family crisis vs. giving up vacation???

[susie & perla's mom]

long story, but will try to keep it brief.
got a phone call from dear BIL "trying" to help out his parents (who filed up for bankruptcy and foreclosure of their house a year after my FIL retired). BIL wants to give them a place to live in by investing on a Condo for them but is saying that he needs 10% towards the downpayment. The problem is he has no money right now and he's trying to borrow the money from my husband. My husband explained to him that our money is tied up for our upcoming trip next year. Is it too selfish of us to not give up our vacation?

[SBETigg]

I think that's a lot to ask, and no, not selfish of you to keep your vacation plans.

[hoop de do]

Not knowing the long story (and don't need to) there is a lot of questions that pop into my head.
To answer your main question, I don't think it's selfish at all to keep your vacation as is.
I hope you go and have a great vaca.:thumbsup::thumbsup:

[peterpan at heart]

Keep your vacation!! Loaning money to family is always risky, even with the best intent on paying you back. It is unfortunate that your family member got themselves into the situation they are in, but it is not your problem and I say again take your vacation and enjoy every bit of it!!

[BrerGnat]

Uh, no, it's not selfish. That is a ridiculous idea your BIL has. Don't get involved!

[disneymom15]

I agree with everyone else. No, you're not being selfish, take your vacation and enjoy!

[princessgirls]

I agree with the other posters!!!

DON'T GET INVOLVED!!!

You'll be much better off, and it is totally acceptable for you to say no because it's your BIL's parents...not yours!!!
Good Luck. Stand Firm!!!
Julie:mickey:

[DVC2004]

Don't get involved, you'll probably never get the money back and then it's bad blood between family. I would tell them no and suggest her go to his own bank and take a short term loan or use a credit card to get the money he needs. Just don't do it.

My SIL wanted to buy our old car years ago and we arranged a payment plan for her since she didn't have all the money upfront. She made one payment on time (the first one), none after and we had to call and ask her to pay us. She would go months without paying and then ultimately she just stopped and never paid us in full. We let it go but we will never do anything like that again.

[rkmemkc]

I am going to take one step further....if you have that money in an account waiting to book things....start booking! You could get your plane tickets or park tickets or rental car....etc. That way if the family guilt starts to thickly lay on your DH he can say, "I cannot get refunds...it is already booked!" You guys can help in other ways...trips to the store for them, help clean etc....'we just cannot help financially.' :) Go, and enjoy your trip.
:mickey:

[Dulcee]

Money and families don't mix well. Stay out of it on that end. If you feel guilty offer to help in smaller ways such as helping with the move.

[susie & perla's mom]

you guys ROCK!!! You always make me feel better about myself:grouphug:
I LOVE Intercot much, much, much better than Facebook!

[MississippiDisneyFreak]

Absolutely not! :noway: It is never a good idea to lend family money and in my opinion it was in poor taste for your BIL to even ask. If that is what he wants to do for his family he needs to borrow the money from the bank and not put any other family members at risk to loose money. Sounds like it is a risky move anyway. Plan your trip and do not let anyone make you feel guilty

[clausjo]

I agree with everyone here, its better not to get financially involved unless you plan on "gifting" the money instead of loaning it. Don't feel guilty, it's not your responsibility to provide for them. They are adults and will need to deal with their situation in the best way they can. I think its nice that your BIL wants to do this for them, but that's his decision to make.

A month ago my sister called and asked me if I would co-sign on a loan for my nephew to go to school. Neither she nor my BIL could get approved and without the loan, my nephew wouldn't be able to go to college (Embry Riddile - so proud!). After much agonizing, I told her I couldn't co-sign. I wanted to and wished that I could afford to help her, but we're struggling now just like everyone else. I wouldn't want to jeopardize my childrens' chances for getting loans because I co-signed on my nephew's loans. She understood and there's no bad blood between us (miraculously, BIL was able to get a loan approved).

Your family will understand and if not, that's too bad. Enjoy your vacation with no guilt!

[vicster]

Don't do it! I was in that situation with my brother - invested $11,000.00 for a townhouse for him and never saw the money and will never see it. Lesson learned - money and family really do not mix and there is now bad blood between us. Apparently FIL should not have retired if he had a mortgage and couldn't afford it. Enjoy your vacation!!!

[DebK]

Totally agree with all of the advice here....You need to worry about your immediate family and spend time together on vacation.....

[wickedgin]

YIkes, I wouldn't get involved either, and I agree with the PP that said it's in poor taste for your BIL to even ask. It seems like a bad situation, either way you go--say no, and BIL is potentially upset; say yes and possibly never see your money again, and you're upset. Or, it could all turn out great, but it's really not your responsibility to take care of two grown people when you have your own family to think of.
I might have a different opinion if I felt, from your post, that your DH was interested in participating in BIL's plan, but it doesn't sound like that at all.
I wish you good luck in navigating this tricky situation.

[VWL Mom]

I might have a different opinion if I felt, from your post, that your DH was interested in participating in BIL's plan, but it doesn't sound like that at all.
I wish you good luck in navigating this tricky situation.

I think you hit the nail on the head. DH shut him down for whatever reason.

Go enjoy yourselves.

[Aurora]

I agree with everyone else -- and don't feel guilty about not doing it. His parents must have somewhere to live, and your BIL has some nerve asking you for money for "his idea" when he can't even contribute any himself.

You must be very generous to even consider it, so don't feel bad!

[MNNHFLTX]

I don't necessarily agree that it's foolish to lend family money, but it depends on the person. I would loan money in a heartbeat to my MIL, but never to my husband's brother, based on his past spending patterns.

My first thought when I read your original post was that your BIL probably wasn't wanting to invest in a condo for his parents' sake, but his own. To that end, it would make more sense for you to pay for the down payment and monthly payments yourself (if you were so inclined to do so as an investment for yourself, as well as for your in-laws). The fact that you have your funds allocated for other purposes is nobody else's business but yours and you should not feel guilty about it.

[plutosnana]

It's not selfish, its your money use it when you need it! :thumbsup:

:goofy:

[floridamom]

you guys ROCK!!! You always make me feel better about myself:grouphug:
I LOVE Intercot much, much, much better than Facebook!

:thumbsup:

[disneydeb]

If it comes down to it, why doesn't your bil have then move in with him? I would for my parents... before I would ask for money from my husband's family.

Enjoy your vacation!

[diz_girl]

You made the right decision. That is pretty nervy of him to ask you. Who's going to pay the mortage on the house if he has no money and his parents apparently don't either. You'd easily be kissing that money goodbye.

Right now my dad (who was in business with his brother for over 35 years before my uncle died in 2009) due to a business agreement is paying the mortgage on the vacation condo of his SIL because his brother and SIL were spendthrifts. So family and money can be a difficult combination.

[brownie]

None of this sounds good to me. I'm all for taking care of family, but this is a little much. There are other options, like having parents move in with someone. If they are bankrupt and being foreclosed on, it sounds like there are underlying problems that providing another place to live won't solve. Since there are probably several other less costly options, I'd stick to your vacation plans.

[Jeri]

I would say don't do it.

My brother was in the same boat as you are, sort of.
My dad & stepmom had problems with money for years. They had been on the verge of losing their home for years. Their home was being forclosed on, and they asked to borrow 5 grand from my brother to stop the forclosure for that month only, they still couldn't pay the regular bills, or the next months house payment.
My brother told them NO, because they didn't manage their money right and lending the money wasn't going to make a difference, they will still be in over their heads and will lose the house next month.
They were very mad and my half-sister was so mad when they all found out that not only did he refuse to loan them the money ( which he would never get back) but he bought my sister in law a diamond anniversary ring he had been saving up for, for thier 20th anniversary.

My brother felt bad for saying NO, and for everyone being mad at him for buying his wife a gift. I told him he did nothing wrong and it wasn't his job to bail them out of the mess they created themselves.

Enjoy your vacation, it is your money, you earned it. It isn't your job to fix other peoples money problems. Nor is it anyones bussiness how or where you spend your money.

[Puppy Mom]

I lost a niece and great nephew over a misunderstanding about money.

Keep family and money separate.