Awkward Vacation Situation

[Dulcee]

I'm not sure how to handle this situation and was hoping for some input..

I'm a vacation planner, after years of disney vacations I guess I can't help it. I like to know where/when/how/budget well ahead of departure. This June DBF wants us to go away with his older sister and her live in bf. At first I had no problem with this idea. His sister and I get along and I like her boyfriend. However things are becoming an issue fast..

Somehow this vacation has turned into a "roadtrip" to Kentucky, Tennesse and Virginia to follow the bourbon trail. Now I don't mind a nice tour of a bourbon facility, actually I like the idea, but the idea of spending an entire vacation around the creation of such a beverage sounds painful:beer:. When I think vacation in say Kentucky I want to see Churchill Downs, Go hiking in a state forrest, go horseback riding and antiquing, stay in a country B&B...not drink myself silly and then hope to stumble into a hotel with vacancies.

And when they say roadtrip they really mean, no plans, no reservations, no timeline, lets just jump in a small car, four VERY different adults, with VERY different budgets, and drive for 15 hours together in the very hot summer and hope everyone gets along.

This just keeps sounding like a disaster in the making.:rolleyes:

Now DBF wants the four of us to get together to talk about "what we're going to do." Everyone else is ok with this winging it approach but me and I already tend to be a confrontational :mad: person and don't want to cause tension with DBF's sister over this. (She has been the one dong the minimal planning.)

What do I do??? :confused:

[DVC2004]

Have you talked to DBF about this? I would start with him- and discuss it between the 2 of you before sitting down with the sister and her BF. I would explain your concerns and discuss building in some things you want to do- CHurchill Downs, state park, a few reservations at hotels, etc. I think that's only fair. Otherwise- and I know this sort of negates the point of a raodtrip- could the sister and her boyfriend travel in thier own car that way they you two can break off and do some other things if they are not for it?

I agree with you- and let me tell you, it is hard to travel with others. Everyone has thier own idea of what they want or don't want, like or don't like. And with it being relatives it can sometimes get ugly. I think now is the time to bring up your concerns and again, start with your boyfriend and see how that goes...good luck!

[SBETigg]

Ask yourself if it's better to risk a chaotic trip that might turn out to be a disaster (or perhaps a grand adventure) or if it's better to make some waves now to get this travel under control. I would bide my time and feel the situation out before jumping in with suggestions. Are you the only one with hesitation? Does the DBF like the idea?

If you know that everyone else is fine with winging it, and you're the sole holdout for order, I think maybe you need to let go and go with the flow, just this once. It might actually be fun. Some of those road trip "disasters" become the best stories and the most beloved memories. Life is short. I would say to check your urge to be the planner and let someone else take the lead this time. And open yourself up to new possibilities. When you're on the trip, don't take the "I could have planned this better" baggage. Take it all as it comes and try to have fun with it. Consider yourself exempt from planning responsibility and along for the ride. But, if you really can't stand the whole bourbon trail idea, you could just politely request a stop at some of things you want to see along the way.

[1DisneyNut]

Well I am also a planner. I make and confirm the reservations, build itineraries and a budget. About four years ago we agreed to go on a trip with some friends after they invited us. They have a timeshare and had some unused points left from the previous year and so they scheduled the reservations and did the planning (or lack thereof). It was a mess. The accommodations were substandard. They did not have a plan on what to do or when. We basically ended up butting heads each day trying to decide what to do and the ones butting heads the most were them. They cannot agree on anything and I guess that is why they do not make plans in advance. When it was time to go out for dinner in the evening it became a debate on what the entrees cost (turns out they are some of those that order the cheapest thing on the menu everywhere they go and if the cheap pasta dish is more than $9.00 its a problem). I went along with some of the off the wall ideas they came up with the first few days and we basically ended up running in circles and didn't do much of anything. Finally on the fourth morning I had a melt down and just came apart at the seams. I told them I was going to plan out the day and went to the room and put together a plan. We did all sorts of things that day and had a good time.
Anyway, what I am getting at is I learned something on that trip. I was apprehensive before going just as you are but I did not say anything. I will never make that mistake again. I would discuss it with them and explain that I am a planner and there are things I would like to plan to see and do along the way. If you cannot work it out where everybody is happy just don't go. You will be miserable with the lack of structure and waste of time. Take your own trip.
We are all still friends and a couple of months after the trip we finally talked about it. We agreed that if we do it again we will have to get together in the months leading up to the trip and plan it all out better so we all know what we are getting into. We agreed we should make time for each one of us to get to do what we would like even if that means that one day we just wing it because that is what someone likes to do. The key is to discuss it so everyone is on the same page.

[dnickels]

I once drove from Orlando to Montana to move for the summer with no plan for where I'd stay along the way and not even a place to live in lined up so you can guess where I fall on the line of micromanaging/planning/winging it.

It can be a lot of fun to have no plans, not everything is on the internet for easy planning. Taking some of the back roads you'll pass little BBQ stands or vegetable stands, small towns, maybe some random local fruit festival, those are the things that are fun to check out.

If you really need to plan some things there are plenty of references under 'bourbon trail' on google. You can probably get some great ideas for things to do along the way with that. I can't imagine your friends plan to spend every waking minute of the day drinking so that's lots of time to fill. You can take those opportunities to say hey, I saw (fill in the blank) about a half mile back, let's go check that out.

I guess my advice is to relax and go with it. While it may be driving you nuts go think about going somewhere with no plans just remember that there are an equal number of people out there who are going nuts because they're going somewhere with an obsessive planner who in their mind can't seem to relax and enjoy things as they come. A 'perfect,' fun filled vacation in the eyes of a planner may have been like being on a military schedule to someone else. Relax and enjoy. :beer:

[margaretvest]

I would think long and hard about that kind of trip. Almost sounds like to close for comfort!!!

[DizneyRox]

Having done a couple of these, these usually don't turn out too bad. Although we did have hotel reservations and at least a day by day plan with what we were going to try to get to each day.

We didn't plan meals, etc though..

[diz_girl]

I'd agree to discuss your concerns with your DBF now before all four of you meet to plan (or not plan) things out. If you have an inkling that this road trip will devolve into them getting hammered daily and they really don't want to make any plans at all, then I'd expect that you won't be seeing Churchill Downs or any other place that you want. If that's the case, then just pull out of the trip (let DBF make his own decision) and plan your own trip to WDW. You'll have a lot more fun.

[murphy1]

I think the thing that is kind of scary is that you are unsure, but you are throwing alcohol (and a strong one) into the mix. I agree on all of you sitting down and discussing this. Also, if you do this, please make sure you have a designated driver. Afterall, it's your vacation, too and even though things may not always go the way you want, you should not have to stress the entire time. If you get a chance, go over to Cumberland Gap, really nice area, sounds like you would enjoy it, my folks used to have property there. Maybe you all could do some things separate, too, you don't have to spend every minute together.

[Scar]

A "roadtrip" in a car that revolves around drinking everyday. Something doesn't sound right here.

Anyway, the obvious answer is that you let them go by themselves, and you go to DisneyWorld.
:D

[btharvey]

A "roadtrip" in a car that revolves around drinking everyday. Something doesn't sound right here.

Anyway, the obvious answer is that you let them go by themselves, and you go to DisneyWorld.
:D

Seconded! :thumbsup:

Four very close, always together, very similar, freewheeling folks can have a great time with no plans. I personally can't do that with anyone, let alone myself. You've read the comments ... those who recommend going along with it generally go by themselves or with one other ... those telling you NOT to (myself included) have been there and don't want to go there again.

Enjoy the park! That's the place to wing it, if anywhere (and many people don't even do it there!). DBF needs to understand, and if he doesn't, then who's more important? You or them? Hmm ..........

[SBETigg]

Shari and Scar have good points about the drinking and driving. Don't go for anything that would endanger you or others. I wasn't even thinking of the consumption involved.

But still, after the safety questions are addressed, I would be very careful about putting other people out or discounting their plans or strategy (or lack of) just because it's not what you would normally do. If the DBF shares your concerns, you have a partner in making a better plan, or planning your own trip. My hesitation comes with you saying that you're confrontational by nature. I still think you need to step back and try to see some merits of what they have planned before you steamroll forward with what you expect to change to suit you. I think there's a balance to be found between avoiding disaster and taking over and making everyone do things your way.

[Dznygrl79]

Personally my anxiety would never allow me to do that type of trip. I would say fine don't plan everything but you should most definitly have a timeline ie we leave this day and arrive to location by this date.
I also agree if there is alcohol involved you should have a plan that when we visit this place you are not going to drink so you can drive and at the next stop it can change so everyone who wants to can enjoy that experiance.
Talk with your bf and let him know your concerns don't worry too much about being confrentational NOW its better than when you are in the car and not able to seperate.
Good Luck

[Georgesgirl1]

I think the idea of two cars sounds like a good one. Then if you need to split off to actually do some of the things you want to you can. When we go on vacation with my inlaws we have to do this. I am a planner. I want to at least know where we are staying and some of the things we are doing. My inlaws like to wing everything, and often skip meals or have really late dinners (something you can't do with little kids but they seem to have forgotten). So we break off and do our own thing a lot and everyone is happier. Definitely talk to your DBF before you talk to his sister. If you both feel the same way you can go into the discussion with a united front. Good luck!

[Ian]

Just curious, but have you ever tried doing a vacation "wing it" style? How do you know you don't like it? I mean planning is okay and everything, but I gotta be honest ... an overscheduled, overly planned vacation is not all that relaxing if you ask me. Winging it might turn out to be a lot more liberating than you'd think.

Truth-be-told I see only two choices ... since you're essentially outvoted 3-1 either go along to get along or don't go along at all. I mean it's fine if you want to make some suggestions as far as alternative attractions to visit and things like that, but I wouldn't try to imprint your need to schedule/plan every minute detail of a vacation on everyone else. Sometimes ya just gotta go with the flow.

[murphy1]

Shari and Scar have good points about the drinking and driving. Don't go for anything that would endanger you or others. I wasn't even thinking of the consumption involved.



This probably stems from growing up in the Spring Break capital of the World and seeing the effects on people.

[Drachengeist]

Just to say up front I have done both kinds of trips and had fun and disasters with both. But the suggestions posters have made; to start by talking to your boyfriend and then depending on the reception, to the other two is valid. There is a little 5 min video they show to managment types to warn against just going with the flow. The cliff notes version is that everybody in the video winds up on a long hot, uncomfortable uncecessisary car ride that nobody really wanted to go on...because nobody wanted to be the lone naysayer to a suggestion to go into town for ice cream. No need to get "confrontational" yet.... but make your opinion heard. Its your vacation too!

[Drachengeist]

One last note.. If as suggested you take two cars, make sure that both vehicles have a working cel phone in them. It really helps when negotiating for rest stops, meals, gas, and or ....hey where did you go?

That said, especially if the people driving the cars have different driving styles make sure to say ahead of time... "If we get split up Meet you at point X at XXX time. If it doesnt look like you going to make that time by 15 min just call and let the other car know" Nothing is more frustrating that trying to travel "with" another group and they either poke along 10mph slower than what you want to do or 10 faster than you are comfortable with.

[Dulcee]

Thanks all for the suggestions..

DBF and I are going to talk through this all tonight. The alcohol thing was not something I had thought on much as I don't drink aside from a glass of wine once in a blue moon (all the more reason I'm not thrilled about the plans).

As for those of you who suggested I try to go with the flow my biggest hesitation is really budgeting. DBF and I don't have a ton of money to spend and I find it hard to budget for a trip when I don't know the price of accomadations/activities in advance.

Thanks again to everyone as well as anyone else who may have some suggestions for me...

[pink]

I'm just like you and my concerns reading this were:

1) Are you going to enjoy driving in car for hours on end with no particular destination while people are hungover in the summer? (Doesn't sound like a great time to me)

2) You need to set up who is going to pay for what ahead of time. Let them know you have a budget of such amount beforehand.

3) Work out some general plan or where you want to go. It may make you feel more comfortable as opposed to just wingining everything about the trip.

4) If you're already have second thoughts about going, you may not have a great vacation. I know that I am a huge control freak and I would not be able to keep my cool with three other people on an unplanned road trip. Make sure you're comfortable before you commit. :mickey:

[TheVBs]

If you're spending your money on this trip, then it only makes sense that you should add your wishes to the sight-seeing list. There is a middle ground between uber-planning and no planning and perhaps that's what needs to be sought out here. You have two big things to be concerned about here - you have no interest in the theme (can't say destination) of the trip, and you have no way to budget for it. Will this be your only vacation this year? If so, I would reconsider going. If not, and you can afford to plan another, then I think it may be reasonable to consider going with the flow. Just my thoughts.

[garymacd]

I'm not sure how to handle this situation and was hoping for some input..

What do I do??? :confused:

I remember seeing a movie a long time ago called "Honky Tonk Freeway" starring, among others, Hume Cronyn and Jessica Tandy. At one point, Jessica Tandy's character had five "Old Fashioned" cocktails lined up on the dashboard.

(Most memorable line from the film: "I am not an alcoholic. Alcoholics drink hard liquor. These are cocktails!")

Not that I condone drinking and driving, but it is something to consider...

[crazypoohbear]

You could combine the two types of trips.
Plan accomodations for the road trip.
that way you have a place to lay your head each night.
Pick out the booze factories they want to see and you can pick something you want to do in the same area. You can't spend a whole day in the booze factory so break up the day, do one thing they want and one thing you want.
Sit down ahead of the trip and plan out how much you expect to spend of food, drink. Ask what their expectations are, fine dining or BBq.
Take turns filling the tank of the car, that would split the gas.
You definately need to lay out expectations way ahead of time.
Make sure you thoroughly discuss designated driver and INSIST that you will NOT be the sole designated driver regardless of your not drinking the hard stuff. you don't want to be nothing more than a glorified taxi driver for a bunch of drunken fools.

[Dulcee]

Just wanted to say "thanks" to everyone who chimed in with suggestions for me.

Everyone involved in the trip got together this weekend and amazingly decided, after considering 15 hour stretches in the car, that picking a central location would probably be a better idea.

So now were looking into a cabin in central KY and are planning on day trips from there.

Everyone seems happy with the idea and I'm certainly more comfortable knowing i'll have a place to put my head every night.

Thanks again all.

[1DisneyNut]

That sounds much better than the pile in the car and fly by the wire trip. lol
This way you have options if things start to go awry. Hope you have fun on your trip.

[KODABEAR]

Sounds like this will be more fun for all of you!!:mickey: