Ideas for pick me ups for elderly aged man

[Imalismom]

So... my dad finds himself alone after 64 years of marriage. He lives in Alabama and I live in Texas, so it is hard for me to get to him all the time :(

I want to start sending him things in the mail to brighten his days up, but I am having a really hard time trying to come up with things :(

I have sent cookies, and he really does not eat them.. (he will eat a few and the rest end up being very stale)

He loves Key Lime Pie, so I thought I'd send him one of those, but one pie ends up being almost $90..

He is very limited on where he can go, so sending him gift cards to go eat ended up being a waste..

He hates going to the movies, but I did get him a Netflix account so he can watch Netflix shows/movies now.

He gets up - and either watches TV all day or surfs the web or works on some genealogy - my sister makes dinner for him almost daily so he will go over to her house to eat - so I know he is getting at least one good meal a day.

He has been on his own for a little over 5 weeks now, and although I call him twice a day, what else can I do to give him some inexpensive surprises during the day?

Any ideas?

[Simba's Mom]

My mother was in a very similar situation (only she lives in Massachusetts, not Alabama). She loves post cards, and when Dad was alive, they used to come down to Texas every Christmas. I've been sending her post cards often from every place we visit, even if it's just the local Walmart! For some reason, these brighten her day.

[dnickels]

Agree with the postcards comment. My 3 remaining grandparents are at the age where they don't like to get out much anymore so I've been sending them cards every week for years now. Sometimes it's postcards with a short note, sometimes it's a card with a picture of me out doing something or something I saw that week. They don't use email, and even if they did, getting a physical hand-written card or actual printed picture is a lot more personal than the digital communication most of us in younger generations are comfortable with.

[disney obsessed]

I am so sorry for your families loss. It is a difficult time for all of you and its human nature to make ourselves and others feel better. You are a great daughter. I work in assisted living, doing activities and I run the support group for loved ones.

Ask him. The idea is creative....but i think your looking for something to make yourself feel like you are helping him. Trust me....just by being there for him, you are. Asking him will save money and disappointment. Calling him is probably the best thing you can do. Let him know your there, are thinking of him, love him. I am sure you are doing this already:).

The grief process is different for everyone. Is he a person who is more of an introvert or extrovert? If he is an introvert, pushing anything social on him will be a stressor. If he is an extrovert, being isolated will be more difficult. Are there any support services for him? A senior center with a mens group? Church?

My niece lost her 10 yr old son in jan. There is nothing that makes her feel better right now. I call and let her talk about him. Preserving his memory is what she needs now.

My prayers are with you.

[deedee73]

What about a senior activity center or senior daycare - not for actually care but for socialization. I know some of the guys from church get together at Eat n Park & McDonald's every other week for a gab session. Perhaps just him getting around some people of like age or situation may help. Our local senior citizens housing provides lunches & activities - the men tend to sit around on the front sofas while the women play cards etc.

If you are unsure of what is available you can check with his church or doctor - these always have social contacts. And instead of mail ordering his favorite pie etc how about befriending someone local who you can send the money too & they can drop off some goodies.

[retiredfigment]

Like to take the postcard idea one step further. Why not send him a package of stamped postcards that he can send out?

[Imalismom]

He is introvert, and refuses to go anywhere right now - he is a Mason and will not even go to lodge meetings:(

I do call him twice a day - once for a longer conversation on my way home from work, and a really short call right before I go to bed to say good night...

I like the post card idea -- I have asked him -- what can I do for him and he always tells me nothing... I am going to go see him as soon as school is over (I am a teacher).

My sister can't really even get him to go to church right now (in 6 weeks he has gone twice) and he is a retired Baptist Minster.

I just want him to be happy again...

[Disney4us2]

So sorry for your loss. Grief is different and personal for everyone. After my mom died, my father was alone at the house. I would go over to do his laundry, cook some meals together. He loved playing poker and would spend a lot of time at the casino. He eventually met a lady and they had a lot of years together traveling the world. He stayed with her through her battle with Alzheimer's. Neither one wanted to re-marry and they each had their own house. My dad was also a mason, but didn't go to meetings.
Hopefully with time he will come around. Some are quicker and some not so much. There is no right or wrong way to grieve. My best to all of you.

[deedee73]

I am sorry for your loss & in some ways I'm sure your grieving for your father also. Give it some time. It hasn't been that many weeks. Everyone deserves the right to grieve in their own way & remind him that but also that you don't want him to become a hermit bc you can't face losing your mom & dad both. He will understand and maybe enough to break the cycle. Also maybe getting one of his fellow Masons to check on him or a member from the church. They sometimes have more influence then a family member.

[NewDVCowner]

Does his church do at home communions? In the church I grew up in there were LEMs that would bring communion to shut ins and just visit. You could contact his church and see if that's something that they do? If not you could probably ask the minister if he'd be willing to stop by and visit.

[MNNHFLTX]

Gale, I think you are doing as much as you can right now....the phone calls, the knowledge that you love him will carry him through. It will take time for him to sort through his grief. All you can do is be there and be patient. I'm sure seeing you when school is over will help.

[#1donaldfan]

The thing is, it's not what we can do for someone, especially a loved one, to make them "happy" .... Happy comes from within. Right now he's lost and feels alone and that is a very normal feeling. He is just doing and feeling normal things right now as he's doing the very best he can do to get through this. I am certain he appreciates what you and others do, but right now he is finding who he is with what remains of his "normal". I know what it's like to even lose sight of church and our church family, but there again, he is just doing very normal things right now. Everyone is different and everyone goes through this process in different ways and I'm sure he will begin to emerge from this, albeit changed a little. I promise to pray for him and the family. For me, I like getting pictures. Old ones, forgotten ones. Send him old pictures of family and friends, trips you've been on together. Family is absolutely everything and to file through old pictures means everything.....it helps us remember who we were and are ....

[Scar]

He is introvert, and refuses to go anywhere right now - he is a Mason and will not even go to lodge meetings:(


... Also maybe getting one of his fellow Masons to check on him or a member from the church. They sometimes have more influence then a family member.Contact the Lodge (preferably the Secretary) and let them know the situation. They will want to help. Let me know if you need any help getting this done.

[scooterca42]

Echoing the comments above, but really to add - it does take time. My father in law took over two years before he felt like doing any socializing, and when he did it was his brother (who lived two hours away) who got him going by asking him to stay for a few weeks. Having one of his brother Masons drop by might work - especially if there are any of them who have gone through a similar loss. He's just marking time now while he figures out how to process his loss - your calls are probably the best for him right now. The postcard idea is good, too - just a little surprising one now and then (and I think I might do it for my mum! Great idea!). Have him visit you for a week, maybe, once school is out? But above all, be patient and try not to push too hard.