Introverts at Work

[Granny Jill A]

Are you being overlooked or even ignored at work because you are an introvert? Did you know that introversion is not something you can "cure" just by trying harder? Did you know that only 25% of the population is an introvert?

I have been given low marks on my evaluation for not being friendly enough to my co-workers. Since I'm not a smiley, chatty person, they think something is wrong with me. I carefully explained that I really like everyone, but it's hard for me to be chatty and social.

Anyone else experience this kind of treatment?

[BriarRose0708]

I'm sorry you got that feedback. I use the MBTI a lot in my work, which is where the terms introvert and extrovert have come from, and maybe some of this can be helpful for you...

Many times we use the terms "introvert" and "extravert" incorrectly and based on cliches. It's more about how you focus your attention and energy, and recharge your batteries. It's about what kind of environment feels most natural for you based on your preference for introversion or extroversion. I know a lot of friendly and outgoing introverts, and extroverts who are more reserved and shy. The difference is, for someone who is introvert at a party they might rather talk to the small number of people the know, stay for a short time, and then leave to go be on their own to "recharge" after being in a large crowd like that by doing a solitary activity like reading, listening to music, or going for a run. An extrovert might have spent all day at their desk with minimal interaction with others and then get recharged and energized at a place where there's a lot of people around like a party or other social gathering.

The fact your preference is for introversion should have no negative impact on your ability to be friendly toward your coworkers! But, if you have a supervisor who is an extrovert or many of your coworkers are extroverts, they may interpret your actions as being cold, disinterested, or unfriendly. Vice verse, you as an introvert may think they are too loud, active or social busy-bodies that don't get much work done because they spend too much time talking with one another! The key to this in recognizing what each others' preferences and work styles are, and working with that knowledge to understand each other.

[Granny Jill A]

My boss is an uber-extrovert - VERY outgoing and so are most of the people who work here. It's never been an issue until she took over. I actually like working with extroverts. It's kind of hard not to since they are 75% of the population :D.

Instead of focusing on my excellent work, she gets worked up because I'm not socializing all the time. It's exhausting for me and frustrating for her.

[SBETigg]

I'm an introvert. INFP. It surprises a lot of my friends who don't quite believe me when I say it, so Nikki I can understand what you're saying. Fortunately, I work alone (maybe it has something to do with that) and don't have to worry about workplace politics. I do have to do a fair amount of public speaking, though, and meeting people, and I've had to learn skills to push myself out of my comfort zone to forge connections.

You can't "cure" being an introvert, and why would you want to? It's who you are. But you can work on improving the way you put yourself out there and I think there's a certain demand for us to do that at times. There are books that can help. How to Work a Room comes to mind. Also, there are courses on public speaking that help a lot of people in learning some extra techniques to ease social interactions. Not that you should have to, of course, and your boss sounds like one of those people who thinks we choose to just not participate and can jump right in there if we want, which is not really the case. Best wishes.

[BriarRose0708]

I've had to learn skills to push myself out of my comfort zone to forge connections.

THIS! It's so hard to work against your "type" but we have to force ourselves to develop the skills that make working against our natural preferences feel less uncomfortable (like for me as an extrovert I need to remember to shut up and not interrupt people!). It's necessary in many professions and, for example, today more than ever networking is essential. Networking for an introvert is extremely intimidating and draining. There are some great ways to address this challenge too, like what Sherri mentioned. Toastmasters is a great organization to get started.

Hang in there, and during your next conversation with your supervisor try to focus in on the quality of your work, and show enthusiasm for what you do. Maybe next time there's a coffee break or you notice some coworkers gathering in the hallway for a chat, get up from your desk and just walk by with a quick hello. Little things like that won't go unnoticed!

[ElenitaB]

We use MBTI also and it's pretty fascinating. I'm also an introvert (which just about had me fall out of my chair).

Jill, one of the great elements of MBTI is that when a team does it together, people learn how they are different and how they are alike, and most importantly, how to best work together. Don't know if it's something your extroverted manager might want to look into. It's be of enormous to every team I've done it with.

[TikiGoddess]

I am in the middle of an interesting book called "Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World that Can't Stop Talking" by Susan Cain. I am an introvert and it's helped me think differently about myself, and find ways to make social situations meaningful to me.

The book is available on cd and it has been nice to listen to it in the car on the way to work.

Kathy

[Chaos]

I'm pretty shy but I'm always putting myself into situations where I'm around people. So I don't think I'm really an introvert.

But I never mixed well with the people I worked with because I'm very geeky and I had very little similar interests with the folks I worked with.

I solved all that by getting a job that I can do from home. No office politics! It's wonderful :cloud9:

[bleukarma]

I'm an introvert and I too feel I have to work harder at my job then people that are more outgoing then me. I work from home and when I have to go into the office I hate it and can't wait to get back to my home office. Because I am rarely there to interact with my co-workers or supervisors I feel I have to excel at my work to make up for the lack of social interaction. It's not necessary a bad thing, just another example of how I have to work harder because I'm not as outgoing or outspoken as others.

[dnickels]

Since I'm not a smiley, chatty person.........

All the other advice folks have given is great, but I just wanted to add that while I have no idea which category the tests would 'fit' me into, in general we have much higher opinions of people who smile when they're talking with us than those who don't. I don't do it to exclude someone who is introverted, but given a choice of talking with someone who is upbeat and smiling or someone who never smiles I can easily say that I'd rather talk with the smiling positive person.

I understand you can't change who you are, that's just hard-wired into your DNA. But at the same time, you can't be upset with someone who chooses to talk with the smiling person rather than the non-smiling person. A lot of what we encounter in the world is a reflection of what we put out into it. So if our face to the world is a quiet, non-social, non-smiling one, we're likely to receive a quiet, non-social, non-smiling response and that is going to impact our social lives, careers and everything we do. :twocents:

[BriarRose0708]

I have no idea which category the tests would 'fit' me into
A tool like the MBTI isn't really a "test" though that's a common word used to describe it. It's more of an assessment and is not meant to be taken as a generalization or to pigeonhole you, and there are NO right and wrong answers. As you can see from the responses here no two Introverts are alike! Whether one prefers E or I is only a small piece of one's overall personality type. All four letters in your MBTI type work together and play off each other. I do acknowledge your point that often times there are "more desirable" personality traits that are defined culturally.

[Granny Jill A]

We use MBTI also and it's pretty fascinating. I'm also an introvert (which just about had me fall out of my chair).

Jill, one of the great elements of MBTI is that when a team does it together, people learn how they are different and how they are alike, and most importantly, how to best work together. Don't know if it's something your extroverted manager might want to look into. It's be of enormous to every team I've done it with.

We all did the MBTI and I'm an ISTJ which is a perfect complement to all the "E" types I work with.

I love to interact with people one-on-one and I'm very friendly in those situations, just not good in group activities, which comprises a lot of my day. I'm trying to work through these difficulties, and I appreciate your comments.

[Granny Jill A]

I don't do it to exclude someone who is introverted, but given a choice of talking with someone who is upbeat and smiling or someone who never smiles I can easily say that I'd rather talk with the smiling positive person.

I understand you can't change who you are, that's just hard-wired into your DNA. But at the same time, you can't be upset with someone who chooses to talk with the smiling person rather than the non-smiling person. A lot of what we encounter in the world is a reflection of what we put out into it. So if our face to the world is a quiet, non-social, non-smiling one, we're likely to receive a quiet, non-social, non-smiling response and that is going to impact our social lives, careers and everything we do. :twocents:

I too would choose to talk to a smiling, friendly face, and I smile and laugh quite frequently, just not as much as my supervisor would like me to. I realize she and the other "E" types feel somewhat threatened by a quiet co-worker like myself. My thoughts are turned inward during the day, and I'm not looking for outside stimulation. It's only an issue with my supevisor, unfortunately :(

[Granny Jill A]

I am in the middle of an interesting book called "Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World that Can't Stop Talking" by Susan Cain. I am an introvert and it's helped me think differently about myself, and find ways to make social situations meaningful to me.

The book is available on cd and it has been nice to listen to it in the car on the way to work.

Kathy

I just finished reading this book, and what a relief to find that I'm totally normal, for an introvert. Thank you.:)

[Mousefever]

ENFJ here, but I was surprisingly close to the middle in the I-E continuum. I'm an extreme J though. It can be very frustrating to me when people can't make a decision.

I actually enjoy introverted people. When you make the effort to get to know them, you are often well rewarded.

Amy

[Lisaj13]

I'm an introvert too. Fortunately, it's not an issue in my workplace.

Another book to check out is "The Introvert Advantage".

Unfortunately, I think it's your supervisor who should be reading it.

There are courses on multi-cultural workplaces, multi-generational, working with different personality types. You'd think a supervisor might be interested in taking some of them.