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PrincessTracie
08-18-2008, 01:35 PM
I have this friend at work who says I am her "best friend"... she does not act like one at all!!! Here is the story!

I got married in 2006 and I promised my husband that we would not start trying to get pregnant until we have reached our 2 year anniversary. Well that is next month. So obviously I have been really excited! Well my "friend" got pregnant last month after 8 months of trying. She is the type that wants all the attention on herself! She is the most selfish person I have ever met! She decided to tell me this morning that she is not thrilled about sharing the pregnancy attention with me. What kind of "best friend" would say that to someone? I am so hurt that she would not be happy for me. I have been planning this since before she even got married!

How would you feel if one of your "best friends" said this to you? What would you do?

MississippiDisneyFreak
08-18-2008, 01:40 PM
Unfortunately, I think you already know the answer to that....a real friend wouldn't say that:( Do not let anyone mess up a special time for you :)

offwego
08-18-2008, 01:45 PM
It could have just been a thoughtless moment brought on by the relief of her news after 8 months of trying. I would just let it go as everyone has the right to be excited about that kind of news in their own way.

:pixie: that your own pregancy news will be here in a very short time.

DisneyBabies
08-18-2008, 01:52 PM
Get pregnant and shout it to the WORLD :yay:! Forget about a 'friend' who only wants to be a friend when it suits her and concentrate on the family and friends (don't forget about those of us here at intercot!) that will be absolutely thrilled for you and your DH! Here is some :pixie: and :magic: coming your way for a special announcement! Good luck!

Marilyn Michetti
08-18-2008, 01:57 PM
Unless your "friend" is carrying your child, you're not sharing anything but a common dream.

Don't let her spoil this time for you

tinklover
08-18-2008, 01:59 PM
what i would do is tell her about herself and include a few choice words i am not allowed to type her eon intercot. that is totally wrong of her to say that she should be thrilled as well. I was pregnant with my best friend both our first and we loved it went to each others baby showers and our sons are best of friends they are only 5 months apart. she need sto recognise that she is teh daughter not the SUN and teh world does not revolve around her. as others have posted don;t forget to announce the bun in teh oven here so we can all wish you a happy and safe and healthy pregnancy. and here goes my vendictive side hopefully you can out do her but getting preggy in less then 8 months and 1 up her by having twins lol.

LauraleeH
08-18-2008, 02:10 PM
Wow, I would not be happy if my friend said that to me.

Here's what I would do:
Figure out if this "friend" is someone I can live without. Honestly, that sounds bad. But if this person is constantly "take take take" without any give, an attention seeker, or constantly putting me down...doesn't sound like I'd need her in my life.

If I really did care about her and didn't want to lose the friendship, I'd confront her about the situation and try to work it out.

At the end of the day, all you need to worry about is your husband and your future child. If the world is jealous, it's probably because you're doing something right, and you don't need that in your life ;)

DisneyWhirled
08-18-2008, 02:12 PM
Geez...imagine if in this world there could only be one pregnant woman at a time so as not to spoil each others "moment"!!!

I would go about your business and never mind about her. And tell her not to look to you to be consoled when she is vomitting every AM!!

princessjojo
08-18-2008, 02:19 PM
It could have just been a thoughtless moment brought on by the relief of her news after 8 months of trying. I would just let it go as everyone has the right to be excited about that kind of news in their own way.

:pixie: that your own pregancy news will be here in a very short time.
I agree that this very well may have been the case. I unintentionally said the same thing about my son and I sharing the same birthday, that I didn't want to share with anyone. But I also realize that I couldn't have had a better gift. It was selfish of me to say that, but I think, in your case, I would love sharing my pregnancy with my BFF. If you two are indeed BFFs, just put it out there to her how you felt about what she said. Her reaction will give you the answer you're looking for I'm afraid.

BTW, DS's birth was recorded as 11:55pm making it the day before mine. DH said it was actually after 12am, but the doc "adjusted' the time because of what I said...

MNNHFLTX
08-18-2008, 03:14 PM
Oh my, the degree of competitiveness that exists these days! This brought to mind a nurse that I work with who is upset with her sister for deciding to get married the same year as she (the nurse) is. Apparently she is afraid that having another wedding in the family will steal her thunder (all I could think was that I felt sorry for their poor parents, having two weddings in one year!).

Your friend should not have said that to you, it was thoughtless, to say the least. True friends rejoice in each other's happiness, not try to take it away.

MNNHFLTX
08-18-2008, 03:24 PM
I unintentionally said the same thing about my son and I sharing the same birthday, that I didn't want to share with anyone. But I also realize that I couldn't have had a better gift.
It's funny you mention that. In my family my mom and sister shared the same birthday and my dad's and my birthdays are just one day apart. What's more is that my maternal grandfather also had the same birthday as my mom and sister--three generations! We always kind of liked celebrating birthdays with someone else in the family--made for bigger parties! :)

Piglet822
08-18-2008, 03:26 PM
You know, my sister in law said similar to me but it concerned my pregnancy and her wedding day.
She made a comment about how she hoped my baby's birth didn't interfere with her wedding. As I politely mentioned to her, the baby would decide when it was ready to make an appearance, I had no control over that. However, they knew my due date when they planned their wedding.
My point is, don't let anyone take away your excitement. I hate to tell her, she's not going to be the only one in the entire world pregnant and she's going to have to share with someone somewhere.
Best of luck to you and your husband!!!!!

merlinmagic4
08-18-2008, 03:43 PM
I would think she would be excited that you'd be bringing up babies together!

It take all kinds; not everyone thinks the same way. My husband's aunt did not want a new baby in the family to come to her daughter's wedding. She didn't want the baby to "steal the show". We were all pretty flabbergasted!!

Maybe if you let her know how you feel about what she said, she'll realize the error of her ways (or not) and you can move forward from there.

Mousemates
08-18-2008, 03:58 PM
She is the most selfish person I have ever met!

If this is true, (and has proven out over time... i.e. your evaluation of her is not just based upon this one callous comment) then you ought not to be surprized by what she said...and perhaps ought to evaluate your "best friend" status with her.

PrincessTracie
08-18-2008, 04:31 PM
Thank you all for your replies!! (and for those who haven't replied yet, please keep them coming!) This "friend" of mine has been walking on thin ice with me lately. I think this was the last straw. The only problem is that she is one of those people you just can't stop being friends with because you work so closely with them. I would just like a workly relationship but she continues to get personal with me and its hard not to have conversations with her. And when I say "best friend" with parentheses, I only do that because she considers ME her best friend.. not the other way around. She treats me like **** way too much to even consider her being my best friend. Her comment still hurt though. So I am just at a loss of what to do. If I send her a hate mail (which I REALLY want to do) things will be so awkward here at work. But I do nothing, she will continue to be rude and will think it doesn't bother me. So, here is the letter I wrote that I am thinking of emailing to her.

So I have to get something off my chest that has been bugging me. You told me today that you are not thrilled about sharing the pregnancy attention. I would just like to know, how can a real true friend actually say that?? It was extremely thoughtless. True friends rejoice in each others happiness.. not try to take it away. If you can't be happy for someone else, how do you expect them to be happy for you?? I am very hurt by what you said. I feel like if I do get pregnant you will not be truly happy for me, but only think of yourself and how you will not get as much attention. That is an extremely selfish thing to do and frankly pisses me off. You obviously are free to feel however you want, but honestly it was tactless and rude what you said and I don't think it would be something you would say to your "best friend".


What do you all think?? Should I send it?

Disney Doll
08-18-2008, 04:38 PM
I was pregnant the same time as 2 of my friends and we really enjoyed being pregnant together. It does sound like your friend is being pretty selfish. People get so touchy about these things sometimes. I'd just ignore her.

meldan98
08-18-2008, 05:15 PM
I swear, pregnancy and marriage bring out the worst in friends. I have one friend who is insanely jealous of any good things that happen in my life. I doesn't even matter what it is. Her dh and I have been friends for over 20 years and I introduced them. She managed to ruin my baby shower for my first child and has yet to set foot in my new house. It even almost took a year for her to see my child. I have pretty much written her off. I still must see her since she is married to my friend, I have to send her courtesy invites to stuff, but she never shows up.

offwego
08-18-2008, 09:52 PM
I wouldn't send the email. Never send anything (at work in particular) you don't want the boss you have now and the boss you'd like to have read.

Being happy yourself will be the best revenge.

mrsgaribaldi
08-19-2008, 02:23 AM
I would say nothing but I would cut her off as a friend. If you have to see her, just be cordial, nothing overly friendly. It doesn't sound like it will be much of a loss for you anyway. Good luck to you and your DH:mickey:

thrillme
08-19-2008, 08:40 AM
I would definately NOT send her any hate mail. In fact...I might even consider showering her with very "positive elation" about "her" pregnancy. As her pregnancy progresses bring her little baby things or send her a cute baby joke or two...ask her how things are going and how she's feeling.

(I believe I gathered that you aren't pregnant yet but you're going to start trying).

She was wrong in what she said to you but...I guess I just believe that sometimes people like that need a little extra to perhaps learn that the world isn't all about them. Sometimes by showing her how happy you are for her and her pregnancy might just be the lesson she needs. There are some people in this world who may not feel 100% confident in themselves and they end up dumping on others. Maybe she has other siblings that she's felt were "more important" than her or maybe she was the center of attention in her family and now she's not.

I got pregnant with my first shortly after my cousin got pregnant with her 4th. I found out about her pregnancy when we "announced" mine. I was a little hurt because I kinda felt that it was "my turn"...(it was one of those I'm pregnant...then she responded with a well I'm pregnant too...it's going to be another girl....blah blah blah). I didn't say a word other than a truly heart felt CONGRATULATIONS. I guess I kinda felt like MY news was being a bit overshadowed. Before long I clicked that it didn't matter at all...I was soooo happy about my baby I was in my own little world.

Feeling "sensitive" was ridiculous on my part but sometimes you can't help your immediate feelings...you CAN follow "Thumper's Rule" and NOT say anything if you can't say something nice. Which SHE should have followed.

Sometimes extending that extra little bit of love and putting aside the resentment will make you feel better in the long run. When you do get pregnant...I wouldn't count on her to be thrilled about YOUR pregnancy but...focus on your own joy and how BEAUTIFUL that baby is going to be and the fact that it's being brought into the world by two people who will love him or her as much as they love themselves and each other. (Be sure to pick up a pair of pooh pajamas for your little one...they're so cute):cloud9:

crazypoohbear
08-19-2008, 10:25 AM
Do NOT send the email/letter. YOU could be spoken to at work about hostile work. environment
Do not discuss anything with her that is personal if she brings up personal i.ssues at work just tell her that you have decided not to discuss personal matters at work and walk away..

Then go and get pregnant and enjoy yourself and your new baby!!!

Mousemates
08-19-2008, 10:43 AM
I'd file that Email in the category of "letters best left unsent." for many of the same reasons mentioned above...if you need to talk, talk....but I think I'd just consider the email a form of "venting therapy" and evnetually move it to the recycle bin.