I am overprotective/not

[Tiggerlovr9000]

My 16yr old dd was invited to a birthday party and sleep over this past weekend. I had never met the daughter or her mother because they just moved here. I called the mother to find out if she would be there the whole time, how many girls, etc.I gave my dd permission to go to the party but not spend the night. I dropped her off and went to a concert at the college 4 blocks away. One hour later I stopped at the apartment complex where they live to meet the mother. They had the party in a private room at the complex. I talked to dd and told her to call when ready to come home. Before I even left the complex she followed me to the car and said she wanted to come home. Fast forward to todays paper with an article about a 21yr old man being charged with the rape of a 14yr old girl ( it was consensual but at 14 she was to young to give consent)who was at the same party. Evidently she went outside at 1:00a.m. and the so called champerone did not go after her.( I know she is a problem child and if I had known she was going would not of allowed dd to go) If she had sneaked out I might understand it but she walked right past her. Someone else at the complex called the police. Even after the police came she didn't call the parents of the other girls. Very glad my dd was already home. What is your opinion??

[murphy1]

Obviously you are doing something right b/c your daughter wanted to go. Sleepovers are a lot different than when we were kids. I got scared over that whole thing in Florida when they beat up that girl. I think you did a great job on this one. I have talked to friends about this issue and we don't live near family or people we know well enough to leave the kids with (I left my hometown ten years ago in Florida and still feel that way).

[Kairi_7378]

I was never allowed to go to a sleepover unless my parents (mom, usually) knew the parents of the "host." I don't think that this is over protective. (Regardless of what happened later. That is horrible.)

Something about this party must have rubbed your DD the wrong way if she chose to leave with you. Kuddos to you for raising your DD so well!

[Gooftroop5]

Glad your dd had enough sense to know she was ready to leave. You should be proud of her.:number1: Not very many girls would've been so willing or think it was ok to leave. Give yourself a big :thumbsup: for teaching your dd what is right & what isn't.

I once couldn't go to a slumber party because my parents didn't like some of the girls that would be there.I think I was 10 or so at the time. Even though I was upset at the time it was a good thing they didn't. There ended up being drugs there. I would've refused to take them but my parents saved me from being in a situation that it would've happened. My friend as she got older told me how she respected me for not using drugs. She eventual got off them but screwed up her highschool life because of it.

Then when I was a teenager I called my parents from a sleepover & asked them to pick my friend & me up. We didn't call her parents because she had younger sisters - babies actually. My parents came picked us up & never asked any questions. They called my friends parents when we got back to our house & said she was there & they'd bring her home the next day. My friends father was the juvenile deliquent officer at the time. They knew she was in good hands at my parents. We left because these guys came over & were drunk. The girl's parents were there the whole time. They stayed upstairs. We weren't comfortable anymore & left.

Then my dd wonders why I am so instantent on seeing who the parents are before she goes to a party at someones house. :confused:

[Dakota Rose]

I agree with the others. You made the right decision and your daughter is a very smart young woman. :) Nothing like a strong gut instinct, huh? :)

[Tinkerfreak]

Don't second guess yourself for an instant. It is so important to know the parents of your kids friends. I don't allow my dd's to even go to a birthday party without me unless I know the parents throwing the party. Last summer I let my DD go to a pool party at her friends house. I had met the mom and made sure she would be right there the entire time. Even though I knew the woman I still felt uneasy for some reason but I just figured I was being overprotective. When I picked DD up the next day she told me she had a good time but that she would not be going back. The parents fought all night and screamed and yelled at her friend in front of all the kids and my DD said she did not want to go back and be around all that.

[mickey&missy]

Wow! I don't think your overprotective at all. I think your a great mother for taking the steps you did to insure your DD's safety. Obviously your concerns were well founded and your actions helped keep your DD safe. You should be proud of yourself!

I also agree that you should be proud of DD. She obviously has good head on her shoulders to leave a situation that wasn't safe.

[SBETigg]

I think you were just the right amount of protective. And it was your DD's great instinct to come home. She makes great decisions, further proof that you're doing something right! :thumbsup:

[Reedy Creek Buccaneer]

:thumbsup::thumbsup::thumbsup:


You R A Great Parent!

[jillluvsdisney]

Good for you for having a daughter who made a smart choice by wanting to leave. You sound like you are on top of the ball and very involved in you daughter's life and well being.

[Tiggerlovr9000]

Thanks everyone. I am very proud of my daughter.This situation has shown me that I would rather be over protective then not protective enough. I feel sorry for the other girl, she has a rough home life and I have a soft spot for her because I have known since she was born. Hope she straightens up. :confused:

[Jasper]

I say that you and your daughter both did exactly the right thing in this situation. I also would pat you on the back for setting boundaries for your daughter and for your daughter to have listened to you well enough to recognize a situation she did not want to be a part of.

2 of our 3 children are now in college and the third is in fifth grade so we are mostly past the point of controlling what the 2 oldest do but even when they were young we would not allow them to spend the night unless there was an adult staying that we knew well. This case just proves again that as parents we can't be to careful!

[BluewaterBrad]

Great job mom! (and dd!) I think a Disney trip is in order!!:mickey:

[Jeff]

:notworth: Great parenting!!!!!!
Also, commend your daughter for good common sense.

[Tiggerlovr9000]

Great job mom! (and dd!) I think a Disney trip is in order!!:mickey:


We 'll be there in 13 days..:cloud9::cloud9:

[DizNee143]

i dont want to start trouble but i was thinking about this thread last night...so if it was consensual..whats the problem..no matter where that girl was that night or any other night she probably would of slept with the guy..and its only a big deal cuz shes 14 and hes 21...but if she was say 19 and the guy was 26..no one in the world would care...
technically the girl wasnt rape..so there was nothing to be worried about..for anybody else at the party..the girl knew what she was doing..at least it seems that way since she did want to do it!

i think what you did was awesome with calling the parents and seeing what kind of party it was and all that..i dont think i would ever do that (but im sure that will change once i finally have kids)..but go you for being soo on top of everything..then again the credit goes to your daughter for wanting to leave early without you saying anything to her..:)

hope no one hates me for what i wrote...

[tinkerbellybutton]

I don't think you're overprotective at all, sounds like you do a great job. :thumbsup: It's not easy to instill the importance of trusting your instincts in a teenage girl. Pat yourself on the back mom!;)

[katzctkpt]

Good for you for having a daughter who made a smart choice by wanting to leave. You sound like you are on top of the ball and very involved in you daughter's life and well being.

I am the very same way. If I don't know the parent then I just don't let my children stay. I may let them go for an hour or 2 but, all night no. It sounds like you have raised your daughter right for her coming out and wanting to leave as quickly as she did. Be proud of her.