PDA

View Full Version : Group Leader Feels Responsible?



Goes4FastPass
03-26-2009, 03:57 PM
I'll bet many people who post on Intercot are their family's / extended family's / friends and family group leader when they head to the land of the purple road signs.

Does it ever seem like too much to anyone besides me?

Everyone has their expectations and priorities. The one attraction being refurbed is the one Henry can't live without. Nancy turned down a Dole Whip yesterday but now she really wants a Dole Whip, right now, really really... in EPCOT.

Group members ask, "why can't we pick a restaurant when we're ready to eat?" when you, after polling the group set an alarm and pounded out the ADRs months ago.

Gina put sunscreen on the kids but not herself. It's OK, group leaders pack aloe (and we know which Kissimee drug stores are open 24 hours).

Then there's the friend who's already bored and the friend who's already broke.

I feel responsible for everyone in my group having a great time.

So sometimes I feel like I need a vacation from the vacation.

Yet, when my group says, "we're ready to go back" I whip out my calendar and say, "Let's get started!"

Oh well...

homeschool mom
03-26-2009, 04:39 PM
Those are reasons whey we have never travelled to WDW with a large group!

My future SIL and her family go down every other year, but we have never gone together. Our touring strategies are far too different! They like to sleep in and take their time in the parks. We get up early and practically run all day long, and that's the way we like it!

Our family of 7 is a big enough group for me to plan for and keep happy! :mickey:

deedeebee
03-26-2009, 04:46 PM
Yes, I knew I wasn't the only one!! :blush: I have to make ADR's Wednesday, alot to consider! But at least I'll be at the Poly:thumbsup: Have a great trip:mickey:

SBETigg
03-26-2009, 04:48 PM
Never a problem for me. I go with my dear ones who love to do what I love to do, just the four of us. And we can separate when we need to now that the kids are older, but we most often stay together anyway. Bliss.

Cinderelley
03-26-2009, 04:56 PM
What works for me is -

I plan which park we'll be at and make an ADR. If it's for breakfast, we'll all go to breakfast together and then everyone goes to do their own thing for the rest of the day. That's usually only at MK (Crystal Palace) and Epcot (Princesses). Most of the days, everyone knows when and where to meet up for dinner and does their own thing throughout the day.

We usually bump into each other several times throughout the day, so the individual groups change. My daughter will go with my older sister's daughters to ride stuff. My Mom spends some time here and some time there.

I find it much more relaxing than trying to plan every minute for everyone and keep everyone happy.

dumbo ears
03-26-2009, 08:45 PM
Ya I have felt its too much but the way i see it is if I can just get at least one person to hae fun the whole time then im doin alright. Last Christmas I took my family of 4, my sister and her husband, then my uncles family of 4 and I was in charge. Im only 17 and i was in charge of making all these people havin a good time and becoming disney fans. Well it was 10 in all and my uncles family has never gone before so I wanted them to have the best possible trip and I think I did. The only one out of their family that didn't like it was my uncle who complained about the prices but who cares. Also I got my sister to really like WDW and she never did before so I must be doing something right.

JPL
03-26-2009, 08:53 PM
I am actually travelling with my cousin and here 4 year old twin boys in June. Luckily so far she has said you are the expert take care of the plans and just keep me informed :thumbsup:

Some Magical Journeys help a few calls some discussion about ADRs and a few minutes online and we're all set to go :mickey:

DANAM
03-26-2009, 09:38 PM
First trip I went on with my kids I went with just 8 people and it was a mess. I swore if I went with family again I will have my itenary and they will follow it or we are seperating.I know some please her think it takes the fun out of the trip but for my family one of the smoothest trips we have had was when it was all planned out.
My aunt's family, part of the 8 we went with, is going in May/June. I gracefully declined the invit since we are planning a big Christmas trip. She is having me do all her resevations and she just asked me to put an itenary together for her. Believe me she thought I was nuts when I wanted to do it a couple years ago so I didn't now that we have been and things have gone much smoother she wants it.
I love planning Disney trips it my favorite thing to do but it's very hard to accomidate everyone and I don't think anyone apprieciates all the hard work we put in.

DANAM
03-26-2009, 09:41 PM
My future SIL and her family go down every other year, but we have never gone together. Our touring strategies are far too different! They like to sleep in and take their time in the parks. We get up early and practically run all day long, and that's the way we like it!

:

I forgot I wanted to quote you this is exactly what we have to deal with when we go!!!

Imagineer1981
03-26-2009, 11:32 PM
the worst part for me is keeping the schedule. Telling everyone its time to go to make an ADR or fireworks or whatever

WDW_Obsessed
03-27-2009, 09:21 AM
I have only had a bad experience with a large group of extended family once, and there was indeed one BIG HUGE BREAKDOWN:fit: from the self appointed group leader. It was my sister, and I felt bad for her as I think the stress of making everyone happy was just too much for her. However, we learned our lesson and go in smaller groups now, or split the big groups up into who wants to do what, and when they want to do it. :mickey:

Stich8818
03-27-2009, 12:34 PM
I can understand were you are coming from. That is why my family(DW and DD) go to the world alone. We have talked about taking people with us but I am always thinking that in the back of my mind. I have tried before planning things out at diffrent amusement parks and they just end up not going to way I wanted it too.

Scar
03-27-2009, 01:12 PM
A couple of years ago, my parents treated us kids and their grandkids to a week at WDW. 11 of us in all. Everybody kind of appointed me leader (except for the ADR’s, the women took care of that.) Well, the first morning we are at MGM and I try to get everybody on the same page and get things moving. We ended up spending a half an hour standing in the middle of Sunset Blvd doing nothing but BSing. I gave up, never again suggested anything, just made sure I showed up for the ADR’s, and had a wonderful vacation.

tys_mommy
03-27-2009, 01:33 PM
I love traveling with groups but when we go it's made clear here are my family's intentions, if you would like to join us we would love to have you but remember this is our vacation too so we are looking out for number 1.

Disney Doll
03-27-2009, 01:36 PM
Yeah group trips are stressful. Everyone knows DH and I love WDW so I know expectations are high from all of our raving. I just want everyone to enjoy it as much as I do which is probably impossible. I make a lot of the decisions so if I'm not careful I sometimes let myself feel responsible if someone's not happy.

MIL is the worst. She always insists on staying at the same resort as us, but will find some reason to complain about her room. She is also guaranteed to dislike at least one meal a day. She doesn't like all the walking, she's always either too hot or too cold, she thinks it's too expensive, etc, etc. She's a complainer and it's really irritating.

iheartdisney
03-27-2009, 01:42 PM
Group members ask, "why can't we pick a restaurant when we're ready to eat?" when you, after polling the group set an alarm and pounded out the ADRs months ago.

Our daughter recently went with a school group and complained the whole time about how unorganzied it was. As a result, they barely had any time for the attractions they wanted and according to her the food choices were horrible. During some "free" time she tried to show her friends how it was really done and tried getting into some of her favorite TS restaurants. No luck, they were all full. So she said to me, "I know I tease you all the time about your obsessive planning but it really makes a difference. The trips with you are so much better than this!"

I'm sure the disgruntled members of your party would feel the same way given the opportunity to travel with someone less experienced!

iheartdisney
03-27-2009, 01:44 PM
MIL is the worst. She always insists on staying at the same resort as us, but will find some reason to complain about her room. She is also guaranteed to dislike at least one meal a day. She doesn't like all the walking, she's always either too hot or too cold, she thinks it's too expensive, etc, etc. She's a complainer and it's really irritating.

Although my in-laws weren't quite this bad, we did experience some of the above behavior and said to ourselves, never again. Now, whenever my in-laws talk about our trip with them they glow about how wonderful it was. I guess you never can tell with some people!

Daisy'sMom
03-27-2009, 02:47 PM
This has been bothering me alot. We are going with a total of 18 (family reunion), and I know I will feel responsible if one does not like this or that. DH says not to take it personal, but it will be hard (it is his family) when someone complains about something. Wish me luck!:sick:

EeyoresBestFriend
03-27-2009, 03:26 PM
This has been bothering me alot. We are going with a total of 18 (family reunion), and I know I will feel responsible if one does not like this or that. DH says not to take it personal, but it will be hard (it is his family) when someone complains about something. Wish me luck!:sick:

ME, TOO !

My DH always is telling me not to take it personally but it's sooo hard not to when I've gone through so much talking and planning with them to try and ensure that it is good!! :(
And the wierd thing is that out of 7 people, everyone tries to accomodate the 1 crabby one ( who, IMHO, seems determined to drag everyone down) and it seems to curb the fun for the rest. Makes me want to kick their whiney little butt!! :mad:
I chant in my mind "Happy Place ~ Happy Place" alot though . . . :thumbsup:

andreallybadeggs
03-27-2009, 06:26 PM
I've had some good experiences but also had my feelings hurt although I try to ignore the criticisms. Until someone has done that kind of planning themselves they just don't get it. One friend was unhappy that I had made lunch ADR's at a time when she was not really hungry--and later was furious that it was raining when she wanted to swim.
Another trip one of my group complained incessantly to others just loud enough to make sure I would hear. She hadn't really wanted to take the trip but came because her daughter begged her. 2 years later she arranged a WDW trip for her own family and made a point to contact me and apologize. She said she now understood how much time and effort I had spent to make everything really special and that she wished she had appreciated it more at the time. That made me feel better. Now if I can just learn to control the weather for the other gal I'm set. ;)

beksy
03-27-2009, 06:53 PM
I'm the trip planner, mostly because I LOVE to plan! Plus, when it comes to Disney I'm the one that enjoys reading books and especially spending time on this site. I'm lucky--the only people I have traveled with since I've been the one doing the planning is my sister and now the next one will be my mom and sister. We are best friends and like most of the same things so touring isn't really an issue. I make a tentative schedule but when my sister wanted to go on a ride at a different park, we made a side trip and it was no big deal. Since our likes are so similar, on rides, foods, and everything else, I can pretty much just go with a plan I know I will like. At the beginning I ask if there are any special requests (like this trip my mom wants to take a backstage tour) and make sure to plan those in and then just fill out the rest. My sister and I go through the resorts and pick out one together (but this trip is all for mom and her biggest wish was to stay at CR in a theme park view and Dad was too cheap to even look into staying onsite on her previous trips so that was a no-brainer). For ADRs, I pick out the ones that I think we will like the best and then run them by the others, making sure to catch any must-do's and then use that list to finalize everything. So far it's worked out really well. Our extended family (even Dad) would make things a lot more complicated!

It'sWDW4me
03-27-2009, 08:35 PM
I think the trip planning is such a huge part of the whole experience. Where should we eat - well let's take a look at the menus for the park we'll be in that day... What shows :fworks: or parades are offered and what time do they start?... What rides are being refurbished (hope it's not x or y)? All that research pumps me up and I can't wait to experience it!!! :joy:

My first trip (me, DS - then 5, my mom, my youngest brother - also then 5) down was a real eye-opener. I had no idea what I was in for and all that I would ultimately miss. I was a little better prepared for our second trip but now..... now I KNOW.

Unfortunately, our second trip was in Aug 2006. I was still learning the necessity of pre-planning but wasn't very adamant that we had a plan in place. I had been after mom for months beforehand to get something, anything, even loosely, to go by but she kept waving me off. On the third morning of our trip, I very literally started crying when, as the boys were still sleeping soundly at 11 am, she lightly tosses out that we should have planned something out. Are ya kidding me!?!?!?! :blowup:

Aug 2007 was just me and my son. :thumbsup:

Aug 2008, mom and brother were included again. I got so darned frustrated that my mom, not the kids, was my biggest :bang:. "Why do you need to make dining reservations so far in advance?" Because we're going during Free Dining, Mom, if you'd like to eat something other than burgers or pizza twice a day for the whole trip, we've gotta get ADR's now. "Why don't we just plan our days when we get down there?" :shake:

I had each of the boys pick a TS restaurant; I made checklists containing all of the attractions for each park and had them list up to three things in each park that they absolutely HAD to do; and I pretty much chose the rest - mom kept saying she'd get back to me on her picks. Never did get any input from her. The boys and I at least had a pretty darned good time - we did everything on our "must do" lists plus a lot from our "want to do" lists plus we had some nice, relaxing, down time. Mom still doesn't get my obsession. Oh, well. :shrug:

javamama
03-27-2009, 09:37 PM
I have only had a bad experience with a large group of extended family once, and there was indeed one BIG HUGE BREAKDOWN:fit: from the self appointed group leader. It was my sister, and I felt bad for her as I think the stress of making everyone happy was just too much for her. However, we learned our lesson and go in smaller groups now, or split the big groups up into who wants to do what, and when they want to do it. :mickey:

Did you witness my breakdown moment last year:-o This was me, and our group of 10, it was my BIL first time, and my future BIL first time. My dh had my ds and never felt his cell phone ringing all day long at Epcot in his cargo shorts so once I saw him(btw this was after 2 cans of pop exploded in the fridge in our suite and no one came to clean it up after 2 hours:mad: so I did )So I then exploded on dh, and the fireworks all started in front of Soarin for everyone to see:-o
This year I promise to be better:blush:

TheVBs
03-28-2009, 08:31 AM
Oh man, I can sooo relate to this! I've never done it for a big group, but sometimes just our family of four is a challenge. It can be very hard not to take complaints personally when you've worked so hard.

DH has gotten much, much better, but he used to be difficult. Just getting him to agree to a vacation would be the first challenge, where to go the second, what to do, how long to stay, etc. Our last WDW trip was the first time I planned an itinerary and made ADRs and he really dug his heels in over it. It turned out to be our best WDW vacation to date! So he's being appreciative this year. :cool:

My biggest problem with DH used to be his expectations - what we could reasonably fit into one day, how much the kids could take before needing a break, what we would be able to ride with kids in tow.

Since we can't afford a Disney trip every year, we usually go somewhere else every other year. Once we chose this resort in Maine that I read an article about in a magazine. It gave the impression that this was a family resort with awesome things for kids to do. The "Kids' Camp" turned out to be glorified day care. It was primarily a golf resort, and there was very little geared for our youngest child. I tried my best to stay positive but DH and the DDs were so miserable! The food was awful. AND to add insult to injury, it cost us more to stay a few days there than it would have to stay a week at WDW!:mad: Just remembering it makes me feel homicidal.

spoiledraf
03-28-2009, 08:49 AM
I am currently losing sleep over it all. We are going as a family for the first time in 15 years. My wife wanted to take our kids and grandkids for our 35th wedding anniversary. We started out with a BC Villa but we decided that was a little too close together so we rebooted our plans and got individual rooms. Already a whine, no washer and dryer for the kids clothes! UGH! The planning has turned into pretty much ADRs and which park in the morning. Pretty much early dinner ADRs leave the evenings for where ever you want to go. My sons kids are early risers and early to bed. By daughters son, due to their life schedule, is late riser, late to bed. Not sure how that will all play out but we have planned lots of mid day nap time in the schedule. Say a little prayer for me. This is going to cost me a fortune and I just want it to go smooth.:mickey:

ljv1975
03-28-2009, 12:40 PM
I have tried to get some of my family members to go on a trip with us, but no one is ever interested. I admit, part of me is relieved that it's always just me, DH and the kids because then I don't have to worry and stress out so much.
DH is pretty laid back and he just goes along with whatever I decide and the kids are still pretty young, so they have no choice but to follow my plan, lol! I'm sure as they get older they'll have definite opinions, but for now I take the reigns and we always have a great time!
It's hard enough to plan for just the four of us - making sure we have something planned for everyone and all have a good time. Kudos to all of you who plan for large groups. I don't think I'd even want to try.

brownie
03-28-2009, 01:14 PM
You can only do your best. Maybe you only do a few things as a group and let them sort the rest out on their own. Sometimes experience is the best teacher...

Soul_Power
03-28-2009, 01:23 PM
I've never planned a group trip to WDW, but whenever I plan any event or even suggest a restaurant, I really hope that the people going have a great time or else I feel responsible!!

TikiGoddess
03-28-2009, 03:03 PM
I love traveling with groups but when we go it's made clear here are my family's intentions, if you would like to join us we would love to have you but remember this is our vacation too so we are looking out for number 1.

I am in the midst of planning our 10 day August trip. It's me, my hubby, and two girls (4 & 6). Now we also have DH's colleague (with DH and two girls) there at the same time, along with DH's brother (and DW, DS, DS, and DD), other brother, and mom! A total of 15 people.

I am hoping to follow the previous poster's example. We will plan a couple of meals together (although everyone probably thinks I'm nuts booking 90 days out) but other than that we're playing it by ear. I can only imagine trying to keep everyone in a group happy...

Any other advice, please post!
Kathy

Cinderelley
03-28-2009, 08:58 PM
I am in the midst of planning our 10 day August trip. It's me, my hubby, and two girls (4 & 6). Now we also have DH's colleague (with DH and two girls) there at the same time, along with DH's brother (and DW, DS, DS, and DD), other brother, and mom! A total of 15 people.

I am hoping to follow the previous poster's example. We will plan a couple of meals together (although everyone probably thinks I'm nuts booking 90 days out) but other than that we're playing it by ear. I can only imagine trying to keep everyone in a group happy...

Any other advice, please post!
Kathy


Yes, everyone will think you are nuts, but they will really appreciate it in the end. I couldn't get my family to plan anything. My Mom's favorite saying is "Just tell me when to be where and I'll be there." But I picked the restaurants and sent out menus to everyone. I also created a calendar with which park on which day, emh hours and adr info. That way everyone would wake with a clue about what they were doing that day. I also ordered planning DVDs for everyone. They did watch them.

Even though they thought I was going overboard when I was planning it, now they say its the best vacation they've ever had and want me to plan more. I have to say I'm tired of hearing "Just tell me when to be where and I'll be there" for our Alaskan cruise. It's a lot harder to plan things in Alaska that will suit everyone from a 2 year old to a 69 year old.

Daddy Mouse
03-28-2009, 09:47 PM
This is where the spirit of my father stays with me. DW and I have been diagnosed with ODPD (Obsessive Disney Planning Disorder). But when we are with a larger group. I just say here it what we're (DW and I) are doing, come with us if you want. Once MIL started to complain and I just said "This is a vacation, you can do what you want. If you're tired go back to your room, if you're thirsty get something to drink, if you're hungry, eat. You will not hurt my feelings by doing something other than I do but, Don't complain to me, because I do not care!(That was my dad channeling thru me)

thejens
03-29-2009, 12:57 AM
Loving Daddy-Mouse! I plan a great detailed vacation and let everyone know they can come along and stick with the itinerary, or do whatever they would like to do. I, however, am going to follow the plan I have made. I do ask for preferences and try to plan for the group (princesses when my niece comes; Indiana Jones for the nephews>) I have been fortunate to have wonderful trips with my family and extended family. To add a little perspective, I am very sad this year to be going without my Mom. She recently, and unexpectedly, passed away. I don't want to be a downer in any way, but treasure the time you have with your family and try to find the idiosyncracies endearing if you can!

pixiesmimi
03-29-2009, 05:00 PM
DDs and I are obsessive planners but DHs always throw a monkey wrench into the works sometime during the day with complaints of some kind. My DH is happy as long as he has an input into the dining. Doesn't care about the rest. Last time we went with DD's family, all we did was argue about what we were going to do and complain about schedules and where we were eating. DH said the next time we were going alone. :) We did, I let him help plan things and gave him an ultimatum about no complaining. We had the best trip we have ever had. I hope our trip in August goes as well. But the next trip with the whole family will be planned ADRs and after that, everyone can do their own thing and meet up to eat. It isn't worth having your trip ruined over it.

TheVBs
03-29-2009, 05:11 PM
We've had my mom, my mom and sister, and my mil come along in the past. My mom and sister were easy, they weren't really interested in all there was to do at Disney, more interested in watching the girls experience it. They were very laid back and felt comfortable doing their own thing which was great.

I was so worried when my mil went with us last time. She can be a complainer! But, she was really awesome! She was so into everything we did it made us enjoy our trip even more. And she was so appreciative of all the planning I did. We're really bummed she can't come with us this year.

Thejens, I am so, so sorry about your mom. It's really wonderful that you have some great memories from Disney.

playdead88
03-29-2009, 05:30 PM
the past 4 years my parents have come with us and they just think its great that i do all the planning - so much so they dont do anything but pack and show up at the airport when i tell them to be there - it drives me insane! so all week i feel responsible for their good time - by the 3rd year it was better since they knew their way around but still i felt like i was responsible because i did all the planning - this year they arent coming with us - they went to florida for a week in january with my aunt and uncle instead - and guess what mom planned her butt off for that vacation - anyway part of me (a small part) will miss them but i am so looking forward to a week of just dh me and the kids :mickey: it will be our 1st disney vacation just us

brer frog
03-29-2009, 07:19 PM
I go down with a large group every year, for the past few, and my mentality, is, I do what I want to do, and if people want to tag along, great, if not then oh well.

I'm on vacation too, and it isn't up to me to plan everyone's day.

disneymom2000
03-29-2009, 09:13 PM
I AM the planner no matter what destination the family or extended family and friends choose. But when it comes to Disney, I do it all for everyone. I make the hotel lists for them to choose from, I make the ADR's and research the EMH's and special events. And I do it because I love Disney and I want everyone else to as well. But you are right, sometimes I get so tired and feel so unappreciated. And always feel responsible if something doesn't go just right.