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crazypoohbear
03-01-2009, 11:05 PM
I have a coworker that seems to never be able to tell the truth about anything!
She lies about her children, whether it's their health, talents, grades etc.
She lies about money, some days they have tons, some days they are broke.
She lies about her health, she's sick, she isn't sick, she "might" have terminal illness, then she doesn't. I think she may be drinking or taking drugs because by lunch time she is nasty/angry then she takes her break and comes back all happy.
She is out of work a lot because "the baby is sick, my mom is sick, my dad had a heart attack, we think" etc, etc, etc.
It has gotten to the point where no one at work believes anything that comes out of her mouth.
She does have a baby girl who was sick for a long time but we know from the husband that the baby is doing great, yet she still uses the baby's "illness" as an excuse to come to work late, leave early, mess up at work.
A couple of co workers have tried to delicately talk with her but she either gets defensive and storms off or lies more.
Right now she is on written warning, meaning that when she is out, she will not get paid, this doesn't seem to bother her too much though. (so much for the money problems!)
If someone confronts her directly she'll snap their heads off and refuse to talk with them any longer.
We all need to work together as it is very busy at work and getting things done in a timely manner is crucial. HELP!

What makes a person lie about everything, all the time and how do you get them to stop??? :confused:

NotaGeek
03-01-2009, 11:27 PM
In today's economic market, if you aren't this person's manager my advice would be ignore it, put your head down and work. Getting caught up in office drama is never smart ... regardless of what this person is saying or doing. Just remember, you aren't related to this person, they merely work with you, don't get involved and just keep it professional. If everyone stops talking to her and just keeps it business related she'll either get the hint, quit or, more likely she will just keep on making up her life story. If your boss hasn't said anything to her, then it's not worth trying on your own.

PirateLover
03-01-2009, 11:37 PM
Michael is right on this one. I think we all have people we work with or just situations in general in work that drive us nuts, but in this case there really is nothing you can do, especially if the boss is aware of the issue. I mean, if she is constantly missing work because of these things, doesn't she have to document that?

In regards to what makes a person lie all the time, there is such a thing as a pathological liar- They either don't realize the extent to which they are telling lies or they simply can't control it. Then there are people who have a different kind of illness where they constantly need to be the center of attention and they thrive on drama-real or created. Either way, this co-worker seems to have a screw loose and there's really nothing you personally can do to stop it. Honestly, I would just say try to avoid her and get on with your own work.

TinkerbellT421
03-01-2009, 11:51 PM
I completely agree with Michael and Maryanne. If you are not the manager/boss of her or the department in which she works directly I would try ignore her. Office drama as Michael put it. Really there is nothing in the end you can do about it. No matter what people tell her she is still going to do what she is doing. I have seen people be like this do to mental illness. My best friends step daughter was like that, at age 13, start when she was little, diagnosed with being bipolar among other things, which according to the psychiatrist was part of the reason she was a pathological liar. She would lie about anything and everything. IE-The neighbors are moving.....with no reason why she said it just out of the blue looked at my best friend one day and threw it out there like it was the truth :confused: Thats just one example. Theres a ton more. That could possibly explain the emotional outbursts/drastic mood changes. She could very well be bipolar. But no matter what the case is or the reason behind it, unfortunately there is nothing you nor your fellow coworkers can do about it. There is a woman I work with (Like Maryanne said, theres always one at every work place). That lies about things just so she can be late to work and be able to sleep late, and most of the time she complains about EVERYTHING, she is just a miserable person. Unfortunately she is a manager so I just deal with it and listen and nod and yes her to death until I can walk away. I know it can be frustrating and annoying as heck, but theres just nothing you can do. Because in her mind, and in her world, everything she says is the truth.....she doesnt think she has a lieing problem.

Sunshine1010
03-02-2009, 12:46 AM
I agree.

....let the manager deal with it.

Scar
03-02-2009, 06:57 AM
What makes a person lie about everything, all the time and how do you get them to stop??? :confused:

I think she may be drinking or taking drugs ...If she is an Alcoholic/Addict (and I bet she is,) then there is nothing you can do. They lie. Some only lie to get or hide their fix, but others expand on it and lie about other things too. Hopefully your employer will realize this and make her go to rehab or fire her. By allowing it to continue they are only hurting her and everyone around her more.

In any event, everyone else is right. Avoid her as much as you can.

ETA: Is there anyone in your office that you know is a recovering Alcoholic or Addict? If so, mention this to them.

DizneyRox
03-02-2009, 08:17 AM
If it were me, I'd call em on it.

I'm so sick, I think I'm dying!

Oh really? Last week you said you weren't, which is it?

The quicker they stop bugging me, the more work I get to do and who needs someone like that yapping in your ear.

crazypoohbear
03-02-2009, 09:20 AM
Thanks for the responses.
I do try to ignore her when possible but because of the work we do (we work in a credit union and all raises, bonuses are member satisfaction, meaning if we don't meet all the criteria we don't get bonuses)
Every job is inter-connected and we have to deal with each other.
Example, I am a receptionist I answer all in coming calls, she is in loan processing
a member calls and needs to speak with her (once you are assigned a loan processer/mortgage closer you can't just speak with anyone)
I call her extension she either answers and says
"Put them in my voice mail" -she doesn't return calls.
or "tell them I'm working on it" -
them customer then asks to speak with her boss, I ring her boss who tells me "they need to speak with so an so I can't help them.
Mean time the customer is getting angrier, we could and have lost business. This also leaves me stuck on the phone trying to cover/explain for her and other people are trying to call in and I can't answer the phone because I'm stuck in the middle.
Many times she doesnt' even answer me, she just lets her phone go to voice mail.
I have spoken to my boss about the situation and get the "just do the best you can"
The end of the year we did NOT get bonuses!!!! because member satisfaction was low. :mad:

Other loan processors are working about 20 hours a week overtime and still can't get caught up,partly because of this liar taking off so much time.
As for documenting sick time, if you are full time there is no number of sick days you can take, IF the VP thinks it has become excessive then they will stop paying for sick time. This has finally happened.
It is frustrating because she is a nice person but we just can't take the lies upon lies.

I guess what I am trying to say is that her actions DO affect others and she just doesn't seem to care about how others are affected by her actions. This makes it harder to walk away/ignore.

thrillme
03-02-2009, 09:21 AM
I'd venture to say. Feel a little sorry for this person but do NOT enable her.

Something is messed up "emotionally"...depression, bi-polar or any other multitude of problems.

When communicating with her...stick with "business ONLY". If it is NOT immediately related to BUSINESS..."do you have the report?" Tell her you are busy, you have a meeting you have a deadline...do NOT listen to the drivel. Let the manager handle the rest.

This can also work well with "one-uppers".

MNNHFLTX
03-02-2009, 11:19 AM
I do understand your frustration, but I agree that there is very little you can do, aside from keeping a running log of any of her actions that directly impact your ability to do your job. If your manager seeks your input (or if you decide to approach them about the problem again) this will bolster your position.

Otherwise, based on what you're saying, it sounds like her foot is halfway out the door already. If she doesn't shape up, she will her write her own pink slip and the problem will be solved.

Hull-onian
03-02-2009, 11:22 AM
I think you are talking about my cousin. Sounds the same.:ditto:

LauraleeH
03-02-2009, 12:24 PM
And here I was thinking she was talking about MY cousin! :ditto:

Liars are everywhere, and I usually want to confront them, but rarely do. I think in the workplace, it's best to stay away from them. What if she gets in trouble and starts telling your manager lies about you? I would tell your manager a little about what's going on and how it's causing you guys to lose business, but then I'd stay out of it.

murphy1
03-02-2009, 01:58 PM
I think people like this eventually implode. I am not working right now (well, am stay home mom), but I dealt with people like this, it is annoying, but unless you have any proof, it's hard to do anything. I had a friend I found out was on cocaine and she acted like you said your co-worker did (the mad/ then happy thing). Eventually she did seek treatment for it, but I no longer talk to her. Good luck on this one!

brownie
03-02-2009, 02:02 PM
Focus on the work and don't worry about what she says regarding things outside work. It sounds like management is aware there is an issue, so if something work-related comes up, present the facts of the matter and let management deal with it.

Missy_Mouses_Dad
03-02-2009, 02:14 PM
I would agree with letting management handling the situation. My only suggestion would be to document everything whenever you have work related contact with this person. I learned this the hard way in a previous position, and have done so since then. It has saved me "stature" within the company a few times since then. Eventually the river of lies will catch up with this person, and they will sink in their own pool!!

Good luck.

crazypoohbear
03-02-2009, 03:57 PM
It seems like everyone knows somebody like this! :(
I just don't understand the lying.
It must be difficult to try to remember all the lies and who you told what to. Do they carry a little book to keep track?
What makes people lie, even about insignificant things?
What happens to there people when they are called on their lies, they tell more lies to cover up the lies?!
Makes my head spin :ill:
I have a hard enough time keeping true things straight, I can't imagine how hard it is to lie about everything, to everyone.:confused:

SBETigg
03-02-2009, 04:25 PM
I agree that it is head-spinning. This kind of liar often convinces even themselves that they are telling the truth, though, weird as that is. I don't see much that you can do but if she messes up your work, I would say something to the powers that be. I wouldn't want to be held accountable for her errors in judgment. Sorry you have to put up with this.

PAYROLL PRINCESS
03-06-2009, 01:07 PM
I'm lucky right now with co-workers, no one like this right now anyway.
But in my personal life? Remember Marylu? I almost backed out of her wedding because of the whoppers she told!
And can you say (Fake) Doctor Dave? The stories he's told us have been doozies too! At least in your personal life you can stop talking to the person, but in a work situation you are stuck.
However if this person has a drug/alcohol problem, and the company is aware of it, they can't just fire her. They have to encourage her to get hope. If they fire her she WILL be allowed to collect unemployment. However you may be able to get the state to pay it rather than the credit union. But that's only if you fire her and are aware of her "problem".

crazypoohbear
03-06-2009, 03:49 PM
I wonder what makes someone tell lies ALL THE TIME.
NOT just to cover themselves but just to hear themselves talk?
And then they get caught and lie some more to cover the other lies.
"well, no that's not what I said, I said blah blah blah"
The one at work who uses her child to cover her own slip ups kills me.
I would have been on time but the baby did xyz.
The dog died, the car wouldn't start
So people tell me why do they lie???

crazypoohbear
03-06-2009, 03:57 PM
Oh and "Doctor Dave" is more than just a liar, he's a creepy stalker!
Folks, this guy went so far as to bring an 8x10 picture frame with the model's picture still in and said it was his wife!!!!!!!!!!
HE said he was a doctor in virginia/w. virginia I called the hospital, they never heard of him.!!!
Creep!!!!

PAYROLL PRINCESS
03-06-2009, 11:02 PM
Oh and "Doctor Dave" is more than just a liar, he's a creepy stalker!
Folks, this guy went so far as to bring an 8x10 picture frame with the model's picture still in and said it was his wife!!!!!!!!!!
HE said he was a doctor in virginia/w. virginia I called the hospital, they never heard of him.!!!
Creep!!!!

Yeah, thanks for pointing that out! Hopefully I've heard the last of that creep!!!!

And some people lie to make their lives more "interesting". Look at the whoppers Marylu used to tell. There was no need of them but she did it anyway, about her job, her income, her love life. But I think she was one of those who honestly believed what she said. With some people it's just an illness.

Mickey91
03-07-2009, 01:54 AM
This person obviously has problems. Pray for her daily and be nice to her. Don't let her **** you into her lies, but don't give her negative attention either. Sometimes, as with children, adults will take whatever attention they can get even if it is bad. So, do your job, speak to her on a friendly, professional basis and pray. There really isn't anything else you can do.

gueli
03-07-2009, 02:29 AM
Thanks for the responses.
I do try to ignore her when possible but because of the work we do (we work in a credit union and all raises, bonuses are member satisfaction, meaning if we don't meet all the criteria we don't get bonuses)
Every job is inter-connected and we have to deal with each other.
Example, I am a receptionist I answer all in coming calls, she is in loan processing
a member calls and needs to speak with her (once you are assigned a loan processer/mortgage closer you can't just speak with anyone)
I call her extension she either answers and says
"Put them in my voice mail" -she doesn't return calls.
or "tell them I'm working on it" -
them customer then asks to speak with her boss, I ring her boss who tells me "they need to speak with so an so I can't help them.
Mean time the customer is getting angrier, we could and have lost business. This also leaves me stuck on the phone trying to cover/explain for her and other people are trying to call in and I can't answer the phone because I'm stuck in the middle.
Many times she doesnt' even answer me, she just lets her phone go to voice mail.


If it doesn't get you in trouble- tell the customers the truth- 'I'm going to put you in her voicemail, leave a message for her...'
when they ask to speak to the boss, tell them the truth- "unfortunatly he will not be able to help you, only your assigned loan(closer)person can. If you still wish to speak with him..."

recently we went through this type of problem- we did a refinance- and i was amazed at how unhelpful some of the people were, or that they wouldn't return our calls for days.
Eventually my DW got names of most of the senior management people, who were able to help. Does not make our experience any more plesant, but it became effective.

As to why people lie ?
there can be many reasons. Salespeople lie to get a sale - if they need to. Others imbelish the truth, because they are embarressed.
Still others need to. Or even it is how they were taught to avoid conflicts.

Ian
03-07-2009, 03:10 PM
In today's economic market, if you aren't this person's manager my advice would be ignore it, put your head down and work. Getting caught up in office drama is never smart ... regardless of what this person is saying or doing. Just remember, you aren't related to this person, they merely work with you, don't get involved and just keep it professional. If everyone stops talking to her and just keeps it business related she'll either get the hint, quit or, more likely she will just keep on making up her life story. If your boss hasn't said anything to her, then it's not worth trying on your own.Couldn't have said it better myself. Follow Michael's advice.

IloveDisney71
03-08-2009, 06:26 PM
I'm glad to know that I'm not the only one who's had to deal with this at work but it's sad at the same time. It took me almost 2 &1/2 years to figure out that I work with a chronic liar - anyone who lies this much and this well has got to have some sort of disorder. Once I finally caught on to her, I just tried to deal with it and didn't believe 1/2 of what she said. However, she got to the point that she way lying about me and other co-workers to our boss. Enough was enough! A couple of us confronted her and she had the nerve to say that I stabbed her in the back for comparing her "stories" with my co-workers. I felt like I had stepped back into middle school!!! She stopped talking to everyone in our area (even people who hadn't confronted her) and asked to be moved. Thank god she was moved so we don't have to deal with her very often. She never apologized or admitted any wrongdoing. After the confrontation, we discovered, from our boss, that she was aware of this co-worker having similar problems with her previous employer. We're still trying to figure out why you would hire someone when you know this about them. ???
Good luck with your situation. I hope you can just ignore it - confrontation isn't fun.

crazypoohbear
03-08-2009, 09:12 PM
Well, this problem seems much more widespread than I thought :(
I guess every office/family/neighborhood/circle of friends has at least one!

I don't think that confronting her is a good idea, she is so capable of using emotional blackmail with people that it wouldn't do any good.
Now I just try to tune her out but her incessant rambling can drive a person insane. It takes all my energy not to yell "shut up and quit lying, everyone knows what you are saying is a lie, they are just too polite to call you on it." but I don't do that, only in my head :D