While we're on the subject of bridal showers...

[MNNHFLTX]

The other topic reminded me of something I read in the Dear Abby column a few days ago. In it a bridal shower guest commented on the practice of having guests write out self-addressed envelopes at the end of the party, supposedly to save the bride a little work in sending thank-you cards. I was incredulous. Does this really happen at bridal showers (or other parties)? I get a bit put-out at having to write out a return envelope at the doctor's or dentists office for lab results or appointment reminders, so I can't imagine how I would feel if asked to do it at a shower. :shake:

[Mickey'sGirl]

I would say that this has been the case at every bridal or baby shower I've been at in the past 5 years or so. The envelopes have also been used for "door prize" type draws too.

[Patricia]

I have been to many showers and never seen this. I think if your given a gift, the least you can do is write out the thank you card and the envelope yourself. At the least, use a program and printer to do the envelopes, not your guests.

Of course, more recently, I've been to showers and had no thank you at all. So, there's that alternative.. :unsure:

[Madame Leona]

I have been to several bridal/baby showers where they have done this and used it as a door prize drawing also. This seems to be the only time I receive a thank you card. I've been to a baptism and several grad parties in the past few years and thank you cards were not sent out.

[Dulcee]

I've been to one or two showers that have done this but its something neither my mother nor myself felt comfortable doing.

Then again I was brought up to not even think about touching the gift until the thank you card had been written and mailed.

[MNNHFLTX]

Wow--obviously I haven't been to a shower in a quite a while, because I had no idea this was so common-place. I'm all for efficiency, but this is the height of poor taste, IMO. Even with the door prize gimmick to help justify it.

[VWL Mom]

Wow--obviously I haven't been to a shower in a quite a while, because I had no idea this was so common-place. I'm all for efficiency, but this is the height of poor taste, IMO. Even with the door prize gimmick to help justify it.

This is the first time I'm hearing of this and I agree, it's just plain rude! No one is that busy that they can't take the time to write a personal thank you and address the envelope.

[VWL Mom]

Then again I was brought up to not even think about touching the gift until the thank you card had been written and mailed.

My boys are 16 & 19 and I always tell them not to even think of cashing a holiday check until the TY has been sent.

[Stitchahula]

well since I'm still waiting for some thank you cards from some wedding gifts given YEARS ago. I guess thank you notes just aren't a priority any longer. I was always under the impression that they were supposed to be sent within 30 days from receiving the gift. I know when I got married I spent the week following my honeymoon doing thank you cards, that were both handwritten and address by myself. I wouldn't imagine having them either printed (the note) or having the guest doing half the work for me. They already did the work of shopping for the gift and wrapping it at least I could do is write out a thank you and address. Just my opinion.

[SBETigg]

I've been to many bridal and baby showers where this has happened. I was beginning to think it was standard practice, so I am glad some people have never heard of it. While it is pretty handy for the bride or parent, it does seem a bit like "I'm too busy to thank you properly without your extra assistance." But on the other hand, I am just glad people are still writing letters and notes and using the regular mail.

[retiredfigment]

I have been to many showers over the past few years where this was done. And I agree, I am not in favor but at least you get a thank you. Last shower I went to the bridesmaid bought a journal. Each guest wrote their address in it and a bit of good advice or happy wishes. Bride to be had a wonderful address book and keepsake at the end. Also, kudos to the bride to be who sent out hand written and addressed thank yous within 4 days!

[Mickey'sGirl]

I've been to many bridal and baby showers where this has happened. I was beginning to think it was standard practice, so I am glad some people have never heard of it. While it is pretty handy for the bride or parent, it does seem a bit like "I'm too busy to thank you properly without your extra assistance." But on the other hand, I am just glad people are still writing letters and notes and using the regular mail.
That's kind of my take on it too. Where we live, the people invited to showers are often NOT wedding guests, so the bride would frequently not have the mailing address. My opinion is that it is giving the honoree a bit of help knowing who to send cards to. It would have been very helpful back when I got married!

What I find to be in poor taste are the showers brides or mothers to be organize themselves.

[MNNHFLTX]

I have been to many showers over the past few years where this was done. And I agree, I am not in favor but at least you get a thank you. But isn't it kind of sad that the only way to ensure a a thank-you card is by helping to make it out to yourself? I suppose people can claim how busy the bride is and all, but still--years ago, after my bridal shower (and wedding and baby shower down the road) I worked full-time and spent many a lunch-break filling out thank-you notes after a quick bite to eat. It takes some time, but it's the right thing to do.
Last shower I went to the bridesmaid bought a journal. Each guest wrote their address in it and a bit of good advice or happy wishes. Bride to be had a wonderful address book and keepsake at the end.I think that is a wonderful gesture and a much better way to get the proper addresses of guests.

[Donald]

I guess if the bride to be has the address to mail the invitation to the shower, she should have the address to mail a thank-you.:)

I think it is quite sad that proper etiquette has gone by the wayside.

As for the comment on the dental / medical cards, consultants have told us that if we have our patients write out their own appointment card reminders, they cannot say " Well I never made that appointment!" ( By the way, our office does not do this. It is computer generated to look more professional....and less tacky!:cool:)

[AlliMo]

I can honestly say that I have never heard of such a thing. My bridal shower is this saturday (yay!) and I would never ask a guest to fill out their own thank you cards....I am very traditional in that I look forward to handwriting every thank you and addressing it myself and actually thinking about the person I am writing to. I must say that I am somewhat overwhelmed (in a good way) that these showers actually take place...I mean, it's so amazing to think that someone planned this for me and all the women I love will be there!! Gifts are just an unnecessary bonus! I am sooo excited for my shower that I can't comprehend that women would actually be this lazy...?:confused:

[SBETigg]

Next thing you know, they'll have everyone text message the bride so she can just use her cell phone to text back her thank yous. ;)

Congratulations and best wishes, AlliMo.

[Carol]

The last few showers I've attended, both baby and wedding, I've been given an envelope to fill out. It doesn't quite mean the same when you get mail in your own hand writting.

I really like the address book idea too. Much more personal - then sending yourself mail. ;)

[AlliMo]

Next thing you know, they'll have everyone text message the bride so she can just use her cell phone to text back her thank yous. ;)

Congratulations and best wishes, AlliMo.

haha that's funny! Thanks SBETigg!:mickey:

[diz_girl]

Where we live, the people invited to showers are often NOT wedding guests, so the bride would frequently not have the mailing address.

Now that's odd in my area. That would rub me the wrong way. It seems that by being invited to the shower and not the wedding that they're not important enough to be invited to the wedding, but are expected to give a gift anyway. In our neck of the woods, if you're invited to the shower, then you are invited to the wedding.

But being asked to address Thank You envelopes to yourself is downright tacky. Like she can't be bothered. What's next, will she stamp her name so she doesn't need to actually sign the card? If the bride needs addresses, either the bridesmaids (or mother of the bride or whomever sent the invitations) should give her the addresses or she can ask for them. Then she can actually pull herself away from texting or Facebook or Twitter for a couple of hours and sign the cards and address the envelopes herself. Sheesh.

[MNNHFLTX]

But being asked to address Thank You envelopes to yourself is downright tacky. Like she can't be bothered. What's next, will she stamp her name so she doesn't need to actually sign the card? In all fairness, whoever is hosting the shower is probably who decides to have the guests do the address thing. Maybe the bride wouldn't even mind writing out her own envelopes.

[SBETigg]

In all fairness, whoever is hosting the shower is probably who decides to have the guests do the address thing. Maybe the bride wouldn't even mind writing out her own envelopes.

Good point, Beth. Very true. I didn't mind doing it at the showers where it happened, but it always freaks me out to get the mail with my own handwriting until I remember where it came from.

[princessgirls]

I think it's TACKY!!!!! I go to the store, spend my money on a gift, haul it to the shower and write the envelope for my Thank You...I don't think so.

I recently hosted a shower for my sister. We played Bridal Shower bingo and listed most of the gifts she registered for in the body of the bingo, after she opened a gift you crossed it off. The first person at each table to get bingo received the beautiful fresh flower centerpieces. They were nice, so the ladies were into it.
The bride should take the time to write the thank yous and the envelopes, just as the guest took the time to come to the shower, and go out and purchase a gift.
Julie:mickey:

[diz_girl]

In all fairness, whoever is hosting the shower is probably who decides to have the guests do the address thing. Maybe the bride wouldn't even mind writing out her own envelopes.

Yes, you're right. A friend from work got married recently had a few bridesmaids who turned out to be less than helpful. Actually, one or two were real wackaloons. The bride herself is a considerate and thoughtful person.

[Magic Smiles]

I have never had this happen to me, but I think that it is a great idea. Not only does it help out the bride, then the bride is sure of having the correct address to send the thank you card to.:mickey: It not like you are writing your own thank you card, it is only the envelope.

[brivers222]

I have a master spreadsheet with all 200 addresses for our wedding invites (yeah i know....HUGE... ugh) and about 75 addresses are needed for the shower. I decided that I want to just print the addresses directly onto the envelopes and be done with it. Actually I can get much better and stylish writing via fonts.

I ran the idea of having guests fill out their own envelopes with our "wedding planner" aka soon to be step mother in law... her reply was that it was tacky and down right crude. Not sure if I agree with her on that 100%. I mean its a shower, those are so informal.

For the wedding I wouldn't dream of doing this. BUT, people do collect names and addresses in the guest book.... so in a way they are collected.

i am neither for or against the guests filling out their own thank you. Would i be offended if it ever happened to me? NOPE.

As the groom portion of the Bride/groom combo, i will say that we are told to "give us your people you want invited and then just show up at such and such as place at such and such a time and just say thank you a lot" Meaning... we are not to worry about anything. So, we really can't control how the guests are handled and what they may be asked to do.

[Terra]

I've been to showers like that. It doesn't bother me personally. Only takes a few seconds. Like a PP said, they did use it for prizes too.

I didn't do it at my own shower though.

Someone mentioned texting Thank Yous! Too funny!:D Although I wouldn't mind getting an email/online card Thank You. I'm all about reducing paper consumption and forest reduction, so environmentally I think it would be nice personally.

[lettripp]

I didn't know this was done... so at my shower we didn't do it. And, had I known this was an "option," I still would not have done it. Filling out the envelopes is the easiest part... I think it is unbelievably lazy to find short-cuts for Thank-You's. At the same token, I didn't follow Miss Manners on invitations and printed envelopes off of a spreadsheet... no one commented as to this being rude or impersonal but I think there is a HUGE difference between having someone (essentially) thank themselves and letting your computer address things for you!

Just my :twocents:

[Cinderelley]

I had never heard of this being done or inviting people to the shower who aren't invited to the wedding. Both of those seem rather rude to me. It is like saying "you're not important to me".

[DisneyOtaku]

Wow. I...I have never heard of this. I was a bridesmaid in a wedding a year ago, and at her shower, I sat next to the bride and wrote down names and what they gave her so she could remember who got her what (because some family members bought her things as a family and then some other things just by themselves). But yeah...she did all the thank you notes herself.