I can't believe this happened

[pink]

Two events have occured this past week that have me stumped.

#1- For one of my classes I had to read an article posted on a popular newspaper website that was written by a woman discussing how "dim" girls are in comparison to men and how we should stay home and raise children because that is all we are good for.

#2- I had to recite a famous speech for my voice class and I chose a speech by Susan B. Anthony in which she spoke about how woman should have the right to vote. It was a cute speech and I got a good grade but each student in the class has to write a grade sheet for you and one girl wrote across the whole page"You're boring. You're a feminist. GET OVER YOURSELF."

I'm sorry but when did being a woman become a bad thing or something you shouldn't be proud of? I'm astonished by these events and what amazes me even more were both the comment and the article were written by women!

[KronkHere]

If you are looking for the blog on the rantings and random musings of the feminist lifestyle, you came to the wrong place...

:confused:

[PirateLover]

If you are looking for the blog on the rantings and random musings of the feminist lifestyle, you came to the wrong place...

:confused:

I think you are the confused one. Intercot, and the watercooler in particular, is a place for people to come together and share various ideas, have a place to vent, whatever...

Pink, I am sorry that happened to you. Why is it that so many people are so quick to label a strong woman who believes in equality as a crazy "feminist" - as if it's such a bad thing? I'm with you pink. You are right in being taken aback.

[SBETigg]

Wow, Pink, that's pretty mind-boggling, isn't it? I went to a women's college and I work in a female-dominated industry. I think it's sad that there are negative connotations attached to being a feminist.

[pink]

Thanks. I was so taken back. I'm already shy in front of others so to get a message like that was hurtful not to mention shocking!


If you are looking for the blog on the rantings and random musings of the feminist lifestyle, you came to the wrong place...
Kronkhere- The Water Cooler is the one section on Intercot where users can speak about anything, not just Disney. :mickey:

[Madame Leona]

I think everyone has the right to a fair opinion. I personally like to read articles that I may not agree with. It helps to reaffirm your own beliefs or possibly change them a little. If we all had the same thoughts and beliefs, the world would be a boring place.

That girl in your class was very rude. She should have used the time wisely for constructive criticism and not a slam on you as a person. I do think we learn more from others poor behavior. If I received something like that, I would take extra time to critique her speech but I would make sure it was constructive. I would just want to show her that I am a nicer person and I wouldn't want to be brought down to her level.

[marylynne95]

I am old fashioned in the fact that I work part time and the other part I take care of the house and such. It works for me and it makes me happy. When we have kids I plan to stay home and not work part time. This is soley my choice and what I like. Funny thing is I get grief from other women about how I shouldn't do this just like you got grief for your views. I think womens rights should be that women have the right to do whatever makes them happy, don't ya think?? :mickey:

[Georgesgirl1]

It baffles me that a classmate would call you a feminist for reciting a speech about women's right to vote?! I thought we were way past those days.

I believe women should be able to work or stay at home- whatever makes them happy- without feeling guilty. I think we as women have a way of making each other feel guilty for our choices whether it is working, breastfeeding, choosing to have kids, etc. I wouldn't be surprised if the woman who wrote this article was trying to rationalize her own choice by putting down other women.

[PirateLover]

I agree- women should have the freedom to choose the lifestyle they want and not be judged. No one should tell us we HAVE to stay home and cannot work (as was the stigma for many years), just like no one should look down on us if we choose to stay at home and not work these days. Women sometimes can be terribly and needlessly cruel to one another... of course men have this capacity as well, but I've found that in my personal life experiences thus far, women are often more judgmental.

[Mickey'sGirl]

To quote Winnifred Banks .... "Well Done! Well done, Sister Suffragette!".

I am a hard core feminist, who lives in a house full of men, so they too, by extension are feminists. Equality doesn't mean doing the same things as men do. Equality is being given the same opportunities to choose to do whatever makes you happy.

For the record, Kronkhere, your comments are completely out of line. The original poster was not looking for a continuation of the antagonism she received at school, nor was she looking for anyone's approval. She asked a legitimate question, and opened up an opportunity for discussion.

[teambricker04]

I have been having some issues about constructive critiques of school work of late. I am in school online and had an instructor who would hand out lines such as "That's weird." or "That's good." It is hard to understand why some people can expound on what they actually mean. I would take the other student's comments with a grain of salt... just figure that something must be off or what not in her life and it isn't really an issue with you or what you were saying.

I am constantly redefining my own ideas of feminism and who I am as a person within our society. I am a waking contradiction at times... But then it dawned on me a while ago. Part of being modern, forward thinking, is that I can CHOOSE what I am and do. It is a hard battle sometimes... that woman can choose things that aren't always popular or "normal" and it is okay.

Good point Madame Leona, sometimes reading, hearing, discussing things that we are totally against can help us realize where we stand.

[TheMartellFamily]

For the males that have issues just remind them that they would not be here with out us!

[PAYROLL PRINCESS]

It sounds like your classmate is the dim one. Maybe she thought YOU had written the speech instead of Susan B Anthony?

I agree that a woman should be able to choose whether to work or stay home. And I have a friend who is the one who goes off to work and her husband works part time and is Mr Mom the rest of the time. It works for them and that's what matters.

Every situation is different and no one has the right to tell you what will work in your situation.

And as for the woman who said that females are dim? Well, she should expand her circle of friends and find out that some of us women actually do have brains and are pretty darn smart. Don't judge us by how she perceives herself and her family and friends.

[SBETigg]

Whether one considers oneself a feminist or not, that article you read is just offensive. I agree that the world would be a boring place without differing opinions, but why would a woman promote the idea that women are less intelligent than men and should stay home to raise children? Staying home to raise children is fine. I did it. But wouldn't you want the smarter partner to take that responsibility? ;) I don't think either gender is naturally inferior to the other, and I know plenty of stay-at-home dads who have done a great job, and plenty of kids who go to daycare who have grown up to be fantastic people. Why judge? And why say that? Unreal.

Maryanne, I agree that some women can really tear others down. But I often wonder if the stereotype, that women are catty, is true. Are there not just as many men who judge or bring down other men, but it's looked at differently? I don't know. Some people are just negative and competitive, and yes judgmental, but I think it's in both genders. I do know that women working together can be a powerful force. I'm in a competitive field but it always amazes me how supportive other women, my competitors, can be. It really inspires me.

Kathy, LOL, don't judge us by how she perceives herself and her family and friends. Good one.

[Tink2002]

I can't get over how the word "feminist" has negative connotations these days.

If you believe that women are equal, then you're a feminist. The end. Men, women, children and the like that think this way are feminists. It's not about someone parading up and down the street spouting ideology.

The girl who wrote you that comment was obviously ignorant and you shouldn't let it bother you.

[PirateLover]

Maryanne, I agree that some women can really tear others down. But I often wonder if the stereotype, that women are catty, is true. Are there not just as many men who judge or bring down other men, but it's looked at differently? I don't know. Some people are just negative and competitive, and yes judgmental, but I think it's in both genders. I do know that women working together can be a powerful force. I'm in a competitive field but it always amazes me how supportive other women, my competitors, can be. It really inspires me.

Totally agreed! That's why I said men are just as capable of this behavior... I've definitely seen "cattiness" in both genders, but in my own experiences I've found that more often women jump to judgments and try to bring down other women more quickly than men. That being said I do think women on the whole just "feel" emotions- any emotion- more strongly. I have also seen the inspiring side that you talk of. :thumbsup:

[DizneyRox]

Most women are catty... My wife agrees, it's just how they are, they can't help it. I'm sure there are catty men as well, but in general. A woman sees and old friend from high school. Here's a top 5 of things going through their mind:

1. Wow, she's put on a lot of weight
2. I wonder if she's still married to the same guy
3. That's a small diamond
4. Her clothes/hair/shoes are out of style
5. Compare kids

Guys, at least the ones I know, not so much, MAYBE #5 for bragging rights.

That's all I caulk it up to...

[crazypoohbear]

maybe the online article you had to read was suppose to open a dialogue about how sterotypes are still alive and well?
As for the girl's comments in your class I would send her a note and ask her what she meant by her comment. ( I know you are shy by nature and wouldn't ask her to her face, so maybe a note would help)
Maybe she didn't know you didn't write that speech and really thought you were exposing your own views, this would be a chance to enlighten her twofold!
I personally don't care if women stay home with their kidss or work. As long as they are taking care of the kids and they are happy what does it matter.
The only time I have a problem is when the kids are being neglected or feel unloved.
I know of one couple that have a kid and most people didn't even know that they had a child.
this "child" is now 19 years old and has had several runins with the law, barely graduated high school and is using drugs and alcohol.
Parents were completely unenvolved in his life, he acts out to try to get them to pay attention to him. This is a problem for me!
To me, being a feminist is making the best choices for your family and yourself. and having the right to make those decisions.

[MNNHFLTX]

Back in my youth, the hey-dey of feminism was in full swing and it certainly influenced my viewpoint about myself and what opportunities were open to me (or should be) as a woman. Trouble is (or was) a lot of people perceived a certain portion of the movement to be "militant feminists" and I think that was threatening to many used to the norms of a previous time. Since then, the term "feminism" has continued to foster a negative association. However, the efforts of those who believe that women should have the same choices as men has had a profound effect even on the people who disdain it, such as the girl in your class who offered such worthless criticism. So take her comments for what they are--an example of how women now have the right to speak their minds, albeit in ignorance.

For myself, I have long since expanded my mindset and consider myself a "humanist"--someone who believes all people, regardless of race/gender/religion should have the same rights and responsibilities in regards to their existence on this earth.

[DVC2004]

Wow! I agree though that *some* women can be very, very critical of one another. And- in the case of your classmate grading you- that's really what it sounds like. I know someone like this and it's truly sad that the only way they can feel better about themsleves is to cut someone else down. You have to feel sorry for people like that.

It is surprising in this day and age that people would say these things but like anything else, I am sure there are still people out there who think that way. It's not the majority but there is always somebody.

My husband is commissioner of his fantasy football league. Last year a woman coworker wanted to join (it was all men) and several of them got angry about it! She didn't join, I don't remember why. This year I joined. I am the first and only female playing and 2 of the guys actually got mad and will not talk to me. They have said some pretty bad things I am told. Isn't that rediculous? It's a game!

And for the record, I am a successful working mom and I make more $$ than every guy in that league (although I woould never say that to them). So, yeah...

Anyway don't take that student's comments personally. I really think it sounds more like jealousy.

[garymacd]

One thing I have learned about criticism:

If it is all negative with no constructive content to it, pitch it, burn it, shred it, whatever makes you feel that you have done something about it.

No one has the power to make you feel bad about yourself or belittle you in private or public, unless you give them that power.

Come to think of it, I might use her comments as the basis of an assignment I would have to present to the class.

Okay, so I am a little vindictive. Just remember to keep a positive spin on your comments, such as, "While the comments initially hurt, I realised that, yes I may be a little boring but I guess I am a feminist if that means getting equal treatment under the law and in society. If that what it takes, then I will never get over myself."

Go get her!

[pink]

Let me just say you are all awesome, you always know just what to say. :mickey:

Garymacd- That is what I plan to do, toss her page and keep all the positive and helpful ones. I wish I could use her paper as an topic for a next speech, I would be motivated for that one.

DVC2004- I can't believe that! Anyone should have the right to play.

Crazypoohbear- That article wasn't an open dialogue about how stereotypes are alive and well, although I wish it were. The person who wrote that article flat out spoke about how all woman except her and her friend are dim, obsessive over Oprah and Celine Dion, and should all give up and stay home. As for the girl in class, I would give her a note but I didn't want to give the satisfaction that she hurt me.

Tink2002- Well said.

Payroll Princess- I wondered that too, maybe she wasn't paying attention because the assingment was to recite a famous speech.

Marylynne95- I think everyone should do what makes them happy. :mickey:

MadamLeona- I took time with every persons grading sheet when they presented. Everyone else in the class was respectful but not her. It is amazing how one rude person can ruin all the wonderful other things people wrote.

Overall, I starting to think this girl just has issues. I heard her address our female professor today as "lady". You should have seen the look on the teachers face. I didn't hear if she corrected her or not. Next time I won't let her get to me.

I'm sorry I didn't write back to everyone but you all made great points. Thanks again. :mickey: