Destination Wedding Question

[Dulcee]

Hey All

A while ago I asked your thoughts on how you felt in general about destination weddings and most of you went with the attitude of do whats best for you so my fiance and I have forged ahead in looking for a venue here in the NC area that we love.

We've found one that I'm beginning to think might really be doable but I'm looking for some unbiased opinions on an issue.

Its a mountain retreat in the blue ridge mountains and the rental includes use of the entire property for two nights. This includes about four different homes on the property leading to accommodations for over 60 people. This would pretty much cover all of our wedding guests. Now here's my conundrum.

We could only afford the $5000 rental fee if we asked guests to reimburse us or pay upon check in part of the fee. Normally guests pay for their hotel rooms anyway so I don't have an issue with this my issue comes from the fact that we'd be placing our guests in homes where they may end up sharing a bathroom with another guest room and since the set up is in homes common areas would also be shared.

Now our families are all very close so I'd assume we'd work "rooming assignments" by family. The guest list is 95% family members. We're hoping to turn the event into a weekend deal with a welcome barbecue, outdoor games the morning of and a thank you brunch and having everyone in a central location makes this doable.

My question is would any of you be very off-put by this idea? And if you did this would you break down paying by room? total family size? just adults? Please be honest, I'd rather try it out here before throwing this idea at our folks.

[cajunprincess]

I wouldn't mind paying for my own accomodations. Our family usually splits up our vacation rooms by a "per adult" price. We are at 9, 5 adults and 3 kids. I wouldn't mind sharing a bathroom depending on who I am sharing it with. My mom or mother in law...fine. My cousin whom I have only met once...not so much. If your family is close, then it may not be an issue. I think it would be based on each individual's personal preferance. Some people require more personal space than others. The thing to remember is that anyone who wants to share in your special day will be more than willing to work with you and your husband to be to make this the most enjoyable experience for everyone involved. If I were invited to a wedding "weekend" I would be on board!!!!

[BrerGnat]

Well, ask yourself this: What if everyone doesn't come? Can you afford to pick up the tab of the "unoccupied" rooms/houses?

Honestly speaking, I think it's a bit tacky to have to depend on people to pay for accommodations in that sort of situation. Since you want to rent out the location, that should sort of be on you. SINCE the location includes accommodations, it seems like a bonus to me. I think if people have to pay to travel down there, and the rental of the wedding location is YOUR choice, you should pick up that entire tab.

It becomes a sticky situation especially if you have relatives who don't have a lot of money to spend. There can end up being a lot of resentment on both sides if people decide not to come for financial reasons.

I know weddings can be expensive, so I urge you to pursue a location that you can afford. Perhaps this is not the best one. If the issue of people having to pay for shared accommodations turns you off, then find another location for your wedding and reception, and let guests know which hotels in the area would be most convenient to the festivities.

I kind of think you have to go all in on this one, and pony up the $5K or find an alternate venue. You can certainly ask relatives if they would be willing to pay, but you shouldn't make it mandatory.

[Janmac]

Do you have a few key relatives that you can sound out about this? Perhaps you can ask them which sounds better, helping to fund the location costs for a weekend in the Blue Ridge Mtns or something more conventional with an event hall and guests booking their own hotel rooms. How comfortable are you in discussing financial arrangements with your family? Would you be providing the food and beverages?

Does your extended family get together for something similar to your plan, anyway, every so often? Will the idea of a weekend get together be completely new to most of your family/wedding guests? How you "market" your idea may make all the difference in the world.

It's been my experience that only about 30 per cent of those invited actually show up for an event. Thus, inviting 100 people might result in only 30 showing up. How sure are you of the number of guests that will attend? How far away are you from alternate lodging if more guests should materialize? And what's your break-even point? Suppose two adults can book a hotel room for $100 (using a number easy to manipulate). If you had 60 adult guests, that would be about $3000 for conventional lodging. This leaves you with $2000. And doesn't take into account children, who stay free at most conventional lodging choices. You probably can only really expect to ask for help defraying the rental fee based on adults attending.

This sounds wonderful to me, but then many of my couple dozen cousins on my dad's side get together for a weekend every other year, somewhere in the US. We pick a different part of the country. We would probably be glad to pitch in on the rental fee, those of us who have more disposable income, anyway.

If you really love this location and want to forge ahead, you could just bite the bullet and say this is what we're doing. We want an all inclusive weekend with everyone in the mountains to eat, play and have fun. Please remit $150 per couple, or $100 per single (:D). Kids are free. Meals included. We hope you'll attend and help make this a wedding to remember.

Don't ask, tell. :thumbsup:

Good luck!

Jan

[Dulcee]

Thanks for the thoughts so far!

If we go this route we don't expect to get back the whole 5K. Part of our budget is paying for the venue so if we could get back 2-3K of it, it would be helpful.

That being said if we go this route we really want to turn it into an "all inclusive" deal. We'd plan a welcome barbecue the friday before and a thank you brunch the sunday morning after, both of which would be covered by us as a thank you for coming. We'd also like to plan some group activities, horse back riding, zip lining, that we could get at a minimized rate due to being in a large group.

If we don't go this route guests will have to front both their own accommodations and additional meals.

Our guest list is topping out around the 150 mark of which we could see realistically half actually making the effort to travel. But I agree knowing who's going to come versus who won't is never sure and has quickly become the hardest part of planing this destination wedding. We're considering getting tentative RSVPs on save the dates that will go out about 10 months before the date. We hope this will give people who really want to come a chance to turn this into a vacation and not just a wedding.

I like the thought of just putting a price on couples or individuals, factoring kids into the equation seemed to complicate things to me.

Thanks for the suggestions/thoughts, keep em coming!

[BrerGnat]

It also might help to let people off the hook gift wise. Most people spend $100-200 on a wedding gift. If they will have to spend that much just to go, then you should make it clear that gifts are not encouraged...