Prayers for FIL

[Georgesgirl1]

We got a call this morning that FIL and MIL abruptely closed their business of 40 years today with no warning. We thought it was weird, but they assured us everything was okay. DH and I really felt that their was something more to it, so DH called back this afternoon and his dad told him that he just found out that he has lung cancer. DH's grandfather just died last year of cancer, so this is such a shock to us. FIL has decided not to do chemo, but until the biopsy results come back we won't know how much it has spread or how long he has. DH is so worried that his dad won't get to meet this new LO that is due in January.

DH is also worried about his mom b/c FIL basically handles all the financial decisions. He asked if MIL could move in with us. I don't want to say no, but I don't want to say yes either. I love my MIL, but I don't think that our house can handle 3 adults and 2 kids long term! I am trying to figure out how to propose that we find her a house close by so that we can help her out when needed, but we can also all have our independence. She is only 65, so I don't know that she would even want to move in with us to begin with, but I certainly don't want her to be living alone an hour away from us either.

Prayers please...

[faline]

I'm sorry to hear of your father in law's medical issues. :pixie::pixie::pixie: for you and your family.

[VWL Mom]

Prayers and :pixie::pixie::pixie: for you and your family.

[ibrowse17]

Our thoughts are with your family.

[Cinderelley]

I am so sorry to hear this. Do you have an adult independent living facility near you? Then MIL can have her own place, but there is staff there who can help her when/if needed.

[Tinksalot]

I'm so sorry. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

[RedSoxFan]

:pixie::pixie::pixie:

[Hammer]

DH is also worried about his mom b/c FIL basically handles all the financial decisions. He asked if MIL could move in with us. I don't want to say no, but I don't want to say yes either. I love my MIL, but I don't think that our house can handle 3 adults and 2 kids long term! I am trying to figure out how to propose that we find her a house close by so that we can help her out when needed, but we can also all have our independence. She is only 65, so I don't know that she would even want to move in with us to begin with, but I certainly don't want her to be living alone an hour away from us either.

Prayers please...

First, your father in law and your family are in my prayers.

Regarding your MIL and her care. Just because she hasn't been involved with financial decisions up to this point does not mean she can't learn now. My father recently passed away after a short battle with cancer and my parents' home is around 1000 miles away from my sister and I. My Mom knew about almost all of the family finances and the 2 things she did not know about she figured out quickly enough. Between the 3 of us (we stayed for a couple of weeks after his death to get most of the forms filled out) we got my Mom settled. She created her own budget and is taking care of paying the bills.

The decision on where your MIL wants to live is ultimately her decision. I know your husband is worried about his Mom; my sister and I worry about our Mom as well. But Mom explained to us that she preferred to stay in Florida where my aunt, all our cousins, and her friends she reconnected with after moving back to Florida for retirement are located. So, while I worry about my Mom (my Mom uses a wheelchair for most activities), I know she is happier in Florida and that is what truly matters.

[Daisy'sMom]

So sorry to hear your news. We are praying for you and all of your family. Don't rush to judgement on your MIL's strength. You would be surprised at how many times I have seen women find that toughness to get thru anything at the saddest times. My dil works for a funeral home and tells me that it's always the women that have been the strong ones when a mate dies. She said the men are always the ones that seem to fall apart.
That being said,if your FIL has cancer, it might not prove fatal for many years. Take one day at a time and know many are praying for you and yours.:mickey:

[Melanie]

So sorry to hear about your FIL! :pixie:

[Georgesgirl1]

Thanks for the prayers guys!

We went to see my ILs today and they seemed to be in fairly good spirits. Since no biopsy has been done, we don't know what type of cancer it is or how far it has spread. FIL is making an appointment tomorrow. It is true that if it is a slow growing cancer it may be quite a while. DH never knew his dad's dad and he hates to think that our kids may never remember his dad.

DH and I talked about his mom this morning. His mom is still young (67) and is very independent. I told him that I don't think she would want to sell the house and get rid of all of her stuff to move into our basement for the next 30 years of her life (her dad lived to be 95). I think MIL is much stronger than DH gives her credit for. If she was feeble or sick it would be a different story, but she isn't at all. I think DH is starting to see that. I am sure wanting her to move in was a knee jerk reaction of an over protective son to the news of his dad's cancer.

[vizsla]

Prayers and Pixie Dust on the way.

[brownie]

Sorry to hear about your father-in-law. I hope he is able to get through this.

It sounds sort of like he's already being written off if you're worrying about your mother-in-law moving in with you. Maybe take it one step at a time. I'd wait to find out more about what is going on with your father-in-law before worrying about your mother-in-law moving in.

[laprana]

Sending lots of prayers and :pixie::pixie: to your FIL and whole family! I'm so sorry for what you're all going through.

[Georgesgirl1]

It sounds sort of like he's already being written off if you're worrying about your mother-in-law moving in with you. Maybe take it one step at a time. I'd wait to find out more about what is going on with your father-in-law before worrying about your mother-in-law moving in.

It's more like he has written himself off. FIL has always been a pessimist, but he called and told DH that he had the aggresive form of lung cancer, he wasn't doing any treatment, and he was going to die soon. When DH heard this, he went into panic mode and started talking about MIL moving, what do we do, etc. It wasn't until we talked to MIL Sunday that we found out that they found a tumor in his lung which they believe is cancerous, but they can't be sure until a biopsy has been done. FIL has been in bad health for years, and he almost died of in 2001 from complications from abdominal surgery. I think he has given up which will make fighting this that much harder. I am hoping the fact that both SIL are expecting babies in early 2011 will give him the reason to fight whatever this is!

[WDWFanatic]

Sending out prayers to your FIL and family. Hopefully babies on the way will help like you said.

You'll be in my prayers.

[brownie]

It's more like he has written himself off. FIL has always been a pessimist, but he called and told DH that he had the aggresive form of lung cancer, he wasn't doing any treatment, and he was going to die soon. When DH heard this, he went into panic mode and started talking about MIL moving, what do we do, etc. It wasn't until we talked to MIL Sunday that we found out that they found a tumor in his lung which they believe is cancerous, but they can't be sure until a biopsy has been done. FIL has been in bad health for years, and he almost died of in 2001 from complications from abdominal surgery. I think he has given up which will make fighting this that much harder. I am hoping the fact that both SIL are expecting babies in early 2011 will give him the reason to fight whatever this is!

Wow. I hope you can get him to turn around. I still wouldn't worry about your mother-in-law moving in just yet. It could turn out to be something treatable. I hope things work themselves out for you and your father-in-law is able to enjoy his future grandchildren.

[meldan98]

You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.

I think that once everyone knows more about the prognosis, you may want to have a family meeting about the future and start laying out some plans. The more you have discussed this as a family, the better.

My grandfather passed away last year and handled everything prior to him being put into a nursing home. He never allowed my grandmother to be independant at all (no drivers license, no bank account, etc) and this has really hurt my grandmother in the long run. She didn't know how to pay bills, access the bank accounts, or even know how much money she had. Of course, she too is stubborn and has pushed most of us out of her life and won't listen to any of us regarding her finances.

[NewDVCowner]

I'm so sorry to hear about your FIL and I hope things work out.

You mentioned the question of finances. It is certainly possible to have your husband, or one of her other children, or even an accountant, to take over as a trustee and they would be responsible for paying the bills, etc. Just a thought.

[MNNHFLTX]

I'm so sorry to hear about your FIL's health issues. :( Did they find out what kind of tumor he has yet?

I know it's only natural, but I wouldn't start worrying about the "what if's" of what might happen down the road. As someone else mentioned previously, take this one step at a time or the stress will become overwhelming. When and if the time comes for those discussions, it sounds like your MIL is still a young and active individual and undoubtedly will have her own ideas of what she wants to do.

[Georgesgirl1]

I'm so sorry to hear about your FIL's health issues. :( Did they find out what kind of tumor he has yet?

He goes for his pre-biopsy blood work tomorrow and then the biopsy is on Monday. I understand that these things take time, but I wish they could just get him in for the biopsy so everyone could know what we were dealing with and we could know how to go forward.

[PAYROLL PRINCESS]

My Dad went through radiation after he was diagnosed with lung cancer. They could have removed the lung completely if he was in better health, because it hadn't spread anywhere else. But he had a lot of other issues so that wasn't an option for him. He was with us for about 5 years after he was diagnosed. So don't give up on your FIL yet. And he might decide to go for treatment after all. It sounds like right now he's just reacting instead of thinking it all through. Keep us posted.

[Georgesgirl1]

FIL had his biopsy today. It is not small cell which is a blessing. It has spread to his lymphnodes, but only the ones in his lower lung (which is better than the ones in his upper lung?). They could remove his lung, but no one thinks he will go for that. I am hoping that he will agree to do radiation. They are going to do a scan later in the week or early next week to see if it has spread anywhere else, but from the way MIL said the doctor was talking it doesn't seem like they think it has.

[MNNHFLTX]

Thanks for the update. I will keep your dad and family in my prayers. :pixie:

[WDWFanatic]

I'm glad that it is looking a bit better. I hope you continue to get good news and you FIL will get the treatment he needs.

Best of luck. Sending prayers and pixie dust!

[TiggeRia]

Best wishes to you and your whole family. You need to take this all one day at a time and try not to look too far into the future. My father had been diagnosed with non-small cell lung CA that had spread to his lymph nodes, but he opted for radiation, a few rounds of chemo, and then had his entire left lung removed. We used a lot of prayer and humor to get through it. This October it will be 14 years, and he is still going strong. While it takes him a bit longer to do things because he often has to catch his breath, he still leads quite a full life. If your FIL uses email at all and wishes to talk to someone who's been through it before, PM me and I can give you my dad's email address.

[laprana]

Thanks for keeping us posted and I'm glad to hear it sounds like better news than you all were expecting! Sending more prayers and :pixie::pixie: for successful treatment and a good outcome!

[Cinderelley]

Glad to hear it isn't anymore advanced. I hope the treatment goes smoothly.

[Georgesgirl1]

We found out today that FILs cancer has not metastatized and he will start 6 weeks of a combination of chemotherapy and radiation on the 20th. We are so happy about this good news!

[AvaNellMouse]

Thank you for the update.
Blessings to you and your family.

[MNNHFLTX]

That's wonderful news! Is your FIL feeling more hopeful too? Hope is such an important thing to have when you're battling cancer.

[brownie]

Great news, glad to hear he's still in the game!

[faline]

What wonderful news!

[Ian]

Do they know yet if it's actually lung cancer (sounds like it is, since you said it's non-small cell) or is it another form of cancer that has metastisized to the lungs?

Make sure your FIL explores all his options. I work in marketing and have quite a few clients in the oncology space with fairly cutting edge treatments that have some optimistic success rates.

It's not all chemo and radiation anymore. If that's all his oncologist recommends, I strongly suggest you explore other options and treatments on your own. There's a lot of bad information out there about cancer treatments and a lot of reluctance on the part of community oncs to recommend alternative therapies, but trust me ... they exist and they do work.

[Georgesgirl1]

Ian- It is lung cancer. The doctor did say that removing the lung would be an option if he hadn't had some other health issues in the past years that make his health too fragile. He is doing an experimental chemotherapy treatment and radiation.

[RedSoxFan]

Hope everything goes well for you. Cancer is a nasty disease. My MIL and FIL have both died within the past year from cancer. It's a hard thing to deal with --- never mind losing two parents in 8 months.

[Ian]

Ian- It is lung cancer. The doctor did say that removing the lung would be an option if he hadn't had some other health issues in the past years that make his health too fragile. He is doing an experimental chemotherapy treatment and radiation.Well that's good that he's agreed to therapy. Unfortunately, lung cancer isn't one of the disease areas that's responded well to the immunotherapy treatments, but depending on how early they caught it there is still a reasonable success rate in some of th clinical trials.

I really wish him the best. I hope for a positive outcome for you. Tell him, though, that an optimistic outlook and a fighter's attitude does make a difference in beating cancer.

[Dsnygirl]

I've been following this thread but hadn't posted yet... just jumping on to say I'm really glad to hear that his diagnosis has come back as one he can work with -- I sure hope he's able to find the emotional strength to fight back!

Like Ian said, a positive fighter's attitude is a great asset in fighting something like this. You and your DH sure have it in spades... he's lucky to have you guys in his corner, as is your DH's mom. :) Good luck to you guys -- I hope things turn out for the best for him!