taking things that don't belong to you

[motherof4]

I have a problem that I would love some advise on. when my grandmother died she left me a beautiful gold vase. when I was 11 years old I told her how much I loved this vase she said when she died I could have it. well so many years went by and after she died her son my uncle put this vase in his basement I realized it was down there when my brother without my knowledge took this vase! He said it was there way too long and it was his right to keep it. I had this big argument with him and I told him if he didn't give it to me he would loose a sister. he didn't even care. this vase meant so much to me as a child because it has sentimental value of me and my grandmother ,what would you do if something that was meant for you was stolen right from under you. this has no monetary value its just something I cherish from my grandma. thank you

[J9]

There's nothing you really can do, unless it was in a will. Other than that it was just some thing your uncle had in his basement. If he let your brother take it, he probably can. You never actually claimed it as yours, and you never put it in your own house.

As terrible as it is, what's done is done. You could explain to your brother why you want it, why it was in the basement so long, and ask why he all of a sudden wanted it so badly. When push comes to shove, however, unless it was somehow marked as yours by your grandma or your uncle, you really have to decide if a vase is worth more than your brother. (although he really shouldn't be such a dork and should let you have it!)

[Jeri Lynn]

I'm very sorry to hear this has happened. I was very close to my Grandmother, as were my siblings and cousins. Before my grandmother passed away if there was something special she wanted us to have she gave it to us.

My DH's mother used to tape names to the bottom of her stuff so the family would know who the item would belong to after she passes.

I hope your brother will realize the importance of this vase to you and give it to you.

[Ian]

My DH's mother used to tape names to the bottom of her stuff so the family would know who the item would belong to after she passes.My MIL does this, too. I used to think it was odd, but after reading this post maybe it's a good idea after all.

[Katzateer]

My MIL does this, too. I used to think it was odd, but after reading this post maybe it's a good idea after all.

That is a great idea. I know it can get crazy when assets are divided up in families after a loved one dies.

When I was a kid my grandparents and I were very close and my brother and I were at their house after school almost everyday since our parents worked.

They had a cuckoo clock they had gotten in Germany that I loved from the time I was a toddler.

When their house was sold after they died (I was in college) the only thing I wanted was the clock. My cousin from California ended up with it since "they couldn't take anything big on the plane".

For years after that, my cousin would complain about the clock being so annoying and I would just grind my teeth to keep from saying anything. I am sure it just ended up in the trash at some point. A cherished item to me wasn't really any memories for them.

[#1donaldfan]

I'm sure you have good memories of your grandmother and those cannot be replaced with a vase, no matter the value. You really don't need the vase to remember her, nor do you really want it to put a wedge between you and your brother. Your brother is just as much a part of your family as she, maybe he has fond memories of it as well, and if not, well that's fine too. Maybe an explaination of why you would like it, and what it means to you, and if he continues to not offer it, let it go, you still have your memories, which no one can take away.

[kakn7294]

I'm sorry but unless there's a will stating that you get the vase, I don't think you legally have any rights to it. Perhaps your brother will be kind enough to give it to you. I know it hurts that you didn't get something that means so much to you - I have a similar story. My grandmother had an old/antique Singer sewing machine that I LOVED - she and my other grandmother taught me how to sew and I used that machine all the time when I was at her house. Because I was only a teenager when she died, the machine was given to my adult cousin. I was heartbroken, especially since I had to settle for a cheap cosmetic jewelry broach, a Rin Tin Tin book, and a rubber tarantula (she bought him for me for Halloween one year and he stayed at her house - and I hate spiders) as my only items from her house - and the broach had to be "stolen" from a box that my aunt packed up to be given to charity. As a teen, I was at least gracious enough to split the small box of toys with my sister.

[Tiggerlovr9000]

You say it has sentimental value but what kind of value will it have when you emotionally blackmail your brother for it. It really bothers me when people put things above loved ones. I see you are a mother of 4. How would you like your children behaving like this??

[dnickels]

I'm sure you have good memories of your grandmother and those cannot be replaced with a vase, no matter the value. You really don't need the vase to remember her, nor do you really want it to put a wedge between you and your brother. Your brother is just as much a part of your family as she, maybe he has fond memories of it as well, and if not, well that's fine too. Maybe an explaination of why you would like it, and what it means to you, and if he continues to not offer it, let it go, you still have your memories, which no one can take away.

That's the same advice I'd give. If you remember the Randy Pausch lecture, you'll recall the phrase "it's just stuff." We get so caught up in filling our lives with things that we push out people and experiences which are what truly make our lives worthwhile.

And situations like this are why when I die EVERYTHING is being given to charity. I've seen too many families fighting over money or possessions so I figure if there's nothing to fight over they'll only have me to get mad at. :mickey:

[thrillme]

Wow...interesting point Tiggerlover...I know when my grandmother passed away I didn't get anything...well at least nothing I had hoped for...just "cast offs" that nobody else would take. Same went when my Aunt passed away (long story with that one that would normally make anyone see RED).

Alas...I'm just not a fighter...figured it's not worth it to me. Figured maybe I wasn't meant to have it anyway.

My thoughts would be don't threaten the brother...whereas I don't think he's right holding onto it unless perhaps it means something to him too. :confused:

Have you offered to buy him another vase similar to it or of his choice (within a "reasonable" cost) in "exchange" for it.

You might try looking on the bottom for any key words about the manufacture of the vase and check out for "duplicates" on EBay...then maybe BOTH of you can have the vase.

[Michigander]

I always thought my grandparents had a great idea for how to keep their 14 children from fighting over what was left behind. first a person was brought in to put a price on everything even if it was a pin. Then the 14 children by them selves were allowed to come in and shop. They had to purcahse what it was they wanted and if 2 of them wanted the same thing a straw was pulled to see who would be allowed to purchase said item. When the 14 children were done if they had spouces then the spouces were allowed to come in and go throught the same process and when they were done then the grandchildren were allowed in. If they still had items left after that then a yard sale was held. once the things wre all sold the pot of money was then split 14 ways. With everyone getting an equal share. It left no room for fighting or the you were always the favorite one so you got more then me from happening. Everyone was very happy with how my grand parents had left things.:thumbsup:

[crazypoohbear]

I'm sorry this has happened to you but families are pure evil at times.
My mother who is in a nursing home with dementia has worn my fathers wedding ring since he died 19 year ago. for the first time since she has been in the nursing home one of her "children" a 59 year old dead beat, came to visit her and the next thing you know, the ring is "missing" there is no proof that he took it but is is very odd that she has never taken it off her finger (at one point she was heavier and it wouldn't come off, now it would come off easily, but she never played with it or took it off in our presence)

He is one of the "others" that feel entitled to take whatever they can get their hands on. He wasn't around when the others robbed her blind so I think he took the last thing she owned!!! I really, really, really hope there is a special place for these types of people!

I wish you lots of great memories because that is the one thing that can not be taken from you. Knowing that they will never enjoy the fond memories that you have is a small satisfaction that they can't have.