Potty Training Advice!

[mjaclyn]

DH and I have tried to potty train our DD 25 months but it just didn't work. In two days she went through 12 pairs of 'big girl' undies and not once did she go in the potty. Once in awhile she'll say 'pee-pee in the potty!' and I'll take her and let her sit but she never goes. Last week she said it again so I brought some books, snacks and juice in with us to encourage her to go. We sat there for awhile until she started yelling 'poo poo!', trying to cross her legs. It seemed as if she was afraid to go in the potty and held it as long as she could. She finally had to go and went in the potty. I made a huge fuss over her and told her what a big girl she was, etc. etc... but she just hung onto my leg and whined like she was afraid of the poo inside the potty. I then showed her how I take her little potty and flush the poo poo into the big potty. Now every time I ask her if she wants to go in the potty she says 'No!' and gets almost frantic if I try to put her on it. I feel like she may have been traumatized or something! I feel so bad! Does anyone have any advice?

A friend of mine just recommended the book 'Toilet Training in Less Than a Day', but I've read reviews that said the technique is harsh if you have a sensitive child. I don't want to make her more afraid than she already is, but I know she's ready to learn. She always tells me when she needs a new diaper or if she's gone potty. I'm just not sure what to do next.

Has anyone used any of the potty training dolls? I was thinking of getting the baby alive potty doll but I'm not sure...there are so many out there. Any suggestions?

Thank you!!

[divinedi]

I know with my three girls, the youngest is now 19 mind you, the best method I found was just to leave the diapers on and let them decide when it's time. If she wants to go on the potty, by all means put her on, if she doesn't go, no big deal, put the diaper back on and continue on with your day. My coworker is going through this right now too with her 2 1/2 year old daughter, she tried to 'train' her as well, finally gave up and a few weeks later (now) she's asking to go on the potty, and is actually going pretty much dry all day, but it was HER decision. Personally I found trying to force them to go potty only upset them, which is why I gave up with the oldest and just let the other two go at their own pace. Have the potty around, casually ask her sometimes, but ultimately let her decide, it will probably happen quicker that way, and no trauma to her. I found cloth diapers worked too, they tend to stay wet of course, unlike disposable diapers, and they hated the feeling (not that I would leave them wet you understand, but I didn't always get to it as soon as they went!) so they were more inclined to use the potty earlier.

[Jeri]

My youngest did what you are going through. I had asked the Dr about it because he was almost 4 before he was trained.

First you can't push it. They will never do it if they are not ready. It seems society thinks kids should be trained by 2.

I was told that since my son would freak out and run screaming if you mentioned the potty we were to not bring it up again to him for atleast 3 months. I was told to even put the potty chair away out of sight. I had to tell everyone not to mention it either. IF he asked then take him in and set him down. IF he went to just tell him good, but do not make a big deal of it.

After a while he was ready to try but he wasn't too consistant at first.
Like I said he wasn't trained untill he was older and it wasn't as big of a deal to us as it seemed to be for our family. I tend to follow the kids lead and figure they will do it when they are ready. I have found that usually if you wait till they are older and more ready it goes much easier and much faster.

I would say don't stress to much and don't push her too hard she will do in in her own time at her own pace.
I have never trained a girl but I did train 2 boys.

Good luck, I know it can be frustrating.:bang:

[RedSoxFan]

My boys were all potty trained before the age of 2. So when DD came along, I figured she would be potty trained before the age of 2 as I had been told girls were easier. NOT She was 3.5 yrs before she was ready. She just was not ready so I decided to wait until she was.

[d_m_n_n]

From DSs, I learned not to press the issue. Granted, they were both 3 before they were ready, but they were ready!! It literally only took 1 day and they were done. A few more diapers was so much better than weeks/months of stressing over the potty!! :)

[alphamommy]

I agree with the other posters that you have to wait until they're ready. You don't mention how old your DD is. Ours showed interest from time to time starting around 2, but it would only last a day or two, then she found other things to worry about.

Just before her third b-day, my best friend talked to her about being 3, and that big 3-year-olds don't wear diapers anymore. For whatever reason, that talk did the trick. Two days later, it was done! She had a few accidents during the day at first (we had training pants for the first week or so, & pull-ups when we went anywhere, just in case), but she never had an accident at night. We put her in pull-ups at night for a while, but decided we were wasting them, so we stopped.

Bottom line, once we left it up to her, she sort of did it on her own. Yes, there were a few times when she was so busy playing that she didn't make it, but it was much less stressful for all of us.

Good luck!

[mjaclyn]

My DD turned 2 in October and she hasn't really shown interest in using the potty. She'll tell me if she needs a diaper change but that's about it. Since the last time we tried to potty train her she's told us one or two times that she wants to sit on the potty but she never ends up going. She only does it to ask for M&Ms! I know all children are different but I really don't want my DD to be one of those 4 year olds still in diapers because she wasn't 'ready'. My mom has a friend with a little girl who is almost 5 and still in diapers - I think that's kind of ridiculous. Two other friends of mine have kids that are both potty trained, one at 2 1/2 and the other around 18 months, so I do feel the pressure to try and do something. It's hard because there are so many differing views on the subject. There are books that tell you to wait until they're ready and there are other books that tell you to start at 2 and just be consistent and firm. The other problem is, we're expecting another baby in May so I really wanted to try and have her trained by then. I've heard the birth of a sibling is very stressful to an older child so I thought if I got potty training out of the way for her it would be one less thing for DD to be worried about. I just hate to wait until after the baby is born and then she decides she wants to be the 'baby' again and stays in diapers for much longer than is normal.

[Disney Doll]

Great advice so far. My experience pretty much mirrors what everyone else has already said. I started trying at 2 and although our DD would sometimes have interest she was not consistent and had lots of accidents. I decided to just go back to diapers and take all the pressure off. I think that relieved a lot of the stress for both of us. If she asked to go on the potty we would, but if she soiled the diaper it was no big deal. Eventually she showed more interest and was actually trustworthy in panties a short while after her 3rd birthday. I say don't sweat it and don't push. You never see a 5 year old in diapers right? :)

[c&d]

We had tried potty training and were failing miserably. We spoke with our pediatrician and received the best advice. She said when he's ready he'll just start using the potty. We were beginning to think he'd be going to school in diapers but one day he just woke up and said no more diapers. Never had an accident once he decided. He was about 27 months.

[thrillme]

Sounds like she just may not be ready yet. There's no big deal if she's 3 or even 4 before you get this knocked out. She WILL learn.

In addition she may not "like" the little potty. They have special seats you can put on the regular toilet. She might prefer that.

My son HATED the little potty and didn't want to have anything to do with it. So I GLADLY got rid of it (thought it was kinda nasty to put all the stuff in the toilet anyway). So we got rid of the little potty, added the big boy undies (no pull ups...the real thing) and added a "game". As a boy he took to the "shoot the paper" on the big toilet with aid of a stool.

The poop was a little harder to do because he tended to be constipated (be sure she's not having this problem...it might HURT a bit coming out hence the fear). I also read that too they could be "afraid" of the poopy because they feel they're losing a part of them.

[Mousefever]

You'll save yourself and your daughter a lot of stress and angst if you wait until she's ready. If you push it and she is not ready, you could be in for a power struggle. I know that right now it seems that she'll never be trained, but it will happen! Don't let yourself be influenced by peer pressure. Your daughter is an individual and has her own time-table. Cut both of you some slack.

Amy

[Stitchahula]

I had one of those ridiculous children that was 5 years old and just being potty trained. He does however have GI issues along with some serious other medical issues so I was told not to force the issue. I had been told by many of his doctors not to force him.The more you force the issue the more stubborn they will get it becomes a power struggle. Also that the last thing you want to do is scare them so you loose ground.

[mjaclyn]

I had one of those ridiculous children that was 5 years old and just being potty trained. He does however have GI issues along with some serious other medical issues so I was told not to force the issue.

I just wanted to clarify that when I said that a nearly 5 year old child not being potty trained yet was ridiculous, I was referring to people who don't do it out of laziness - not medical issus. The woman my mom is friends with just doesn't seem to want to take the time to teach her daughter and kind of just says 'oh she'll do it when she wants to do it'. I understand what everyone is saying about waiting until she's ready, but I also understand that it doesn't mean sitting back and doing nothing at all. I'll still show my daughter the potty, ask her if she wants to use it and if not, that's fine. I just don't see how a child can learn to use the potty if he or she is never introduced to it at all and the parents take no initiative to show them anything about it. I'm sorry if I offended you! LOL :-)

[Mickey'sGirl]

My only word of advice is to avoid those Pull-up things at all costs. They prolong the process and create confusion. Both my boys were trained within a week using underwear and track pants, and running a couple of extra loads of laundry through if there were accidents.

[thrillme]

My only word of advice is to avoid those Pull-up things at all costs. They prolong the process and create confusion. Both my boys were trained within a week using underwear and track pants, and running a couple of extra loads of laundry through if there were accidents.

If I may add in here...I TOTALLY agree. I admit I tried the pull-ups for a while and they were a complete setback. I "think" they might have them where you can "feel" the wet but it just doesn't seem to be as much of an impact as real cloth.

I've got a friend who's son used them at night only. I'm not all that sure that's a great idea either. But maybe if they could still feel wet I guess that might be OK. When my DS was little there was no "feel wet" liner they were just diapers with a strechy band so they could be pulled up and down easily.

[Jimenyfan]

From DSs, I learned not to press the issue. Granted, they were both 3 before they were ready, but they were ready!! It literally only took 1 day and they were done. A few more diapers was so much better than weeks/months of stressing over the potty!! :)

My two boys were the same, when they each turned 3 they showed interest and it took very little time for them to be fully trained. I think it depends on the child, some will train early others later.

[SAHDad]

DS actually did much better with pull-ups than with underwear. He learned how to pee on the potty much earlier than poop, so I had to keep cleaning up those messes for a while.

DD (21 mo) likes sitting on the little potty, but she doesn't want to go just yet. She is beginning to like the idea of "big girl diapers" - which I pretty much have to use if I want her to be in the child watch of the Y or something like that.

Don't fight it, let the kid lead the way (somewhat). It will all work out soon enough.

[Jasper]

I always laugh when I hear these stories - first because I am glad we are well past this phase and because we had absolutely no trouble potty training all three of our children who are now 23, 20, and 12 years of age.

I don't how we got so lucky but all three (one girl and two boys) were all trained between 18 and 24 months. I don't know if it was because our lives were so busy or what but when they started being dry all night long we simply took off their diapers and put them in regular underwear and said "you no longer are wearing a diaper so you have to go in the regular toilet." And the amazing thing is they did! The oldest two NEVER had an accident and the youngest only had one or two. We never made a big deal out of it we just expected them to do it and they did.

[pixiesmimi]

I started trying to train both of my daughters at age 18 months and didn't have much success. When the youngest one was three, she could make the bed by herself but wasn't potty trained. :) I told her that she would still be wearing diapers when she went to school if she didn't start going to the potty all the time (just went sometimes) and that wouldn't be good. That's all it took. She wanted to be a big girl like her sister and not wear diapers to school. Didn't take long after that. But now days, most children are in daycare or around other children in preschool or whatever about that age. When they see others going to the potty, they want to go too. If you are a SAHM and you have a play group or whatever where your daughter is around others her age, this might encourage her more. Both of my grown daughters told me they would wait until their children were about 3 before trying to train them (especially the boys) because that seemed to be the right time (according to the books). I thought that was a little late but it has seemed to work. They all still had accidents until about 5 but for the most part, they were trained. Just have patience and you will know when they are ready. Fighting them just makes them more stubborn.

[BrerGnat]

First of all, you've heard it a million times, so what's once more? :D

"All kids are different"

That said, don't worry about what anyone else's kids are doing or have done in the past, just worry about your own.

My own personal experiences are as follows:

DS (now 4.5) did not potty train until he was 39 months old. We started trying to "train" him around 2 years old, doing basically what you are doing, but he just didn't go for it at all (we tried all kinds of rewards, potties, etc). Nothing worked. We tried in vain for 6 months. Frustrated, we gave up. We decided to lose ALL modesty in our home, in regards to using the bathroom, so our son could watch us, (he is very much into copying behavior--like most kids). After almost a full year of this, we felt he was finally ready. One Saturday, we just took off ALL his clothes. He sort of freaked out, because he was afraid to "go" in the toilet, and we had to absolve him of that fear. He would not go on the floor, and we took away the diapers and his pants, and told him they were "all gone", and he HAD to go pee pee in the toilet if he had to go. After an hour of running around naked, frantically looking for a diaper to pee in (we hid them all), he finally went in the toilet (the real one, with a seat insert). Once he realized there was nothing scary about it, he realized it was FUN to go in there, and went ELEVEN times just the rest of that day. He was completely potty trained (independently, I might add--he would just go to the bathroom on his own when he needed to, and didn't need my help), and wearing regular underwear in 3 days. No accidents since. We used a points system for rewards that first week (he loves numbers and counting) and told him that he would get 1 point each time he went (2 points for poo poo), and when he got to 100, he could get a new book. He was to 100 by the end of the week.

DS2 (now 33 months old) has been actively potty training for about a month now. He has a big brother who is his idol, so he just started one day trying to use the toilet before bathtime, so I went with it, and he peed in there (using the seat insert). He is currently wearing pull ups during the day and for the most part, he stays dry, and I take him to the bathroom about once every hour and a half, and he goes potty in there. However, he has a MAJOR speech delay, so he has a hard time communicating when he has to go, and I'm not sure if he totally has the hang of understanding the "urges" yet ahead of time, but he is very interested in being like his brother, and he, so far, has not needed any sort of rewards system. He just goes in there to do it. But, the pull ups are a necessity for us, as he is in numerous therapies during the day, and he does not always have the opportunity to use the bathroom when he needs to, and he is still a bit scared of public toilets (they are too big for him). So, I can't put him in regular underwear just yet, but I find Pull Ups to be wonderful. I don't really see what's wrong with them. My son is not ready to be in underwear all day, and I think the Pull Ups provide a great alternative to diapers for that "in between" stage of toilet training.

In addition, my older son still wears a pull up to bed each night. Although he usually wakes up dry, he sleeps for 12 hours per night, and he usually sleeps straight through, and about every 3 or 4 mornings, he wakes up with a completely soaked pull up. I'd MUCH rather deal with that than have to change a bed every few days. He's still little...I don't expect him to get out of bed in the middle of the night and go to the bathroom and then get back in bed on his own until he is much older. I think it's sort of crazy to expect such young kids to do that. Pull ups are fine for 4, 5, even 6 year olds at night. I know of several kids around 5-6 who use either Pull ups or Goodnights at night. It's better than wetting the bed...

Good luck. Let your daughter let YOU know when she's ready. And, my biggest piece of advice to you would be: skip the little potties. Get the baby Bjorn potty seat insert and a stool and use that. It makes it much easier to just use a REAL toilet, and you can take the seat insert with you when you have to go to someone else's house. :thumbsup: