How would you deal with a bride-to-be that isn't responding to you?

[BelleLovesTheBeast]

So a friend of mine calls me after Christmas says that her boyfriend of 11 years who she is taking a break from asked her to marry her and she turned down the ring. A few weeks later she calls and says that she accepted.

Later in the week she calls to tell me that who her brides maids/matrons will be and that she was planning on Oct 25. Then sends me a picture of a dress and says that I need to go get fitting. Now she never asked if I was willing to be a matron at her wedding....just told me.

The last time I heard from her was at the end of Feb telling me she was was going that weekend to pick up her dress that she ordered and go look at some places to get married. Since then I have sent her over 8 messages asking her about the dress, the place and the date. She hasn't responded to one.

Now she lives in Orlando so I have to make arrangements in advance. My husband travels for a living training and has to book some of his trips at the beginning of the year. So he has to know what's go on because he has one last training to schedule for Oct. We also are planning to take our annual Disney vacation then.

How do I deal with her when she's not responding to me? Not one word to any of my e-mails or message (and I know that's she's read them because I can view that they are read). It's been over 3 weeks without hearing from her. It's to the point that I want to go ahead and plan my vacation for when I want to go and if she gets married tell her.....sorry I hadn't heard from you and figured it was off.

Anyone have any suggestions? I'm at my wits end with trying to get a response.

I know she's getting married and there is a lot to planning a wedding....I'm married. But the least she could do is respond to her friend who lives over 600 miles away and that she has known for 21 years.

Thanks for any suggestions.

[crazypoohbear]

Wow!
I would be hesitant to spend any money on anything regarding this wedding right now.
1) they were "taking a break"
2) she turned down the ring
3) she accepted the ring
4) told you you would be in the wedding
5) she is incommunicado now... makes me think maybe the are back to #1.. taking a break and she doesn't want to say anything.

Before you make any plans around this wedding I would call her one last time.
Tell her that she needs to contact you by such and such a time and then sit down and have a real conversation with her regarding your concerns and the distance etc.
Good luck

[Goofeygal]

I agree with the above post. Tell her you need to know the details asap so you can get YOUR plans made. I have delt with people who do not respond in an appropriate time and they have learned that if they want me to be involved they need to keep me posted because I have gone ahead and when no response I have made MY own plans.

[Disney Doll]

Before you make any plans around this wedding I would call her one last time.
Tell her that she needs to contact you by such and such a time and then sit down and have a real conversation with her regarding your concerns and the distance etc.
Good luck

I agree. Contact her one last time. Let her know you need to make a plan so you can schedule your vacation and your husband can schedule his work. Let her know that you need to hear from her by such and such date if you are going to be able to commit to attending the wedding. If you still get no response you'll have to make plans without knowing the wedding date. If it conflicts- so sorry, but I had been waiting to hear from you and just couldn't keep everything else on hold indefinitely.

Also, I would not buy a dress until the very last minute. I had a flaky friend who wanted me to be a bridesmaid. She had been engaged to a few guys, but never married. Had a date, but pushed it back. I swore that I was not buying a dress until I absolutely had to. I'm glad I waited because what do you know- the wedding is off again.

[Jasper]

This is clearly someone you have to be direct with or you will not get anyplace. As others have said, try telephoning her and see if you can get a response and then if not I would send her an e-mail with words saying that you have to get some answers by such and such a date or you will not be available.

I realize it is difficult to do this with someone you have known for so long but you can't let her drive you crazy like this either, that is not being a very good friend on her part!

[Ms.Disney]

This shocks me, we got married in Spet. 07 and had the opposite problem. My maid of honor was ignoring me. She was the one that said " I am going to be your maid of honor right" anyway one month and 2 weeks before my wedding I made the choice to find someone else to me my maid of honor! Because I could not get a hold of her. Yes it was very hectic but we made it work. My husband and I did all the planing our selfs and I can tell you that it is a busy time but I still had enough time to pick up the phone especially to talk to the people that were in my wedding. My advice is to call her and leave her a message or one final email saying you really need to know whats going on. Give it a few days and if you dont hear anything back, I say book your vacation. If your in the wedding you should not be ignored or left in the dark. Hope everything works you for you!

[Quest4fun]

They're not getting married.

[Dakota Rose]

I think Quest4fun hit the nail on the head.

[Quest4fun]

I think Quest4fun hit the nail on the head.

I've bore witness to many cancelled weddings and this story stinks of cancelled wedding.

The initially refused proposal should have been a sign to that guy. A big sign with flashing, neon lights and a waving cowboy saying, "SHE DOESN'T WANT TO GET MARRIED!!!"

[Tiggerlovr9000]

How good of a friend is she if she can't return your e-mails? I would go on with my life and when she calls tell her that since you haven't heard from her you assumed it was off. Then you can use the money that you were going to spend on the wedding on your trip to WDW..:secret::secret:

[crazypoohbear]

I've bore witness to many cancelled weddings and this story stinks of cancelled wedding.

The initially refused proposal should have been a sign to that guy. A big sign with flashing, neon lights and a waving cowboy saying, "SHE DOESN'T WANT TO GET MARRIED!!!"

I think the original big sign was "they were on a break" when he proposed!:confused:

[BelleLovesTheBeast]

I've bore witness to many cancelled weddings and this story stinks of cancelled wedding.

The initially refused proposal should have been a sign to that guy. A big sign with flashing, neon lights and a waving cowboy saying, "SHE DOESN'T WANT TO GET MARRIED!!!"

The sign should have been when he proposed to her she was sleeping with another man.

She has talked about wanted to get married for the past 6 or 7 years. They even were trying to have a baby a year ago. I think she just likes the idea of being married and having a family. I don't know why else you'd accept a ring from someone you didn't love.

Thanks for the advice. I left her one more message. I'll just have to see what happens.

[crazypoohbear]

The sign should have been when he proposed to her she was sleeping with another man.

Thanks for the advice. I left her one more message. I'll just have to see what happens.


HUH????

If I were you I would have other plans that day!
This has disaster written all over it!
I'm afraid that you are going to be the one out financially. Please tread carefully through this minefield.

[Quest4fun]

They were even trying to have a baby a year ago.

Are you serious??? I think they're missing a step. You don't plan to have children before you get married. Isn't that supposed to be the accident that forces people to get married quickly?

**Sigh**

Nihilo sanctum estne.

[Stitchahula]

UMMMM why on earth would he propose to her when she was sleep with someone else. I can only hope that these 2 people don't breed because of the poor baby. You don't have a baby just because it's seems like a good idea and you don't get married because you think your supposed to. I think you should find a way to back out of being in the wedding if there is still one and only go if you really want to. I somehow get the feeling that the reception might be longer than the actual marriage. Good luck

[pink]

I hope she replies to this message- if not, I wouldn't even stress about it. Plan your own family vacation and and don't worry about her wedding but it obviously doesn't mean that much to her either! But I do hope that everything works out for you. :mickey:

[Jeff G]

If she gets back to you and is getting married I would recommend refundable airfare or since she is Orlando maybe plan a Disney vacation around her wedding, if she cancels you have a few extra vacation days:mickey:.

[PAYROLL PRINCESS]

I wouldn't count on there being a wedding. Sounds like this is something that should NOT happen. If he didn't want to get married before and only proposed because he felt that he had to prove he could still have her, then this relationship is doomed from the start.

[BelleLovesTheBeast]

So I finally heard from her after 2 more attempts. She is thinking about getting her own apartment...maybe having sometime to herself or still dating him. She is going to call of the wedding but not doing anymore planning.

I'm not planning on her having the wedding.

[Jasper]

I didn't think of it at the time I replied before, but I would also suggest to your friend that she consider seeking some professional help to work through the issues in her life. With what you have told us about her reasoning for wanting a baby, wanting to get married, calling it off, not calling you, etc., etc., it certainly sounds like your friend has some issues she needs to work through before she really makes a serious mess of her life. Hopefully she will listen to your suggestions and get some help before she brings a baby into the middle of what she is going through!