Is it better to have loved and lost?

[Quasimodo]

"'Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all."
Alfred Lord Tennyson
What do you think? I don't agree with this famous quote. I lost someone I loved many years ago, but the pain is still with me. I wish I had never met this person now. Just so the pain will stop. I understand that it is miserable to go through life never falling in love. But the pain of losing someone you fell in love with is beyond miserable. Its unbearable.

[MsMin]

Our brain is hard wired to learn from our mistakes. Cave men had to learn quickly that a tiger was not an animal to be played with so we have a built in system to help protect us.
So move forward and now we learn to avoid things that hurt and some of us get stuck.
There is a great book out there to help ease you back into feeling better and loving again.
The Journey from Heartbreak to Connection by Susan Anderson... I recommend it for healing.
It helps you learn how and why you are in such pain and how to heal. Good luck

[Disneyatic]

First of all, I am very sorry that you have been faced with a loss that has effected you so deeply.

In the last year I have been faced with the loss of 3 people that were very dear to me.
I would love to have been able to avoid the pain of their loss, but not if it meant never having them in my life or loving them.
I would never trade the love, time, experiences and memories with them for the opportunity to escape the pain of losing them.

I think the same thing goes for my "first love". I was devastated when it was over and I still think about him almost 15 years later but I would never erase the time or knowledge because I feel that it has helped make me who I am today.

[Dakota Rose]

I think Disneyatic is right and I agree with what she said.

But, I know what you're saying too. I hope and pray that you will one day find relief from the pain.

[Quasimodo]

I agree that its better to have loved and lost than to have never loved when it comes to close family members and even a spouse that dies. I'm not so sure its the case when the spouse or significant other leaves you and moves on leaving you behind in pain.

[Disney Doll]

I see what you're saying, but I would argue that persevering through pain really does make you a stronger person. I've been there with an unfaithful spouse and even though at the time I wished I would have never married the guy, now I realize that every experience (even the really bad ones) goes into making me who I am.

[PirateLover]

I have never lost a lover through death but I did have a breakup that I took very hard. However, if I didn't have that break up I would never have had to face reality and recognize all the things that were wrong. I stopped being naive and I think it made me a better person, and allowed me to appreciate the man I'm with now, whom I'm engaged to, and who I consider to be my true love. However had I not found someone else I can see how it would be hard to start pushing those memories to the backburner and move on with life...

[Jenemmy]

I think everything we go through in life contributes to who we become. Sometimes we sure don't understand the valleys we have to walk through until the day comes that the experience suddenly makes sense. It could be in the form of wisdom for you, or compassion and help for someone else going through a similar experience, or maybe just a dose of strength for something you can't see down the road....I just feel there is a reason for it. We might not get it right away -- but we will eventually. That's when the negative can become a positive.

I think the only thing we each have to be careful of when confronted by a very painful situation that is hard to get over is not to get bitter. Bitterness is consuming and will slowly creep in to every area of your life if you aren't careful. Then, it is hard to find joy in anything.

If this is someone who chose to leave you then my guess would be that he/she isn't the one you were truly meant to be with -- that person is on the horizon.

[DisneyDog]

I think it's important to take chances in life. Otherwise, what is there to live for? Also, we learn from our mistakes whether we want to or not. What's important is to try and move on so that you can put what you've learned to good use.