Do you fight?

[Dulcee]

with your spouse, significant other, live in roomie, whatever you want to call em

Fiance and I fight once in a while, being were both pretty stubborn, opinionated people when we do fight we do some yelling, sometimes some tears and then shortly there after we talk calmly and work it out. We've been together 6 years, living together for almost 2, we're bound to have some disagreements.

Fiance's sister told him that she has NEVER had a fight with her spouse. They've NEVER yelled at each other. That they NEVER disagree to the point of being angry with one another.

Please tell me I'm not the only one out there who has an argument with their better half on occasion??

[faline]

I can't imagine that there really is anyone out there that has never, ever had a difference of opinion with his/her partner. It's human nature.

[Mickey'sGirl]

Honestly... My sister and her husband never fought until the day he left with the babysitter.

That said, I agree with Linda. It's in our nature. ... I can't imagine always agreeing with everything my husband says and does. We both do our fair share of eye rolling and head shaking!

[Melanie]

Uh....yeah. Agreed, it's human nature.

Although now it's a lot less than it used to be. My goodness, we had some doozies in the early days of our marriage. Like Jenn said, now it tends to be more :rolleyes: and :shake: these days. lol!

[Strmchsr]

Honestly, when I'm doing pre-martial counseling with a couple I won't let them out of my office until I do see them fight. If you never have conflict, you don't have a deep enough relationship. Conflict is like fire - it can be good or bad. Depends on how you handle it. Handled rightly, conflict leads to a better relationship. Avoidance of conflict leads to hurt feelings and pent up resentment. Of course, bad conflict can destroy a relationship, too.

[ibelieveindisneymagic]

Yes, DH and I fight, about the things that really matter. Sometimes we yell, sometimes I cry, but we're not afraid to disagree when necessary.

We do always work it out (that's the fun part), but as DH just chimed in, you usually don't fight about trival things, and you're bound to have some differences on the things that really matter.

What matters is that you fight fair, and that you work it out in the end.

[MNNHFLTX]

Oh yeah, my husband and I have had fights. Frankly, I doubt the honesty of someone who claims that they have never argued with their significant other. Being that close and open with another individual opens you up to differences and disagreements. However, we made a promise to each other when we got married that we would always work things out and have tried to live that example in front of our son. Failure is not an option; it works for us as we celebrated our 21st anniversary in August. :)

On a side note, we have never fought about money or finances--never.

[SBETigg]

I'm with the majority here. Conflict is a part of life. I can't imagine any two people who agree on everything, all the time, and have never had words. In that case, I would think that one partner is clueless and the other is blowing off steam somewhere else. Nothing makes me more frustrated than when I can tell that my husband is giving me the "yes, dear" treatment just to shut me up. :blush: It happens.

We do have disagreements. It rarely comes to yelling or screaming, or tears, but it certainly has on occasion. After so many years together, you develop coping mechanisms and know when to just give up and accept that you have different opinions on something. But, there's still that occasional attempt to go one step further, to sway the partner, to have it turn to annoyance, frustration, and fiery words. I think it's part of a healthy relationship. Also married 21 years, August anniversary (the 18th), like Beth.

[minnie04]

Of course we "fight". You can't possible agree on everything. while growing up with brother and sister we fought about crazy kid things . I think it makes you who you are. You need to stand up sometimes to things and "fight" them out(with words of course). My HD and I really only get into it about the old dreeded "MONEY":spend: issues...He makes it and just cant understand how I can spend it so fast!!!!! When will he learn :D

:beat:...Come on hunny when will you get it !!!

P.S. Did I mention he is 100% Cuban and I am 100% Italian...enough said :)

[TinkerbellT421]

DBF being Portuguese and Myself being Italian........do the math. LOL!!!

Its human nature, and personally if someone ever said to me "We NEVER fight about ANYTHING" I would call them a liar. lol Or just roll my eyes.

DBF and I are no constant fighters, but we have a good sarcastic one every now and then. But like someone said, if its not talked about or "fought" out for lack of a better term it just causes resentment.

My best friend and I had a couple of situations we were hurt with each other about, we both let them go, a year later we fought about everything that was pent up from the year before. We learned its never good to pent up issues. But that IMO. But I wouldn't feel bad about you and your fiance arguing, its human nature, and honestly I would think something was wrong if you didn't argue once in a while.

[Mogie]

I would put my money a couple that fights, argues, bickers and gets over it regularly vs. a couple that "never fights".

When a couple never fights it sounds to me like one or both of them are afraid of conflict and are suppressing their true feelings. To me that sounds like a pressure cooker waiting to explode. If they are a new couple, give them a year or so and they will settle in, get comfortable and eventually start fighting.

What matters is if you can get past conflict with a better understanding of each other, and move on. Don't worry if you bicker. And despite what everyone says Don't be afraid to go to bed angry...sometimes its better just to sleep on your feelings and wake up the next morning with a fresh and rested perspective.

[VWL Mom]

There was actually a marriage counselor on GoodDay NY this morning talking about this very thing. She said fighting shows passion for love and life. She also went on to say those that say they don't argue or fight either 1) are liars or 2)really have no connection with one another.

[mdhiggin]

We do have disagreements. It rarely comes to yelling or screaming, or tears, but it certainly has on occasion. After so many years together, you develop coping mechanisms and know when to just give up and accept that you have different opinions on something. But, there's still that occasional attempt to go one step further, to sway the partner, to have it turn to annoyance, frustration, and fiery words. I think it's part of a healthy relationship. Also married 21 years, August anniversary (the 18th), like Beth.

Ditto in my marriage, and we are really happy. My minister talked about this a couple of weeks ago. When people tell him they don't fight, he doesn't buy it. He says someone has given up.

[TheDuckRocks]

In our 49 years of marriage there has never been a time that I have not expressed my opinion when it differed from my husbands. Has there been a fight? Oh, Yeah. But we always know how the other feels and deal with it from there. I would hate to be married to someone that never thought differently than me. Boring and not any room to learn something new and grow. 49 years in and we still fight but now that we're both getting deaf sometime the other one doesn't hear it.

[princessgirls]

My husband and I DO NOT AGREE on all things!!! Big things yes, we are in agreement, but we do have our moments.

We have been together since 1989 and married since 1996 (15 year anniversary).

We communicate, and Fred has an opinion and so do I.

Fred doesn't love Disney as much as I do, so we don't go every year...more of an every other year kind of thing. Marital compromise!

We moved two times in 4 months in 2007 and it was STRESSFUL!! Oh my...there was yelling and it wasn't pretty! We were selling our home, and needed the money to buy another, and ended up in limbo living at my mom's with our stuff in storage until we could get into the house we wanted.
What doesn't kill you makes you stronger!
Julie :mickey:

[DVC2004]

We argue playfully a lot (about dumb stuff like he swears this actress is in a commercial and I am telling him no that's not her lol)...but are good for 1-2 blowouts a year. Usually over somebody's relatives acting stupid or one person feeling like they are doing more than their share of household chores/responsibilities. The worst have always, always been over inlaws and things they have done ( I don't want to get into it but we have had our share of drama created by his side of the family on several occassions). Everyone fights. It's OK.

[Melanie]

We moved two times in 4 months in 2007 and it was STRESSFUL!! Oh my...there was yelling and it wasn't pretty! We were selling our home, and needed the money to buy another, and ended up in limbo living at my mom's with our stuff in storage until we could get into the house we wanted.
What doesn't kill you makes you stronger!

It's funny you say this Julie, because some of mine and my husband's biggest disagreements come at moving time. We're military and move a lot unfortunately. It's extremely stressful.

[garymacd]

Honestly, when I'm doing pre-martial counseling...
Chris, please tell me that is a typographical error!

Or did I miss something before we got married?

My wife and I had a number of disagreements when we first got married, but as many say, it's mostly just rolling eyes and shaking heads.

Mostly by her.

[Aurora]

P.S. Did I mention he is 100% Cuban and I am 100% Italian...enough said :)

:eek: ;)


Honestly, when I'm doing pre-martial counseling...

I like that idea....

[MNNHFLTX]

It's funny you say this Julie, because some of mine and my husband's biggest disagreements come at moving time. We're military and move a lot unfortunately. It's extremely stressful.
I can imagine. The main stressor that causes Dave and I to argue is communication styles. The irony of this is not lost on me. ;)

[Strmchsr]

Chris, please tell me that is a typographical error!

I suppose it depends on the marriage. Since my wife, DS11, and I all have black belts, that might fit. Especially for our 100% Cuban, 100% Italien couple mentioned earlier. :D

But, yes, I suppose for most couples that should have been pre-marital counseling. ;)

[Hair_Razor]

In our 49 years of marriage there has never been a time that I have not expressed my opinion when it differed from my husbands. Has there been a fight? Oh, Yeah. But we always know how the other feels and deal with it from there. I would hate to be married to someone that never thought differently than me. Boring and not any room to learn something new and grow. 49 years in and we still fight but now that we're both getting deaf sometime the other one doesn't hear it.

You said it! I feel like this is my relationship. Communication is the key!! If you can't talk to your partner who can you talk to and sometimes it gets loud but you gotta know how each other feels. I feel like every year together we grow closer and better! 49 years is quite an achievement and I hope I can say this same thing 42 years from now. :thumbsup:

[BriarRose0708]

I don't know if "fight" is the right word but more like "tough conversations." We try not to let our tempers get the best of us because neither of us enjoys conflict. When we know there's going to be an issue where we will disagree we try to talk it out as much as possible instead of yelling, but sometimes it's unavoidable. I am a counselor by trade so maybe that helps? We were practically living together for the first two and a half years of our relationship and now are doing the distance thing (about 2 hours apart) and only see each other maybe once or twice a month. During those times we'd rather enjoy each other's company than spend 36 hours arguing, so we're actually "fighting" a lot less. This will probably change once we're in the same city again or eventually are married! I agree with most others that while it's not fun, a good disagreement is healthy and normal.

[brivers222]

show me a person that says they have never fought or had a disagreement with a spouse and i will show you a liar!

Fights are very common and very normal when too people are confined to living in the same square footage, really no matter how large it is.

Its how you deal with those times that will mark or break your relationship!

even the happiest couple on the outside has a dark passenger on the inside... behind closed doors where no one except them can see the reality.

[brownie]

If there's never any disagreement or conflict, there's never any growth.

It can be a sign that issues really aren't being dealt with and the pressure is being left to build up inside one or both of the parties. That pressure eventually has to be released, and the results of that happening usually aren't good.