It's just wrong

[Stitchahula]

MY 6 year old DS went to a birthday party yesterday. It was supposed to be a pool party but it raining out so they had it in doors. The parents were asked to leave and come back and get the children at the end of the party. I didn't have a problem with that since they weren't going to be in the pool. If they were going to be in the pool I wouldn't have left call me paranoid but pool + 22 children = trouble. So at the end of the party I go in and pick up my DS we thank the mom wish the child a happy birthday and leave. When we get to the store I notice my DS's eye for the first time, there is a bruise. Today when he woke up he had a black eye. I asked him how it happened and he said he hit it on a table. I know accidents happen but I guess the mom knew he hit his eye and she said nothing to me. I know when my son had a party and a couple of the kids got hurt ( it was at an indoor play area) I called after we got home to make sure they were ok. I also told the parents if they were not there when they came to pick up their child. Is it the new normal to act as if nothing happened when a child gets hurt while in your care? I'm sorry I think it's just wrong I couldn't imagine not saying anything. I guess I just needed to know if they way I thought was out dated. Oh and yes I am kind of mad that nothing was said, and I am so thankful that it wasn't a pool party.

[pink]

Personally if a child was hurt in my home I would feel terrible and tell the parents when they came to pick up the child. However these possibilities as to why she didn't inform you came to my mind.
1) She could have been distracted by the number of children being picked up and running around that it slipped her mind to inform you.
2) She didn't know it happened in the first place.

Just a thought.

[Stitchahula]

no she knew, I guess she asked my son if he was alright. I had thought maybe she didn't know either but when my son told me that I just got a little mad. When we thanked her and said good bye she took the time to thank him for coming. All you had to do was look at him and the bruise was right there. I didn't see it at first because his right side was to me the whole time I didn't see his left eye until we got to the store 5 minutes later

[Ian]

This same thing happened to us at DD's birthday party this year ... the kids were messing around on the big birthday chair the place had and one little girl fell off and hurt her arm.

It wasn't anything serious and she could move it fine and everything, but even so ... as soon as the Mom got there to pick her up we let her know immediately.

[brownie]

I'm surprised they asked you to leave. I don't know if I would have left my 6 year old. And yes, they should have told you about the injury.

[MickeyMousse]

She should have said something and made a point of doing so when your DS was picked up.
If it happened in my home, I'd be glued to that child until their parents came and probably would have called when the injury happened to give a heads up.
My DS's are pretty much done w/the bday party thing, which I am thankful for!

[Mousefever]

It could be that she didn't see it happen and thought it was a very minor thing. Bruises don't pop up right away. If she was busy when you guys left it may have slipped her mind. I guess I would cut her some slack, and not leave my kid with her next time.

I hope your son feels OK.

Amy

[Stitchahula]

She did know it happened, he hit his eye on the edge of a table. She asked if he was ok. She wasn't that busy when we were leaving. If it had been me I would've pulled myself away from chit chatting to say something about someones child being hurt. For me that is more important than discussing how much rain we've had, even if it wasn't my child. I know he's fine but it just bothers me that nothing was said. If she couldn't control the kids on dry land how on earth was she going to do a pool party? I know a few of the other mom's weren't going to leave if it was in the pool. I don't think he'll be going to this boy's party next year. I used to have my own grooming shop and I would tell the owner if anything happened to their dog. I expect the same when it comes to my son. For me it's a no brainer they get hurt you tell mother/father about it.

[Georgesgirl1]

I am teacher and always write up a note if a kid gets hurt explaining what happened, what I did in response, etc. I usually put the note in the child's folder before they go home, BUT I don't always remember and sometimes the letters don't get sent home until the next day. Am I an awful person or a bad teacher because of this? No. I am a really good teacher and I love all of the kids in my class, but sometimes things happen and I forget as this mom may have forgotten in the craziness of hosting a birthday party. Sometimes a kid will get hurt in my class, I will write up a note, watch the bumped spot all day and nothing will show up, then the next day they will show up to school and a bruise will have developed overnight. Again, this doesn't make me a bad person or a bad teacher. We are all human and make mistakes.

If it bothers you that much it sounds like you need to stay at the birthday parties that your DS attends so you can keep an eye on him.

[Cinderelley]

As long as it wasn't a major injury, I don't think I would have made it a point to remember and tell the child's parents, and I wouldn't be upset if I wasn't told by the birthday boy's parents. By the age of 6, my kids were able to tell me everything that went on. Now, if it was a potentially dangerous injury, I would want to be called when it happened.

[gueli]

So are you going to talk to her about it ?
right or wrong, and rather than speculating- it is bothering you enough- open a diologue. Let it out (calmly).

[Stitchahula]

I know it seems like I'm flipping out over nothing but my son has some major health issues. We are at the hospital more in 1 month than most people in 2 years. She knows about these issues. I didn't want to leave but she insisted so rather than take my son and leave I trusted her. Where it was his eye is what got me upset after all you only have 2 for your whole life, if he bruised his arm or leg no biggie but an eye is another matter. I get that kids get bruised but I never knew parents never feel the need to say anything about a child in your care being hurt anymore.

[Cinderelley]

I agree with gueli. If it is bothering you, you should talk to her about it, especially if your son has medical problems. Just because she "knows about them", it doesn't mean she understands about them to the level you do. As a nurse, I always have to remember to explain things in layman's terms to my patients. After dealing with medical issues so much, it becomes second nature and easy to forget that other people don't have the same amount of knowledge that you do.

Besides, if your son will be spending time over there, she needs to know what your comfort level is. As I said before, I wouldn't think twice about it normally, but if I had a parent tell me "I would like to know when such and such happens", I would definitely keep that in mind.

[starryeyes21]

I just want to speak as the Devil's Advocate here for a second. I have worked in daycare setting in the past and just want to give you a window into how you may be perceived. I think it was just a harmless oversight.

Perhaps she just forgot to mention it to you. You are assuming that she is willfully deceiving you. I work in a school setting and things happen all the time. When they do I'll sit down and fill out the necessary paperwork to document the incident and then by the end of the day it will completely slip my mind. It doesn't mean that I was hiding anything. It just means that other things got in the way. You don't know how many times I've been halfway to my car before I remembered that the note didn't go home. Then, depending on my mood and what else I have going on that day I might make a call to the home or I may send the information home the next day.

Could it be that she was waiting to speak to you when there weren't other people around. There are certain parents that I can't stand to call because they take minor incidents and turn them into major disasters. I had one parent screaming and demanding that I reveal the names of the other children involved in a certain incident. Telling her that privacy laws protected the other children did not help at all. Do you have a habit among this group of parents as being highly reactionary? It kinda seems that way. He bunked his face. He did not lose an eye! You're getting yourself up to a million over something that didn't happen.

It is not up to the other parents to plan around your son's medical issues. Even if she knows she doesn't have to do anything about it. He's your son. My co-workers and I have said this over and over again and it may sound mean but nobody cares about your child as much as you do. She provided adequate care. One minor injury when dealing with 20 six year olds is pretty good. If you did not trust this parent to provide care up to your, particular, standards than you should have taken your son home.

Honestly, I doubt this issue will come up again. What are the odds that your son will be invited back next year?

[HollyB]

I agree that you should talk to the mom, because it's bugging you. The conversation should start something like this:

You: I just want to thank you again for inviting [SON] to {OTHER KID]'s party. He had a good time.

Other Mom: Oh, I'm so glad!

You: I did have one question. I noticed [SON] had some bruising under his eye. I was wondering if you saw what happened?

From OM's reply, you ought to get a good sense of whether she forgot to tell you, really didn't think it was a big injury, or was covering.

Depending on her response, you'll know whether to let your kid over there again and you'll feel better. She may get the hint and notify the parent the next time something happens even if she didn't think it was a big deal.

[Stitchahula]

Starryeyes21,yes I was upset when I wrote the post. I have quite a bit going on that most parents NEVER have to deal with. However you have no rights to decide what type of parent or person I am because of a couple of posts. Are you a parent of a child and been told your child is going to die, or has a lifethreatening illness that there is NO cure for. Have you been told that on top of that he is missing part of his spine around his spinal cord and is so rare that there isn't a name for it. So yes when my kid gets hurts I get upset. I also am so thankful that you are not at my son's school because they are required to inform me whenever anything happens to my son according to his IEP, not depending on their mood. Maybe because I have to deal with so much with my son that when we've had his parties and 1 of the children got hurt I informed the parents that night, because you never know what might be minor to you could have meaning to them. I have found out that my son isn't the only one with medical issues in his class and with 1 of the children a bump could be significant, you just never know. I never said she was hiding anything just that the common courtesy would've been nice. I do realize children will be children and things happen but if you are going to take responsiblity for a group of kids be responsible. No matter who you are either a parent or some one in a school setting.

[Emme&TeddysMommy]

I as a parent would also be upset. My main concern would be could his eye be injured. I know that he just had a bruise, but what was that severity/angle that was injured. I worked in a hospital for yeas and can't count the amount of eye injuries that I have seen. I know that accidents happen, but when you’re in charge of someone else child it is your responsibility to inform that parent. Even if the parent had forgotten to tell you when you pick up your child and remembered later a simple phone call would have worked later on. This parent also knows your concerns about your child health. I know that if I had that many children in my home a few extra hands to help would be so helpful! Hope your little one is ok

[Disney Doll]

I would have been a little mad too. She really should have told you and if she forgot to tell you at pick up she should have called later. It doesn't matter if it's serious or not as a parent you deserve the courtesy of an explanation. It's just the right thing to do.

I wouldn't call her at this point because then she's going to know that you've been fuming about it for a while. However, I would probably insist on staying and helping at future parties especially if your son has medical conditions that not everyone may fully understand.

[nicster]

I would have been a little mad too. She really should have told you and if she forgot to tell you at pick up she should have called later. It doesn't matter if it's serious or not as a parent you deserve the courtesy of an explanation. It's just the right thing to do.

I wouldn't call her at this point because then she's going to know that you've been fuming about it for a while. However, I would probably insist on staying and helping at future parties especially if your son has medical conditions that not everyone may fully understand.

Well said.

[Georgesgirl1]

Wow! It sounds like your son has some really serious health issues and you shouldn't be leaving him in the charge of other people unless you are 100% sure that they are willing to give him the care that he needs and that you expect. Just because a parent says that you can go ahead and leave a party, that doesn't mean you should if you aren't comfortable with the situation.

As a parent I like to be informed if something happens to my son at daycare, but as I said before, as a teacher I understand that people forget, other parents come in needing to address something, a note gets left on my desk instead of making it into a folder, etc. so I let it roll off my back.

Due to your son's previous illnesses I can understand your concern. I know that I have super sensitive parents in my class, who for reasons similiar to your son's, want to be informed ASAP when injuries occur and I try to be as sensitive to that request as possible. But you will have to realize that most parents won't understand your situation, and so you will need to either be okay with not being informed of everything that happens or attend all parties and other events with him.