Not sure what to tell DD...

[luvdiznee]

if anything, I guess. Her dad (we are not together) is going in for surgery tomorrow. On top of that, it was her birthday yesterday, and he was not able to make it to the party. And tomorrow she is graduating from 5th grade. And since that is when his surgery is, he won't be making it to that either. I told her as far as her birthday party that he had to work (1/2 day) also he wasn't feeling well. And as far as her graduation, he has to go to the doctors. Now he was to come by today, just to visit her and give her her other presents, but at this time he hasn't made it here yet. He did say it would be later, but I didn't think this much later. Because he said if he doesn't come by today then he won't be by for a couple weeks, due to the surgery. :confused:He said he's getting better and it's not major surgery. I geuss I will just wait it out, at least until tomorrow. :confused:Thanks

[disneydeb]

I'd tell her the truth. Did he ask you not to tell her?
You know your child better than I do, but I think most chldren that age can handle the truth rather than thinking her dad chooses to ignore her graduation and birthday.
Could you take her to visit him while he is recovering?

[katzctkpt]

I think I'd tell her the truth. Kids can handle things better than we give them credit for. I'd explain to her he has to have surgery etc...so, he will begin to feel better and hopefully begin to visit her more often.

[luvdiznee]

I'd tell her the truth. Did he ask you not to tell her?
You know your child better than I do, but I think most chldren that age can handle the truth rather than thinking her dad chooses to ignore her graduation and birthday.
Could you take her to visit him while he is recovering?

He did say not to mention to her. But I think once it is over and I find out from his family how he's doing, I may tell her at that point. And yes even set up a visit. I just want her to get through her graduation ceremony first, since she is nervous about that. :secret:Thanks

[WDWFanatic]

Tell her the truth, you don't want her thinking worse than it is.

[d_m_n_n]

He did say not to mention to her. But I think once it is over and I find out from his family how he's doing, I may tell her at that point. And yes even set up a visit. I just want her to get through her graduation ceremony first, since she is nervous about that. :secret:Thanks

Even though he said not to mention it, I think I probably would. She is old enough to handle the truth and you really don't want her to think her dad just blew off her special days for no reason. In the end she would understand (if you said nothing), but I wouldn't want my kids to feel bad for a minute if they didn't have to...

[KineGirl]

I agree with d_m_n_n

Id tell my daughter too. I dont know if that visit he was supposed to show up to was known to your daughter or not - but if it was, Id def tell her. If she did know and he didnt show, thats so hurtful. I have a daughter who went through this type of thing with her Dad sometimes and it was absolutely heart breaking to see her waiting for him to never show up. :(

I agree with you too though that I would wait now until after her Graduation since its her moment to shine in the sun and she deserves to have it!

[crazypoohbear]

I would tell her the truth. When she finds out that you knew and did not tell her she will be mad at YOU not Dad!

Wait until after her graduation ceremony and tell her.

What was his reason for not wanting her to know? I have no idea what your situation is but I know in the past I have had friends in similar situations where dad said "don't tell" and then told the kids after "I was hoping you would come visit me, what do you mean mom didn't tell you??? I wanted you to know, I would never keep this from you."

Seriously the ex (either mom or dad) sometimes needs to play the martyr at the expense of the child. I'm not saying this is your situation but I have seen this happen and then it turns mom into the bad guy who doesn't care and isn't honest.

[MsMin]

Children and especially little girls tend to blame themselves when a parent disappoints them. They don't always talk about it. Any number of things can be going on in her head. The way to approach it is to start by asking her how she felt about it, why she thinks he didn't come and then get her on track. You don't have to be descriptive and go into too much detail but you don't want her thinking that she is to blame. It may surprise you what can come out of the mouth of a 5th grader... Tell her that he didn't give you a lot of details and wants to explain himself why he couldn't make it. Being honest doesn't have to reveal his secret. If she asks you can also tell her what you know but on a "need to know" basis. Let her do the talking. When she asks respond with what do you think is going on. By letting her talk it helps to make sure her thoughts and beliefs are not distorted.
Remember that a little girl at that age bases a lot of her self-worth with her father's image of her. :thumbsup: If I can help anymore let me know... :hug: for you both..