Some Wedding Gift-Giving Advice?

[DisneyOtaku]

I am going to be a bridesmaid for a friend's wedding this coming May, and I'm a bit confused when it comes to giving gifts. I tried asking the other bridesmaids, but this is all the first wedding we've been in and attended as adults, so we're all a bit lost.

Namely, do I buy her a gift for the shower AND the wedding, or just one? If it's for both, I think we're going to pull our money together for the wedding gift because money is tight, and we just need enough time to plan ahead.

Thanks in advance!

[Mickey'sGirl]

Where I live, the expectation would be that you would give both a shower gift and a wedding gift. I think it is a good idea to discuss your communities protocols with the other bridesmaids, to find out what the norm is.

That said, when I got married, I specifically asked each of my bridesmaids to NOT purchase any shower gifts for us. My bridesmaids were my closest friends, and it was not an uncomfortable conversation to initiate. They were invited to multiple showers, and we were all just starting out on our own. I think they were relieved.

Hope it all works out for you!

[thrillme]

Don't break yourself. Give what YOU want to give. One gift is enough. One shower gift OR one wedding gift. PERSONALLY I would choose the "shower gift" because wedding gifts are not always opened in a public setting.

I really think it can get a bit out of hand sometimes. For those people who want to give something to the happy couple but do not attend a shower...then a wedding gift is in order. As a bridesmaid you are already giving a gift of "yourself" to the bride by helping her with the wedding and quite often it's very expensive to pay for the dress...shoes...etc.

You'll probably too have a bachelorette party in which the bridesmaids often pick up the drinks and give the bride a gown or other "trinket" ;)

The gift really won't be your only expense as a bridesmaid so keep costs in check. One nice gift for the shower and perhaps something for the bachelorette party is plenty.

[green ranger]

Are the bridesmaids paying for the shower? Being in a wedding is very expensive here in NJ. From my own experiences, if the bridesmaids weren't throwing the shower, we then chipped in all together to buy something for the bride to be. It doesn't have to be something extravagant, just something useful. My bridesmaids gave us our vacuum. Then for the wedding, we give a check for whatever money amount we can afford. Money definitely adds up when you say yes to being a bridesmaid. That's why I am so happy all my friends are married now and I'm done with that stage.

[murphy1]

I'm in the South like you, I've always given a gift for the shower and one for the wedding (usually a smaller one for the shower, like towels or something else). I have also gone in on a wedding gift with other people. I was even a best person in a wedding (for my best guy friend) and had to throw a bachelor party, which was mine and the groomsmen's gift to the groom! I remember in my 20's/early 30's going to one wedding after another! Usually my friends and I have one shower, I guess I don't understand the whole "three shower" thing.

[SBETigg]

I'm not sure of the actual etiquette involved. In my area, we give gifts for both the shower and the wedding. As someone else observed, if you are throwing the shower, then maybe you don't have to give a shower gift. It doesn't have to be extravagant, in any case. I'm sure the bride knows that being part of her special day can be expensive enough and she's likely not expecting something elaborate or expensive.

You could even do something heartfelt, like take a bunch of pictures at the shower and scrapbook them for the wedding gift. Or get pictures of the bride and groom together and growing up and make a scrap book to gift as a shower gift-- you can do this with your fellow bridesmaids. It's a nice bonding activity and a gift she will treasure more than material things. Where is she honeymooning? You can theme a gift around that, like custom flip flops with their names on the bottom that will imprint their names together on the beach sand. If you're crafty, you can buy a picture frame and hot glue some ribbons and fabric flowers in a nice arrangement to match her wedding colors/flowers. She will need lots of nice frames for her wedding/honeymoon pictures. Or put together a spa basket of lotions and soaps. Or a basket of kitchen utensils-- one of my friends gave me that, and it was a great help, things like spatulas and wooden spoons and handy things that a lot of people don't have starting out. It's a not expensive but very thoughtful gift.

[kakn7294]

We also give for both the shower and wedding. It's acceptable to pool your resources and give a group gift from all of the bridesmaids.

[PirateLover]

I was recently in a wedding. We the bridesmaids pooled our money together and bought some pieces of her china. I did give a separate wedding gift- A gift card to Bed Bath and Beyond towards whatever was left that she really wanted to have

[Goofy4TheWorld]

Wow! I cannot think of a single time in all my life that I have known anyone to buy both a shower gift and a wedding gift. The whole point in the wedding shower is to get your home ready to move into immediately after the wedding, and doing it before the wedding also keeps the newly-wed's families from having to lug all of those gifts around after being exhausted from the wedding.

The only time anyone I know would give a wedding gift is when they either didn't come to the shower, or were a single male who wouldn't be invited to the shower. 90% of wedding gifts are cash/check, especially since most wedding gifts are from men.

Obviously other people have different expectations withing their community, buy if it were me, I wouldn't think twice about only giving one gift.

[Georgesgirl1]

I have been a bridesmaid in 4 different weddings and have only given one gift (a gift for the shower) and then help pay for drinks and such at the bachelorette party. The only time I have given more than one gift was when my SIL got married.

I have heard all kinds of crazy rules about wedding gifts, but I think it is important that you spend only what is comfortable for your budget.

[MNNHFLTX]

I guess I don't understand the whole "three shower" thing.I agree. When my friends and I were all getting married, there might have been a couple of showers, but typically not for the same people. For example, you had one shower with friends and relatives in attendance and maybe another one at work with your coworkers attending.

Anyway, in my neck of the woods it was customary to also give a shower and wedding gift, but there was no expectation that they had to be anything extravagant. And it was very common for the friends/bridesmaids to go in on the gifts together.

[DisneyOtaku]

Ah, thanks for your help everyone! With my job being over soon (I'm a grad worker and about to graduate, so I can't keep my job), and the other two girls working at a movie theater, we're not all there money wise. We're not throwing the shower but we are helping out setting it up and we are paying for the bachelorette party (sushi and drinks...not cheap!).

I'm just going to get her some stuff off her registry then and give it to her at the shower ^^ Thank you all very much!

[thrillme]

I think that's an EXCELLENT decision. Honestly any really good friend would NOT want their bestest buddies going into debt.

A wedding is a celebration about two people who want to make a life together and the friends and family that have been with them through the years and the years to come. Giving of yourself is the GREATEST gift you can ever give someone. There is no gift you can give that's better than that.

My first husband unfortunately passed away but we had a big wedding...I can't tell you what gifts came from who anymore but I can tell you the greatest gifts were family and my girls and they still are. They were there for me in good times and in the rough times...When I married my new husband my girls were there for me again even though we just had a tiny wedding in the park.

[DisneyOtaku]

After going through their registry, I picked out the perfect gift for a great price, in my opinion: chopsticks, a sushi-mat, and a wok-style pan. Makes sense for me to give them that since all my friends know me as the one who cooks Korean food, so hopefully when she and her future husband use it, they'll remember the times they came to my place and I cooked for them :mickey:

[murphy1]

That's perfect and I love the thought that you put into it! Great job :)