Being left out of family functions vent

[Disney4us2]

About 25-30 yyears ago I converted to a Christian religion. I grew up in a non Christian religion. Everything was fine until this past April. I am not even active religion wise at this point.

DD and I were excluded from my family's Passover dinner this past April. OK... I felt slighted, but let it go.

Tonight I was omitted from the New Years celebration, as was my DD Again, I feel slighted. Like I don't exist.

My father is very hurt by this action of my brother and Sis in law. It is more her than him. After the first time in April. My father had a talk with my brother... we are all still family. My dad is also concerned on how this is all affecting my DD since she is also not invited.

My father is 92 and knows his days are numbered and just wants peace in the family and for everyone to get along, I do my part to keep the peace and then my brother/sil throws this into the mix with the holidays.

I feel so bad for him and my DD. I can shake it off and try to deal with it. I am at the point that when my father is gone I don't want to have anything to do with my brother/sil.

Brother is bull headed and dominering and sil is worse. I will give her that she is a good wife and mother and is good to my dad. Maybe a little too much so. They baby him like he is a helpless child and can't do anything for himself.

We always go for Thanksgiving... glad it is not a religious holiday... don't know if I want to even go now. Then Hannukkah comes... we were there for that holiday last year... who knows what this year will bring.

I really don't mind not being there because of a holiday. It is getting together as a family and spening time together that I do mind. Right now I guess I should consider my family my father, my DD and myself.

Ok.. vent over back to getting dinner ready for DD and me.

[SBETigg]

Marci, I'm sorry. That sounds rough. Have you tried talking about it, letting them know that the traditions and family events still mean something to you even if you're not practicing in the faith? I'm hoping it's just a misunderstanding but it sounds like this maybe goes deeper. I hope this gets better for you.

[DizneyRox]

Meh... There's a 'family' on one side of mine that are real pills. It's gotten to the point where they don't talk some of us, don't invite us to holiday gatherings they hold, etc. I think it started whn they made some uncalled for comments behind our back, it's been years and I can't even remember. If they died tomorrow I wouldn't know or care quite honestly.

I spend not even 5 minutes thinking of them a year, this is their allotment, so I'm good for another year. Some people, family or not! aren't worth your time.

[ibelieveindisneymagic]

I am so sorry. We have challenges with DH's mom and dad, which usually result in us being forgotten about and left out of most family functions, even when they involve the larger extended family.

It is rotten! Maybe your Dad could help, and let them know he'll be inviting you to the get-together?

Did anything happen before this change, since it sounds like it is something that has just started to be an issue.

[TinkerbellT421]

My dad had a saying for times like these, "you can pick your friends, you can pick your nose, but you can't pick your family" lol, sorry tried to make you laugh.

Sounds like some people I know, I'm sure it's a "religion" thing as well, I was born and raised a Catholic, but I'm non practicing, I'm kind of eh on religions all together, I really could careless either way, I know to some that's awful but I'm more focused on me being a good moral person and religion having nothing to do with moral decisions and choices I make. Some family are "hard core" Catholics, so anyone other than "hard core Catholics" are looked at as as peons. I find those "hard cores" the most hypocritical.

Based on their views, they should be accepting of you no matter what your religious choice is, isn't that what most religions say? To me it sounds like they are hypocrites. Unfortunately the only person this appears to effect is your father and your daughter (as you stated, you could careless if they talk to you or not). Have you pulled your brother and sister in law aside and spoken with them directly about their choices to exempt you from their particular gatherings and how it effects your daughter and father? If you have and this is their choice still, then you might be at a loss. Have you spoken with your daughter to see how she feels and how it effects her?

[Janmac]

I agree - find out what your daughter thinks of this?

It sounds as tho the not being included is something that has just come up. And after all these years. I'm wondering if your brother and his wife have misunderstood something recently and think that there may be some discomfort on your part at being included during religious holidays.

However if they are acting true to form, so to speak, and if your daughter actually feels more comfortable not being included, I would strive to make your dad know that you and your brother will continue to get along even if you don't get together a lot.

Perhaps you and your dad and your brother can get together occasionally for a lunch. Many older parents love to have their kids all together. I know my grandmother at 98 was so excited to have a photo of her kids all together again. (Regardless of the friction :D )

Jan

[Scar]

There are different "divisions" in Judaism, so maybe your SIL's is one that doesn't allow non-Jews to functions, but, as a Christian, I've been invited to a few in my life. Talk to her and find out her concerns.

[Disney Doll]

I would talk with your brother. I'm not christian, but we still attend Easter dinner and Christmas with the family. Really it's always been about the family dinner and egg hunt/gift exchange more than it's ever been about religion in my family. They go to church services in the morning and we have our family celebration after. Maybe your brother doesn't realize that you still want to be included?

[DisneyDog]

That is very immature and selfish of them. My DH has a brother, two stepbrothers and a stepsister. My DH and I are both Jewish, but none of the other siblings spouses are Jewish. My FIL is very religious, but he also understands that family comes first. We all get together for Jewish holidays no matter who is what religion. The only thing I can suggest is that you try invite them to celebrate a holiday at your house, and accentuate family and what they mean to you.

[minnie04]

I would plan a dinner to celebrate these holiday's at your house. Invite everyone and if they don't feel the need to show, then that is on them and you still have a nice dinner with your father and DD. Even if it falls on a different day (because they have taken the actual day) I would celebrate!!!! Start the tradition with your father and DD and the rest of the family that would like to join in...:mickey:

[princessgirls]

I believe that holidays and special occasions are for family, regardless of what you believe. You are part of the family. I think it was wrong they did not invite you.

I'm sorry Marci, because I know it hurts.

It's all my family for all events, and they are great, I love them, but my poor husband has little or no relationship with his only sister and her family, and I always feel bad. There is distance between us with both miles and other stuff. However, I never not include them in anything I'm doing, and do send the kids stuff regularly. Maybe just to make myself feel better, but at the end of the day, I have to live with myself.
Sorry Marci that it is so hurtful.
Julie:mickey:

[Tiggerlovr9000]

Marci I am so sorry. Family can be so difficult sometimes. I feel sad for them because they are totally missing out on what a wonderful person you are and Jessica is just a joy. I so enjoyed our lunch Saturday at Storytellers. and was saddened that our day had to end so soon. take care..