Struggling with school decision for 5-year-old

[Aurora]

Oh my, I am having a hard time with a decision I made for my 5-year-old son. This is a bit long, so please bear with me.

As a 3-year-old, my son (our third child) attended the same preschool my older son and daughter went to. He was born in September (the school's age cutoff is Sept. 1), and it was obvious that with two older siblings, he was much brighter and more mature physically and emotionally than the other kids. So last year, we decided to put him in kindergarten instead of 4-year-old preschool.

He did well in school and got along well with the other kids. At the end of the year, knowing about how boys are in general, and the disadvantages both physically and emotionally of being the youngest in the class in later years, I spoke with the kindergarten teacher, the principal and the former preschool teacher to ask what they thought about him going on to first grade this year or whether he should remain in kindergarten another year. They all said they thought he would do fine in first grade.

He starts school in two days. Today, my sister, who is a former teacher, called me to say she thought I should really think about him doing kindergarten again this year. He is a very sweet boy and doesn't have any sort of "edge," and she has seen what boys go through in middle school and is concerned that he will be targeted because of his physical and emotional maturity at that stage.

My reasons for putting him in first grade are that he is a smart boy, physically he is at the same stage as the other kids (not short), the class size is smaller than the kindergarten class, and frankly, I like the parents better. But I know what my sister says is true and I don't want him to start out behind the eight ball. On the other hand, if he repeats kindergarten, he'll have to start from scratch with friends and families.

My older son was also born in September, but he wasn't near ready to go a grade ahead, let alone the grade he's in. He's tall for his class and is looked up to by the other kids. But I don't know if that's because of his age or his personality.

Obviously we don't have a crystal ball, but I'm asking you for your opinions. We really want to do what's best for my 5-year-old, but we're having a hard time with this decision.

[BellesRose]

If we were talking 3 years here, I can see an obvious difference in age and maturity, especially in middle school. But one year really won't make much of a difference. I think you should do what YOU think is best for your son. You know him better than anyone else in this world, and you'll make the right decision :thumbsup:

[SBETigg]

They all grow at such different rates in those middle years! I would not worry about that at this stage. I would do what is right for him now, and he sounds ready. Plus, I think it would be harder to start over with new kids than to move on with friends he already has, and he might get bored repeating.

[Melanie]

I agree with the other ladies' assessments, plus a lot of schools have their cutoff at October 1.

[jodijo]

If he is smart and mature enough, he should go forward into 1st grade. As a teacher, making him repeat a grade that he has passed makes no sense. I feel it would be a waste of time for him. Also, later on he might not understand why he had to repeat kindergarden. Besides, he is going to be 6 next month. In CA, that is not that young. We have kids that wont be 6 until December.

I hope that helps and good luck with your decision.

[AgentP]

Hi Aurora,
I teach Kindergarten and run into this question a lot. Our start date is actually October 15th! I agree with the others that you know your son best. Also, if the teacher and principal agree that your son should move on, I think you should trust them. They would tell you if he wasn't ready.

[Mickey91]

Well, how does he get along socially now? It doesn't sound like there is a social issue going on and if he fits in now, the kids in his class will accept him as he grows right along with them. I have a June boy and his preschool teacher tried to talk me into keeping him back because he was a boy, yada, yada, yada. Anyhow, as it was he was bored in kindergarten and had a hard time because he didn't "learn" anything. He already knew it all. If I had kept him back yet another year, he would have been even more stir crazy. Sounds to me like your child is right on target with starting first grade and since your teacher and principal both agree, I would go for it. I kept my child in his age group and we homeschooled for a few years, but today he is still with the same group of kids and a very happy A/B honor roll high school junior, senior drum major in the band, principle violist in the youth symphony, a life scout and brotherhood member of the OA...the list goes on. So don't sell him short because of a late birthday. If he is happy in his environment and is learning, keep doing what you are doing and he will be just fine!:mickey:

[brownie]

If we were talking 3 years here, I can see an obvious difference in age and maturity, especially in middle school. But one year really won't make much of a difference. I think you should do what YOU think is best for your son. You know him better than anyone else in this world, and you'll make the right decision :thumbsup:

Exactly what I was thinking. One year won't make all the much difference. You'll need to decide for yourself, but I would go with what you know right now and not try to look ahead to those middle school years. If there's not a good reason to hold him back right now, I don't think I would.

[brownie]

I agree with the other ladies' assessments, plus a lot of schools have their cutoff at October 1.

It's December 1 here in Michigan.

[Melanie]

It's December 1 here in Michigan.

Wow! That's late.

[PirateLover]

Speaking as someone who was very young and NOT held back, I say stick with your original decision. There was no cut off yet at my school when I started. My birthday was in December. I was by far the youngest. This was never really an issue until the later grades and even then it wasn't THAT bad. It bugged me more than anything since I reached "double digits" and teenage status later, but I wouldn't change it. I think you would do more damage by leaving him back. As you said he'd have to make all new friendships. That's TOUGH. When he gets older, it probably won't matter much to the kids who he's been there with from the beginning. I think he stands to get more teasing if he's left behind. The other kids will think he wasn't good enough to move up with them. I know about teenage boys since I too am a teacher- I teach 6-7-8. As far as bullying goes, kids bully for all sorts of reasons. Also, getting along with the other parents will save YOU a lot of stress. Parent drama is the worst... Don't keep him back on a bunch of "what ifs." If he is physically and emotionally mature enough to be in first grade, then that's where he should be! :thumbsup:

[Aurora]

Thanks so much for all of your replies. We decided to keep him in first grade this year. Today was the first day of school, and it was a very happy day. You all are right; there is such a range within the same grade anyway. He has good friends in this class who were very happy to see him today, and he has a great teacher, one of the best in the school (my two older kids had the same teacher).

Also, we found out that there is another boy in the class who has a September birthday, so he's not the only one anyway!

:D:D:D

[DisneyDog]

We had a similar problem with my son. Luckily, our school district has a T-1 program (transitional first grade). I got my son enrolled in that class, and it was the best thing that could have happened to him. He didn't have to repeat Kindergarden unneccessarily, and now he is the oldest in his class. Our cutoff is August 31st and his birthday is September 3rd.

[Mickey'sGirl]

Wow! That's late.It's January 1 up here in Ontario. My DS6 is the oldest in his class (His Birthday is Jan 25/04).

There is such a wide range of abilities at that level... I'm sure your son will find his way. Good luck to you both!

[Melanie]

Thanks so much for all of your replies. We decided to keep him in first grade this year. Today was the first day of school, and it was a very happy day. You all are right; there is such a range within the same grade anyway. He has good friends in this class who were very happy to see him today, and he has a great teacher, one of the best in the school (my two older kids had the same teacher).

Glad it worked out!!! :thumbsup:

[DizHawk]

I know I"m late on this, but wanted to add my $0.02 on it.

I was accelerated in grade school, skipping 2nd grade entirely. I grew up in a very small town (<1,400 people) so it was probably a little bigger deal there. My birthday is in November and our cutoff was Sept. 1 so I was by far the youngest in our class.

I think in the long term it has proven to be an advantage. The really awkward years were 6th through 9th (as they are for most kids). In 7th grade I was smaller than everyone, then in 9th grade everyone was getting driver's licenses and cars and I had to wait another year.

Looking back, those weren't big issues so I think that my parents made a good decision. They actually had the chance to accelerate me through to 4th grade at the time, but that would have put me in the same class as my older brother and I don't think that would have worked out well. Would have been too much sibling rivalry going on then. He was valedictorian of his class, I was salutatorian of mine. Would have been a nerd fight.

[Disney4us2]

It's December 1 here in Michigan.

Our school district is about the same being December 2nd. DD's birthday is Dec 4th, making her the oldest in her class(grade).

[Disney4us2]

Thanks so much for all of your replies. We decided to keep him in first grade this year. Today was the first day of school, and it was a very happy day. You all are right; there is such a range within the same grade anyway. He has good friends in this class who were very happy to see him today, and he has a great teacher, one of the best in the school (my two older kids had the same teacher).

Also, we found out that there is another boy in the class who has a September birthday, so he's not the only one anyway!

:D:D:D

Glad he had a great first day, and that it all worked out for you and him.

[MNNHFLTX]

It sounds as though you made a sound decision and that you're comfortable with it and that's all that matters. If we parents made all our decisions based on what might happen down the road, instead of focusing on what is happening now, I think we would end up holding back our kids unneccesarily.

Hope your son has a great school year!

[beksy]

I am so happy your decision is working out and totally agree that you made the right one. If he had started out repeating and being bored, he may have come to dislike school which wouldn't have been good for any of you! Hope he has a wonderful year!

[crazypoohbear]

Glad he had a good 1st day.