A little sadness here--sorry, long post

[tinksmom02]

Sorry to bring you all down, but I figured if anyone would have advice, it would be the kind and caring people on Intercot.

One of our 2 labrador retrievers has been suffering from degenerative myelopathy for at least a year (he turned 10 in May). Basically, the nerves along his spine are shot. We only got an official diagnosis this summer, but he's been having increasing difficulty managing stairs (and we live in a bilevel, so not climbing stairs isn't an option). What's worse is that he's been having accidents in the house--not peeing--and oftentimes right after we let him in from outside. His brain just isn't getting the message to his body, we get that.

The vet suggested prednisone as a band-aid, which was helping for a while, but as a result he's a completely different dog. He's not nasty, nor has he ever been, but he's snatching food from the table right in front of us (prior to these problems he would steal food but only if no one was home), doesn't/can't hear as well, and just isn't the rambunctious, lovable pup we've known.

He had another accident yesterday and we've made the decision to have him put down. His quality of life just isn't the same anymore, and it doesn't seem fair to prolong the inevitable.

BUT, it doesn't seem fair to give up, either. Yes, I hate cleaning messes up, and yes, I know that he's only going to get worse. But I can still see glimpses of the dog he once was (which was, admittedly, VERY much like Marley) and that breaks my heart. Ugh.

Did I mention that DD9 is heartbroken? This is one of her "older brothers," and while he did love chewing her toys, we all know he chewed out of love for her. And of course I'm worried about the other dog--a year older, and not that long for this world, either, but he'll be lost without his little bro.

I knew the time was coming, I don't think he's in any pain, but he is suffering, if that makes sense. It's just such a difficult decision and I feel it might be the wrong one.

Does anyone have any words of wisdom for me--particularly how I can help my daughter through this?

[SBETigg]

Oh, I am so sorry. This is a very hard thing to do. I think you probably know what's best for your dog, and it is sad when they can't go on with a decent quality of life. This is a big decision. If you haven't gone through it with a dog before, it is a gentle, peaceful process.

Our kids were older when we lost our pug (just last year), so I am really not sure what is best for a 9 year old. I think at that age, you probably have to be up front that this is something you are doing to give your dog some peace and comfort. I hope she understands. It will be sad and you will feel the loss around your house for quite some time, though your good memories will always be with you. Also, have faith in your vet. If it's not your dog's time, a good vet will let you know that there are still some good years ahead. I've been on prednisone, and it really does increase the hunger. Your dog acting differently could have to do with the way the meds work. It might be that you could try a new med, or it might be really time. Again, it is difficult, and I am so sorry.

[Emsparents]

My family had to have our 13 year old lab mix put to sleep on Thursday. It was the hardest decision we had to make, but the quality of her life changed overnight. We are not sure if she had a stroke in the middle of the night or if something else happened and we will probably never know exactly what happened. Our DD8 was heart broken, but she was able to give the dog a hug and told her how much she loved her before my Dad and I left for the vet's. She sobbed for a while afterwards, but then stopped. My husband explained to her how much the dog was hurting and how the quality of the dog's life would never be the same. There is no easy way to get through it, but you just need to explain to your daughter the pain that the dog is going through and that the dog is not going to get better. They understand a lot more than you think. Make sure your daughter is able to say goodbye to the dog and is able to express her saddess afterwards. Our daughter only cried the one day, but my husband and I are taking it a lot worse and have cried every day since. I know that you will make the right decision for your dog and your family. All our prayers are with you.

[tinksmom02]

Thanks, Sherri. I'm just so torn up about it. I know it has to be done, I just don't know that it has to be done now, you know?

The prednisone was never meant to be a cure, but a temporary fix. There is no cure or treatment, really, for this problem he has, and it will definitely get progressively worse as time goes on. He's on a lower dose of the medication than when we started him on it, and so I could probably up the dose (with vet approval, of course), but I feel it's only delaying the inevitable. And if he's a mess on the meds as they are now, he'll only be worse on the upped dosage. It's not even just the hunger and the thirst--I'm not sure I can even explain it, but he's just not the same dog anymore. :(

We've explained it all to DD, and I think she understands, although I'm sure she doesn't agree. While we've had more than our share of death in the family, this will be the first "big" pet loss--she doesn't know life without the dogs. Have I said "ugh" yet today? :blush:

[tinksmom02]

My family had to have our 13 year old lab mix put to sleep on Thursday. It was the hardest decision we had to make, but the quality of her life changed overnight. We are not sure if she had a stroke in the middle of the night or if something else happened and we will probably never know exactly what happened. Our DD8 was heart broken, but she was able to give the dog a hug and told her how much she loved her before my Dad and I left for the vet's. She sobbed for a while afterwards, but then stopped. My husband explained to her how much the dog was hurting and how the quality of the dog's life would never be the same. There is no easy way to get through it, but you just need to explain to your daughter the pain that the dog is going through and that the dog is not going to get better. They understand a lot more than you think. Make sure your daughter is able to say goodbye to the dog and is able to express her saddess afterwards. Our daughter only cried the one day, but my husband and I are taking it a lot worse and have cried every day since. I know that you will make the right decision for your dog and your family. All our prayers are with you.

I'm so sorry for your loss. I've arranged to leave work early on Monday so DD can have one last afternoon at home with both dogs (the appt isn't until the evening, and I think DH will take him alone--I don't know if I can do it). Thanks for your thoughts.

[MississippiDisneyFreak]

I think you are doing the right thing, he will not be suffering anymore. I can't think of anything to say to make it better, sometimes there just aren't any right words:sad:

[Joannelet]

I have been an animal owner my entire life and I can honestly say you will know when it is time........
I know you are worried about your child getting through this but she will get through it. It is a part of life that even though we don't want to face, it has to happen. I was in 2nd grade when my parents had to put our family dog down and although I was extremely sad I know she was in pain and suffering and needed to go. I am so sorry you have to make this decision right now. Animals are also our furry children and it is NEVER easy. I know Monday is going to be very hard for you all so I am sending some prayers up for you! Print out the Rainbow Bridge for your daughter. It is a beautiful poem for when an animal passes and it helps people know you will see them again someday. Thinking of you!

[MNNHFLTX]

Christi, I can see the love for your pups in your post. As someone who has had to deal with this multiple times, I can only advise you to listen to your instincts. In this case, if you are having doubts, I would hold off on a decision at this time. Take each day as it comes. The Prednisone will increase appetite and can cause fluctuations in blood sugar that could account for "accidents" (of both types). In the end you will know when your pup is suffering or the quality of life is making him unhappy. I can say with all honesty that as long as our beloved pets seemed to be comfortable being with us, still found joy in life, we knew it wasn't time yet. There always comes point when you look in their eyes and realize that there is no joy anymore, even if their loyalty is intact. Whether it is now or sometime down the road, you will know in your heart.

[Janmac]

Beth has said it well. As our pet friends age, it's difficult to know how they feel. One has to look for the small things. We had to make that difficult decision with one of our dogs this summer. She would have been 16 next month. For a couple of years now she had been very lame with arthritis, so much so that it seemed to us she must be miserable. But she didn't act miserable, and I think couldn't remember, as we might, that she used to not have arthritis. Some of our own misery with pain comes from remembering when we didn't ache. She didn't have that. Some of our difficulty in making decisions for our pets comes from our putting our feelings onto them.

As Beth said, there comes a time when there is no joy any more. I think you've made a good decision about this Lab. Difficult, but best for him. He knows he's "misbehaving" but is powerless to do anything about it. His quality of life is not very good. He is lucky to have such an understanding family.

Jan

[tinksmom02]

Thank you, all. I can't say that your responses are making our decision any easier, but there is so relief in knowing that others have struggled with this decision.

DH just asked me this morning if I thought we should postpone it. I thought he was going to be the rock in this!

We've still got today and tomorrow, so I'll update tomorrow evening to let you know what we decided to do.

Thanks, all.

[Stitchahula]

I've had to go through this twice in the last 6 years years and I can tell you it's not easy. I struggled with my choice on when but our vet told me that I would know when it was time. Steroids makes them want to eat all the time. The best advice I can give is to take time to think if they have more good days than bad. My heart goes out to you, I know the struggle you are going through right now. My thought are with you and your family.

[tinksmom02]

Thanks, everyone. The thing is that we're not having "good" days or "bad" days, but he's just not the same dog anymore. I think we've decided that it's time. We could stretch it out and give him maybe a week, maybe a month, but he's just not happy anymore, and I don't know that it would be fair to him. Of course, I also think that the decision we've made isn't really fair, either. And I've spent the weekend trying to console my daughter which means I haven't had a chance to really come to terms with this, myself.

But I do really appreciate all of you taking this time to write, and share your thoughts.

[AgentC]

Christi,

I have nothing new to say but your post really touched me. We are dealing with a similar situation with our 14 1/2 year old dog. She is on steroids and painkillers for a bad hip issue. I've had to start confining her to my kitchen due to all the accidents. I know my time will be coming soon to make the same decision.

I echo what everyone else has said. If it is right, you will know. From your posts, it sounds like this is the right decision for your family and your dog. My thoughts are with you today.

[clausjo]

I'm sorry you're having to go through this and my thoughts are with you and your family.

Two years ago we had to put our dog down because he had tumors in his liver and stomach. My kids were devastated, especially my son who thought of Rocky as his brother. My heart broke for him because he was so very upset. Like everyone else, he did get through it and knew that it was the best for Rocky, if not for us.

Your daughter will get through it, but it will be difficult. We found that talking about him helped, just like in any loss.

Good luck, and we're all here for you if you need.

[tinksmom02]

Again, thank you all for your kindness over the past few days. DH took Morgan to the vet this evening, and said they were absolutely professional and very respectful, he was quite pleased with how they handled it.

He had another accident this morning, right in front of me, DD and my mom. DD was a wreck leaving the house and getting to school. Fortunately her teacher was very understanding, and actually called (I'd emailed her at about the same time, explaining the situation) to let me know she'd been through something similar with her girls and her dog last spring. She's going to loan DD a picture book that she thinks will help. I was so very impressed with her--remember, DD has only been in her class for 2 weeks, and already she seemed to know just what to say.

We're alternating between laughter and tears, and I am concerned about our other dog, but the vet said we made the right choice, and I know he's not suffering any longer. I told DD that he's now in heaven now, eating as many Legos as he wants ;) So, thank you for helping me through this.

[MNNHFLTX]

So sorry--I know that's such a hard thing to do. I like the mental picture of him in heaven, eating legos. That's a lab for you.

[Stitchahula]

I am so sorry. What you did was the hardest yet kindest thing you could for your pup. You put their comfort above your pain. As for your other dog watch that they eat/drink. I know 1 of my dogs went into mourning so badly that she stopped eating for a few days, we had to ease her back with hamburger and rice. My thoughts and prayers to your family.

[minnie04]

I know this is going to sound harsh, but I think we become selfish. We think of US & the KIDS instead of what is right for the animals. I would have loved to keep my Dogo around forever, but unfortunately she had a stomach full of tumors :( This broke our hearts and we tried everything to keep her going. In no way am I saying to rush to put your dog to sleep, but we had to think of her quality of life. We just watched the "smile” slowly slip away from her face (I’m sure you pets lovers can understand that) my children were younger and we just explained to them what was happening to her. They understood in their own way how she was suffering, but also understood it wasn’t fair to just sit back and watch it happen... I hope you understand my words are not to hurt anyone, but just look at it from another point of view. We are blessed with our pets for many years .And when it is their time to leave us. Unfortunately WE have to make this choice for them. My DS7 (the youngest) still asks me to this day if I miss her, my response is ‘every second of everyday” We often send balloons in the air and he always says they are headed to heaven to see her. My father-in-law also passed away this year and he tells me “Abuelo is with her now; he has her to protect him” Because we told him when you go to heaven you’re not sick anymore (long story), but he feels she is running and playing all day...

My prayers are with you, I’m sure you will make the best choice for your family...

[DVC2004]

I am sorry - it's difficult to say the very least and always heartbreaking. Prayers for all of you...

[SBETigg]

I know it was a hard decision, and I'm sure you know that you did the right thing for your beloved dog. So wonderful that your daughter has a good, kind, and helpful teacher. That helps. I'm so sorry for your loss.

[Kathy Jetson]

I'm so sorry for your loss. I've gone through this many times over the years and every time is just as hard as the last. I know how you feel. Just try to take comfort that he is not suffering anymore.

[tinksmom02]

I know this is going to sound harsh, but I think we become selfish. We think of US & the KIDS instead of what is right for the animals. I would have loved to keep my Dogo around forever, but unfortunately she had a stomach full of tumors :( This broke our hearts and we tried everything to keep her going. In no way am I saying to rush to put your dog to sleep, but we had to think of her quality of life. We just watched the "smile” slowly slip away from her face (I’m sure you pets lovers can understand that) my children were younger and we just explained to them what was happening to her. They understood in their own way how she was suffering, but also understood it wasn’t fair to just sit back and watch it happen... I hope you understand my words are not to hurt anyone, but just look at it from another point of view. We are blessed with our pets for many years .And when it is their time to leave us. Unfortunately WE have to make this choice for them. My DS7 (the youngest) still asks me to this day if I miss her, my response is ‘every second of everyday” We often send balloons in the air and he always says they are headed to heaven to see her. My father-in-law also passed away this year and he tells me “Abuelo is with her now; he has her to protect him” Because we told him when you go to heaven you’re not sick anymore (long story), but he feels she is running and playing all day...

My prayers are with you, I’m sure you will make the best choice for your family...

I understand what you're trying to say, and I agree with you. I tried my best to express that to my DD, that Morgan just wasn't the same dog anymore, and that spark that made him the most annoying--but still the most loving--dog in the universe was just not there anymore. I also explained to her that it's unfortunate because of how much we love them, but it's pretty much a given that we outlive our animals.

The book that her teacher sent home was Dog Heaven, by Cynthia Rylant, and it really, really helped. I put a hold on it at the library, and if the sadness doesn't ease after a week or so, I might purchase our own copy. Heck, I might buy it anyway. You're never too old for a good picture book, and the message in this one was really, really touching...

[Ed]

Christi, we went through the same thing last week with our 13.5 year old best buddy. He had been on meds for a heart problem and an enlarged liver for 2 years or so, but the illnesses were getting worse. Last week he had what seemed to be a mini-stroke and had a look on his face of "please help me". We rushed him to the vet, who confirmed our fears that his quality of life was deteriorating and would quickly get even worse. Although it hurt us enormously, we asked the vet to help him escape his misery. Even a week later, we're still asking ourselves if we did the right thing...should we have waited...and most importantly, did Lucky understand why we did what we did ? No easy answers, unfortunately.

:(

[tinksmom02]

Aww, Ed, I'm so sorry that you've gone through this too. It sounds like you did what was best for Lucky.

We're coping OK here, and I think we've come to terms with what had to be done. DD is still carrying around his picture, and the vet sent us a sympathy card with his paw print on it, which was a very sweet thing to do, I think.

Here's why it stinks: he was only 10. And our chocolate lab is 11. Which means we'll be going through this whole ordeal again--although hopefully not for a while.

Hugs!

[Ed]

We're coping OK here, and I think we've come to terms with what had to be done. DD is still carrying around his picture, and the vet sent us a sympathy card with his paw print on it, which was a very sweet thing to do, I think.

Here's why it stinks: he was only 10. And our chocolate lab is 11. Which means we'll be going through this whole ordeal again--although hopefully not for a while.

I should have mentioned - - the next day, our vet sent us a beautiful house plant with a sympathy card, which was totally unexpected and greatly appreciated. I think their staff will miss him nearly as much as we do.