children in trouble with the police

[Tiggerlovr9000]

. 16 yr old dd was in an accident while riding in the car with her boyfriend who has a school permit. This is illegal. She left the seen and the boyfriend lied to police about anyone else being in the car now he's in trouble. Luckily she told police the truth( he hit another car and their were witnesses)but she lied to us. Also today she had her boyfriend in the house while we were gone and to top it all off she could have been charged with contributing to the deliquency of a minor in the car incident because she is 16 and he is only 15. My dh and I are at odds of how to punish her. He thinks she should recieve the same punishment at home that he will receive in court including fines and comunity service. That means he may not be able to drive again until he turns 18. I think she should not drive for the rest of this school year and do community service and help pay his fines. AlSo for the next three months I think she should not be allowed to be anywhere we are not unless it is a school activity. This means if I am working then she has to come to my work and do her homework until her dad picks her up or she goes to practice. One other problem is that she is one yr older then most of her class and when she started dating the boy I did not realize that he was 1 1/2 years younger which puts her at risk of more contributing to the delienquency of a minor. I hate to tell her she can't see the boy but think they should wait until he is out of highschool. He really is a nice kid but think they are much to involved even though both sets of parents have tried to monitor them it is obviously not working..Okay any advice. Please help..

[Itchy]

As a police officer I really do not think that your daughter can be charged with contributing to the deliquency of a minor just because she is possibly dating this young man. There are other issues of violations of the law that must come into play before that can happen.

I am not sure or did not notice which state that your are in but in Missouri you must have knowledge and allow some to operate a motor vehicle while unlicensed to receive a charge of allowing an unlicensed driver to operate a motor vehicle.

As for leaving the scene of an accident all parties should remain at the scene for injury and occupant information for a police report but
the driver must remain at the scene or he can be charged with the leaving the scene of a motor vehicle accident.

With the information that I have about your daugthers involvment I dont see how she can be charged with a crime.

If she has been charged with a crime I would talk with the judge to see what additional sanctions he/she can put on your daugther to help with the enforcement of your discipline.

It sound like as a parent though you are trying to get your daughter to do the right thing. It is tough to ground and or control every minute of a teen agers life. My youngest daughter is now 23 and I still pull my hair out from time to time.

I hope this helps.

Good luck.

[handmaidenofprincesses]

I'm sorry your daughter is in trouble. Let me tell you though, riding in the car with someone who can't quite legally drive you around yet has become something of a highschool subculture, at least in my town. I drove my friends around for six months before I was technically able to. I'm what would generally be called a good kid- never broken any other law (except maybe speeding a little), good grades, never been grounded- but to me and my friends the law seemed stupid. And since no one ever got caught unless they broke another law, no one really worried about it. This being said, your daughter probably didn't think they'd get caught and had no idea of the trouble she could get herself into, so I think maybe you should consider the fact that most of what she did after the accident was panic rather than willful disobiedience (not that she shouldn't be punished).

I'd also be careful about telling her she can't see her boyfriend anymore; you don't want them to go all Romeo and Juliet on you. A girl I used to know was told by her mother to split with her bf and it made them all the more determined to be together. Not to scare you, but she ended up running off and getting pregnant because she was so determined to be with "the man she loved" even if her parents were "too stupid to see they were meant for each other." Now it must be said that this girl had a lot of other issues, and your daughter probably wouldn't wig out quite so much, but you should still use caution when giving ultimatums like that, especially because, at sixteen, she won't necessarily interpret it the way you want her to.

Why don't you try talking to her and asking her what she thinks she deserves? She's much more likely to be accepting of a punishment that the two of you come to together after having a serious and rational discussion about what she's done.

Good luck!

[Tiggerlovr9000]

As a police officer I really do not think that your daughter can be charged with contributing to the deliquency of a minor just because she is possibly dating this young man. There are other issues of violations of the law that must come into play before that can happen.

I am not sure or did not notice which state that your are in but in Missouri you must have knowledge and allow some to operate a motor vehicle while unlicensed to receive a charge of allowing an unlicensed driver to operate a motor vehicle.

As for leaving the scene of an accident all parties should remain at the scene for injury and occupant information for a police report but
the driver must remain at the scene or he can be charged with the leaving the scene of a motor vehicle accident.

With the information that I have about your daugthers involvment I dont see how she can be charged with a crime.

If she has been charged with a crime I would talk with the judge to see what additional sanctions he/she can put on your daugther to help with the enforcement of your discipline.

It sound like as a parent though you are trying to get your daughter to do the right thing. It is tough to ground and or control every minute of a teen agers life. My youngest daughter is now 23 and I still pull my hair out from time to time.

I hope this helps.

Good luck.

I had just gotten off a 10 hour shift when I posted last night and now that I reread it I sound a little hysterical.:blush:As far as rather she can be charged, I was just going by what the police have told me. Its hard when your a year older then everyone else in the class. She was held back in kindergarten because of hearing problem. So even though physically shes almost 17 her mental and emotional state seem younger. I really don't want to have not see the boy. He really is a nice kid and so is she. I know everything she does are things that I did in highschool. It just seems like the consequences from outside sources are a lot more severe now. Our main goal is to make sure she gets in college and with that she needs scholarships. I feel like most of the time we can talk about anything and whats bugging me the most is the lying. Again nothing new for teenagers trying to stay out of trouble. Also feel guilty because the boy is in so much trouble for lying to the police. We did ask what she would do if she was the parent. We are going to sit down thursday and have a discussion about punishment.

[pink]

I don't think it's ever good to forbid your children from seeing their significant other because that will just make them rebel and want to see them even more. By doing this, she could sneak out to seem him and something else like the accident could happen again and nobody wants that. :mickey:

[HollyB]

I can't comment on the legal aspect, but I can comment on the dating thing. They broke your trust, therefore they should lose privileges. If it were my daughter, I would allow couch dating and that's it for a while. Couch dating is: you can see your boyfriend/girlfriend as long as your "date" takes place in our living room or the living room of his parents and with parental supervision (i.e., the parents are at home).

You don't forbid them from seeing each other (as others have said, that's a bad idea), but you limit it. "Going Out" privileges should be earned back. JMO

Holly

[MegaDisney]

To me and my friends the law seemed stupid.

The law is there because a teen's lack of experience driving, combined with distractions of friends in the car can be deadly.

I have a family member who lost a daughter in a one car accident when her 15 year old friend who wasn't allowed to be driving with friends in the car (per the stupid law) lost control of the vehicle while she distracted by a conversation with another girl in the car.

Stupid Law?:confused:

[LauraleeH]

I agree with the punishments you suggested. I wouldn't let her drive for the rest of the school year.

They are talking about raising the driving age to 18 and I personally think that's great. Kids are too immature and inexperienced to be out on the road.

[Tiggerlovr9000]

Well I don't have to forbid her to see her boyfriend because his parents forbid him to see her.He can't even talk to her at school. I am fine with it if it is to punish him but not if they are saying she is a bad influence. They are both equally to blame and I am not mad at the boy. I really like him. They are 2 young kids in their first serious relationship with raging hormones. She is being punished accordingly. She has to be everywhere we are for the next two weeks and has to do community service at church or at the food pantry. She will not be driving for awhile and will have to give part of her summer money to help pay his fines.

[thrillme]

No driving for the rest of the school year seems pretty fair to me. In addition I think it's also fair for both to help each other pay fines and do community service. And when the time comes...no driving without YOU in the car for six months after YOUR probationary period. The "only" problem I see with restricting her from driving for the rest of the year is that she won't get any experience that will hopefully prevent this from happening again. That's why 16 year olds are on probation to begin with.

I'm a bit at odds on whether to fobid seeing this guy or not. I don't think it's a bad thing for a parent to state an opionion on whether to see someone or not...you're STILL a parent...HOWEVER...I'm not sure this boy sounds all bad. Even though they BOTH made a mistake he did stand up for her and he took the blame when HE could have run off himself. Of course I don't know the boy.

Kids will be kids...being a teen is tough because as mature as you may feel you're still NOT an experienced adult. Most adults have learned through making mistakes themselves. Sometimes they get caught sometimes they don't but when you do...we all have to suffer the consequences.