Missing my Mom

[Magic Smiles]

My Mother passed away quite suddenly in Nov 08 and I am having a hard time with it at the moment. It is only my 2nd Christmas ever without my Mother and I am almost 50. I am so trying not to ruin Christmas for DH and DS as it is usually a great holiday for us. I know they say it will get easier but will it ever get easier? We went to see my MIL in the nursing home today to celebrate Christmas with her. There was a women there who could have been my Mother. She was even wearing a sweater that my Mother had. She was crying and just staring at me. It was so hard.

[ElenitaB]

Having lost my darling father many, many years ago, I can tell you that while it does get easier, there are times that I do miss him terribly.

I wouldn't doubt that your DS is missing his grandmother as well and your DH is probably missing his MIL too. Talk to them and I'll bet you'll find comfort in each other. :hug:

[Ed]

I always find myself in the same condition around the holidays, especially Christmas, even though my mom passed away over 30 years ago (and my father over 40 years ago). I'm certain that at some point tomorrow, I'll feel that old familiar heartache. But then I'll remind myself how much my mom loved Christmas, and that she'd be disappointed with me if I let those mixed bittersweet memories spoil the day for me and my family. Then I'll send up a silent - or sometimes vocal - "Thanks, Mom, and Merry Christmas!" and I'll almost instantly feel much better.

Difficult as it may be, try to remember the good times and the love your mom had for you and your family, and I can almost guarantee you'll feel better when you realize that she'll always be a terrific inspiration to you, and that she's still watching over you and smiling.

Hang in there, and I hope you can find the strength to have a Merry Christmas!

[wickedwitch]

I'm in the same boat also...my grandmother just passed this September quite suddenly.She also was the woman who raised me and Christmas Eve was not the same without her,but on that note if I was moping around she'd give me a kick in the pants so while I miss her terribly I've tried to make the most of it.

[brewcrew26]

My mom passed away 7 years ago. It does get easier over time, but the holidays and other special occasions are always tough. Now that I'm married and hope to start my own family soon, I do wish my mom could be around to see me and my husband (who she never had the chance to meet).

I wish you and your family the best over this holiday season. I can't promise that it will be easy right away, but over time remember the memories and that can help your heart.

[c&d]

I can say that it will get easier but it will never be quite the same. My mom passed away in 1995 and to this day I still miss her at Christmas.

One of the things that has gotten easier is that we can now remember the fun times we had at Christmas when we were growing up.

[Itchy]

Sorry for your loss. I lost my father this past March and I think of him daily as well as my mother in 1979.

I alway try to think of the good times we had together as I would like to think that is the way the would want me to remember them.

I have been trying to sell my fathers house since April of this year and everytime I walk into the empty house I expect to see him greet me. He would have been 86 this New Years Eve.

God bless you and your family in your time of loss.

[2Epcot]

Sorry for your loss. I'm still fortunate to have both my parents and my 94 year old grandmother. I'm thankful for each Christmas I'm able to spend with them. Wishing you the best during this holiday season.

[kakn7294]

I'm so sorry. DH and I feel your pain. We lost his mother 10 yrs ago and it's still hard sometimes, especially at the holidays. We wish you peace and comfort.

[disneydeb]

I'm so sorry for the loss and the pain you feel. Say a prayer and wish her Merry Christmas. Immerse yourself in making sure your family has a great Christmas just as she would have done.

[jodijo]

I too lost my mother and grandmother a few years back. My grandmother passed 3 days before Christmas and this time of year is difficult.

Thank you so much for this post. This post made me feel better. It proved that I am not alone in my grief.

Try to have a wonderful Christmas and remember we are here for you!

[Dixie Springs]

Sorry about your loss. Both of my parents (and a DS) have passed away - it does get easier over time.

[Magic Smiles]

Thank you everyone for your comments. Christmas day turned out not to be too bad. It was a much better day than Christmas Eve thanks to my wonderful DH, DS and extended family. And maybe a little wine.
Hopefully it will be uphill from here with only a few bumps and potholes along the way. Funny how even posting to strangers helps.

Season's Greetings to Everyone!:santa:

[vizsla]

I know exactly how you feel. I lost my DF this past August and really had a hard time dealing with it yesterday. It was a tradition to be over my parents every X-Mas for dinner and big family gathering for the better part of the day. My DM wanted to continue on with the tradition, so we went over and I just froze when I walked through the door not seeing my DF with his Santa Hat cooking away (which he loved to do). It really hit me hard with him not being there cracking his jokes and just good old jolly time.

[MNNHFLTX]

My mom passed away 11-1/2 years ago and I still miss her every day, but especially during the holidays (Mother's Day is another hard one). I've grown to accept that as part of who I am and not to try and forget, but to hold all those wonderful memories of her in my heart. I guess that's what everyone else here is saying too. You don't really "get over" losing someone dear to you; you just learn to make it part of your life in a meaningful way.

I'm glad that you were able to honor your mother's memory in the celebration of the holiday with your family. I'm sure the spirit of her love was with all of you.

[disneycutie165]

My grandfather died in May 2003 (too young to remember the date:blush:), and my mom was heartbroken. The night of Fathers day she went in our single upstairs room and cried her eyes out. I was too young to know what was wrong, but I just felt bad for some reason I couldn't fathom. She is doing better, we do a lot of stuff with my grandma so we've helped her recover. Hope you get to feeling better about mom's passing!

[crazypoohbear]

IT does get better over time
It is helpful to do something that your loved one use to do.
There will come a time when you start laughing about, "remember when mom/dad etc said or did such and such"
It is easier if you just talk about them and tell stories, it's okay to shed a happy tear for the times that you did spend together.
My DS 19 makes fudge every christmas that our aunt use to make, She died suddenly in August of 1999, they were close and that is his way of keeping her alive.
My father died 19 years ago and he was very, very FRUGAL, irish, when we were growing up we had to open the gifts carefully so as to save the wrapping paper for the next year.
Same thing for the bows. If there was a way to save the tape, he would have done that too :D
Now in christmas morning, I joke with my kids to be careful opening the gifts as Grampy is watching so don't waste the paper.:)
Everyone girls separately listen to Bing Crosby's white christmas on Christmas morning because my dad would get up and put that album on the reel to reel and it would play over and over all day. It's not christmas without Bing in our house.
So, you see you can still include your mom and make her part of your celebration.
Next year will get a bit easier for you.

[Daddy Mouse]

Many of the holidays have been tough after the passing of my father. We miss him and think of him often, especially during the holidays. Just today at church one member asked my mother if she was ready for a break from all of the relatives and friends that seem to have congregated at my mother’s home the last few evenings.

My mother said. “The house has not been filled with so many people and with so much love since Art passed. I think this has been his Christmas gift to me this year. No, I am enjoying my sons, their wives, my grandchildren, nephews, nieces, and countless friends that are dropping by the house.”

The selfish part of us will always miss those that have passed. A good friend once told me “Always blessing and no regrets.” This has helped me over the years. God Bless You and your family.