I need to make an important decision....

[jeddalynn]

DH and I are in our mid twenties. He has 3500 left in student loans. Today his parents called us an said they want to pay off the remaining debt.

His parents are preparing to retire. They happen to be quite financially secure. We didn't ask for this gift, it was offered freely.

Still I just cannot justify accepting it. It just can't make me feel happy. I know we can pay for it ourselves, we're not in need. I wish they'd spend it on a cruise or something nice for themselves.

What should I do? Should I accept it or not?

I really need advice!

[disneyboundagain]

It comes down to personality. There is no way my wife or I would accept the gift. We want/need to earn everything ourselves. My sister, on the other hand, has everything in life handed to her. Trips around the world, all new windows in their house, $4500 is Disney stock, and that is all within the past 12 months. I wouldn't change places with her for anything.

So, to answer your question, you already know the answer. You are just looking for confirmation. Go with your heart.

[BMan62]

Maybe the four of you can sit down and discuss the situation and see if there is some ulterior motive for their offer - helping you through this economy; divesting some of their 'inheritance' before the tax man has opportunity to get it; etc. Who knows, maybe they want grandchildren and think you are holding off for financial reasons. :blush:

Explain why you don't feel comfortable taking the money and how, even in these times, you are 'flush' at this point. :thumbsup:

Granted, talking finances is always a difficult topic and very personal, but a frank discussion at this point could be well taken for future situations, if and when they arise.

[Pastcastmemberdaughter]

Like the above posters have said I would talk to them about it. Explain what the reasons are for what each side believes in. If they insist that you take the money you can always take it and put it in a seperate bank account that they don't know about, that way if they would have financial difficulties in the future you can give it back to them and help them out like they wanted to help you out.

[NotaGeek]

Take it. Or at least talk to them and see if they can pay off the debt and you can pay them back interest free.

If they can afford it and won't give it with any other motive, why not say thanks and count your blessings?

[Tink1]

As a mom, I say let them do it. They want to do something to help you out and are at a point right now that they can. Let them have that joy.

Nanc

[VWL Mom]

You say they are financially secure so I'm not quite sure where problem lies. IMO this is pretty much between DH and his parents. Perhaps they wish they could have paid for him to go to school but couldn't swing it at the time. Now they can and want to do it. I say "let them".

[SBETigg]

Do you have children yet? I'm guessing no. If you did, you would realize that being able to do this kind of thing for your children makes a parent very happy. It's a generous, very sweet gift. And you say they are financially secure, so they can probably afford the cruise or trip they want to take as well as offering you the money. It's natural for the parents to want the son to be debt free and in a better position. If they have the ability to do that, and want to, why deny them? It puts you in a better position to realize your future dreams as well.

I would say no only if there were strings attached or it was the kind of gift that expected some return you weren't willing to give. This doesn't sound like the case here. Take it, be thankful, and enjoy having such great in-laws.

[Tinkerfreak]

I was also thinking that maybe they couldn't contribute to his education before so this is their way of doing it now.
I agree with the op that this may be something that makes them happy. It makes a parent happy to help their children and help them succeed.
I would still talk to them about it and make sure that they just want to help. It doesn't sound like they are wanting anything in return or using money to try to control your DH or anything like that.
Taking the money does not make you a bad person or lazy or dependent or any of those things. It might just make your in-laws happy.

[Hull-onian]

I love to do nice things for my daughter and her family all the time. But I don't ask her. I just do it. It gives me great satisfaction to know that I have done something nice for her and her family.:mickey:

[DizNee143]

i wouldnt even give it this much consideration..id be like are you sure? and thank them up and down..lol...
it doesnt matter if you can pay it yourselves or not they just wanna do something nice for you guys and this is the way they want to go about it..
so go for it..its not like you asked for it..just trying to do something to make you guys happy..
i never ask for any of the stuff my parents or my husbands parents give us or do for us...they just wanna do nice things for there kids..we are never ungrateful and are always always saying thank you whenever they do something..

[Scar]

...divesting some of their 'inheritance' before the tax man has opportunity to get it;This is a very important point that should not be overlooked. After 2010, the estate tax exemption drops back down to $1,000,000. So, if your in-law's estate is worth more than that, anything over will be taxed at (I think) 50%. Better that you have the money now than the government later.

[Ian]

Take it. Or at least talk to them and see if they can pay off the debt and you can pay them back interest free.

If they can afford it and won't give it with any other motive, why not say thanks and count your blessings?I totally agree with Michael.

Even if you are "flush" and can afford to pay it off yourself, what's the downside of accepting their gift to you? Parents like to feel as though they're in a position to help their kids out. Turning them down would probably hurt their feelings quite a bit.

Plus it's like $3,500 not $35,000 or $350,000. It's not a lot of money. Just take their gift, say thank you, and then turn around and take them out to dinner someplace really nice. If you turn them down you're really just both cutting off your noses to spite your face. In this economy, do you know how many people would love to have your problem??

[offwego]

This is a very important point that should not be overlooked. After 2010, the estate tax exemption drops back down to $1,000,000. So, if your in-law's estate is worth more than that, anything over will be taxed at (I think) 50%. Better that you have the money now than the government later.

Our rules are different on estates here in Canada so that's one thing to consider...I would discuss why they want to do this but would likely ultimately accept.

If you can do it yourself that's fine but use the funds you would have paid on the debt to either pay off other debt or save for something else and show them the results of their gift that way.

[Scar]

Our rules are different on estates here in Canada so that's one thing to consider...Boy, we Americans sure are full of ourselves thinking we're the only contry that matters. ;)

That will teach me to pay a little more attention..... Never mind. :blush:

However, If a similar tax situation applies to Canada, then my premise still holds true.

[LauraleeH]

I know I'd love to be offered money to pay off my debt, even if it's just an interest free loan. I also know that when I take someone out and it's supposed to be my treat, and they refuse to let me pay for them, I feel pretty stupid. I'd love to be able to have the finances someday to give freely to my family. I'd hope that they would take it, because I know I would take anything offered to me.

[Disney Doll]

I will admit that I have been the beneficiary of financial gifts from my parents. In fact I was lucky enough to have my college paid for by my parents so I don't have student loans. This was a huge help to me and I am immensely grateful. My dad never finished college mainly because the finances just weren't there so being able to send both his kids to college was important to him. My dad also gave me a set amount of money to pay for my wedding and since I had a pretty economical wedding we put what was left as a down payment on our first home. Dad also recently joined DVC and offered to pay for our room when we go on a family trip in Sept. My mom watches DS 2 days a week and would never consider accepting payment. We benefit a lot from my parents, but we accept every gift with a grateful heart and the knowledge that dad worked very hard so he could give his kids a better life. We always make it clear that we could pay for things on our own (because we can), but if he insists we graciously accept.

[MNNHFLTX]

Do you know if they (your husband's parents) are also listed on the loan? If so and they are retiring, it may be they want to have any potential debts settled, even if you and your husband are reliably paying off the loan.

If they're doing this out of the goodness of their heart, you would probably make them very happy if you accepted it. Maybe at some point down the road you can "gift" them that cruise (or some other getaway) for their anniversary.

[jrkcr]

Accept it!!

Now that I have kids, I can not imagine wanting to help one of them financially,and having them(or their spouse :thedolls:) say no!!! That would NOT be ok.

If they are offering this with "no strings" , and they can truly afford to give it, then accept it for the loving gift it is.

Both my parents are very tight with money(they squeak) and always saved(still do). My parents helped DH and I out when we were young(and very foolish), and now we can reciprocate by being good stewards of our money, and helping our kids someday. It's like "pay it forward"!!

[brownie]

There's nothing wrong with accepting this gift. If it really is problem, see if you can turn it into a loan from them and pay them back without interest.

[Bethis26fan]

I also say take it. I know if my parents offered something like that & I didn't take it, it would hurt their feelings. You could take it pay the loan off and then take what you paid each month on the loan & put it in your savings.

[diz_girl]

I was also thinking that maybe they couldn't contribute to his education before so this is their way of doing it now.
I agree with the op that this may be something that makes them happy. It makes a parent happy to help their children and help them succeed.

:ditto:

It also makes a parent of grown children happy to be "needed" when their children don't depend on them any longer for their basic needs. Needed in this case can mean appreciating a gift that they're giving to their children.

My parents did the same thing for me for the same reason that Tinkerfreak stated (and actually for a similar amount as your husband's). In my case, they paid for most of my schooling and I just needed to take out a small loan during my last year. They wanted to pay it off, so I let them.

One last thing, it's his parents who are paying for his education, not yours, so it's really their gift to him. I know that you don't feel comfortable with it, but you haven't said how your husband feels. Yes, you are married, but this is more his decision to make than yours since it's really something that happened before you were married (I'm assuming) and wouldn't cause you any harm now. So you may have to just swallow your pride and take the gift for the sake of familial harmony.

[PirateLover]

I would take it in a heartbeat.

[disneyboundagain]

I'll go bury my head in the sand now.....

I guess I look at things a little differently...

[wdwfansince75]

From 1983 until 1998, we had at least 1 of our 4 kids in college....mostly at our expense....Would have loved to be able to pay for it with a single $3500 check! And I have friends who paid a lot more than that in legal fees and bail bond fees! We did get to pay some parking tickets, but those were minor.

I feel their joy.....take the gift! Besides, you get to pick their nursing home....Remember the gift when making that selection!

[Mickey91]

I would except the gift. Count it as a blessing and say thank you! That 3500 will cost you way more than that down the line and you never know when you will need the money you are paying out. If you feel the need to reciprocate, do some thing for them in return but definitely accept their kindness.:mickey:

[jcvalenti]

As someone who paid his own way through college and law school, and who has never inherited or received a gift in his life, I say take it ... unless your DH has some bizzare family dynamic at work (like parents who like to feel that he is in their debt and hold it over his head).

It sounds like his parents are nice folk who have the means to help someone out, and it makes them feel good to do it. So let them feel good, and help you out at the same time. As other posters have pointed out, a cash gift like this may often be done for tax reasons, as well.

I know I've been fortunate the last year while some of my friends have fallen on hard times, so it always makes me feel good to pick up a dinner tab, or share an expensive bottle of wine with them. And it always makes me beam with happiness when I bring my kids an unexpected gift. So accept the gift with genorosity, understanding that often the giving of gift gives more to the giver, than he who received it.

[Tink1]

I'll go bury my head in the sand now.....

I guess I look at things a little differently...

Not at all! you sound like the type that is used to being a "giver". It is hard for givers to be "receivers"

If there are no strings attached, just accept it with the love in which it was given.

Nanc

[princessjojo]

I'm like the majority of others here. I'd say take it and be thankful that they were generous enough to do this for you. When I was young, before junior high school even and probably around even as early as mid elem. school, my parents couldn't do a lot for us kids. Dad went back to school and mom was the only provider. Today I see my dad sending my youngest sister to private school, being overly financially secure, and both of my parents, now divorced, owning second homes in beach/resort areas. They do more for me now than they did for me as a child. Maybe out of guilt and maybe just because they can and want to. Who knows. Your in-laws may also be givers and giving to you and your DH makes them feel gratification.

Afterall it is only a somewhat smaller (in comparison) student loan and most parents I know feel it's their responsibility to pay for college and they're doing this now.

It could also be the giving now -vs- inheritance issue. My dad is beginning to do this since he has too much to give later. But we in turn invest it...

Anyway, just take it and if you feel guilty, just donate it to a charity or cause in your in-laws name...

[Jimenyfan]

As a mom, I say let them do it. They want to do something to help you out and are at a point right now that they can. Let them have that joy.

Nanc

I completely agree with Nancy, while I am in my 40's-married,kids a nice life my mom enjoys paying for my flights when I come in to visit and I accept the gift graciously. I know there are no strings attached, while visiting I try to treat my mom to a nice dinner. Sometimes she lets me:blush: