Need some input on tricky teen prom situation

[Aurora]

My DD has her first real boyfriend, who asked her to his prom (they don't go to the same high school). He is a really nice boy whom we (parents) like, and they get along great.

Here's the trouble: Boyfriend wants to take her to prom with a group of friends, including his best friend, who is dating a harpy. My DD has known this girl nearly her whole life (she lives in the neighborhood) and cannot stand her. She's manipulative and self-important and is demeaning to DD.

Boyfriend says they won't be with the other couple, they're just going in a group, and once they get there, they'll be able to have fun themselves. But I really do not want this to be a bad experience for DD or for her to have to worry about this girl. (And DD is a worrier.) She and her boyfriend are very happy together and this girl is just a troublemaker. I suggested that I could take them by themselves but DD doesn't want to rock the (group) boat.

Any thoughts?

[BrerGnat]

I think your DD is overreacting. She needs to learn to be around people she doesn't like. It happens all the time out in the "real world", particularly at work! It sounds like what this other girl says and does affects your DD, and I suggest you try to help her learn to let stuff "roll off her back".

While she does not like this girl, her boyfriend has a right to go to his prom with his best friend, if that's how they want to do it. What if the situation was reversed, and DD wanted to go to her prom with HER best friend, but her boyfriend didn't like her friend's boyfriend?

In a situation like prom, the truth is, there is so much going on that your DD will never even have to talk to this other girl if she doesn't want to. Once they are there, it's about having fun, and your DD and her boyfriend can detach from anyone who is being unpleasant. This girl and her boyfriend also want to enjoy their prom, so I doubt they will spend a whole lot of time harrassing your daughter.

If your daughter really has a lot of issues with this girl, she can elect not to go to her boyfriend's prom, but that is punishing the boyfriend for another person's behavior, which is not fair either.

Remind your daughter how awful girls are to each other in high school, and how stupid it will all seem when this time is passed.

[VWL Mom]

I tend to agree with Natalie on this one. I know for DS' junior and senior prom they all went in a group. One set of parents had them to the house for pictures and some snacks before and one set of parents did breakfast afterwards. They all had a great time. There were some girls in your daughters situation but there were plenty of others to talk too. Tell her to relax and enjoy!!

[cer]

Here's the trouble: Boyfriend wants to take her to prom with a group of friends, including his best friend, who is dating a harpy. My DD has known this girl nearly her whole life (she lives in the neighborhood) and cannot stand her. She's manipulative and self-important and is demeaning to DD.



:confused:

I may be showing my age or lack of 'coolness', but this is a risk I am willing to take. Besides, we are all among friends here, right? :blush: This is a new term to me...would appreciate a definition. Maybe I should just google the term...

[cer]

OK- I did a search.....

Google says:

har·py noun /ˈhärpē/ 
harpies, plural

1.A rapacious monster described as having a woman's head and body and a bird's wings and claws or depicted as a bird of prey with a woman's face

2.A grasping, unpleasant woman

YIKES! That is pretty bad! I can see why your daughter is concerned! :(

[BrerGnat]

I admit I didn't know what a "harpy" was either, but I assume it's a term used regionally where OP lives. :blush: In any event, I assumed it meant something unpleasant.

[NewDVCowner]

It's from Greek mythology.

I've heard the term out in California - have even used it myself. :blush:

[SBETigg]

I think Natalie's advice is sound, well said. Sometimes unpleasant people are unavoidable but we all do our best to not let them spoil our good times. It's prom. Big groups of kids go together, and it's really just an arrival-departure situation, it doesn't mean they are stuck together all night. Though, they might be all hanging out more than your daughter could wish. She might have friends her boyfriend doesn't much like, too. It's a grin and bear it situation. I don't think your daughter wants to be the one who is being difficult about it, in this case. As long as it's not a situation where this other girl is targeting and bullying your daughter- then that would not be okay and I think she would have a good reason to not want to go with the other couple.

And hey, if this girl is that unbearable, maybe the boyfriend's friend will come to his senses and break up with her before prom? Fingers crossed.

[HollyB]

Here's the trouble: Boyfriend wants to take her to prom with a group of friends, including his best friend, who is dating a harpy.

I couldn't tell from this whether the BF's group included just the two couples or more than that. However, my suggestion is for them to invite at least one couple to join the group where the girl is someone your daughter does like. Then your daughter isn't forced to make small talk with the girl she doesn't get along with, but the BF gets to be with his friend. Having other people along will limit your DD's exposure to the other girl.

[BrerGnat]

Or, you can just tell your daughter that putting up with a "harpy" is good practice for having a mother in law in the future. :rotfl:

I jest.

[cer]

Or, you can just tell your daughter that putting up with a "harpy" is good practice for having a mother in law in the future. :rotfl:

I jest.

Natalie is right, of course she is joking about the mother-in-law reference, but in reality, there are many, many people you have to learn to be around and rise above. Being kind and polite will go a long way in situations like these.

[Aurora]

You all crack me up. I didn't realize "harpy" wasn't used all that often, and of course I didn't mean it literally. :funny: I did get a kick out of thinking of her with claws and wings.


And hey, if this girl is that unbearable, maybe the boyfriend's friend will come to his senses and break up with her before prom? Fingers crossed.

Not likely, but I did think of that too! :rotfl:


I couldn't tell from this whether the BF's group included just the two couples or more than that. However, my suggestion is for them to invite at least one couple to join the group where the girl is someone your daughter does like. Then your daughter isn't forced to make small talk with the girl she doesn't get along with, but the BF gets to be with his friend. Having other people along will limit your DD's exposure to the other girl.

The group does include other couples, and hopefully they will be able to get away from this person. Part of the problem is that she acts like she has some possession over DD's boyfriend, calls him little nicknames and touches him a lot, and then is condescending to DD. She also acts like she barely knows DD, even though they've grown up a block and half from each other. Yuck.

Being from Chicago, my first reaction is to advise DD to give it to her with both barrels, but of course you all are right. Kindness does win out in the end.

[TheDuckRocks]

Or, you can just tell your daughter that putting up with a "harpy" is good practice for having a mother in law in the future. :rotfl:

I jest.

But true!:funny:

[Jillirose]

I couldn't tell from this whether the BF's group included just the two couples or more than that. However, my suggestion is for them to invite at least one couple to join the group where the girl is someone your daughter does like. Then your daughter isn't forced to make small talk with the girl she doesn't get along with, but the BF gets to be with his friend. Having other people along will limit your DD's exposure to the other girl.

agree - win/win :thumbsup: