Lying! What would you do?

[Tinkermom]

First off let me say that I HATE lying and I just need to vent!

I work in children's ministry at a large church (15,000 members) and I direct our elementary program. I have caught one my Sunday school teachers in a lie twice now. This is a woman who consistently shows up late for class and laughs about it. Most just know that she is habitually late. Her fellow teachers cover for her and do not mind so I have just let this go all year. She is friends with some former children's staff who have moved on to other ministry areas. They seem to think this type of behavior is endearing and laughed about it when she volunteered for them.

Anyway, this volunteer has called out sick now about 5 times in the past 2 months mostly claiming that her kids are sick. One of the times she e-mailed me to tell me that her husband was sick and so were her kids so she needed to stay home to take care of everyone. Then that afternoon she posts to Facebook (we are friends on FB) talking about all the fun things she did that day including yoga, a class, time with friends, etc!!!!:mad: Guess everyone got well really fast!

Today she e-mails me and says she has a "gardner's back and did way too much in the yard yesterday." She then says she is on muscle relaxers that make her feel weird and won't be able to come in. Then just now she posts to her facebook that she just got back from a "ladies luncheon" and has switched back to her "gardner clothes" to work in the yard!!!:mad::mad:

I understand when things come up. Just do the right thing and TELL THE TRUTH (it is one of the 10 Commandments after all)! How can someone teach kids about God and then act like this??

Just to be clear, I NEVER make my volunteers feel like they cannot come to me and tell me they need off. I always let them know that I understand and that I will take care of making sure we are covered.

Ok, thanks! I feel better now. :)

[Lakin]

Wow, that's ridiculous. Sorry to hear you're in that situation! I'm not sure what I would do.

Maybe you should talk to someone important in your church about it and they can do something about it?

[crazypoohbear]

I would face book her after she posts that she just returned from a ladies luncheon and say "Oh, I thought when you called you said such and such, am I mistaken?"
You need to call her on it.
If you don't you are condoning what she is doing.
OR you could call her and said that "you told me such and such, then you posted on face book this and that. I want you to know that if you have something come up I would prefer a straight excuse rather than something made up"
I know someone who lies all the time and when you call them on it, they lie more so you might not get anywhere but at least they will be on notice that they need to be more creative with you!!!

[Mousefever]

I can understand your need to vent! It sounds like either she is totally clueless or thumbing her nose at you. Why else would she post her fun activities on Facebook, when she is supposed to be ailing or taking care of sick family members?

Will you have enough Sunday school teachers next year to let her "retire" from the job? It seems that she's not well suited to the commitment it takes to be a Sunday school teacher.

Amy

[ibelieveindisneymagic]

I'm sorry to hear you're in a tough spot.

I'm Co-ordinate Children's Ministry at at our church, and getting and keeping good volunteers is always one of the biggest problems :)

As hard as it is going to be, I would call this woman and ask her to come in for a meeting. I don't know if you have a Director, or someone else from the staff who could join you in the meeting, but if possible, it would be good. At the meeting I would address all of your concerns, her lateness, her attendance issues, let her know that she doesn't seem to take her position seriously, etc. Maybe she's just not really interested in this ministry any more, but doesn't know how to get out of it!

Either way, you need to express the requirements of the position, that she is on-time and in attendance when she is supposed to be there, and that she isn't meeting those requirements.

It doesn't seem like she is a fit for your ministry anymore. Ministry is a priviledge, not a right, and you don't have to have her back in the fall (or whenever your new session starts).

Sometimes we all need a change, being in the same position too long isn't good, you get into a rut.

If she really wants to stay in Children's Ministry, perhaps there is another job she could help with, such as preparing the supplies for Sunday, taking classroom attendance, etc.

I am sorry for this, it is frustrating when adults can't be truthful, something we all expect from our kids.

[SBETigg]

Lisa, wow, I can understand your frustration. It's bad enough that she's lying, but that she's also so muddled that she brags of her activities on Facebook, not realizing that you're her Facebook friend and see those updates? She's either bold or stupid, or an odd combination of both. In any case, I would be frustrated by her behavior as well. Can you fire her? I would at least try to talk with her. Sorry that you have to deal with this.

[BluewaterBrad]

JESUS is KING!! But............too much for a Disney site.:mickey:

[Tinkermom]

JESUS is KING!! But............too much for a Disney site.:mickey:

I have no idea what that means but anyway...

Thanks everyone! After some thought and prayer I am much calmer now. I do plan on talking with this gal. I know I made her seem like she was not into ministry at all but she is really good with the kids (when she is there :)). She has already told me she wants to volunteer again next year. I think we just need to chat so that I can let her know that I would much prefer honesty and to remind her that I can see her FB status! ;)

[DisneyPrincess21]

JESUS is KING!! But............too much for a Disney site.:mickey:


I have no idea what that means but anyway...

I too was confused by that comment. And seeing as how this is the "water cooler" section, I think non disney related topics posted in this section are just fine :thumbsup:
I hope your situation works out and you find all the words you need to say so you can approach her in the correct and Christlike way. Good luck! :thumbsup:

[tinksmom02]

I would tell her that her behavior is not demonstrating her committment, and i would be hesitant to ask her back for next year.

I agree with what someone else said, as well, if you know about it and choose to do nothing, you're condoning it. Let me butcher a quote here: "to choose not to act is an act itself." Or something. :)

Has she forgotten that she's your Facebook friend? :confused:

[JPL]

My solution to a liar is simple catch them in the lie :thedolls: Especially when you have specifics like the luncheon. I would ask how was your luncheon last week. And enjoy the show!

[brownie]

Volunteers can be fired, too. Whether she's lying or not doesn't seem as important as the fact that she's not there to do the job she volunteered to do. Maybe you could enlist the help of your pastor but it seems to me she is doing a great disservice by not being present when she should be.

[Disney-4-Me]

Children learn by our example. Just the fact that she is tardy frequently sends a message to the children in her class that she has something more important to do than be on time to teach them. That is not the lesson children should be learning.

If she also lies frequently, you can bet the children know that too. I wouldn't think she is the best person for the job. Maybe you would be blessing someone else with the opportunity to step up and teach if you give this one a year off.

Good luck!;)

[jillluvsdisney]

She sounds very disrespectful. I would ask why acts that way. I wouldn't sit and stew about it, I;d come right out and ask. Being late all the time shows she has a lack of common courtesy. The latecomer thinks they are more important than anyone else. It's not cute or endearing. If she has become so unreliable, why even keep her as a volunteer? Good Luck.