Wedding planning

[disney obsessed]

AAAAAHHHHHHGGGGGG!!!!!!

How did I end up planning my daughters wedding?
She makes final decisions but I am doing all of the discovery. I know I would have to pay a planner if I did not do it, but at this point I am being sucked into the vortex.

Fyi she has ruled out disney! :( There are too many people that cannot travel. We are looking at about 125.

Any helpful ideas?

[SBETigg]

I would be asking what she really wants. If she hasn't had interest to add input or get more involved, maybe she's better off having a meaningful, small ceremony with just very close family and friends or eloping. Weddings are so expensive. If she's not into it, I'm not sure it's worth having a big to-do.

[disneymom15]

As you know, my daughter just got engaged too. She is planning a disney wedding (small affair, about 30 people). We're planning a reception back home for those who won't be traveling to Florida for the wedding. Not sure if this would work for you guys or not. We've got a trip planned for early March. I'll have more info after that if you'd like to contact me.

[vicster]

As you know, my daughter just got engaged too. She is planning a disney wedding (small affair, about 30 people). We're planning a reception back home for those who won't be traveling to Florida for the wedding.

That sounds great! My daughter got engaged New Year's Eve and we're just making up a guest list to see what type of venue we need. She's talking 250 - 300, is a teacher and literally doesn't have a lot of time to plan a wedding. If they would just pick a date and venue she'd have a lot of time this summer to do a lot of things for the wedding. Believe, I'd rather do 30 people at WDW - the happiest place on earth.

[Janmac]

It's easier to plan a wedding when the bride has some definite ideas. When our DD was getting married she did have very definite ideas, which was good as she was two thousand miles away, and this was before the internet, e-mailing, or texting. Helping her plan was a lot of fun, really.

My niece is getting married in March - her fiance wanted a particular date because he wanted to go to Las Vegas during a particular week.

But that's been about it. They have some ideas but as you say, doing the discovery about how to make those ideas come to fruition is like a vortex.

After several months they have settled on a venue. They wanted their invitations to be photo cards, so I looked around on maybe 3 sites and started a project for them on one site. When my niece was working on uploading photos to finalize the project she realized that they had not decided on a time. Hopefully the invitations will get done soon!

She's had her dress for several months but wants it dyed and it needs a bit of tailoring so I found a tailor. Hopefully we'll get her and the dress there soon.

We still have decorations, food, music . . . Everybody is just so busy. Should be an interesting wedding.

As we have learned over the years, all that matters is if the bride and groom are happy. DD got married outside, at a lighthouse, with a back-up location in case of rain. Their day dawned clear and bright - beautiful May day. Except the wind was blowing 40 miles an hour. The guests were sitting around in parkas. We didn't anticipate gale force winds.

But they were happy with their day. And the photos have so much action in them, with the wind blowing hair and clothes around so much. Certainly memorable.

Jan

[Dulcee]

My advice...hand the wedding planning back over to her.

My H and got married last October. We planned it and paid for it and still butted heads with our parents at times over it. My best friend got married a month before us. Her mom planned her wedding, her father paid for it. She dictated whether she liked the decisions or not. By the end of it they couldn't stand each other.

My friend thought she wanted it out of her hand. Mom thought she understood what her daughter wanted. Friend thought Mom was excited to do the planning. Mom thought she was really doing her daughter a favor. The whole thing was a fiasco and when the big day came they were pretty much at each other's throats.

Maybe that was just them....being out of the wedding planning bubble for a few months now I can say wedding planning does some crazy things to the brides and the moms. I don't envy you. lol

What eventually helped me was stepping back and saying at the end of the day this is just a party. At the end of the day if I'm married that's what really matters to me. Having a top tier bar when t puts us in debt six months after won't make us, as a couple, happy. No one will really notice but me and Mom that the escort cards were color coordinated to the place settings.

Take a deep breath, set a budget, spend a day with your daughter just talking about what she envisions and then make a list of priorities. If the dress, the food and the photos top the list then focus on those and don't worry if the invitations aren't silk screen and calligraphy written.

Good luck!

[Janmac]

I finally recalled a discussion my niece and I had. She is happy that her fiance wants some input into the wedding - as in it's hers and his wedding. So far they're still talking to each other. :D

She wanted a small lunch reception, small light sandwiches and lemonade kind of thing - her idea of an old fashioned garden party - and he wanted a barbeque, so they're having an all day affair. Getting married at noon, with the light lunch, then relocating to the bbq location where it sounds as tho he's got food planned for about a million.

She asked me the other day where can they get bison to grill. :confused:

We live in a very rural area, definitely not the sort of place where you go for cake tasting before ordering your cake. His mom wants to make the cake, and probably will do a great job. There are a lot of just plain folks around here who can really turn out amazing cakes, both in taste and decoration.

If I recall correctly, the cake topper was bought last year.

Priorities are important. :thumbsup:

Jan

[Janmac]

Oops, meant 2011 for the cake topper. It's 2013, isn't it. :blush:

Jan

[disney obsessed]

Your responses have enabled me to look at what i am doing. I forgot to step back and take a look at the overall picture.

I realized that I care about where the wedding takes place and what she plans to spend. We are paying for the wedding. Given that, I will continue to help her chose the space and put the budget in place. After that, I need to step back and have her do it.

I wish it were small at disney but that is what I want. Not what she wants. She wants a big blowout party.

[TheDuckRocks]

71 years ago during WW2 my mother got married in the back yard by the minister with less than 20 people there and my dad paid.
I got married 50 years ago and my mom took over the whole thing as she "never had a wedding" in her words. I was not allowed to make any of the plans, it was her day. I had a church wedding and cake and punch only at my aunts house afterwards for about 50 people and my DH and I were requested to pay. I was so stressed out that to this day I have no, none, zip, zero actual memory of the ceremony.
19 years ago my daughter was married and she and I worked on it together. I did do most of the leg work as I am the more organized of the 2 of us. But every idea, flower, plan and venue had her approval. Her wedding was at large hotel's garden and a full luncheon and dancing was held inside in the ballroom with about 125 guests and was paid for by DH and I.
Times, people and situations change.
Today my daughter's best friend's oldest son is getting married and the bride has no interest whatsoever in any of the plans even though she wants "a blowout, best ever" wedding and her parents refuse to pay one red cent as they have costly vacation plans a couple of months later. So the grooms family is picking up entire cost for the reception, my daughter is paying for the flowers for the bradial party as her wedding gift to them, the brides grandmother is paying for all the costs involued for the actual ceremony and an uncle of the groom is picking up the tab for transportation. And knowing the brides parents I bet the day of the wedding they will be standing front and center to take credit for it all.
Whatever you do remember to take big deep breaths and enjoy yourself as this will hopefully be a really great forever memory for you all.