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View Full Version : Probably going to cancel our trip...sad venting



BrerGnat
05-28-2008, 01:03 PM
So, some of you may know that DH is currently deployed to Iraq for 13 months (until Feb 2009). We had planned our first family trip to WDW for next May to celebrate his homecoming, etc. We are booked at the Polynesian for 8 nights.

Well, DH has been gone about 4 months now, and it's been very stressful for me, in general, but more so because of my oldest son's (will be 4 in July) autism as well as my younger son's major speech delay (he's 26 months, and NO words yet...). As our older son is getting, well, older, he is becoming more difficult to deal with, especially at night (bedtime) and in public places (he has been doing LOTS of screaming at the top of his lungs if I so much as look at him in warning when he touches something he shouldn't in a public place). It's getting rough.

As I've been thinking more and more, I realized that I am just NOT looking forward to taking the boys to WDW next year. I think, in my head, I imagined that it would be a picture perfect family vacation, and when I think more about it, the reality is that it will be more stressful than anything else. I'm sure it would have its fun moments, but it would not be the relaxing vacation that I will NEED at that point.

In addition, my autistic son apparently is deathly afraid of airplanes. :confused: I have no idea why, or where it comes from, since he has never seen one closer than up in the sky. I bought this airplane/helicopter DVD for my younger son, who apparently LOVES airplanes and helicopters (he is fascinated when he sees them in the sky, and likes to play with toy versions of them). When I showed Max the dvd, he FLIPPED OUT. He literally started crying and he looked me in the eye and said "We don't like airplanes! We don't ride airplanes." (he mixes up his pronouns...he meant "I") He took the dvd from me, and hid it behind a bunch of other dvd's so he wouldn't have to see the airplane on the front. I am baffled by this reaction, but considering that taking a trip to WDW would involve approximately 7-8 hrs of travel on a plane, it seems like it's not in the cards anytime in the near future. He is the type of kid whose reaction when he does not like something would get us kicked off the plane...seriously. :(

I think we are going to have to condition him to planes slowly, and perhaps take a couple short flights (if he will tolerate that) before embarking on a cross country one. Since I am on my own with the boys until next year, this is not something that I can take on alone.

In addition, it seems like by next May, it will cost upwards of $2000 JUST for plane tickets to WDW, and that is just ridiculous.

So, I talked to DH the other day on the phone and we discussed some of these things, and decided that it would probably be a better idea to forgo the WDW trip in lieu of some shorter, closer to home trips with the boys. We discussed doing a few nights at Disneyland, San Diego, and perhaps a short trip up to San Francisco, to visit my sister, and so Max can take his first plane trip.

We are supposed to get transferred to Maryland in May 2010 for 3 years, and figured that would be a better time to go to WDW, since we could drive down, or at the very least, have a shorter plane trip. The boys will be 6 and 4 at that time, so perhaps they will have matured and developed enough to make the vacation a bit more like a vacation. The younger one will be potty trained and we'd have less "stuff" to have to take. In a perfect world, our younger DS will be communicating well by that point and our older DS will be a bit less tantrum prone.

Plus, we have Disneyland practically in our backyard. I take the boys about twice a week these days, so I don't feel like they are Disney deprived or anything. ;) And, we can take the money that this vacation WOULD have cost and pay off our student loans for good (it would have taken us three more years). With the money we will be able to put away in savings, we can potentially buy into DVC in a few years, which is what I think our family will need as far as vacation accommodations goes, for the forseeable future.

So, it's a bit of a sad decision for me, but as DH said "WDW will still be there in a few years...it's not going away." And, once we move to the east coast, we'll have to leave behind our beloved Disneyland, and I'm sure the boys will REALLY enjoy a trip to WDW after a few months sans Disneyland.

Thanks for listening. It's not easy when you realize that you can't have the type of vacation you have been looking forward to for years. I sometimes forget that I'm dealing with two special needs kids, and all the issues that don't just go away when you go on vacation, but I know some of you can relate.

KylesMom
05-28-2008, 01:45 PM
Nat, I'm sorry you've had to make such a difficult decision to postpone your trip. Keep dreamin', and I bet it'll be here before you know it. Sending pixie dust to help you cope with everything that you've been dealing with! :tink:

Jenemmy
05-28-2008, 02:27 PM
:hug: Awwww -- I am so sorry and know how disappointing it must feel! I have a son with autism as well who is now 10. I can tell you there have been phases where a vacation was WONDERFUL for him and phases when a vacation was the last thing on earth I should consider. I TOTALLY understand where you are coming from. Your son is still so young and in some ways the younger years are hardest because you have normal toddler tantrums on top of autistic behaviors and they can at times ooze together and become the mother of all meltdowns. Believe it or not, my son came to an age when he finally knew when he needed to remove himself from a situation before it became too stressful for him to handle.

You sound like a great mom with a firm grasp on what your kiddos need (which unfortunately isn't always the same as what us Mamas need!!!) Sounds like you have some great future plans to look forward to.

In the meantime, it is so great that you can go play at DL so often and get yourself a good dose of Disney. Hang in there -- things can and will settle and become a bit more predictable with age.

KineGirl
05-28-2008, 02:44 PM
I wish I had some good advice but really you and your husband have already considered great ideas for the future. Im sorry you cant take this trip :hug: My sweet sweet nephew is on the severe end of the spectrum and I know how out of the blue some of these apprehensions they have can pop up and change plans altogether. My SIL has had a full plate trying to give him opportunities coupled with trying to make sure the other non special need kids in the family get the time, attention and events that they should have. We just feel so blessed that he is so loving not only with his parents but with his auntie and uncle who love him so much. Ill never forget the first time he hugged me on his own- he was 6. It was all I could do to hold it together b/c I didnt want to freak him out. They drove to WDW from Buffalo to meet us when he was 5 and some moments he shone (he LOVED Pal Mickey) and others were complete melt downs (especially in the pre/during/after fireworks & parade crowds). Hopefully once you get east coast the trip will be more feasible for your family as a whole. In the meantime heres some :pixie: for you and another :hug:

Also thank your husband for me and my family. And thank you too - it takes something special to be a military wife & family. He couldnt be there doing what he needs to do if he didnt know you were back home holding it down. I know how hard it can be to be the "rock". I watched my Mom do it for 22 years as a Navy wife.

Von-Drake
05-28-2008, 03:02 PM
My thoughts and prayers are definitely with. Give your husband a big thanks from my family, and a thank you to you as well for the family support you provide for him while he is over there. Having a son with autism can be difficult at times. We have taken our son to Disneyworld a few times and the last time was harder than usual. he is 5 now (the trip was for his birthday) most of the time he was good, but meal times especially were very rough. Overall the last trip was more stressful than usual. I do hope what the other poster said was true as fas as the younger years being the hardest. It is very difficult to know when a tantrum is a result of an autism moment or the tantrum results in autism. I feel once they get into tantrum mode all you can do is try to hold them, calm them down and wait it out, because there is no way you can try to explain something to them when they are in that mode. (sorry for the length)
I think you have come up with excellent options to temporarily postpone your big cross country trip to WDW in favor of closer Disneyland and sites on the West Coast. And you are definitely right about the feeling of relief after paying off student loans, especially early.

Meanwhile my family's thoughts and prayers are with you. May God bless you and keep your family safe and strong.

ElenitaB
05-28-2008, 03:04 PM
Natalie, just wanted to send some :hug: your way.

Tinkerfreak
05-28-2008, 03:40 PM
I'm not sure we can say anything at this point that will make you feel any better. I know it has to be such a let down. I would like to send you some positive thoughts though.

-you are a wonderful mommy to consider your kids and not drag them through the park or on an airplane before you think they are ready. That is so unselfish of you.

-you are a responsible person for deciding to pay off your loans and put yourself in a better financial situation. In a world full of people who want instant gratification and don't want to wait for anything it is nice to see someone who is patient enough to wait until the time is right.

I wish you the best of luck and just think once your loans are paid off and you move to the east coast you can maybe save up and really splurge on your Disney vacation. Maybe stay longer than you had originally planned so you can take it easy and avoid the meltdowns from overtired kids. Your DH is right Disney will still be there in a few years.
You will probably enjoy your trip even more when your kids are older and you are sure they can handle it all.

Here we go again...
05-28-2008, 07:31 PM
Natalie,
I wish I knew what to say... This sounds like a heart breaking decision, but you know in your heart that you are doing the right thing for you and your family.
Sending Prayers, :pixie: and :hug: your way!

buzznwoodysmom
05-28-2008, 08:44 PM
Natalie,

I don't know if this is your DH's first deployment or not, but honestly he may not be up for a WDW vacation when he returns. My DH served in Iraq in 2005 and we had a two week vacation planned to WDW for his return. Things went wrong with his return dates and we knew he wouldn't make it in time for us to still get a great military discount. Without the discount we couldn't afford to stay for the whole two weeks so we just decided to cancel our plans and vacation elsewhere. It had to be the best decision we made. You have to remember that your DH is in a different time zone and it takes a good while to get used to being home. My DH had a rough time getting back into the grove of things, mostly because he was stuck in the Iraq time zone. We opted for a trip to the mountains. We stayed in Asheville, North Carolina and Gatlinburg, TN. We also stopped a few places in South Carolina on our way there. DH got the "vacation" he really needed. Lots of relaxing, sleeping in, spending quality time with just his family. Don't get me wrong WDW is a great place to spend quality time with family, but this is just different. We had the best time and I'll never regret cancelling our two weeks in WDW for it. I don't think we would have enjoyed WDW as much due to the stress of DH always being tired, and just getting used to being a family again. As a matter of fact DH said at the time that he was so glad things worked out the way they did because he didn't think he would have been able to handle a WDW trip. Good luck with whatever you decide to do. I hope your DH stays safe while in Iraq and returns home as soon as possible. I will also keep you and your boys in my prayers. I have no idea what it is like to deal with children who have these issues, but I can say that I admire all those parent's who do such an amazing job with it! Good luck with everything.

BronxTigger
05-28-2008, 09:15 PM
Oh....you need a hug. :hug: :grouphug:

And a large dose of :pixie: :pixie: :pixie:

Tigger13
05-28-2008, 09:28 PM
Natalie
It is always tough to give up a trip to Disney. If you do wait until you move to Maryland another great way to get to Orlando is to take the Auto Train. It leaves from Lorton VA around 4:00 PM and you get into Sanford FL around 8:00 AM the next day and you have your car. Kids love it.

MsMin
05-28-2008, 09:35 PM
Sending :hug: I know it's hard but I do think you know what's best. You do have a lot of transitions to go through and a vacation is a stressor and you have enough life changes going on right now.
If you have any questions on desensitizing your son Max w/ the airplanes let me know... I would be glad to help you make a progressive plan. Is it the sound that gets him? Most kids I've treated can't tolerate the sound from the jets.
:pixie: We are all here for you!

disneydeb
05-28-2008, 09:59 PM
Natalie,
I am so sorry you will have to delay your next WDW visit for a while. Stay strong and like your husband says, WDW isn't going anywhere. It will be there when you and your family are ready.:hug:

cal5755
05-28-2008, 10:31 PM
Well you can never have to many :hug: or too much :pixie:!! My prayers are with you, your sons and your DH. When you do take a trip to WDW it will be the right time and that will make it more magical. Just know you are doing a great job being a mom and the decisions you and DH have made for the future are best for your family.

princessjojo
05-28-2008, 10:54 PM
You are truly a strong person. Yes, they always say you do anything for your children, but we also have to remember we're human. And to do this while your DH is away is amazing. Hats off to the both of you for your sacrifices.

Sure, you may have to postpone your vacation, but not indefinitally. And this extra time with your son could make a world of difference for him as I'm sure you already know.

Best wishes to you and your boys. They have come into the gracious arms of a devine mother. Things will work out in their own way. In the mean time, enjoy your many short vacations.

BrerGnat
05-28-2008, 11:12 PM
Natalie,

I don't know if this is your DH's first deployment or not, but honestly he may not be up for a WDW vacation when he returns.

This is his second tour in Iraq. He was there when it all "went down" in the beginning of 2003. His unit was one of the first into Iraq. We know all aobut the adjustment period. We sort of had to deal with that as a family last year when he spent 5 months in Oklahoma. It took about a month for things to feel "normal" (and for the youngest, who was just 1, to be comfortable with daddy).

He is supposed to come back in Feb 09, which is why we planned the trip for May. We wanted to wait until things settled down.

BrerGnat
05-28-2008, 11:14 PM
Natalie
It is always tough to give up a trip to Disney. If you do wait until you move to Maryland another great way to get to Orlando is to take the Auto Train. It leaves from Lorton VA around 4:00 PM and you get into Sanford FL around 8:00 AM the next day and you have your car. Kids love it.

Thanks for the reminder about this option! Both my boys LOVE trains. I have a fear of them, though, I admit. :blush: But, I'm a big girl...I can get over it.

BrerGnat
05-28-2008, 11:18 PM
If you have any questions on desensitizing your son Max w/ the airplanes let me know... I would be glad to help you make a progressive plan. Is it the sound that gets him? Most kids I've treated can't tolerate the sound from the jets.


Thanks for the offer. I might take you up on that. I don't know what it is. As I said, he has never been on a plane and never seen one up close. He doesn't know that they are loud, really. In general, he is not sensitive to sounds. He is a sensory seeker, so really, the more noise the better. He has been to the airport numerous times to pick up relatives who have flown in and he understands that people ride planes, but I have no idea why he is so adamantly opposed to them all of a sudden.

My "crazy" mother insists that he is remembering "a past life trauma involving airplanes". ;) I'm not sure about that...:haha:

BrerGnat
05-28-2008, 11:21 PM
Thanks for all the kind words everyone. You are all truly wonderful people yourselves. It makes a world of difference knowing that I have the support of my Intercot friends during this CRAZY year.

4 months down...8 more to go. We can do it! :thumbsup:

Maybe I can convince DH to give me a solo trip to WDW for my birthday next October...:cool:

Mickey'sGirl
05-29-2008, 09:11 AM
:hug: Natalie! You and your family are sure dealing with a lot right now.

It is hard taking a young child out when he isn't autistic, but add that into the mix, along with the ever present looks of disapproval, and outings can become depressing. DS10 has outgrown most of these "difficult" behaviours, but DS4's seem to be rather amplified at the moment. Frustrating as it is, I have seen that things get much much easier over time.

We're doing the opposite trip this year -- from Toronto out to LA and our youngest is not a good flier. Although he has sensory issues, his biggest problem with planes is with being restrained (although his car seat has never been an issue). It's horrible..... So we are flying direct at night and hoping that he will fall asleep quickly!

I wish you and your family all the best. :hug: and :pixie:

BTW -- DS4 had absolutely nothing to say until he was 3. Now we can't keep him quiet!

Flower
05-29-2008, 09:49 AM
Maybe I can convince DH to give me a solo trip to WDW for my birthday next October...:cool:

Nat,

I am so sorry that you are canceling your family vacation, but would it be at all possible for you and your husband to go away for a few nights, just the 2 of you? With him being away for so long it would probably be good for the 2 of you. I would hate the thought of being there without my boys, but I think I could get over it!;)

It sounds like you do an amazing job with your boys, and they are lucky to be so close to DL!

buzznwoodysmom
05-29-2008, 10:07 AM
He is supposed to come back in Feb 09, which is why we planned the trip for May. We wanted to wait until things settled down.

OK, I totally missed that part. We were headed for WDW right when DH came back from his tour and it wouldn't have worked out for us so I was glad we made other plans.

I am sure what ever you choose to do it will all work out. You know what is best for your faimly and it looks like you are doing a great job! Like your DH said, WDW will be there when you decide to go and after waiting so long it will be twice as special. Good luck with everything.

BrerGnat
05-29-2008, 07:53 PM
Nat,

I am so sorry that you are canceling your family vacation, but would it be at all possible for you and your husband to go away for a few nights, just the 2 of you? With him being away for so long it would probably be good for the 2 of you.


Well, yes. DH is coming home on July 31 for 2 weeks R&R. We have a trip to Las Vegas planned for 2 nights, just the two of us. My sister is staying here with the boys. Las Vegas is his WDW. :D We are really looking forward to going away together. :cloud9:

He wouldn't be interested in going to WDW with just me. He has already told me that from now on, it's all about the boys when we do Disney. He has done everything he wanted to do there (and at Disneyland) and just likes to see the boys have fun and experience things with them. He's not a Disney nut like me. But, he's also nice about letting ME go to WDW when I need a "fix". I went last year with my sister and a friend of mine. I think we'll all be up for another "girls trip" next year.

HulaMinnie
06-01-2008, 05:20 PM
So sorry to hear you need to postpone - but I can totally understand why. DS4 (soon to be 5) has autism, too and this past year has been a real rollercoaster ride of challenges and joys. Not having the language at his command has just been so frustrating for him. I posted a couple of weeks ago about our concerns with his running out the door whenever he got the chance. That was combined with some acting-out behavior at school that suddenly appeared after what has been a mostly very good year. Since then his speech has made a leap and the behaviors have subsided - for now. Go figure. His OT said it was probably just a developmental phase, and I thought, "Yeah, sure." When you're in the middle of dealing with such a situation, it can seem like it's never going to end or get any better. I guess what I'm trying to say is that it can and does get better! Bless you and your family. It must be very difficult for you with your husband away and all of the concerns involved with that in addition to caring for your children. Know that you are prayed for and pixie dusted big time! Your WDW visit, when it does happen, will be sweet indeed and we'll all be cheering for you.

BrerGnat
06-01-2008, 07:51 PM
Thanks Sue. It's good to hear (yet again) how things WILL get better. We have our good days, but there have been more bad than good days lately, and I guess it's all snowballed on me and I just feel overwhelmed. The idea of a trip to WDW with DS makes my head spin, whereas 2 months ago, it seemed like a grand idea. Who knows, maybe by this time next year, he'll be a lot better, but I'd rather still wait a bit, I think.

JMTStone
06-01-2008, 09:51 PM
Natalie,
You've already gotten a lot of good advice from people who know better than I do. I am Aunt of Autistic nephews and I know what my sister goes through only from her stories.

You are a very strong woman who deserves the best.

DH is right. WDW will always be there. And I'll cross my fingers for October for you.

I admire you both. Mom and Husband... both serving!

tinkerbellybutton
06-02-2008, 07:44 AM
Natalie,
I'm sorry. it's so hard to let go of a dream. I really don't have words of wisdom for you and I won't tell you things will get better, you know they will, but right now things stink! ;) You sound awful strong, you seem to hold everything together for the boys and even your DH. If the solo trip is an option I think you deserve it. Take care of you!

Kairi_7378
06-05-2008, 10:59 PM
Natalie, I'm so sorry to hear that you won't be going to WDW this time... I loved reading your February trip reports! I can't give you any advice for dealing with your sons and their fears but a lot of the others here have. I will tell you that if your older son gets over his fear of airplanes that the plane ride out of BWI is very short.

You and your husband are so strong and have made some very difficult decisions. I'll continue to send pixie dust your way!

wdwfansince75
06-06-2008, 09:38 AM
One of the most serious gaps in Military family health care is the issue of daddy (and today, sometimes mommy) going away. One of the reasons your son may dislike airplanes is that he associates them with daddy being away. He may also have seen you watching the news and associates airplanes with things that scare you and therefore, him. When we deployed frequently to Southeast Asia, many of the families, including DW and I, chose to say good bye at the house, rather than at the flight line. Daddy had gone to work, rather than daddy had flown away. If he associates airplanes with "an airplane brought my daddy back", his feelings will most certainly change.

Transitions are always a concern. Best advise I ever saw on the subject comes from a church transition manual..."Finish well, Start strong."

For your WDW trip, consider Shades of Green. It is a great resort, within a short walk from the Poly, and has reasonable bus servide to the TTA and AK and DHS. In addition, there is a great chance that there will be other families just like yours there at the same time. You may be strong enough ( as you seem to be) to adapt, and to handle the transition, but it always helps to lean a bit on others, especially if some of them also need someone to lean on. (Would make a great song, eh?)

Thank your husband for what he does from someone who knows what it takes, and thanks to you from the husband of one who knows what it takes to do what you do.

offwego
07-01-2008, 06:01 PM
Natalie I'm sorry to hear your postponing your trip to a different time frame. (it does sound as if you'll be back both you and your boys which is the main thing)

Your strength as you deal with this is amazing & your friends here at Intercot are alwasy willing to lend an ear when things don't go the way you'd like.

countrycharmer
07-01-2008, 09:43 PM
:flag:First of all, my heartfelt thanks to your wonderful husband for all he does for his country and to make sure that my family can sleep safely at night!!

Being a mother of two girls, one who has cp, bells & erbs palsy, had a stroke at birth, and has lots of other fine & gross motor issues, etc., and her younger sister who is hearing impaired and has significant digestive issues, let me tell you what my pediatrician told me when I was at my lowest point...." GOD only gives SPECIAL children to SPECIAL people... who can be strong and guide them to be the best that they are meant to be...HAPPY, HEALTHY and LOVED!!"

We have gone through the same issues, but then went and were glad we did.... your family will make decisions that are right for you and NEVER second guess yourself; follow your heart and your gut!

Please kiss those wonderful children and know that you must have been their angel to love them so much!!

I am proud of you!!