I need some encouragement...

[FlaTinkRAMESAM]

I started a new job, and at first I thought the hours were wonderful, because I got a nice 4.5 hour break in the middle of the day to do school work, errands, etc. But since I started on Monday, I have realized that I am only getting to spend about 3 hours a day with my little one. And today I found out that I am working 10:30-6 over the summers instead of the 9-4 or 8-3 I had originally been told. I had to really fight with myself to not start crying at work (and this was before I found out about the shift difference for the summer). I just miss Emmy so much. I know a lot of parents don't get there kids until later in the day. I get to see her as soon as I get home at about 6:30. But she goes to bed at about 9. In the mornings, I wake her up, dress her, and we are off and I drop her off at school. I got in my car today after work and just started bawling... I can't stop crying. I keep trying to comfort myself and say, "well, with the summer shift starting later, I can keep her up a little later since we won't have to get up at 5:15..." but it does little for me. Do a lot of you guys only get to spend big chunks of time with your kids on the weekends? Do you guys get home late, only to get to spend a couple of hours with your kids before they have to go to bed? I just really hate this feeling. And it is making me hate this job. I wish I could get financial aid like I did last summer and not have to work and keep Emmy home with me all summer. I am upset with myself that it never crossed my mind that by working that late I would only get to spend a little bit of time with her and that I would miss her.

I just need someone to tell me that this is how things are...that I am not the only one that only gets to see their little ones for a couple of hours before they have to say goodnight...

[MMouse6937]

First of all :hug: to you for going through this, it sounds like such a hard thing.

I don't have children but I was at my brother and DSIL's house the first day my SIL went back to work after having my nephew and she was crying too and worried that he wouldn't remember her. I felt so bad for her, but I told her, he will always remember you and you will cherish the time that you have together.

I don't have a lot of advise because I'm not in the same situation. All I can offer is support and hugs. Take care, I'll be thinking of you!

[buzznwoodysmom]

I don't really have any advice for you, but just know that you are not alone. I think every mother wishes they could spend more time with their children. It's all part of mommyhood! The very reason I quit work was because I didn't feel I spent nearly enough time with my children. I was fortunate enough to be able to quit working when my second child was 1yr. I only wish I had quit sooner so I could have spent that time with my older son who started school about 6 months after I quit work. While I love my children equally, I do see a stonger bond between me and my youngest and I think that has to do with all the time we spent together when he was really young. Just take it day by day and hopefully it will all work out in the end. Good luck and I hope it gets easier for you!

[KineGirl]

I feel your pain. I was single mom for almost 8 years. Typical story, married way too young, left him, no child support, all while still struggling through the local college and supporting my daughter on bartending wages -which wasnt bad but the hours were awful! About the time I started working at night she started kindergarten so I got to see her for about 2-3 hours before I went to work. I continued school, worked at a mortgage company and sold homes (realtor) on alternate days and THEN went to my 4 night a week bartending job!! At that point I was only getting to spend about an hour a day of true quality time with my girly girl. And I had to make that happen. I always worked Saturdays selling on my home site but Sundays were exclusively ours. I didnt have much money but the beach is free and right up the street so I grabbed some old surfboards, skim boards, body boards and we went whenever weather permitted. I dont remember a quiet moment between us though because the convo always flowed. This went on for about 4 years until I got a really really good job and was able to walk away from the other jobs. It was tough but I tell you what.. it made our already special time together that much more special! If its any condolence, today my DD is 17 & she and I are very very close - practically best friends. We have an amazing teen/mom relationship alot of my friends who have teens are envious of. She and I have talked about that time and she said she remembers wanting to spend more time together but that she never felt abandoned because of the little things I (alot of moms do) did - make her special lunches/snacks for when shes away from me, giving her my undivided attention when we were together, we took lots of picnics at pretty places, I made her feel like we were a team and I never broke a promise to her etc... She said that she liked that we always set "dates" so if a week was tough for her she had this special mommy - girly girl date to look forward to. Also she really liked her babysitter who came to our home. Thats was a huge factor to me - I could work easier knowing that she was in good hands, happy, playing with her own friends and in her own bed. If this is a job that is secure and can be beneficial to you down the road it may be best to muscle through these times but if its just a job and its causing heartache - look for something else. Of course thats just IMO.

I'll be thinking of you.. I know it can be rough. :hug:

[Gooftroop5]

:hug: Unfortunatley I can't give much advice either. I worked when dd was little ( 8-5/5:30/6 once and a great while a saturday.) DD went to bed by 8pm. I didn't enjoy it but rationalized it by saying well if I was home we wouldn't have our own house(we were renting & saving money up to buy our house), a decent car to drive her around in etc. Now I am home all day with both ds & when dd isn't in school.

Each person has to deal with it their own way. There isn't one surefire answer. I see mom's that work all day & their kids are at daycare/shool then they put the kids in extracricular activities then grandparents/relatives/babysitters while they go out on weekends or weeknights. I admire you for wanting to spend more time with your daughter. Unless you can quit to stay home or find a job that is only while she is as school & you get her vacations off there isn't much to make up for the guilt that you feel for not being home with her. I still feel guilty that I had to work for finacial reasons when dd was little. Its part of the reason I don't want to go back to work when my youngest is in school. (we can really use the money) I want to be home when they get home from school to hear about their day & put them on the bus in the morning.

Sorry I wasn't much help & especially if I made it worse. :hug::pixie::pixie::pixie: Another hug & pixie dust to help you get through it all.

[offwego]

I;ve worked since DS was 6 months (that's based on our Mat leave policy here in Canada since extended to one year).

He's had babysitters most of the time for that (in their homes) and my DH has worked shift work until about 4 months or so ago. (sometimes rotating others steady nights or afternoons). I've had what I would call pretty time intensive jobs (read lots of extra hours including events, community work etc). DS might want more time but he's also really loved the things we've done due to my job (not just the disney vacations either)

I think being honest about having to work and the importance of a work ethic from the get go is important. If at all possible bringing your DD to your workplace to show them what you do even for a brief time is helpful. (DS has been in every office of my since birth I think). It's a powerful thing to model behaviour that matters to our children and taking care of them financially and demonstrating that independance will be valuable to your DD when she's an adult.