Baby Shower ettiquette question - another dilemma!

[Flower]

My niece had a baby last October, she lives several hours away so I have yet to see the baby, although they have visited our town many times and have not made an attempt for us to meet them. I had bought a gift for her, which I gave to her sister and her sister passed it on soon after the baby was born.

Next month, her sister has planed a baby shower for her, but I have already given her a gift as had my mom (Her grandma,the babies great-grandma.)

Would you give another gift and if so, what would you give?

[Kairi_7378]

If I am counting correctly, this baby is 7-8 months old. Is there a reason that the baby shower is being held so late? Was the baby in the hospital for a long time (NICU situation?) Is it customary in your family to not have showers before a child is born? If there wasn't a special situation, I think it is a little late to be having a baby shower especially since you are closer to the first birthday than the birth at this point. My old fashioned view of showers is that they are to help the new mom get ready for the baby... which should optimally happen closer to the birth, IMO.

That being said, you don't have to bring a gift since you already bought something for the baby when it was born. If you want to bring one, I'd bring something small. Diapers, books, teething rings, or a small toy would be appropriate. Is there something that your sons loved that you think that your niece would like to have when the baby gets older? (Maybe Brandon's favorite book, or favorite children's movie, etc?)

[SBETigg]

I have never heard of a baby shower after the baby was born, except in the rare event of a premature birth when the baby came early but the shower went on as planned. I think technically that you have given a gift and do not need to do so again. However, I would still bring a small gift for the baby if I planned to attend.

[Jen C.]

I also have never heard of a shower at this late juncture. I think that the gift you provided would be sufficient.

Perhaps if you feel obligated to send something, a nice Little Golden Book (very inexpensive) with a note such as, "Come see Auntie and I'll read this to you", would get the point across quite nicely.;)

[Flower]

The baby was born 'normal', but because they live out of town their immediate family has not planned a shower until now. That is exactly it - the 'baby' is almost a year old, she will not need any of the 'newborn' stuff now and will only be getting stuff for the sake of getting stuff.

I like the book idea, maybe I will just pick up a few little ones and leave it at that.

[J9]

I think if you are invited to the shower and you go, you have to give a gift.

I do think it's a little weird that they're having a shower after the fact, but it would be in poor taste to go empty handed.

(If you aren't going to go, then I'd say you wouldn't have to give anything additional over what you've already given!)

[crazypoohbear]

Get a nice book sign the inside of the book to personalize it and have a good time.
"oh the places you will go" is a good one
Anamalia is a great book (we still have this one from my deceased aunt)
"the polar express" with a nice note that you would love to read it to baby at christmas time when they visit ;)

[Mickey'sGirl]

I have never heard of a baby shower after the baby was born...It's quite common here. My husband's family always does it after the baby is born so that they can play pass the baby. A nice gesture, but it was very overwhelming and stressful for both my sister in law and I....

[Marilyn Michetti]

You said they've been in your area several times, and haven 't even tried to contact you? Seems like they're lacking in basic manners. You sent them a gift - was it even acknowledged? Somebody needs to "ahem" nudge the lady, and explain the rules about "thank you notes".

At any rate, it's not the baby's fault, and you will be the better person to be in it's life with little gifts and notes whenever you can. This child will grow up wanting to meet you. I'm "auntie Marilyn" to several distant relatives I haven't even met, and I LOVE being part of their lives. Fortunately, these parents always say "thanks".:)

[Flower]

I have never heard of a baby shower after the baby was born,

Maybe it is a Canadian thing! Hahaha!!! It goes both ways here, another reason for waiting until after the baby is born is so that you know whether to buy boy stuff or girl stuff, and of course to ensure that the baby arrives safely. I know a few people that have had showers and sadly have lost the baby, how hard would that be to come home to?

I had bought very little clothing when I was pregnant and one of the first things I did was run out to buy boy clothes for him!

[Flower]

You said they've been in your area several times, and haven 't even tried to contact you? Seems like they're lacking in basic manners. You sent them a gift - was it even acknowledged? Somebody needs to "ahem" nudge the lady, and explain the rules about "thank you notes".

At any rate, it's not the baby's fault, and you will be the better person to be in it's life with little gifts and notes whenever you can. This child will grow up wanting to meet you. I'm "auntie Marilyn" to several distant relatives I haven't even met, and I LOVE being part of their lives. Fortunately, these parents always say "thanks".:)

My mom and I were talking this morning about the gifts had already purchased, between us there were several outfits, mom knit a blanket, and we went in on a Little Touch book by Leapfrog. Neither of us recall getting a thank you note. Now, as this was several months ago, some of it was for the baby and some was for Christmas, either way it was a lot of stuff when you add it up.

My niece is only 2 years younger than me and her sister is 4 years younger. We are not close, but I have mentioned on several occasions that I would like to see her when they are in town, it just never happens.

I am closer with my younger niece as she lives a couple of streets away and her older son and Brandon are only 6 months apart, so they play well together, just not frequently.

With mom and I going over what we purchased I think I will just pick up a book for the Little Touch (by Leapfrog) and leave it at that.

[DisneyDog]

Well, it is a Jewish tradition to not have a shower until after the baby is born. I did have a shower before my son was born because my coworkers hosted one for me, but I know that no one in my family would have hosted one prior to the birth. But, to wait 7 or 8 months is a bit odd. I would expect that a belated shower would/should have been held when the baby was a newborn. At this point, they might as well wait to celebrate the baby 1st birthday instead.

[Kairi_7378]

Well, it is a Jewish tradition to not have a shower until after the baby is born. I did have a shower before my son was born because my coworkers hosted one for me, but I know that no one in my family would have hosted one prior to the birth. But, to wait 7 or 8 months is a bit odd. I would expect that a belated shower would/should have been held when the baby was a newborn. At this point, they might as well wait to celebrate the baby 1st birthday instead.

This is what I was thinking, too... that 7-8 months is a long wait even if you are following this tradition, unless there is a problem with the baby. (One of my cousins was in the ICU for a long time after he was born so my aunt's shower was actually about 4 months after he was born... and at that point it was more of a party to support my aunt than a traditional shower.)

Glad you were able to come up with a suitable gift for the shower... and I hope that she sends a thank you note this time!

[thrillme]

7 or 8 months is a bit of a streach. You wonder why they just didn't wait for the first birthday. If you already sent a gift then that be it unless you REALLY want to attend...I'd just send my "regrets" and not go.

I'm laying odds they'll have a FIRST birthday party. Plan on going then.

[Georgesgirl1]

it's seems like she just wants more "stuff." I can't imagine waiting 7-8 months until after a baby was born to have a shower no matter how far away they are. I mean they could have done one around Christmas when people would have been in town. I know when my cousin's second was born we didn't have a shower, but we had a baby meet and greet at about 1-2 months. Some of us brought gifts, some didn't. If you have already sent gifts and recieved no thank you note or even a call I would write this shower off and wait to send a gift at 1 year. Good luck.

Kristin

[diz_girl]

it's seems like she just wants more "stuff."
:ditto:

If your niece has been in town several times, why didn't the family hold a shower for her before now? It just sounds weird.

Although, since they waited until after the baby was born, it would be the middle of winter when your niece to be able to get out of the house. So maybe her sister waited until the weather was warmer to get everyone together during a scheduled visit. That's the only thing that I could think of that would explain this.

As for a gift, a book is a good idea, since she has everything that she needs now. Maybe give a Mommy gift too, like bath oil or salts.