Softball Parent's Advice Needed

[susie & perla's mom]

My daughter has been playing with this travel team the last 2 years and they qualified to play in the World Series in Iowa next month. We live in Chicago and it will be a six nights event. That means, we have to spend money for hotel room and food. On our last out of town tournament (only 2 nights and spent $600). Their team came 9th place among 22 teams. It's not great, but not as bad neither. My concern was, the coach has been batting her last - meaning less atbats for her and she was benched quite a few times and did not even play a couple games. I was very disappointed because I felt like I spent that time and money to just watch her mostly seating on the bench. I can say she's not the worst on her team but admits she's considered to be at their bottom 5. Anyway, my husband and I are thinking of not going to the World Series with her team and just invest our money to sign her up to a 3nights Softball camp. Our problem is we really have a good relationship with the parents and we are afraid to ruin it. We don't want to talk to the coach just because he might just get harder on our daughter. So, should we just go with the team or spend our money for that camp?

[Dulcee]

What does your daughter want?

[susie & perla's mom]

She actually wants to do both, but they fall on the same week. We saw her frustrations over the last tournament and that was the first time I heard her say a bad word right in front of our face and couldn't say I was mad at her. I feel like somehow she lost her confidence on the plate and by sending her to this camp will help her regain it.

[buzznwoodysmom]

That's a tough call.

Not sure how it is where you are from, but here where I live when you are on a travel/competition team it is well known that the best players will get more play time. In recreational sports, which over here is for the kids to learn and get better at their sport, it's an across the board fair playing field. Meaning all kids get to play the same amount of time. But it's not that way once you get to travel/competition teams.

My son was on a select traveling football team last fall. He wasn't their best player, but also not the worst. We knew far before the games started that he wouldn't be on the starting line up, and honestly we didn't expect him to be. The away games were very time consuming and expensive, and it was a bit discouraging to spend all that time and money and he only get to play a few plays in each quarter. But it was what we signed up for and we knew ahead of time that's how it would be.

In our case we went to all games. Even when my son sort of expressed his frustration about having to be away from home for a friend's birthday party and not getting to play as often as he liked during the games. It's a team sport that we committed to and we made sure that our son understood it was the right thing to do. As hard as it was to spend all that money, that was also something they were very upfront with us about from day one, so it wasn't an excuse we were willing to use.

Only you know what is right for your family. This was just what we felt was the right thing for us to do given that we were well aware of play time and expense before we committed to the team. But I totally get where you are coming from. We have decided that our son will not try out for this team this fall. It's just too demanding.

[gerald72]

It's a team sport. She's part of that team, whether its as a starter or a bench player.
If she played every inning you'd go, so it sounds like you are not going out of spite.

[susie & perla's mom]

It's a team sport. She's part of that team, whether its as a starter or a bench player.
If she played every inning you'd go, so it sounds like you are not going out of spite.

There may be a truth to your statement, but my point is we've already spent a lot of time and money on this team. Going to an out of state tournament for a full week will cost us close to $2000 expense. It's always a tough battle to choose between the right or the best thing to do, but I'm really leaning towards saving half of that money and use it towards our next Disney cruise in November:secret:.

[buzznwoodysmom]

There may be a truth to your statement, but my point is we've already spent a lot of time and money on this team. Going to an out of state tournament for a full week will cost us close to $2000 expense. It's always a tough battle to choose between the right or the best thing to do, but I'm really leaning towards saving half of that money and use it towards our next Disney cruise in November:secret:.

If your daughter has been on this team for more than one year you had to know the cost involved in the event they did well and went onto the World Series. I know we are made aware of these things when our kids join various sports.

The fact that you have already spent a lot of time and money on this team is not really a valid point, in my opinion. Your daughter is still part of the team and the right thing to do is to continue supporting her team. I know how my son's teammates, as well as other parents, would feel if team members ditched the team at this point. It just not right, and in my opinion a bad leason to teach your child.

I think you know what's right. I am not sure if your hoping others agree with you, but ultimately it's up to you which way you decide to go with this.

[gerald72]

Did you know about this tournament when you made the commitment to join the team?
Today my daughter had a softball game. They lost because only 8 girls showed up. It's had to field with only 2 outfielders. It's hard to score runs when there's an automatic out every 9 batters.
The other team members are also putting up the money. Is it fair to them not to field a full team?

[Dulcee]

If it was me and I was afraid the end result was my daughter would walk away feeling feeling even more discouraged about something she enjoys, I also would consider pulling her for camp.

I can also understand previous posters and the thought that this is an opportunity to learn about commitment and being part of a team.

I'm not a parent but I think I'd send her to camp, assuming she was up front with her team and couch about not attending the big game. If when given that option she decides she's uncomfortable with not showing up you should support her in going to the game.

[Katzateer]

If your daughter signed up for the team she needs to complete the season - including championships. It is a commitment that was made at the beginning of the season.

Our youngest did competitive gymnastics and her last season was the worst. She ended up not competing in 2 events - one she did not qualify and one she lost her nerve. But we went, spent the money, enjoyed what we could and did not sign up for the team the next year.

Hope you can enjoy some of the trip. The last competition we went to was a location we would not have gone to on our own but we did find some fun things to do. Good luck!:thumbsup:

[susie & perla's mom]

Thank you so much for your inputs about my dilemma. I know what we are considering is wrong. I've been having a lot of sleepless nights about this. We are aware of this tournament, the coach said it depends on how the girls perform this year. Well, this year they are not really promising with a 13-23-3 record. Honestly, they did not qualify "clean" for the World Series. To qualify there, you have to place 1st or 2nd on tournaments. The only way they qualified was the 1st&2nd place teams on that tournament already qualified, so they handed the spot to our team. And the only reason how we placed 3rd was because the team they played against with got disqualified. I've talked to about 5 moms on the team, they all feel that we should not all go, but none of us wants to talk to the coach about it. They do have another tournament this weekend and we'll see how it goes. If we decided to leave the team, there will still be 10 girls playing. They originally started 12 but one dropped out already due to the same concerns we have.

[Pirate Granny]

From experience with my daughter playing a competitive sport in Canada...we were told from the beginning that the regional tournament was far away, and if we qualified it would entail a plane ride and four nights hotel...everyone agreed, and lo and behold, when we qualified (legitimately), some parents refused to go...and refused to send their daughters with the coach or other parents. Created quite a fuss and problem, and in the end we didn't go. Needless to say, regardless if the daughters were good or just mediocre they were NEVER put on a travel team again...those things follow you and your daughter. Consider your choice very carefully, especially if you see these parents and girls outside of softball. Sounds like if your daughter was a starter you would be going. It's hard when your child isn't one of the top players, but it's a GREAT life lesson to learn at an early age...

[IloveJack]

Although I'm a parent, my kids are not yet softball aged. However, I am a high school softball coach and have been on the other side of this often. Multiple times each season, I have girls skip practice to go to pitching lessons or the such. More than once, I've had a girl miss games to go to some sort of softball "enhancement." Most of the time, I excuse it, as it is bettering their game. However, it creates lots of hard feelings on the team, as these girls, while bettering themselves, are not being team players. And if they get to start while a "team player" sits the bench, I get all kinds of complaints. I, myself, don't enjoy keeping a girl on the team who doesn't commit to the team.
As a parent, I can't tell you what I would do; haven't been there yet. But as a coach, I probably wouldn't keep a player who didn't show up for our biggest tournament, or allow her to play for me in the future.

[susie & perla's mom]

Thank you so much for your enlightenment. After a week of painful decision making and reflecting on all your honest opinions, we've decided to do the RIGHT thing. This weekend's tournament was not good, as usual. They came 6th out of only 9 teams. We will have our daughter play at the World Series in Iowa. We told her to have fun, do her best and consider all the games she play as a tryout for a potential future team because we are definitely not going back to her team.

[susie & perla's mom]

I regretfully would like to inform everyone that we changed our mind. This coming Monday will be the big event. Last weekend we emailed the whole team saying that our daughter will no longer play with them. In less than 24 hrs, the coach emailed us back asking if he could borrow our daughter's uniform because he found a replacement for her. We were nice enough to lend them the uniforms but very shocked to not receive a thank you from him. We thought it was very bold of him to ask a favor from us and having no decency to thank us. I know he was disappointed with us but he should feel our disappointment too for not giving our daughter a chance grow with the team. He chose to build up most of the girls and ignored some. We will be sending our daughter to the camp tomorrow with less guilt in our hearts.