some highly opinionated folks as well. For the most part, the people who have been participants on this board for a LONG time are not the ones who insist on being overly negative. Not that they will agree with everything simply because it's Disney, on the contrary, they will absolutely voice their true feelings regardless of what they are. But they typically use reason, respect, and logic.

I have had some pretty passionate discussion with some folks here, and it is those folks that I hold to the highest regard. An intelligent disagreement grounded with logic and respect can be a wonderful thing. However, it's the moments where people become argumentative with no apparent regard for respect of opposing opinions, and come across as being negative, and disagreeing simply for they sake of being negative that can become tiring.

In my opinion, this is a very interesting discussion.

[TheVBs]

Thank you so much Marker! I really appreciate your comments, and I really appreciate all of the responses people have taken the time to give me.

Frankly, I am in awe of the amount of knowledge here, and how helpful people are.

Once upon a time I thought I was a total Disney nut - now I have new heights to aspire to! And I can't even express how wonderful it is to be able to communicate with other people who enjoy it as much as we do.

[pdrlkr]

If you pay attention they are usually the same people. And I'll bet none of them respond to this post. Almost all of the people on INTERCOT are great, it's just the few that are never satisfied that seem to stick out. Just enjoy the great things about INTERCOT and ignore the the others.

[BluewaterBrad]

Doesnt this happen in ALL groups, sites, etc.? 98% of members are great and helpful, but 2% of the members can make the group bad or negative? A couple of bad apples dont ruin the barrel in this case.

[Ian]

Well ... the OP specifically mentions posts regarding "cheating the system" as examples of negativity and I can see that happening. INTERCOT never condones cheating the system and doesn't typically allow those types of discussions. I think that feeling has sort of permeated the general atmosphere of the site and it gets people a little heated at times.

But generally speaking, I think most of our conversations around here are fairly civil. Some get heated at times, but that's just natural when a bunch of people gather in one place where controversial topics are discussed.

Also bear in mind that not everyone is comfortable with the same level of confrontation and debate as others are. You may witness a conversation between two posters that appears to be heated and negative in tone to you, whereas the two posters consider themselves to be in a spirited debate on a topic.

Spirited debate is fine. Disagreements are fine. Negativity is even fine, in some cases, as long as it's not directed at a member.

Where INTERCOT draws the line is when it gets personal.

[Marker]

And if I may throw this in, for what it's worth.

There is a significant differance between being negative, and disagreeing. Supporting your side in a difference of opinion is fine (as long as it doesn't get personal and disrespectful).

What I view as negativity is the occasion where people just have nothing good to say about anything, always putting things in a negative light, or looking for drama, or conspiracy, where there isn't any.

But that's just my opinion.