Wedding Travel?

[Dulcee]

Hi All

So a close friend of mine is in the process of planning her wedding and that brought up talk between my DBF and I about our wedding plans, We've been together 6 years and have since moved 9 hours away from both our homes to live together while I go to grad school. And while I'm very aware there is no ring on this finger yet there have been several "hints" dropped by DBF that its in the near future. We've also been putting money away for both a house and a wedding reception for several months now.

In discussing what we'd like one day for this we both agreed we'd really like to have it here in NC where we are currently living despite the fact that both our families live in NJ.

We both picture this outdoor, laid back autumn country wedding at a bed and breakfast/riding facility we love about a hour west of us in the mountains. Wildflowers, country band, barbecue and toasting marshmallows ect. No black ties to say the least.

So that has lead us both to wonder is there etiquette surrounding a wedding where we know 95% of the guests will have to travel? How long in advance do you send out save the dates for this kind of thing. Have any of you done it? Was there backlash from family?

I hope this doesn't seem silly I just thought if it's going to take 2 years of planning to get this off the ground I should start getting a feel it its even realistic. :blush:

[Strmchsr]

Hi, Ashton. As a pastor I do a lot of weddings in a variety of settings. Etiquette is generally that if you invite people to travel you either make very, very clear that it's on their dime or, more commonly, the bride's family picks up the tab.

I have seen similar situations to this and, almost always, there is backlash from family members. They want you "home" for the wedding.

A couple of pieces of advice - 1.) Make the wedding unique to you guys and don't let your families plan everything. 2.) However, you better decide which battles are worth dying for right up front. I see families torn apart by fighting over the dumbest things with weddings. Decide what is absolutely non-negotiable, let everyone know that up front, then don't stress or get uptight about anything else.

If I can help you in any way, feel free to PM me.

[DizneyRox]

When we got married at WDW, we announced it about a year and 1/2 early to make sure people could start planning around it. We did make it very clear that it was on them to get there, and offered tips around planning it. Since WDW is a vacation destination, we felt it was possible people could combine a family vaction with a day at our wedding and it wouldn't be all that much to ask. We also made it clear that we 100% understood that not everyone would be able to make it and that they shouldn't feel obligated to attend. We also laid out that we didn't expect gifts either. Wish I still had the save the date, I think it would have gotten an A+ in English class.

We were under a little bit of a budget crisis, so we though about only inviting those we wanted to the wedding, but finally ended up inviting everyone. Turns out the ones we wanted were the ones that came, and the ones that didn't weren't on the short list anyway.

We also made sure that we announced EVERYTHING we were doing so that people knew it was going to happen. For example, we sent people our airline itinerary as soon as we bought tickets. That way people knew we had committed to tickets so they might feel more comfortable putting out the money for flights as well. I won't buy my tickets until I know the hosts have theirs, missed a few weddings because the bride and groom didn't commit in advance.

While we didn't pay for their hotel, tickets, etc. We did pay for other events, like a welcoming party, we did the Hoop Dee Doo as a thank you to everyone at the end of the trip, and of course the wedding complete with open bar, etc. We did the transportation (motor coach) so people didn't have to worry about that for our wedding, etc.

Were there any hard feelings? I'm sure some people were put off, but that's not really anything I am worried about. It was my wedding. Did I enjoy going to theirs at the Lilly Pad Bar and Grille in Nowhere USA? Nope, but it is what it is and if they were happy with the location, then far be it from me to pass judgement. To each his/her own.

[LauraF]

We told our families about a year in advance about our destination wedding. So far, while there have been a few folks who are grumbling about traveling, most are very excited. (Those who grumble would do so about anything and everything, so I ignore them.)

I am planning on sending formal invites once the airlines publish all their fares. I'm planning on reaching out to JetBlue and asking them to help me book group travel, which offers a nice discount to those flying. As well, I already contact the hotel we are staying at, and they will offer a discount for a large group. Ask - you can often help defer the cost for your guests if you give someone enough business.

Good luck!

[NewDVCowner]

My sister moved to Asheville North Carolina from Northern California, met someone and got married there a few years ago. She let us know a year in advance and my mom, sister (a different one) and I used it as a starting point for a trip around the South. I suggest having at least one or two events for people arriving early to do. Like a picnic or having everyone that has flown out come to the rehearsal dinner.

I just wanted to say that the Fall leaves were beautiful and it was a lovely outdoor wedding.

[Scar]

Last month I went to an outside wedding in Connecticut and although that's not too far for me, there were many people traveling from all over the country and also some from China. (Although the traffic from NJ to CT on a Friday afternoon was so bad I think it would have been quicker from China.) They sent out "save the date" about 7 months in advance. They also had a lobster and clam bake Friday night and a Sunday brunch that, I assume, all the guests were invited to. They also recomended 3 hotels in the area of various levels that had discounts available for the guests and bus service for the 2 nicer ones that were farther away. We stayed at the cheapest one (Holiday Inn Express) that was close, no shuttle service for that one. Everything was wonderful. When you include the other activites, probably the best wedding I've ever been to.

[MNNHFLTX]

We had unusual circumstances with our wedding years ago--my husband and I were living in Florida, in the process of moving to New Hampshire, my family is from Minnesota and most of his extended family was from Massachusetts. I wanted to get married in my old church in Minnesota, but we recognized that many of my husband's relatives would not be able to come to the actual wedding. So when my husband's aunt offered to host a second reception in Mass, we gladly took her up on it. It took place a couple of weeks after the wedding and it gave his relatives a chance to celebrate with us and get to know me better. Maybe you could do something like that too and have a reception/party in NJ for those who were unable to make it to your wedding?

I think the thing to remember is that it is your wedding and you have to do what is comfortable. If having loads of family there on the actual day is really important to you, than it probably makes more sense to have the wedding closer to where the majority of your guests live. However, if you don't mind it being smaller and more personal (and with all the dream elements you mentioned), then go for you NC country wedding and don't worry about what people will think or say. Just make sure and put out the word as early as possible so those that do want to attend have time to make their travel arrangements.