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Ed
08-02-2001, 12:08 PM
ChipDale's (Jane's) prowess as a gourmet cook http://www.intercot.com/boards/dead.gif http://www.intercot.com/boards/pukey.gif has become an integral part of Intercot lore over the past few months.

In the spirit of Intercot helpfulness, I'd like everyone to contribute their own little tips and suggestions for helping her advance in her culinary endeavors.

Here are a few I've gathered:

<UL TYPE=SQUARE><LI>Anything that makes you gag is spoiled, except for leftovers from what you cooked for yourself last night.

<LI>When something starts pecking its way out of the shell, an egg is probably past its prime.

<LI>Milk is spoiled when it starts to look like yogurt. Yogurt is spoiled when it starts to look like cottage cheese. Cottage cheese is spoiled when it starts to look like regular cheese. Regular cheese is nothing but spoiled milk anyway and can't get any more spoiled than it is already.

<LI>If it makes you violently ill after you eat it, mayonnaise is spoiled.

<LI>Frozen foods that have become an integral part of the defrosting problem in your freezer compartment will probably be spoiled-- or wrecked, anyway-- by the time you pry them out with a kitchen knife.

<LI>If opening the refrigerator door causes stray animals from a three-block radius to congregate outside your house, the meat is spoiled.

<LI>Bibb lettuce is spoiled when you can't get it off the bottom of the vegetable crisper without Comet.

<LI>Any canned goods that have become the size or shape of a basketball should be disposed of. Carefully.

<LI>A carrot that you can tie a clove hitch in is not fresh.

<LI>Wine should not taste like salad dressing.

<LI>Fresh potatoes do not have roots, branches, or dense, leafy undergrowth.

<LI>If you can take chip dip out of its container and bounce it on the floor, it has gone bad.[/list]

GENERAL RULE OF THUMB:

Most food cannot be kept longer than the average lifespan of a hamster.

Keep a hamster in your refrigerator to gauge this. http://www.intercot.com/boards/eek.gif



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Ed, aka TiggTigg5
tiggtigg5@intercot.com
Intercot Staff Imagineer

I'm gonna live forever, or die trying !

BAMABOY
08-02-2001, 12:12 PM
Keep in mind that pizza delivery is free at most locations! http://www.intercot.com/boards/wink2.gif

------------------
BAMABOY aka Todd
~~~RAMMER JAMMER YELLOW HAMMER
GIVE EM' #$&* ALABAMA!!~~~
WDW 10 Times and counting

"It's me. You know, the guy looking for a girl in blue. Have you seen the other intercoties, I can't find anybody!"

M&L23
08-02-2001, 12:13 PM
Furry rodents (like rats, gophers and squirrels) do not go well with tofu and blueberries
http://www.intercot.com/boards/pukey.gif

------------------
Liz o

'83, '86, '90, '92,twice December 96, and '97
March, April May 2000
Honeymoon December 2000 at ASMo, CS, & WL
April 2001
May 2001 PO-Riverside
Next trip-Night of Joy'01-CS
December 2001-ASMu
&lt;&gt;&lt;

BAMABOY
08-02-2001, 12:22 PM
<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by M&L23:
Furry rodents (like rats, gophers and squirrels) do not go well with tofu and blueberries
http://www.intercot.com/boards/pukey.gif

<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>
But when cooked correctly they do taste like chicken! http://www.intercot.com/boards/tasty.gif



------------------
BAMABOY aka Todd
~~~RAMMER JAMMER YELLOW HAMMER
GIVE EM' #$&* ALABAMA!!~~~
WDW 10 Times and counting

"It's me. You know, the guy looking for a girl in blue. Have you seen the other intercoties, I can't find anybody!"

hope2survive
08-02-2001, 12:29 PM
Soup should drain through a slotted spoon.

Gravy should be brown or off-white, never gray.

You should not need to use a jack-hammer to slice a cake.

When the instructions on a package say to add the noodle and spice packets, that means to open them and add the contents, don't just throw the entire package into the pot.

Any food that moves of its own accord is unsafe to eat.

------------------
Mike
1st trip 1978 - 10 years old
2nd trip July 7-14, 2000 @CBR 32 years old
3rd trip May 4-13, 2001 @DxL & AKL

ChipDale
08-02-2001, 12:40 PM
Okay, Ed, when I saw this topic I couldn't stop laughing! How did you know? I'll be sure to use these tips in my new cooking school...so keep 'em coming! http://www.intercot.com/boards/supergrin.gif http://www.intercot.com/boards/supergrin.gif http://www.intercot.com/boards/supergrin.gif http://www.intercot.com/boards/supergrin.gif

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Jane

Ian
08-02-2001, 12:44 PM
If the restaurant you originally got the take-out food in the back of your refridgerator from is now closed, don't eat it.

Mold is not a food group.

If you chip a tooth on dinner, chances are it's no good.



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Ian: aka WDWacky, aka Iam, aka The Fish Phobe
Intercot (http://www.intercot.com) Moderator - Collectables and Mousellaneous
WDWacky@Intercot.com

Hi ... I'm WDWacky, a reformed pinaholic and leader of the Let's Plan the 2002 Odyssey Now movement.

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JimmyC
08-02-2001, 12:47 PM
<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by TiggTigg5:


Regular cheese is nothing but spoiled milk anyway and can't get any more spoiled than it is already.

<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

So it's OK to eat the green fuzzy stuff? http://www.intercot.com/boards/tasty.gif



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I See Glittery People

Ed
08-02-2001, 12:58 PM
Now, I'm not saying that this applies ONLY to ChipDale's cooking....

You know you are a lousy cook if....<UL TYPE=SQUARE>
<LI>Your family automatically heads for the table every time they hear a fire siren

<LI>Anyone has ever broken a tooth eating your homemade yogurt.

<LI>Your kids know what "peas porridge in a pot nine days old" tastes like.

<LI>Your son goes outside to make mud pies, the rest of the family grabs forks and follows him.

<LI>Your kids favorite drink is Alka-Seltzer.

<LI>You have to buy 25 pounds of dog food twice a week for your toy poodle .

<LI>Your kids got even with the neighborhood bully by inviting him over for dinner.

<LI>Your kids got suspended from school for trying to smuggle toxic waste in their lunch bags.

<LI>Your husband refers to the smoke detector as the oven timer.

<LI>No matter what you do to it the gravy still turns bright purple.

<LI>You burned the house down trying to make jelly. [/list]


------------------
Ed, aka TiggTigg5
tiggtigg5@intercot.com
Intercot Staff Imagineer

I'm gonna live forever, or die trying !

Dizneyana
08-02-2001, 01:00 PM
Ed?? Do you know these things from experience??? http://www.intercot.com/boards/wink2.gif

Here's a few more:

<UL TYPE=SQUARE>
<LI> Bread should not have fur. http://www.intercot.com/boards/pukey.gif
<LI> You do not need to rinse spaghetti noodles before cooking.
<LI> If there is any question as to something's identity - it's bad - throw it away.
<LI> Don't ask someone "Are you going to eat this?? If not, I am just going to throw it away." Just throw it away.
<LI> Warning - If you discover a bag of cauliflower or broccoli in your vegetable drawer that has been there for an extended period of time - DO NOT OPEN IT - If you do, you'll likely have to move, and so will most of your neighbors. [/list] http://www.intercot.com/boards/dead.gif



------------------
Tracey AKA iz...

"To all that come to this
happy place, welcome!"

Disneyland: 400+ times
WDW: 1994

Patricia
08-02-2001, 01:34 PM
Wow.. good thing you mentioned the potatoes.. I thought the plant was a bonus. http://www.intercot.com/boards/embarass.gif

Don't feel bad Jane.. you are not alone. http://www.intercot.com/boards/blue.gif

My rule of thumb for cleaning the fridge: Only peaches should be fuzzy. http://www.intercot.com/boards/supergrin.gif

------------------
Patricia
(alias: Patriciafallsalot)
patricia@intercot.com
Intercot Staff (http://www.intercot.com) and <A HREF="http://www.intercotwest.com" TARGET=_blank>Intercotwest
Staff</A>

Do I get to be a Princess if I marry a Prince... even if I'm Goofy??

Remember... No Bad Dancing!


Visit all of our family sites:

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beth
08-02-2001, 01:49 PM
We have a rule in the house, if it tastes "wrong" or "funny" we immediately throw it again. I know this is a funny thread, but seriously, sometimes you can't tell when something goes bad and your meal just tastes a little "off". Don't think, "hmmm. It's just me." Toss it. I've had too many bad experiences http://www.intercot.com/boards/dead.gif and I've finally learned from it.

------------------
beth
beth@intercot.com
Intercot Staff Member

"Love and Mercy that's what you need tonight. So Love and Mercy to you and your friends tonight."

For more fun on all things Disney, check out our sister site, www.webdisney.com (http://www.webdisney.com)

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DisneyWizard
08-02-2001, 02:20 PM
And always remember - there are Boston Market Meals out there that just require microwaving them. http://www.intercot.com/boards/smile.gif

------------------
-Casey
(Kc, Wizzy, DizWiz)

"...I say believe in the future. The world is getting better."
-Walt Disney

PolyGirl40
08-02-2001, 02:57 PM
Poor Jane! http://www.intercot.com/boards/blue.gif

Your screen door can also double as a handy cheese-grater

In a pinch, frozen water can substitute for ice

Steak + Crest does *not* equal "steak tartare

Forget to pack the grill? No problem -- just spritz some olive oil on your engine block and you'll be cooking in no time..

Sorry, Jim & Ed made me do it http://www.intercot.com/boards/wink.gif

------------------
~Carol
"To get to the rainbow, you have to put up with the rain."

Beast_fanatic
08-02-2001, 03:03 PM
<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by PolyGirl40:

Your screen door can also double as a handy cheese-grater

<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

It can also be used as a strainer. Tennis rackets also work well for this.

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by PolyGirl40:

Steak + Crest does *not* equal "steak tartare

<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>
Loved this one!


------------------
Rhonda

JimmyC
08-02-2001, 03:38 PM
Is it true the toxic-train derailment near Baltamore was Jane's Soup of the Day?

I ate the fuzzy cheese. No ill effects.

But the walls are telling me to 'Shoot The Weasel' and I can't find the volume gerbil.......

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I See Glittery People

pjbs35a
08-02-2001, 05:12 PM
I'll have to come to the defensive for ChipDale:

http://www.intercot.com/boards/tasty.gif

I have always enjoyed everything I have eaten that ChipDale has cooked!



------------------
Frankie aka pjbs35a
Intercot Staff:
News, Rumours & Imagineering
<A HREF="mailto:
pjbs35a@intercot.com">
pjbs35a@intercot.com</A>


Far better it is to dare mighty things,
to win glorious triumphs,
even though checkered by failure,
than to take rank with those poor spirits
who neither enjoy much nor suffer much,
because they live in the gray twilight
that knows not victory nor defeat.
Theodore Roosevelt


FIRST TRIP 1980 - LAST TRIP 2001 - NEXT TRIP - IN PLANNING STAGES
Romans 8:31

Dizneyana
08-02-2001, 05:47 PM
Jim....

Monitor cleaner please.... http://www.intercot.com/boards/embarass.gif

I just saw your new sig.....

I can hear you whispering it, and it just KILLS me!!! http://www.intercot.com/boards/supergrin.gif

------------------
Tracey AKA iz...

"To all that come to this
happy place, welcome!"

Disneyland: 400+ times
WDW: 1994

WDWaddict
08-02-2001, 05:58 PM
<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by TiggTigg5:
<UL TYPE=SQUARE>
<LI>You have to buy 25 pounds of dog food twice a week for your toy poodle .

[/list]


<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

This made me laugh so hard that I had an asthma attack! Where do you find this stuff?


JimmyC, i LOVE your new sig!



------------------
o Angie - WDWaddict o

~mother of two already addicted little boys~

** I suffer from serious deep rooted Disney related issues.**

ChipDale
08-02-2001, 06:10 PM
<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by pjbs35a:
I'll have to come to the defensive for ChipDale:

http://www.intercot.com/boards/tasty.gif

I have always enjoyed everything I have eaten that ChipDale has cooked! <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Thanks Frankie! http://www.intercot.com/boards/supergrin.gif So, does this mean you're my first guinea...er...student to sign up for my classes? http://www.intercot.com/boards/wink.gif



------------------
Jane

pjbs35a
08-02-2001, 06:12 PM
<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by ChipDale:
Thanks Frankie! http://www.intercot.com/boards/supergrin.gif So, does this mean you're my first guinea...er...student to sign up for my classes? http://www.intercot.com/boards/wink.gif<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>


No, it just means I may want to run for office some day and will need some votes! http://www.intercot.com/boards/biggrin.gif



------------------
Frankie aka pjbs35a
Intercot Staff:
News, Rumours & Imagineering
<A HREF="mailto:
pjbs35a@intercot.com">
pjbs35a@intercot.com</A>


Far better it is to dare mighty things,
to win glorious triumphs,
even though checkered by failure,
than to take rank with those poor spirits
who neither enjoy much nor suffer much,
because they live in the gray twilight
that knows not victory nor defeat.
Theodore Roosevelt


FIRST TRIP 1980 - LAST TRIP 2001 - NEXT TRIP - IN PLANNING STAGES
Romans 8:31

Fantasmic
08-02-2001, 06:12 PM
DON'T eat YELLOW snow

------------------
Amy AKA Fantasmic
Intercot Staff-Disney Trivia
Fantasmic@intercot.com

Why not stop by the TRIVIA (http://www.intercot.com/boards/cgi-bin/forumdisplay.cgi?action=topics&number=10&SUBMIT=Go) boards to test those Disney brain cells

"Let your Disney magic shine"- Amy
Why was "It's a Small World being Played EVERYWHERE in WDW ?"

ROBIN HOOD !!!!!!!!!
Never Trust Monorail Lime....It's Rickety and never trust Patricia's many accents !
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Why don't you visit Intercot's sister sites
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Intercot West (http://www.intercotwest.com)

VickiP
08-02-2001, 10:11 PM
Gravy should be poured on the mashed potatoes, not vice versa.

Frozen pizza should be taken off of the cardboard before being put in the oven.

http://www.intercot.com/boards/ksmile.gif

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Mommy! It's Andy's House!! - My 2-year-olds reaction to the All Star Movies

Ed
08-03-2001, 10:49 AM
Some definitions a cook needs to know:

<UL TYPE=SQUARE><LI>Tongue: A variety of meat, rarely served because it clearly crosses the line between a cut of beef and a piece of dead cow.
<LI>Yogurt: Semi-solid dairy product made from partially evaporated and fermented milk. Yogurt is one of only three foods that taste exactly the same as they sound. The other two are goulash and squid.
<LI>Recipe: A series of step-by-step instructions for preparing ingredients you forgot to buy, in utensils you don't own, to make a dish the dog won't eat the rest of.
<LI>Porridge: Thick oatmeal rarely found on American tables since children were granted the right to sue their parents. The name is an amalgamation of the words "Putrid," "horrid" and "sludge."
<LI>Preheat: To turn on the heat in an oven for a period of time before cooking a dish, so that the fingers may be burned when the food is put in, as well as when it is removed.
<LI>Oven: Compact home incinerator used for disposing of bulky pieces of meat and poultry.
<LI>Microwave oven: Space-age kitchen appliance that uses the principle of radar to locate and immediately destroy any food placed within the cooking compartment.
<LI>Calorie: Basic measure of the amount of rationalization offered by the average individual prior to taking a second helping of a particular food.
<LI>Arab coffee: Thick, black, bitter coffee, traditionally served in tiny cups at gunpoint.[/list]



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Ed, aka TiggTigg5
tiggtigg5@intercot.com
Intercot Staff Imagineer

They're Baaaaacccckkkkk..... (http://www.intercot.com/boards/Forum11/HTML/003421.html)

Dopeysfriend
08-03-2001, 11:04 AM
If food has actually started seeping through http://www.intercot.com/boards/eek.gif the tupperware container, throw the entire mass away!

(Jane, I guess Mom won't be getting back the orange tupperware dish of strawberries that she gave me almost 3 months ago. http://www.intercot.com/boards/embarass.gif No foolin'. Just found it in the back of the fridge behind one of the drawers the other night. Oops. http://www.intercot.com/boards/pukey.gif You don't think your kitchen skills are hereditary, do you? http://www.intercot.com/boards/eek.gif )

------------------
Samantha

[This message has been edited by Dopeysfriend (edited August 03, 2001).]

Pongo
08-03-2001, 01:01 PM
Do not eat multicolored steak - an no, cooking it on really high heat will not take care of the problem.

------------------
Lori (aka Pongo)
pongo@intercot.com
Intercot Staff:Disneyland

Beast_fanatic
08-03-2001, 01:06 PM
Bacon that has a green tint to it should NOT be cooked. Throw it out!

Believe me, and I didn't even eat any of it, I just smelled it. http://www.intercot.com/boards/pukey.gif

------------------
Rhonda

Ed
08-03-2001, 01:21 PM
Jane's daily chant:


Are you a cook? Neither am I.
When dinner comes I only sigh,
Wake up the phone and his book
And let somebody be my cook.

A pizza is a trusty meal,
A color frantic tasty wheel.
It disappears in your friends
And lets the party never end.

But cooking is a tempting craft
And gazing down the oven's shaft
I start to wonder if I can
Create a dinner in a pan.

The cooking magic I will work!
No more I'll be a takeout dork!
I'll prove the world what I can be!
I'll make a meal for you and me.

Into the kitchen with brave strides
I walk like wolf, who danger bides.
And looking back to high school days
I recollect my mother's ways.

Spaghetti? Oh, that sounds good!
I grab the package where I stood.
Potatoes I shall add to that.
They'll make it better, so I bet.

My mother always said to add
the veggies, but they make me mad.
To top it off I think I'll put
some oil in (I heard I should)

I say a prayer, turn the knob,
And a blue flame begins to sob.
It's magic, that's why it's so blue.
It makes my tasty dinner stew.

It starts to boil soon enough,
And bubbles make the oil rough.
And lo-'n-behold it starts to burn
Just when it knows my back is turned.

I quickly knew something was wrong
When my stew's smell became too strong.
But no fear, my dear friends,
God blessed me with intelligence.

All fires are quenched by water thrown,
That's one sure thing I've always known.
So thinking quick I pour some in
And see a frightening thing begin.

A fiery face came to my eyes,
It must be Satan in disguise!
It grabbed the stove in fire's grasp!
Behind I heard a frightened gasp.

What happened next I won't describe,
But threaten death, or give a bribe,
Or loose a lion in my den.
But never shall I cook again!!!


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Ed, aka TiggTigg5
tiggtigg5@intercot.com
Intercot Staff Imagineer

They're Baaaaacccckkkkk..... (http://www.intercot.com/boards/Forum11/HTML/003421.html)

ChipDale
08-03-2001, 03:48 PM
Ed, that is too funny! http://www.intercot.com/boards/supergrin.gif http://www.intercot.com/boards/supergrin.gif http://www.intercot.com/boards/supergrin.gif http://www.intercot.com/boards/supergrin.gif http://www.intercot.com/boards/supergrin.gif

The only thing is, I'm more of a restaurant-goer than a takeout dork! http://www.intercot.com/boards/wink.gif

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Jane

M&L23
08-03-2001, 04:10 PM
LOL Ed! Jane, if you really say thins everyday no wonder you are a resteraunt goer!

------------------
Liz o

'83, '86, '90, '92,twice December 96, and '97
March, April May 2000
Honeymoon December 2000 at ASMo, CS, & WL
April 2001
May 2001 PO-Riverside
Next trip-Night of Joy'01-CS
December 2001-ASMu
&lt;&gt;&lt;