need advice

[crazypoohbear]

My DS is graduating from 8th grade in June.
We are in search of a high school for him and need to make a decision soon.
Here are the 2 choices
1) the local high school in the next town (it's new, smaller that the high school in our town, has a better reputation than the one in my town)
2) small catholic high school 2 towns away.
My oldest attended a different catholic high school that was the absolute WORST experience and left us both HATING the school, principal and the Boston Archdiocese. (the other catholic school is independent and says it doesn't rely on the Boston Arch diocese)
Both boy's have always attended catholic schools so going public would be a big change for DS#2
He is kind of shy and said he is nervous about going to public as he doesn't know anyone in the other town, he does know about 5 kids who go there now.
He is intrigued with some of the course offerings
I would have to drive him to school in the morning and find a ride for him to come home (I work)
If he goes to the catholic HS, we have friends who could drive him.
the catholic HS would be more of the same, reading, writing, arithmetic, with not too many other choices in the curriculum.
It wouldn't cost anything to send him public
I am trying to not let my experiences with the first catholic HS sway my decision but I'm not succeeding.
So... If anyone out there has been down this road please offer me some guidance and words of wisdom.
I really want the best for DS#2 and just can't decide, neither can he.
Money is a big part of the decision, If we send him to Catholic, money will be very tight.

[PirateLover]

Has he visited the school? Most schools have shadowing programs where you follow a high schooler around for the day and get a real feel for how things work. I would suggest your son try to spend a day at both if he hasn't already. Everyone puts on their best face for an open house, but the shadowing helps kids really see the school for what it is. All Catholic schools are definitely not created equal, so please don't let your judgment be clouded by your other son's experience. That being said, his choice should be based on overall positives and negatives, not just where his friends are going or what he's used to. I didn't know a single soul going into high school, and I was very anxious and shy at the time myself. However I ended up having a great 4 years and don't regret my decision at all.

[Dulcee]

I looked at a small catholic school as well as a local high school when trying to decide. I decided to go public because of a greater offering of courses. Another of my friends went to the catholic school. While we both had great high school experinces I will say I had a far greater range of sports, extracurricular activites, social gatherings and course offerings at public school then I ever would have had at the catholic school. I'd suggest getting your son to visit both. I know at my high school seniors/juniors use to occasionally take prospective students around for a couple of hours, sit in on class, see what gym is like visit the cafeteria. It can go a long way in helping to make a decision.

[merlinmagic4]

Here's some :pixie: to help you in your decision. I have no advice but only hope that with an open mind the right decision will kind of just fall into place. Maybe something will happen one way or the other to make your decision easier.

[Mfarquar]

I don't have a child, but my family was in a similar situation when I was school age.

My sister and I had a phenomenal learning experience at our first Catholic grammar school. Unfortunately, the religious order who ran it decided it was no longer its mission, and decided to close the school.

Our second Catholic grammar school was a waste and had very little course offerings. It definitely left a sour taste in our mouths.

My sister and went on 2 very different paths. I ended up going to a Catholic HS after looking at 4 other Catholic HS, and our public HS. Of the 5 Catholic HS, only 2 were of superior standing. I ended up choosing an all-girl school that was highly competitive (with tons of extracurricular activities and opportunities - including Disney!) and and was the best and most intense learning experience in my life (college was a breeze by comparison). I was really scared at first, because I only knew 1 person at the school. But, once I got through the first few weeks it got easier and easier and I've made great friendships that are now in their 14th year.

My sister felt all-girls and Catholic wasn't for her, but the local public school was not either. She ended up going to a highly selective science charter school in our area because it was simply a better match.

So now after rambling our life stories, I think the point I'm trying to make is that each and every school is different, as is every child.

What was good for my sister, wasn't necessarily right for me, vice versa.

I think the shadowing idea is fantastic. That is how I decided on my HS. I think it was the only way I really got a feel for what each school was like. When you go to an open house (whether for HS or a college), you hear what they want you to hear. When you shadow a student, you see the highs and lows and what everyday life is like at that particular school.

HS is a time when you develop mentally and socially. While the school should have strong academics and opportunities, it should also provide an environment that will foster your child's path to adulthood.

I hope my :twocents: was helpful. Good luck to you and your son and this very exciting time! I'm sure that if you both go with your instincts, you'll find the perfect match!

[mouseketeer mom]

We were in a similar position last year when my oldest was in the eighth grade. She had been attending a charter school 30 mins away. It was small, creative, and the teachers and kids alike became her family. We had to make the big decision about high school. Our choices were Private school, Technical school, or the local high school. Mind you, she hasn't been in the local school for years now, since the charter school opened, so she had no local connections. After a long drawn out decision making process, we choose the local high school. She was terrified. Now, she is thriving. Its been terrific. The variety of kids, programs, choices..its all been wonderful. She plugged heavily into the drama program and has made lots of friends. Good kids. and the best part for me is that she is local, so I can easily get to know the families and know where she is. I love having her right around the corner. For us, it was the right choice. I wish you luck with your decision!

[SBETigg]

The Northeast has some truly excellent public schools. I'm not sure if this is the case in your area, but I wouldn't hesitate to look into it. I went to public schools in MA and my kids are doing the same. It helps that our area is very involved in the arts and that 10 % of the school population is involved in the orchestra. My daughter plays violin, and the high school orchestra played at Carnegie Hall last year. My son, a senior, has just been cast as the Beast in the drama club's presentation of Beauty and the Beast.

I'm thrilled with their public school education, top notch teachers and curriculum. 93 % of the kids at our public high school go on to college. I can't even imagine a private school that could do as well for my children as our town's public school has. I know not all public school systems in the Northeast or even in MA are performing as well, but quite a few are and I would check into it with confidence.

[crazypoohbear]

Thanks for the feed back, it helps.
He has shadowed at both schools.
He liked both schools. HE said that is why he is "on the fence".
I know that he will do well at either school academically.
I am feeling torn because I feel that he will feel "less loved" if I send him to public after his brother went all catholic. (I know it is not true but my MIL said my SIL STILL comments that my DH got to go to catholic elementary and she had to go public,but, she had speach issues and needed the SPED services, they both say they hated their schools!)
I feel like I am depriving him of something if I don't send him to catholic school, I know that is not true and I think he will like to course offerings better at the public school and he will have a chance to spread his wings where in the catholic schools you must be kind of cookie cutter.
He really loves politics and they have great progams at public, (at 14 he stayed home all day watching the election, calling his other friend!
Until #1DS had such a horrendous experience I never thought about sending #2 anywhere else.:mad: Now I am filled with indecision! I'm afraid of messing up his life! You know how mom's can guilt themselves about anything.

[Dulcee]

I am feeling torn because I feel that he will feel "less loved" if I send him to public after his brother went all catholic. Now I am filled with indecision! I'm afraid of messing up his life! You know how mom's can guilt themselves about anything.


As I'm sure you know from your older son and from your own experince, high school is what you make of it. If your son is a good, smart kid, which it certainly sounds like he is, he'll do great regardless of where he goes. Kind of sounds to me that the only thing pushing you to catholic school anymore is that its "suppose" to be better. As for me, I went to the same high school as an older sibling... there aren't many things worse then trying to make it through high school in the shadow left by an older sibling.

[pink]

I went to public school two years and Catholic school two years so maybe I can help.

Public school has more elective classes to offer me but I felt like I wasn't around other student who valued my education as much as they did.

I really enjoyed Catholic School, you just have to find the right one. I was a shy child and being a new place taught me to be more outgoing and adapt. I felt like even though there were less classes to chose from that my teachers new me better and I learned more from a more work-intensive environment. :mickey:

[Mickey91]

We have been homeschooling for the last few years and upon reaching the 9th grade level, my son decided to try public school again. He has thrived! I am not usually an advocate of the public school system and I don't know anything about Catholic schools but, if you are teatering between the two and the financial burden would be less and the opportunity greater, why not give it a try? You can always switch midyear or the start of next year if your son just really doesn't mesh with the public system.

[crazypoohbear]

last night I spoke with another parent who said she was 99% sure her daughter was going to the public high school. She also told me of a few other kids (all girls) would be going there as well. I spoke with Tim about going public and told him that with the money I would save with him going to public I could buy him a decent used car when the time came for him and his older brother to share.
I also explained that with what it would cost to go to the catholic school I could buy DVC and have money left over! (I know I'm bribing him but it is the truth)
I have talked to him about branching out, spreading his wings, making new friends but he is still apprehensive.
I told him that of course you will make friends and everything will be alright " after all you're Tim" and he said "no mom that only works if you are Joe" :(
His older brother goes around saying "I'm Joe Jones, I can do anything!" :D
I really wish the young one would adopt this attitude, but he is 14 and insecure, like all 14 year olds.
Thanks to everyone for the advice and suggestions, they help. Keep them coming.

[Dznygrl79]

Sounds like the public school might not be a bad choice, he could get a lot of great courses and the guidence programs that help you into college could really benefit him.
I had something silmilar in my high school career. I started out by going to a trial charter school. It was a study at your own pace so you could finish quicker program. They closed after my sophomore year and I was forced into the inner city high school where I was very much a minority in race and sex. It was scarey at first, however it was one of the best experiances in my life. I had several oppertunities handed to me that I would not have in a privet or charter school.

Hes young but talk to him about his career goals and where he wants to end up..if the public school classes will help try convincing him that way instead of bribery.

[PAYROLL PRINCESS]

Selfishly I'm all for him going to public because I'll benefit from the DVC if you buy it!

Personally I think he'd do better at the public school in the next town over. I know you said he'd be in the honors classes in town but that school can just be too rough. But keep in mind for future vacations, he'd have to make up snow days in public.