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View Full Version : How do you react to a gossip?



TikiGoddess
07-11-2008, 06:35 PM
Hi all,

This is something I've wondered about for a while. There is a woman that I work with. We see each other outside of school as we are in the same circle of friends, even though she is a little younger than me (mid 20's). She is a very social person -- outgoing and talkative, loves to be the center of attention.

The problem: everytime I see her socially, she always has something to say about people at work, other friends in the circle, etc. -- gossipy things. I'm not particularly interested in this information. It makes me feel like I'm in grade school again. I try not to say these kinds of things myself, but of course I'm not 100% innocent, as I'm sure all of us are.

So... how do you react to a person like this? I'm interested to see what people would do...

TikiG

SBETigg
07-11-2008, 07:57 PM
Tough call. I probably wouldn't be pointed about it by calling her out or saying anything like "please let's not talk about xxxx..." but I would try to change the subject when she started up. I would say "oh, that reminds me of a show I watched the other night," or "hey, did you know there's a sale at the mall?" Anything to snap her out of gossip mode and on to another topic. Usually, I think people like that will be happy to ramble on about anything that allows them to show some level of expertise or knowledge, so changing the subject works as long as you hit on the right topic. Then you just have to listen to her talk on and on. :blush:

Also, I would be sure to never give her fodder, to guard my secrets carefully and never talk about anyone else with her. But it would be funny to respond to her gossip with something like "Oh, Noreen did that? You think I would know. She's one of my best friends." That would put her on her guard and she wouldn't say much else, I imagine.

MegaDisney
07-11-2008, 08:01 PM
Smile and change the subject...

Lorraine444
07-11-2008, 09:36 PM
Confront the gossiper.
I have someone @ work that would literally speak nice to me & the second I turn the corner she's making a negative statement.
One time I stayed around the corner just for a second & she started. I turned back around, walked into her office and asked her what the issue was???? She was shocked & tried to cover herself. It won't stop someone, but they will be more careful.
HEAD ON TIKI! Just tell her you don't care to hear it.

Disney Doll
07-13-2008, 01:27 PM
I prefer the indirect approach as well. I think changing the subject does work pretty well. Sometimes I also try to play devil's advocate and offer a positive spin to whatever the gossip is talking about. I don't like to bad mouth anyone and since I don't know the whole story I try to give the benefit of the doubt. I also agree about guarding your personal information around a gossip. If she will spread gossip about others she'll probably do it to you too.

DNS
07-13-2008, 01:36 PM
Smile and change the subject...

I would try this and if she still doesn't take the hint, then I would just tell her I don't feel right saying negative things about my friends, behind their backs.

Minnie Imagineer
07-13-2008, 06:31 PM
say "i'm sorry you feel that way about xxx" I've never tried that because I am a very shy person, but as MegaDisney said, I would probebly just smile and change the subject

Young@Heart
07-14-2008, 01:50 AM
I think I would also try to change the subject.

I admit, there are times I like to hear a little gossip. But often, I find it's more than I want to know. So I try to avoid this finding something else to talk about.

jrkcr
07-14-2008, 11:00 AM
I feel your pain. I was becoming friends with a woman, and then realized that she continuously talked about people behind their backs. And it wasn't even about people I knew-just people I had only barely met. It made me very uncomfortable to hear the hurtful things she would say about her "friends". It didn't take me long to realize she was probably doing the same behind my back!
I decided to move on.
I feel people come into your life to teach you something. She taught me to be more selective of who I spend my valuable time with!

Marilyn Michetti
07-14-2008, 01:42 PM
I'm not confrontational, by nature. My DH says, "you could be held up over the phone", cause I won't fight. Anyway, gossip is NEVER good, and even if it's "juicy", I try to pretend to be busy and ignore it. It's hard to do sometimes, because I'm a natural busy-body, but I've seen the results enough to go for the pass. I wear my EPCOT bracelet 24/7 - the ones you can buy in Canada. They put your name on it, but I asked for K.Y.B.M.S. The CM asked what it meant - it means Keep Your Big Mouth Shut. I get a new one every year.:foot:

TikiGoddess
07-14-2008, 03:37 PM
Thanks for the advice everyone. I'll be seeing the 'gossiper' this week at a party and will hopefully be able to avoid her. It's hard though as she tends to monopolize the conversation in a group of people. I'm not the most outgoing person but can hold up my end in a group... except when someone more outgoing tries to run the show.

I think I will bring a list of topics in my brain, so I will have something to change the subject to!

TikiG

azdisneymom
07-14-2008, 03:42 PM
Wow can I relate. I had a supervisor at a school who loved to talk about others. It has gotten her into trouble with a few of the parents. When she is talking directly to me I try to keep the conversation strictly factual without any sidebar comments as to personality. If she is gossiping to other people I walk out of the room. In social settings if I can't avoid her I jokingly reminder her about a principal we had would always coached us to say "I would be happy to discuss that at work." After a while she quit gossiping around me.

Good luck, it is an ackward situation at best. Needless to say I transferred classes this year.

MississippiDisneyFreak
07-17-2008, 05:24 PM
:( A lot of times, gossips are actually insecure about themselves...gossip can be cruel and can cause damage whether true or not...you can

1. Ignore Her
2. Cut Her Off
3. Explain how you feel about gossip
4. Make a positive comment, like we'll I think they try to be a good person

Be prepared: you are probably a subject already and how you respond might change the nature of her gossip

Jasper
07-17-2008, 05:53 PM
While all of the answers listed in the previous posts are good you really have to decide for yourself what approach you are most comfortable with. Also be aware that both direct action and indirect or even lack of action may cause relationships to fray or even break. If you take the direct approach and she doesn't react well to that you may lose her and potentially others as friends. However, if you do nothing or are subtle about it then other friends who think you are "copping out" may decide they don't want to be friends with you either.

No matter how you go it is going to be difficult but in my books someone like that is not really that good and true of a friend anyway so I would go for the direct approach and see what happens.

Good luck!

WDWFREAK101
07-22-2008, 11:04 AM
You have to laugh at yourself once it comes back to you. If you get mad then that will only trigger more gossip. For instance, somebody says that your zipper was down. (I can think of worse situations but I don't think they would be Intercot friendly) It gets back to you, just laugh about it and maybe make a few jokes about how stupid you were to let this happen. Now if the gossip KEEPS coming, you ignore it. They will eventually stop. Usually the gossip will stop after the first time because people will be shocked hoe you handle things. Why can't we live in a world where people are our friends? :confused:

WDWFanatic
07-23-2008, 01:40 PM
I'll be seeing the 'gossiper' this week at a party

TikiG


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