Just TELL me *Rant*

[Katzateer]

I am so tired of people not letting you know if they are going to attend a party or any activity that they are invited to.

We have had 2 graduation parties and it was hard to plan for food, etc. because the expected number of guests did not come.

I don't care if you don't come (I know it s busy this time of year) but if you aren't, let us know. Grrrrrrrrrr

[BelleBeauty]

I completely agree! We tried to have a New Year's Eve party this year, people didn't RSVP and even the ones who did cancelled the week of. So we ended up planning for a party and not having ANYONE!!

[DizneyRox]

We are in the days of "let's see if something better comes around'. I make it clear on the invitation (real invitations, NOT e-vites which drive me crazy) that we need an answer and the deadline allows for me to really plan.

Wording also makes a difference. If an invite says, "Let us know if you can make it", actually doesn't garner a response from me if I can't. It should be worded, "Let us know if you can make it or not."

But, I actually know before hand about how many will really come. We all know those people who are always on the fence anyway. Those guys probably won't even get an invitation from me...

[Katzateer]

I completely agree! We tried to have a New Year's Eve party this year, people didn't RSVP and even the ones who did cancelled the week of. So we ended up planning for a party and not having ANYONE!!

I know, it is so frustrating!! The party last night was ok, but we have food left I never would have gotten. And her feelings are hurt that some of the kids did not come.

And next week is the WORST- a few relatives that have been planning to come for graduation for a year from another state are not coming. Now I have to scramble to figure out something to do - it will just be the 4 of us and I wanted to do something since we have taken the time off from work. Maybe I should just rent a room at the shore and just chill.

[Ian]

Ugh ... this is one of my biggest pet peeves. And some of the worst offenders are my own family members!!

It's very simple. If the invite says "RSVP" you owe and answer. Period. Yay, nay, and anything in between.

Steams my cheese when you send someone an invite and you just never hear from them! :mad:

[White Rose]

I was worried about this when I was planning for my parents surprise anniversary party back in Sept of 2010. What I ended up doing was on the invitations was putting "Regrets only" which basically meant I was assuming you were coming UNLESS you told me otherwise. I'm not sure if this would have been successful in your situation either way but people seemed A LOT more inclined to contact me to let me know if they were NOT able to come.

[TheDuckRocks]

I hate, hate, hate it when people don't let you know if they are going to attend or not. Or if their plans change at the last minute. I swear I have always planned on enough food for everyone except those that tell me they cannot make it. I always seem to have tons leftover because of no shows. I have often thought instead of RSVP I should bluntly say "If you don't let me know you'll be here..........I'm not feeding you!!!"

[AvaNellMouse]

It has gotten out of control.
I attended a bridal shower yesterday and FOUR of the TWELVE expected attendees didn't show. It was high-tea at $40 per person, reserved and paid regardless of attendance. I felt positively ILL for the hostess team (they paid for everyone).
The shower was lovely and the bride received nice things from those that attended but there was an air of disgust at those that RSVP'd and didn't show. :sick:

[Kairi_7378]

I'm sorry that this happened to you! DisneyRox is right... more and more people have a "see if I get a better offer" kind of mentality. Doesn't make it right, though. I hope that you're able to do something to celebrate next week since you got the time off.

We had this happen when we planned a bridal shower for one of my friends. 5 out of 20 invitees came! Turned out to be normal for her family, though... she hosted Thanksgiving that year and none of the family showed up. Wish I had known about that before we threw the shower... it would have made planning easier.

[greengeen]

I hate it when people want you to commit 100% in blood to their event. I can't do that. Things happen, people. Sometimes guests can't show up and it's not because "something better" came along.

[Ed]

I hate it when people want you to commit 100% in blood to their event. I can't do that. Things happen, people. Sometimes guests can't show up and it's not because "something better" came along.

In such cases, you at the very least owe it to the host to make a quick phone call, even if it's the day of the event, to let them know that you can't make it. That's just common courtesy. Although admittedly today way too few people know (or care) the first thing about "courtesy". :mad:

[TinkerbellT421]

It is so frustrating! my best friend and I had to plan a baby shower for her daughter. Out of the 50 invites we got 20 rsvp's accepting and 0 declines, only 15 of the 20 showed up! and it was at a restaurant hall so it was prepaid for the 20! No refunds :thedolls:

[disney obsessed]

I completely understand that I am from a differant generation from the twenty somethings of today but.....manners and social graces are still an expectation of society. Out of my three children, my middle child is the most diligent about such things. My youngest has had the experience of incorrect rsvps and has now learned how important they are. My eldest daughter usually flies by the seat of her pants and it's important when it pertains to here.

I guess the point I am trying to make is that we can only teach them what we know about these things. Hopefully they have gotten close to knowing the rules and respectful enough to use them.

[PAYROLL PRINCESS]

In such cases, you at the very least owe it to the host to make a quick phone call, even if it's the day of the event, to let them know that you can't make it. That's just common courtesy. Although admittedly today way too few people know (or care) the first thing about "courtesy". :mad:

You took the words right out of my mouth Ed. Yes, things do happen that can't be avoided. Common courtesy seems to be lacking in this day and age.

And I do think regrets only seems to work much better as an option.

[TheDuckRocks]

In such cases, you at the very least owe it to the host to make a quick phone call, even if it's the day of the event, to let them know that you can't make it. That's just common courtesy. Although admittedly today way too few people know (or care) the first thing about "courtesy". :mad:

Ed, I also completely agree with you. As the hostess of any event at least 90% of my guests are people who I care about their welfare. If you just do not show up with no phone call or anything, more than likely I'm worried sick about what could have happened to them and I don't completely enjoy the function. Later when I find out that they where just to darned lazy to give me a heads up I'm furious and will be cutting them from any further event.

[forever a child]

I had the same problem with my daughter's graduation party! I will admit that the adults are much better than the kids about it. I ended up having over twice as much food as needed because I didn't want to run out! Such a big waste of $. I told DD (after having family issues with my ex and his family too) that we could have used the $ for a WDW trip instead! Oh well, that was my last big party and from now on...her Dad and I will celebrate things separately for DD from now on in the future (I guess other than when she gets married). :thedolls:

[princessgirls]

BIG PET PEEVE!!!

My family members are the biggest offenders too...

My Mom taught me this life lesson in highschool. If you COMMIT to a party and have RSVP'd then your first obligation is to that party, not to the "Better Offer" that just came your way. You will hurt feelings and lose friends.

I do LIKE e-vites, for casual parties, like holiday and BBQ. Easy to RSVP.
Because I don't like it done to me, I RSVP right when I get an invite, then write it on the calendar and post it in my "spot" in the kitchen. June is one of those months...lots of invites!
Julie:mickey:

[PirateLover]

I hear ya... It's especially bad for a wedding! I'll never forget when we were getting married, and we barely got any responses from DH's friends and the deadline we set to respond had come and gone. He called them and every single one said "well, you know I'm coming!" UM, there was a pre-addressed, STAMPED envelope included for you, all you had to do was check a dang box and stick it in the mail!!!!

[minnie04]

And next week is the WORST- a few relatives that have been planning to come for graduation for a year from another state are not coming. Now I have to scramble to figure out something to do - it will just be the 4 of us and I wanted to do something since we have taken the time off from work. Maybe I should just rent a room at the shore and just chill.

Why not book a weekend in WDW. What you are going to spend on a weekend at the shore you can spend here in Florida.. Just an idea
:mickey:

As far as the R.S.V.P.'s go. I dont even expect them anymore. I just invite the "usual's" the family and friends I know will be there for events. It's funny when we have a get together the kids always ask "who is coming" and now it's always "the usual's" and they know exactly who to expect... :)

[Katzateer]

Why not book a weekend in WDW. What you are going to spend on a weekend at the shore you can spend here in Florida.. Just an idea . :)

That would be great but not in the budget! I was at WDW in April and my husband and I will be there in October..that's all we can handle this year.

I got some passes for an opening of a outside art light sculpture thing at Longwood gardens that looks amazing.

Still haven't heard an actual " we aren't coming" from the relatives. They just left us hanging after hinting they may not come.

[Cinderelley]

Due to health problems, I am always hesitant to RSVP. I can have all the best intentions in the world of coming, and then wind up in the hospital. :pout: Those who are close enough to me to invite me know the situation though, and if I'm not showing up, I generally let them know that day.

[DVC2004]

I just think this is no etiquette anymore. We attended a relatives out of town wedding a year ago. Between travel, lodging, attire and gift we probably spent about $600 per family to attend and a thank you card was never even sent to anyone. There were many out of town guests there, too.

RSVPs, thank you notes, etc seem to be "old fashioned" or whatever now. It's sad but seems more common than not - not to receive them.

[Ian]

From my viewpoint, there is nothing "old-fashioned" about courtesy and there is most certainly nothing old-fashioned about thank you notes for wedding gifts!

I can say for sure that if I send you a wedding gift and you don't send me a thank you note, that's the last gift you'll ever get from me. Housewarming, anniversary, baby shower ... whatever. You start off on the wrong foot and you stay there.

Although I will say I'm not bullet proof either ... I got invited to a wedding of a former co-worker that I couldn't make because I was sick the day of (I did let them know as soon as I knew that I wasn't coming).

It was like three months ago and I still haven't sent them a gift. :blush:

[DVC2004]

From my viewpoint, there is nothing "old-fashioned" about courtesy and there is most certainly nothing old-fashioned about thank you notes for wedding gifts!

Totally agree- I just meant that when it comes to younger people the past few years, it's been my overall experience that they do not send thank you notes and do not RSVP. I guess not just younger people, I can think of a few older than me too.

I don't mean to stereotype it's just been my experience.

I don't know if it's a generational thing where the facebook, email, and e-vites crowd doesn't send thank yous or RSVPS or what. If you made the effort to give a gift or invite someone, the least they could do is write a quick thank you or call you to say they are/aren't coming to your event.

[Katzateer]

RSVPs, thank you notes, etc seem to be "old fashioned" or whatever now. It's sad but seems more common than not - not to receive them.

I totally agree with this!! I have always made my daughters write thank you notes to friends and relatives. I figured once they graduate from high school they are their own. It has always gotten done until this year- my youngest told me writing thank you notes is a 50's thing and she wasn't going to do it.

So I told her if she wasn't going to write thank you notes for her generous gifts from some friends ( and their parents). I can't make her do it...... But her grandfather would roll over in his grave if she didn't write a note to my 92 year old aunt ( his sister). So she took a card I had, wrote thank you for the card and check and signed her first and last name.
:thedolls:When she wasnt around I tore that note up, wrote a more personal, nicer note and signed it Love, Stephanie. Didn't want to break Aunt Alice's heart with that thank you she had grudgingly written.

Now I am done with the reminders - used to be a sweet thing to do....now it is up to them.

[Belle of the Ball 051411]

I am a stickler for proper etiquette and being courteous to others. As soon as I receive an invite, I reply right away and write the date/event on our calendar. I also do not believe in holding a date "in case something better comes along".

Thank you notes are also very important to me. I write them within a couple of days of receiving a gift. To me, the longer you wait the more you will procrastinate. I just don't like things like that hanging over my head.

DH and I were married last May and as soon as gifts arrived, I wrote heartfelt thank you notes (not generic ones) and mailed them right away. Of course the week of the wedding we received a lot more gifts and were busy with wedding prep, but right when we returned home from our honeymoon, all of our notes were mailed within 2 weeks (less than a month after our wedding; we invited ~400 people). It was very important for me to tell people how much we appreciated their gift and thoughtfulness and to thank them for celebrating our special day with us.

I will definitely instill these manners in my children.

[NewDVCowner]

Thank you notes are manditory. In fact, I was talking to one of the partners at my office not that long ago and he mentioned just how irritated he gets when people don't give thank you notes for work related things (holiday bonus', etc).

On that note I wanted to mentioned that I have ended up hiring more than one person that had sent me a thank you note for meeting with me for an interview. It really says something about the person that they took the time to do that.

[EpcotChic23]

I totally agree!!!!! My DD is turning 3 and we are having a party for her this Sunday and there are still people who have not RSVP:mad:....I am counting thme as no. This happens every year and i say I am not hosting a party any more:cool: