Wedding Gift

[Dulcee]

I was having a conversation with a coworker today about how wedding season is really expensive when you have a lot of friends at marriage-age. We have 5 weddings in the next 3 months.

This lead to a talk about gifts at wedding.

I was kind of shocked by two things....1) that in some areas you bring legit gifts to weddings and not a check/cash 2) that my growing up in NJ has totally screwed up how much I think is an appropriate wedding gift.

So I'm curious, what's normal for a typical wedding gift by you?

[VWL Mom]

2) that my growing up in NJ has totally screwed up how much I think is an appropriate wedding gift.



I'm going out on a limb here and guessing we spend too much? And we don't do gifts (well at least not at Italian weddings)? :blush:

[greengeen]

A "boxed" gift, usually something off the couple's wedding registry, and usually less than $100 but not by much. And yeah, it depends on whose wedding and how much we care about the couple.

[Dulcee]

I'm going out on a limb here and guessing we spend too much? And we don't do gifts (well at least not at Italian weddings)? :blush:

Lol not at polish ones either, at least not in Jersey!

I always assumed all bridal registries were for the shower, it would seem that is not always the case. Learn something new every day!

[DizneyRox]

I think te gift should cover the cost of the meal for how ever many people ou are bringing. If only two of you are going, the gift would be less than if a family of 4 went.

It's fairly easy to figure out by the location about how much to give.

Now, if I were the bride/groom, I wouldn't really care. We didn't go through the gifts to figure out how much everyone spent on us to decide if they were really our friends, etc.

The whole gift registry thing is a pain. I won't say we just picked out anything, but we were conscious of the cost of the gifts and didn't want to impose on people thinking they had to spend a lot.

As far as actually going, we only go/gift close friends and relatives. We won't send a gift if we don't go o the wedding, unless we really have other plans that can't be altered. If you invite me and I don't go, there's a really good chance you're out a gift.

[BriarRose0708]

I was having a conversation with a coworker today about how wedding season is really expensive when you have a lot of friends at marriage-age. We have 5 weddings in the next 3 months.

This lead to a talk about gifts at wedding.

I was kind of shocked by two things....1) that in some areas you bring legit gifts to weddings and not a check/cash 2) that my growing up in NJ has totally screwed up how much I think is an appropriate wedding gift.

So I'm curious, what's normal for a typical wedding gift by you?
I am with you! I am also going to 5 weddings, including the showers and bachelorette parties for 3 of them. I have NO extra money this summer.

I voted for Less than $100, but I also think it depends. The etiquette is different depending on the kind of wedding and what the couple wants. Traditionally the showers and wedding gifts were supposed to be to help the bride and groom set up their new home, but many couples (at least in my case) have been living together or living on their own for a while and already have a lot of "house stuff." Some couples ask their guests to make donations to a charity or even buy them an excursion, a meal or something like a massage on their honeymoon in lieu of gifts. I don't have a problem bringing a card with money in it if I didn't have time to get a gift or don't know the couple that well, and many of my bride friends are putting out card boxes on their gift tables. In some ways cash, checks and gift cards can be better than what's on the registry!

[cather74]

I'm from long island where things are out of control wedding wise. I don't think we've ever given less than 300 at a wedding. Most of the time more. It's crazy. It's frowned upon giving gifts off the registry for the actual wedding. I know it's very different here. I've been to a couple weddings out of state and was amazed at how simple they were. More personal. So I guess don't go by what I'm saying. Sorry I was no help. But this stuff continue to amaze me.:mickey:

[Joannelet]

I am from jersey so I will be of no help here as $200 or more is the norm. Gift registries are for showers here. I am learning that other states do not view it the same way. So I guess it depends where your weddings are...
But you know how Jersey views wedding. Our area is just different.

[Mickey'sGirl]

I am from jersey so I will be of no help here as $200 or more is the norm. Gift registries are for showers here. I am learning that other states do not view it the same way. So I guess it depends where your weddings are...
But you know how Jersey views wedding. Our area is just different.That's pretty much how it is here in Toronto too.

That said, I would not send money if I were not attending a bachellorette thing ... but I would send a gift for a missed shower, and definitely if I were invited to the wedding.

[BrerGnat]

Wow, I've never heard that the Wedding Registry is supposed to be for a bridal shower? That's strange. What if you don't have a Bridal Shower? I didn't have one...my sister didn't have one...just a bachelorette party with a few close friends.

What if you are out of state and won't be attending a Bridal Shower? Does that mean you automatically have to give money? That doesn't make sense.

I think Wedding Registries are designed so that people don't HAVE to bring physical gifts or money to the actual event. What bride and groom want to have to deal with bringing gifts home and keeping a bunch of money safe and accounted for? I figured registries were invented to prevent these scenarios.

We have always bought a gift from a registry, prior to the wedding by several weeks, and had it sent to the address on the registry along with a nice gift note.

It's interesting that there are "regional" differences on this one.

We spend at least $100, more on family.

[TinksPixieDust]

Were just starting to get into all our friends are getting married

Usually we give at least $100. My husband was a best man and we gave $200 and we went to a fancier wedding so we gave $150. We have two more wedding this year and we will probably give between $100 and $150. We did receive wedding gifts at our wedding and I don't find that weird at all. We got things like Precious Moments, and Monogrammed items. I think a lot of it has to do with regional norms and not so much cultural norms.

My cousin got married in PA and we are from MA and the wedding "norms" were different.

My thing is do whatever you are comfortable giving. The bride and groom wont say anything either way (unless they were on that bridezilla show)... hopefully they are just glad that you could share their special day with them! :thumbsup:

[MstngDrvnDsnyLvr]

I am Southern and live in the South - here in the South - you have bridal shower registries and wedding registries.

As for gifts - one can either bring the gift to the wedding (where a gracious friend of the family spirits away to the gift table at the reception) OR you have it mailed to the bride's parent's home.

As for amount spent, that is dependent upon relative or friend, relative you like or friend you like, etc. If it is a friend but more acquaintance than friend, $100 or LESS - or a relative you can't stand. If a friend that is dear to you or a CLOSE relative - $100 and MORE!

[DVC2004]

The way we have done it is cash or check, enough to cover your cost of the plates at the reception. Family gets more of course. A gift of an item is given if you are invited to a shower, money is given for the actual wedding.

[PirateLover]

Philly/South NJ checking in here. Wedding Registries typically get taken care of through the Bridal Shower. If you don't have a Bridal Shower... then I don't know. I've never had an experience yet where someone didn't have a Bridal Shower. Around here, a lot people get two-one from family and friends and one through work. The actual wedding gift is usually $$$. If you give a shower gift, you still give a wedding gift. Typically there is a box or cage for all the cards, and its in the open so no one can realistically steal it.

I got married 2 years ago and I'd say the average we received was $150. We try to give at least $100, (more for family or if we are in the wedding party), and purchase a nice gift from the registry for the shower.

[PirateLover]

Wanted to add, if you are buying from the registry for the actual wedding, do send the gift directly to the house. A few people bought us glassware and other large items and it was a bit of a pain to take those boxes home. We appreciated it, but we had no car as we were staying overnight at a hotel, so if not for our parents we would've had to lug all that stuff bag to the hotel with us. Not really something you want to be worried about on your Wedding night!

[BrerGnat]

I've been to a few weddings, and NEVER a bridal shower. None of the brides even had a bridal shower. Must definitely be a regional thing.

Most weddings were destination weddings, so it made even more sense to buy off a registry prior to.

One of the weddings had a honeymoon registry instead, since they had been living together for awhile and had all the house stuff (they went to Greece, and you could buy them "experiences" or give gift cards to places they were going to go...we did that. Bought them a couples massage and lunch at a Cafe in Greece.) I thought that was a good idea.

[Hammer]

I think te gift should cover the cost of the meal for how ever many people ou are bringing. If only two of you are going, the gift would be less than if a family of 4 went.



That's what what I've thought as well. Wedding gifts are usually checks/cash or China/Crystal/Silver off the Bridal registry, which is usually the only registry gift I would give for a wedding.




I always assumed all bridal registries were for the shower, it would seem that is not always the case. Learn something new every day!

As I said above, the only things I've given off the registry as a wedding gift is China/Crystal/Silver. Now, in my Mom's family (Tampa), a bride will usually be given multiple showers, and some showers may be themed to a certain part of the registry (China/Crystal/Silver or Housewares, etc.)




As for gifts - one can either bring the gift to the wedding (where a gracious friend of the family spirits away to the gift table at the reception) OR you have it mailed to the bride's parent's home.



With both my family in Florida as well as weddings I've attended in NY/NJ, the gift is sent to the bride's or bride's parents home (if they live in the area).

[PirateLover]

Oh yes! We did a honeymoon registry in addition to our regular wedding registry. We did it through Disney since we went to WDW. When my co workers gave me a shower, they all donated towards the Honeymoon registry, and a few people did that for Wedding gifts as well. That was nice :mickey:

[MNNHFLTX]

Originally from the midwest (Minnesota) and these are pretty straight-forward in my family. Bridal showers are typically house-hold gifts for the bride and groom (unless they were already well-established as singles, then you can give gift cards or novelty/themed gifts). For weddings you give more formal gifts off of the gift registry, such as china, silverware, etc. Money is not the norm and if given as a gift it is not in higher amounts mentioned in some parts of the country. :eek:

We are going to a wedding in a couple of weeks for a colleague of my husband's and the bride/groom have specifically requested no gifts and that they just want to share their special day with their friends and family. I think that is a wonderful sentiment!

[Katzateer]

Originally from the midwest (Minnesota) and these are pretty straight-forward in my family. Bridal showers are typically house-hold gifts for the bride and groom (unless they were already well-established as singles, then you can give gift cards or novelty/themed gifts). For weddings you give more formal gifts off of the gift registry, such as china, silverware, etc. Money is not the norm and if given as a gift it is not in higher amounts mentioned in some parts of the country. :eek:

sentiment!

Must be Midwest thing- the weddings in Jersey sound like you are actually paying for the wedding ....sounds out of control to me.

I am from Indiana and agree - household items for a shower and I wouldn't give cash to even relatives. Something from their registry would be our choice. Unless they are on 2nd or 3 rd marriage and they probably won't need a lot of household items then would consider money.

I don't like the idea of paying for the honeymoon or new house...seems a little tacky to me. I have heard of couples asking for cash to help with these expenses.

[PAYROLL PRINCESS]

Here in the NE, there is usually at least one shower. And generally if you are invited to the shower, you are also invited to the wedding. Normally you give something from the registry for the shower gift and money for the wedding. I prefer to give a gift if it's a family member. That way they will always remember what they got. And generally the cost of the gift should be the same as the cost of the dinner. That's the unofficial "rule".

And some people even have an engagement party and you are supposed to give gifts or money then too!

[White Rose]

Um. Wow. I am OBVIOUSLY out of the loop here or the mid-Atlantic region doesn't take it to this level.

In my home state (MD), a bride may have a bridal shower or not. Either way, if you purchase a gift for the shower, you don't bring one to the wedding. And either way, for the wedding or the bridal shower, the gift is either purchased from the registry or money is given. In my case, I generally just get the couple a giftcard for where they are registered to take care of those little items some people may not have bought off the registry.

I had NO idea there was so much involved in this...

[Ian]

I'm from the Northeast, too, and I'd agree with most of the others. It's basically cash or risk being thought of as tacky. ;)

And yes, the rule is you typically give an amount comparable to what you think the cost per guest is.

[wildernesslady]

What do you think is acceptable for a destination wedding? We are paying for airfare, hotel, car rental, and food. I'm not sure what to do.

[Dulcee]

What do you think is acceptable for a destination wedding? We are paying for airfare, hotel, car rental, and food. I'm not sure what to do.

All the weddings we have this summer involve travel/hotels. And I'm in two of them...

Anyway, we do the same we do for a local wedding for a gift. Unfortunately family and friends spread around the country we very rarely have "local" weddings.

[Mickey'sGirl]

What do you think is acceptable for a destination wedding? We are paying for airfare, hotel, car rental, and food. I'm not sure what to do.I would give them some money, but more of a token amount, as you have incurred the costs of their wedding, they have not.


All the weddings we have this summer involve travel/hotels. And I'm in two of them...

Anyway, we do the same we do for a local wedding for a gift. Unfortunately family and friends spread around the country we very rarely have "local" weddings.I don't consider this a destination wedding, as I am assuming the wedding is taking place in the hometown of either the bride or the groom. My brother is getting married in Syracuse in October (where his fiance is originally from). Both my husband and I are in the wedding party, and will have the cost of dress/tuxedo, hotel for 3 nights, travel costs etc. We will give them the same gift we would if they were getting married in Toronto.

[BrerGnat]

We had a destination wedding, at WDW! We did not expect ANY wedding gifts, because all our friends/family had to travel from California and we were young back then, just out of college. We were grateful for the people who were able to make it, and that was their "gift" to us.

We did have two people give us monetary gifts at the reception. They were some family members (my dad's cousin and my mom's cousin), and they would have had to travel to CA had we gotten married there, so I guess that was why. It was a surprise, though, although much appreciated! We only had about 30 people total at our wedding...mostly immediate family and some very close friends.

I think if it's a destination wedding (i.e. at a "vacation" spot, outside of the bride or groom's hometown), the bride and groom probably don't expect a gift outside of you being there.

[brivers222]

I feel that the wedding gift value should really depend on the wedding itself... if its going to be a classier wedding and you can pretty much figure the per-plate cost is going to be a bit higher, i will give a bit more....

having just gone through a wedding myself (for a second time lol) It really does help out when the guests "balance" out the price you are paying for their dinner.

we had our registry set for the shower but we left it open for the wedding as people do bring actual gifts to the venue. We made sure we had a table set up in the far corner of the room (away from all doors and windows as to not entice some "crasher" to steal) along with a place for cards... we had a family friend in charge of the cards and every so often would empty them and keep them in a safe spot. I had one friend who lost $10,000+ in gifts because someone came into the room and walked off with the card holder while no one was looking.

If we are going to a destination wedding...as it appears in a little bit we will be going to hawaii we do reduce the amount because we will have paid out a lot for rooms, airfare and food.... For destination (as i was thinking about this for our own wedding last year) the gift is moreso the people showing up than a monetary amount. You can't expect people to travel great distances AND give you money.

but since my wife and I have started our own photography company, we now take some awesome shots during the wedding and surprise the couple with a free book to go along with their most likely overpaid photographers stuff haha a little extra from us :)

[minnie04]

I think it depends on the couple. I usually go by how well I know them and if they are living together.

If they are living together they probably have almost everything they need store bought, so I would give them money. Knowing it’s probably helping with the wedding .

If they are a young couple just starting out. I would probably give them a boxed gift from their list.

If it is my niece or nephew or close family. I would probably give money.

[princessgirls]

We were just at a wedding for friends...

$250 gift in envelope
$50 for the shower gift 2 months prior and my husband went on the all day fishing bachelor party...$150 bucks

Jersey weddings...Northeast weddings...KILLER!
Don't even get me started on my sister's big NYC wedding last year. I could have gone on a Disney vacation for a week for what it cost us to be in it, gifts, and all the rest.
Julie:mickey: