Need help on how to handle a situation

[kcrc]

Hi all - Looking for some feedback on how to handle a situation...

I help coach my daughter's cheer team. There is a head coach and 4 assistants (I am one of the assistants - the most recent one added to the staff). There are also a few older girls that help out.

One of the assistant coaches is a young adult who does not have any children on the team, but does so because she loves to cheer. This assistant has been tasked with making up a number of the routines in the past, and she has done well.

Now, I loved to cheer as well, though many more years ago... So, being part of the coaching staff has been fun and a great way for me to participate in something that I loved. I enjoy trying to learn all that I can and watch videos, etc. to get as many ideas as possible. I constantly have routines, formations, etc. going through my head seeing what may be new and exciting.

Now for the problem... our young coach does not seem to like suggestions/feedback from anyone - especially me of course. And, she's very lax in getting things done. So, if our head coach gives a deadline of 2 weeks to have something done, our young coach will never seem to meet this deadline. I try to come up with some ideas so that we have something to work with as a starting point. Then of course, my ideas are deemed to be ridiculous, the young coach does everything BUT what I've suggested, and then proceeds to do it on her own timetable. Our head coach does nothing to stop this cycle. Usually once the final product is delivered, our head coach is so happy just to have ANYTHING that she doesn't question what's been delivered.

Obviously a whole power struggle thing going on here. Are all my ideas good? Absolutely not. But, I hope to put ideas out there to start dialogue among ALL of the coaches, and get input from everyone. But, 2 assistants never offer opinions, and the head coach never wants to offend anyone or step on toes, so usually doesn't make a decision. So that leaves me and the young coach. Again, I'd love to be able to sit around and brainstorm, and come up with awesome plans. But, that doesn't seem to happen. And of course, I start to wonder if my suggestions are really that bad, etc., but then I will talk to other coaches outside of our program, and they will echo my comments/suggestions, so then I think that at least some of my thinking is on target. I never try to be mean or disrespectful, although I'm sure it's interpreted that way.

Now, the real issue is - do I just step aside and offer no input and let this young coach have her way? Do I hold my ground and continue to try to offer ideas even though they seem to get shot down time after time? My biggest fear is that this young coach will end up taking something out on my daughter - and since the kids are the ultimate reason why we're there, I would NEVER do anything to impact all the hard work my daughter does.

What would you do???

[Disney Doll]

I would let it go. If your daughter is happy and having fun then that's all that matters. It would be nice to have more of a cooperative environment, but as the new guy you're going to have a very difficult time changing the way things have always been done and it's likely more trouble than it's worth. If the head coach decides the missed deadlines are something to worry about she'll address it.

[crazypoohbear]

How about starting a diologue using EMAIL.
CC everyone and when replying reply to everyone. That way it is truly a TEAM effort and sometimes the people who won't speak up in person will do so on email.
That way you can keep everyone current on how things are progressing and what ideas have been bantied about.
The young one will not be able to bully everyone via email and some of your ideas might bet picked up by the other coaches and used.
Or the ideas could be revamped and made even better.
don't let her bully her way through everyone, (and bullying is what she is doing)
Smile and hold your ground.

[SBETigg]

I would meet with all the coaches to discuss it. Ask the head coach to define what everyone's role is in the process. Don't be afraid to mention that you have offered ideas and would like to continue to do so, but you have been discouraged by the other coach-- not in a way that you're reporting her, but in a way that asks if you were overstepping your bounds, or if maybe you could continue to offer ideas because you enjoy it and think you could bring some good ideas to the team. Group brainstorming can only make for a stronger team, better routines, etc.

Honestly, I would absolutely not do it in email. Emails are so easily misconstrued because of the lack of tone. It might seem witchy when you don't mean it that way at all, and then it's in writing, on permanent record (which could be good or bad, depending). I think the personal touch is required here, but keeping it all in a warm, friendly tone with the goal of being the best team you can be.

[Cinderelley]

What do the kids think of the ideas? They are the reason you are there, so let them guide your response. You don't mention their ages, but remember that you are setting an example for your daughter no matter which way you go. Think about how you would like to teach her to handle the situation.
If my daughter was young and only on this team temporarily, I would let it pass. If she is older and involved in the team over several years, I would be more inclined to leave it up to the girls. If they like your ideas and want to include them, then fight for it. If they're not too interested in them, let them fall to the way side and ask your daughter for more insight into what the kids are looking for.

[kcrc]

Thanks for the feedback so far... Just to answer some of the points...

- Have tried emailing all coaches with ideas, and asked for feedback/opinions/suggestions in return. I'm either met with silence or claims of not receiving the emails.
- Head coach is very aware of this. But avoids bringing it up to the young coach because she doesn't like confrontation.
- We have had meetings to discuss roles, etc. But then folks seem to go back to doing what they want to when they want to anyway.
- The girls are 10 - 11. As for what the girls want/like, it's hard to say. Yes, I bounce ideas off my daughter, but she is my daughter, so she may be more likely to agree just because. Unfortunately, we don't always have lots of time to teach things 2 ways to see which one works out better.
- I will also say that the young coach is very against "outside" feedback too. There are a couple adults from outside our program who coach/judge that come occassionally to see how we're doing and offer feedback. I look at that as a wonderful opportunity to get a "professional" opinion, to learn from them, and to give the girls a better routine. She takes it personally almost as if they are criticizing her work and fights any of their suggestions.

I'm sure I will end up "giving in" just so that there is no conflict and tension going around. The girls and the adults don't need that. But I feel as though I'm buying a toy for a kid who just had a temper-tantrum in the middle of Toys-R-Us.

[Mousefever]

I think that the fact that you've brought up some of the issues in email before, and received NO response, indicates the lack of willingness on behalf of the head coach to deal with the younger coach. If the head coach avoids confrontation, she is not going to address the issue, and you will end up looking like the pushy bad guy. I would definitely let it go, unless letting it go would, in some way, hurt your daughter. Some people are insecure enough that any input is seen as criticism. Obviously the younger coach falls into that category.

Good luck.

Amy

[crazypoohbear]

If you have emailed, spoken with, and had meetings and nothing has changed then nothing will change, sadly.
Unless it means a lot to you and you are willing to bring up suggestions and ideas, and when young coach turns you down and you are ready and willing to stand your ground then you have hit a dead end. Sorry to say but that is how I see it.
Unfortunately the kids will suffer in the end because they will learn that you can't have an opinion on this team and by the other coaches backing down the girls are also not learning how to stand up for what they believe in.
You should be able to have a give and take relationship but I don't see that happening here.
Good luck

[SBETigg]

Considering you've already tried so many things, I'm not sure you can do much but just go with the flow and enjoy contributing what you can. I wouldn't stop trying to get my ideas out there. But with a head coach who prefers to avoid confrontation and the young one who insists on going her own way, I can't imagine you'll get far in making changes. I hope you continue to enjoy it and that the girls are getting what they want and need out of it, too. Good for you for getting involved and finding something you can do with your girls. I hope it gets to be less frustrating.

[brownie]

Talk to the head coach about it. You could also talk to the assistant coach about it privately (not in front of the team.)

[Jeniflower]

you said the other two assistants never offer opnions. have you tried getting them on side. if they could be encouraged to offer opnions or you showed you where working together, then that might help.

i bet they have ideas but just don't know how to offer them. sometimes suggestions backed by more than one person have a better impact.

I'm not suggesting you go behind the other persons back, just active postive encouragement. You sound like an active positive person anyaway

Good luck