Where Do You Find The Energy for Two Kids??

[jennsky]

I am a mom to a wonderful 20 month old daughter and of course, everyone is asking "so, when are you going to have another one"?? But I feel so burnt out between her and working and just doing normal everyday things. Where do people find the energy to even want another child?! I think deep down I want another one and I think it'd be good if they were somewhat close in age, but man, I'm exhausted even thinking about being pregnant and having morning sickness all over again, let alone having two kids running around! My little girl is a dream to deal with, but what if they next one is the complete opposite?! Is this normal to be thinking this way? Maybe this is just the February blaas coming out...who knows. Any advice out there???

[kakn7294]

There's a very good reason why there's nearly 5 years between my girls - that's the way I wanted it because I didn't think I had the time, energy, or even the money for the second one any sooner than that. If you're not ready, don't rush it because that's what everyone else wants you to do. You'll know when it's time.

[AbeeNormal]

Jennsky - I on the other hand am on the other side of the spectrum. My DH wanted our kids close in age, he didn't get along with his brother as well as he wanted to and he thought it was the age difference. :secret:

That being said when our 1st son was two months old we found out we were pregnant with our second son. :babyroll::babyroll:

I won't lie it's a lot of work:laundry::dishes: but watching them grow up together, there's just nothing else like it. We enjoy our boys so much and are glad we did it the way we did. Unlike you I was blessed in not getting morning sickness:sick: with either one. I can tell you if I did I would probably be exactly where you are in your thoughts about a second child. But, on the otherhand it was like the pregnancy of an elephant - I really felt like I was pregnant for two years, my body never really will be the same but I'm a tuffy and it's OK.

People thought we were crazy with two in diapers, but truly we were already there so it was no big deal for us. I also have to say my husband is just as involved ( maybe more) than I am with the boys. He works at night and takes care of them during the day while I work. Truly he's with them more than I am and I'm extremely lucky in that regard. :thumbsup:

No matter what you decide - you're right !!! Just keep that in mind. This is the only time in our lives when we get to make a decision all on our own and no one else can decide this for us.

Good luck on whatever you decide, and when people ask "how will you divide the love?" - Let them know you won't divide your love "you'll multiply it":heart:

[magicofdisney]

My oldest son was almost 2 1/2 when his twin sisters were born. :) It was a challenge having 3 under 3. But I have to say, once you have more, you're already doing everything anyway, just a little more. You're already making the breakfast so you add another plate. You're already doing the laundry so you add an extra load. You're already brushing teeth so you brush a few more. It's not like you really double your load, you just add a little to it. I know when it's one it may seem overwhelming to add more, but it doesn't seem so bad once it happens. But like kakn7294 says, you'll know if and when it's time. We now have 4, the work is more, but it's right for us. :)

[spb]

Great points raised by everyone here!
Maybe you really don't want a second child. That's okay. I absolutely adore my three year old son and ABSOLUTELY do not want another child. I grew up with siblings, and though it was wonderful, more children do mean more work...especially as they grow! Really think about it and do what's right for you. I honestly couldn't physically or mentally handle another. And just in case you're worried, research has shown only children turn out just as well as those with siblings. No matter what you choose, your child will experience some longing for what he/she doesn't have. That's life : )

[ncscgirl2005]

My girls are 3.5 years apart and I think it was easier for me to have my second because DD was already able to get dressed and do other things for herself (with assistance of course). I think you just go with the flow. Yes I was tired a lot but it was so worth it!!!!

[merlinmagic4]

I know a lot of people like to have their children spaced close but I LOVED having my now two year old when my DD was 6 and my DS was 9. They were a great help and so self sufficient in many ways. If you aren't ready now, don't feel the pressure to have them close in age. My children absolutely adore my little one. It's the best thing we ever did (waiting 6 years) and everyone appreciates him.

[SBETigg]

It seems like it will take a lot more out of you, but the reality is that it works out. It really does. You find the energy for two just like you manage to find the energy for one when it seems like you just don't have it in you. And the beauty of it is that the whole family adapts, even your current little one. They adjust around your new situation. They learn to share your time with the new little one. I remember feeling like you're feeling now. And also,worrying. How could I possibly love another little one as much as I adore this one? And you do! You'll be surprised.

And the nice thing about not spacing them too far is that you move on to the next phase at about the same time, instead of going through things at largely different times with both kids. Diapers, for instance. We had two years between kids and about five years of diapers-- and then, no more diapers(yes!). We have teens now. What a relief that I have two teens in the house now and then... I won't be facing the teen years again in a few years with the younger one. Yay! Does that sound bad? I love my teens, but teens have their moments.

There are pros and cons to having one child, having children close together, and having children spaced far apart. Best wishes deciding what works best for you.

[Terra]

You've gotten some wonderful insight from both sides of court!

And like everyone has said...definitely follow what your heart and gut say on this! If you are not ready then there is no rush!! I agree with Kakn7294, don't feel pressured just because everyone else is asking!

My own story:
I am currently in my 5th month of pregnancy and have a 15 month old! And before being pregnant and even now I have your exact same thoughts!! There are days that I feel like I am totally prepared and other days I am scared out of my mind at how I will handle it! It's a little different for me though because I only work inside the home [so maybe a bit easier for me?]
If it's an option IF you do decide on another fairly close together maybe staying home with them may help so you don't feel so overwhelmed.

Anyway, I had morning sickness with DS and with this new little unborn son! And I will admit, when going through the morning sickness a few months back I seriously question myself on why I did this! I felt so guilty about that, but once it passed and I felt better I had a brighter perspective.

I do agree with MagicofDisney too that you're already doing the work and you just do a little more! This helps myself to prepare, because I've been telling myself this as well. Shoot I even cloth diaper so I'll have even more extra laundry! lol...

But we wanted one more close together so they can be close growing up as well. But it was our choice! We had people soon after David was born asking when we'd have another. I finally said when we do we will let you know. That pretty much nipped those comments in the bud! :)

What ever you decide you will do wonderful!!!!

[RoosMomKanga]

Well, the best advice you've gotten here is that you'll know when you're ready...if you don't, you're not ready. Don't rush things! As you already know, they're tons of work and as anyone with older kids can tell you, it really doesn't get easier as they get older.

I've done it both ways. My first two are 2 1/2 years apart...I was working full time and traveling a lot...those were some difficult busy years. We always wanted 3 (I'm from a family of 5), but I couldn't imagine handling it with my career. My DH got a job offer/promotion which involved a move back to my families hometown (most of them still there). I made the decision (and was lucky enough to be able to have the opportunity-with DH promotion) to quit work and have our 3rd (actually a tough decision as my career was on the fast track at the time). There's 5 1/2-8 years between him and the older two (older children can help a lot with a baby...they play with them, etc. and my daughter at 8 loved having "her baby"). My kids are 20, 17, 12 now and they're all very close still (when they're not having those teenage moments).

I'm sending you :pixie: :coffee:for some energy today!

[Stitchahula]

My ds was 4 when his little brother was born this last 4th of july. I love them both to death but boy are they alot of work. You forget how tired you are at first but just like before you get into a routine only now there is more of a hectic flow to it. I don't mean to scare you but it always seems that my 4 y/o needs me just when the baby needs a diaper or he starts to get very loud just as I get the baby to sleep. I can't imagine not having either of them though they are both the loves of my life. I think that you will know if and when you want #2 don't let anyone talk you into it unless of course they are going to go threw the pregnancy, labor , and the raising of them for you. This is up to you it is alot of work but just like the 1st one you'll find it's sooo worth it. Good luck with what ever you decide.

[princessjojo]

That's a very tricky thing. My first DS was about 18mth old when I found our I was pregnant with the next one. It was completely unplanned. We were content with only 1 child, because we could do things for him easily that our parents couldn't do for us. I cried for about 3 weeks when I found out. But we finally embraced it. They are just 2yrs & 2wks apart and it's great. They really entertain each other and pretty much always have. They are so close most of the time and miss the other when one is away for any length of time.

The hardest thing with the boys being close in age is allowing the older to grow independently from the other. I have to remind them that as much as they enjoy each other, Gray has to be allowed to make his own friends without Colbey always being in tow. Gray is now about to become a teenager and wants his space without his brother there. It's hard for Colbey because he doesn't have a real concept on how to make friends. Gray's friends have always taken Colbey in under their wings letting him be around, but now they're into things, Colbey's not quite ready for.

The energy thing though just comes. You don't quite know from where, but it happens. We have a teacher that we know who actually has 2 sets of twins, one set now 6, the second is 4 and a single child who is 3. Imagine that, 5 kids 3 and under. Now I wonder how she did that, but she did say that she was actually disapointed when she found out her last child wasn't a twin.

[tinklover]

my oldest is 12 and the next is 5 and the youngest is 3 1/2. yes my girls the youngest 2 are 17 months apart and iw ould not have it any other way. watching the 2 girls play together and grow together is amazing . i now wish there was not such an age gap between the first 2.

[thrillme]

#1 Don't let anyone tell you that you HAVE to have a second child. If you WANT a second child great...if you don't you'll STILL have plenty of children with just one. I call them "Rentals". Rentals LOVE to come over because they enjoy time away from their sibilings. My best friend too has an only daughter...oh my...you'd never know it. They ALWAYS have other kids at the house. I don't think there's a weekend they don't. Alas...if they start to quarrel...they go home. :thumbsup:

I'm an only child and it's not bad at all. I've got close friends that are sisters that I've chosen and I couldn't be closer to them if they were my blood. On that same token I've had friends with siblings that may either love them and be best friends with them and I've had other friends who if they never saw their sibilings again that would be just fine with them.

I had one because I WANTED one. He's all my energy, all my devotion. Every year has brought MORE fun. Sure I miss him being little again but I'm having a LOT of fun with him now. Based on my income, with just ONE I can afford to do more things that I couldn't afford as much otherwise. Kids are expensive... travel, college, sports, activities and when they're grown...you're still there to help them out.

There are benefits to having an only child and there can be benefits to having multiples. Only YOU can decide what YOU ultimately want.

[Jenemmy]

Where do you find the energy for two kids? Easy -- visit someone with 3 or more kids, then 2 seems like a breeze ;)

Seriously -- you will know when and if you are ready for another child. I have two boys that are 23 months apart and are now 11 and 9. I also got my greatest surprise gift ever in a little girl who is now 3. My boys have a good relationship and they also are enjoying their little sister. She absolutely idolizes her big brothers. I think once you have second, third and so on children, you just fall into a groove.

I remember when my daughter was born, looking at a friend of mine and saying "how am I going to do this?? How am I going to manage taking care of both boys and getting them fed, bathed, packed lunches and on their busses and care for a newborn??" (one of my kids is special needs, to boot) and my friend just very simply answered -- "Jen, you just DO it". LOL -- it's true. Us mom's are pretty resourceful when push comes to shove and it all works out.

If you want another baby, you will definitely just naturally find a way to handle it all.

[Mickey'sGirl]

My mom has 4 children with only 3 1/2 years separating the oldest from the youngest. She had kids in diapers for almost 6 years (and it was all cloth baby!) all this, and she has had Rheumatoid Arthritis since I (the youngest) was 1 month old. Needless to say -- she was exhausted for many years. Then, she said, we were all in school and it became very easy and wonderful. We had people to go to school with and playmates when needed on a rainy day.

Now that we are all grown up -- we are all exceptionally close, especially my sister and I who are 15 months apart.

Funny thing is ... My sister has only one child, and my son's are 5 1/2 years apart. We wanted one on one time with our children..... So, who knows. You need to do what is best for you and your family. There are many many very happy very well adjusted only children (my niece for example) and there are wonderfully close adults who are products of children born on top of each other (me and my siblings)...and happy interesting children who are several years different than their sibling in age (my sons).

All I know is that parenting is VERY tiring (my mom says she still worries about us) - but it is an early morning snuggle in the bed with all your peeps kind of tired. I wouldn't give it up for the world.

[Flower]

My 2 sons were technically not by choice, but I would not want it any other way!

We tried for 7 years to get pregnant and adopted a wonderful little 18 month old boy. Six months into our adoption I got pregnant, no fertility drugs, just good 'ole luck! So, we went from having no kids to having 2 kids in just over a year, both in diapers.

DS1 will be 4 in a couple of weeks and DS2 is now 15 months. I am fortunate to be Canadian and had taken a full year off for maternity leave, and my employer granted me an additional year off leave of absence, without pay, but we are making it work financially on my husbands salary as best we can.

Energy, I have none. I wish that some days I had the house to myself so I could clean and get stuff done, but in the end, none of that really matters. What matters to me is that my boys are happy and healthy. They truly love each other and thrive off of each other, many times I have said those 2 were meant to be together, and they really are. I don't know how I will do it once I go to work and have to take 1 to kindergarten and the other to daycare - AHH!!!!

Even at their young ages they enjoy playing together, which is when I can get some stuff done! We are even throwing around the idea of #3, but given my infertility history I just don't know if that will ever happen. :baby:

[Disney Doll]

The only advice that's worth giving is do what works for you. The year I spent as a foster parent to a 2 yr old and a 9 month old taught me that I'd rather not have 2 kiddos in diapers at the same time. So now my plan is to wait until #1 is potty trained before having #2. Like you I am a little worried about how it'll all work out especially with a toddler and a newborn. My first was colicky for the first 3 months and I couldn't imagine dealing with that and another kid. However, these things have a way of working themselves out. If you're not ready there's no harm in waiting.

[Ian]

There's a very good reason why there's nearly 5 years between my girls - that's the way I wanted it because I didn't think I had the time, energy, or even the money for the second one any sooner than that.:ditto:

We decided conciously to keep a moderate amount of space between our kids. With the exception noted below ...


My DH wanted our kids close in age, he didn't get along with his brother as well as he wanted to and he thought it was the age difference.Are you, by any chance, married to my brother? ;)

That's exactly how I feel, too. My brother is almost 7 years younger than I am and we don't get along either. I blamed the age difference as well, so my rule was that I wanted our kids to be no more than 4 years apart and no less than 3. Luckily, DW agreed with me (she's one of 6 and felt strongly that DD needed a sibling).

We broke our rule a little bit, but it was close. DD is actually about 4 1/2 years older than DS.

In direct response to the OP, though, I'm not going to lie to you ... it's work. Two kids are, as you'd suspect, twice as much work. In fact, they're really more than twice as much work, because not only do you have to deal with each child's needs but you also have to now deal with them interacting with each other. That adds a whole new dimension to parenting!

The one plus with waiting a bit between kids is that the older one can help out. Our DD5 is a huge help with her little brother and she loves playing the Big Sister role.

I will say, though, that I suspect that works best when the older one is a girl. Boys don't tend to have that nurturing gene that girls have. My brother and I were at odds almost from the word go ... it's that competitive thing with boys, I think.

[jennsky]

Wow! You guys are wonderful! You have all given me a lot to think about. I guess deep down I have to figure out if and when I'm ready to have another one as opposed to feeling like I need to live up to some pre-conceived notion that I MUST have two kids....I don't even know where I got that notion from. I do really think I'd like two kids but maybe it's not the end of the world if they're not super close in age. Hmmm....so much food for thought! Thank you all for your wonderful help! :number1:

[crazypoohbear]

Please, Please, Please, don't have another child for any other reason other than that is what YOU want to do !!!!
You and the child will regret it in the long run.
I have two boys 5 years apart. I did not want it this way, I wanted them close together and I wanted more children... That was not God's plan for me.
I have been extremely blessed. my oldest was and still is easy going, laid back and very patient with is younger brother.
When the oldest was 6-7 years old he would get up and cook Belgium waffles for him and his brother, he would life his little brother up and put him in his high chair, cut up his food very small and clean up after him.... He still does this (with the exception of cutting up his food, !)
HE would just sigh and roll over when his little brother would wake up in the middle of the night and crawl in his bed. He would make sure his friends were nice to his little brother and would include him in everything!
The youngest is so upset that the oldest is a senior in high school now and he is counting down the months until "I never get to spend time with my brother, again, He's leaving for college in 6 months, what am I gonna do" I need to spend more time with my brother! Etc.
I grew up in a large family 8 Kids! I don't even speak to the ones that are closest to my age!
So having them close together or far apart really isn't a concern.
Where does the energy come from??? From God, because there will be times when you are up for Days with one sick kid only to have the other one get sick right after.
I remember being in the hospital with my youngest at 15 months, All I did was take care of him and hold him. I know I didn't shower for a couple of days, I can't even say if I brushed my teeth, I was not leaving his side. I was exhausted and scared but I wouldn't have changed a thing. When you child needs you, you will have the energy. But, you must want to do it. that is a question that only YOU can answer.
There is nothing "wrong" with having only one child... for that matter there is nothing wrong with not having children or having 8 children. You just do what is right for you!
Good luck with your decision

[RenDuran]

If you could see me some days, you would know I don't have the energy for two kids! But somehow we make it through.

[princessgirls]

DH and I had no problem getting pregnant. First time, miscarriage... devastasting.

Second time... Morgan. Great pregnancy, I got laid off from my full-time job, enjoyed life and was very, very happy. Morgan was a dream baby. Oops, I forgot about counting days so I wouldn't get pregnant... Morgan is five months old and I am pregnant again. How can this be?
Too many green :beer: on St. Patrick's day is how.
Madison arrives a few months later.
It has been a blessing. Our girls are only a year apart, and are so lucky to have one another. I worked very limited (12 hours per week) we didn't have to be out for an older child to get to school. It was pretty laid back. The nights were long sometimes, espessially because DH works the night shift. There were some mornings when I met him at the door and handed him a baby.
I feel very blessed, because I thought too much about having the third, and ended up not.
Julie:mickey:

[MomPoppins]

I just want to re-emphasize that you have to do what's right for YOU. Don't let anyone else tell you what to do!

I have a beautiful 5-year-old daughter and a nine-month-old son. For me, I could not have managed kids any closer in age than that. I watched my brother and SIL have their three kids just a year apart from each other and there's no way I could have done that. (Kudos to all of you who can!) For our family, the four year spread between kids was the best decision.

There are a lot of pros to having a bigger span between your kids. I grew up as the oldest in my family. My brother is 4 years younger than me, my next sister is 8 years younger and my youngest sister is 18 years younger (no, that's not a typo). I feel that with a bigger span between kids, each kid gets a little more individual attention and more time "in the spotlight," if you will. I also read a study somewhere a few years ago that said that kids who were 3-4 years apart did better or were better adjusted or something along those lines (can't remember exactly what it said, but I know I used it as justification for our family planning! ;) ) I also think that financially, things will be a little easier -- we aren't trying to put two kids through extracurriculars at the same time, through the teen years with cars and dating and prom, etc, and especially through college at the same time. Yes, it will all be non-stop, but it won't be double.

Also, while it would probably be nice to move through each phase at the same time, it is REALLY nice to only be dealing with one kid in diapers at a time. (Actually, that was DH's request when we got married -- we had to get the first kid potty-trained before even thinking about the second! :))

DD is a huge help when it comes to DS -- in fact, I have a hard time figuring out how I got through *her* infancy without a "little helper"! Not only does she help me out when I have my hands full with the baby (e.g. -- can you hand Mommy the pacifier...oops, baby dropped his bottle, can you grab it for me) but she loves to "perform" for DS and loves the role of nurturing big sister. And DS absolutely ADORES his big sis -- there are times when DD is the only person who can get him to stop crying and DS's first words were actually a baby talk version of her name before he said Mama or Dada!!

We are definitely on the go all the time and it does take a lot of energy -- but in a different way than if they were closer together in age. DD goes to a lot of activities, so DS gets lots of "bye-bye" time in the car. Almost since the day he was born, DS has been trying to keep up with DD -- he rolled over at 6 weeks trying to get to her, was crawling by 5 months and has been taking his first steps in the past few weeks...so we are constantly running after him to make sure he's safe. And child-proofing takes on a whole new meaning when you are looking at a house full of Barbies and Polly Pockets!

Yes, I am exhausted much of the time. Right now, DD is at preschool and DS is taking his afternoon nap and I am vegged out on the couch in sweatpants and a t-shirt, desperately needing a shower but too tired to go upstairs. But somehow, I'll find the oomph I need to get it all done, get DD to skating this afternoon, go grocery shopping, make supper, clean the house and do all those other things that all us moms do. And more power to all those moms who work a full-time job on top of their 24-hour mommy duties. I think it goes back to the idea that God never gives us more than we can handle.

In the end, though, I know we did what was right for US. When DD was a toddler, I thought there was no way I could manage another child. But I still wanted one. :) I just eventually realized that we needed to wait. And I'm glad we did, because now, I have two beautiful children and the ability to give them all the energy and attention they deserve.

Now, if I could just get off this couch.......

[Jasper]

A lot of it has to do with your frame of mind.

In today's society there are a lot of people and groups out there that put a lot of pressure on parents to make sure that their kids have the best of everything and are always number one at everything. If you buy in to that line of thinking then you are likely never going to find the energy for another one. In fact, that line of thinking makes it very difficult to even manage one child and your own life.

There was a time when I was trying to climb the corporate ladder and was always worried that my kids won at everything they did. Then my health went to hell in a hand basket. That forced my wife and I both to take stock of what it was we wanted in life. Once we did that and came to grips with the fact that what we wanted when we were 20 was not going to be possible when we were 40 life actually started getting better for us even though we continue to struggle financially and with health issues. It also made a huge difference in how we are raising our third child vs. how we raised our two older ones.

The bottom line is to really take stock of everything in your life from you job to your home to even your friends. If any part of that equation is not helping you focus on creating a happy healthy life for yourself and your family then make a change. In making our shift to a happier life we actually quit running around with some friends who were always dragging us along to be hyper competitive. You would be amazed at how much happier our life became after some changes like that.

Naturally, like the others I would agree that it would be a mistake to have another child until you are mentally prepared and are certain that your life is focused on making a happy life and not simply on achieving things.

[TikiGoddess]

To the OP:

If it's something you want, you'll find the time and energy for it. I remember thanking my mom and dad for all they have done for me, and my dad just shrugged and said, "It's our job. You'll do the same when you have children."

Now that I have children I know what he's talking about. All those little things (and the bigs ones) that you do for your kids takes tons of energy, lost sleep, sacrifices... but you do it. My kids are 21 months apart. I got pregnant the week after my oldest turned 1. We planned on having them close together because my husband and his younger brother were close in age and they were (and still are) very close emotionally. We also wanted to get the baby years done quickly (so to speak) -- meaning, we didn't want to be getting used to not changing diapers and then have to haul the Diaper Genie out a couple years later.

That being said, it's been a busy couple of years. The worst was the first year we had two of them but we survived and now they're 3 and 5. They love to play together and will be a year apart in school. And we're not changing diapers!

Ok, I'm rambling. Bottom line: when you're ready to have another baby, you'll know. It does get easier as they get older, and maybe one day you'll wake up from a full night's sleep and say, "you know, I think I'm ready for baby days again..."

Kathy

[ljv1975]

Our daughter will be 2 1/2 on March 21st. I am 28 weeks pregnant with our son. When we decided to try for another, I personally wasn't concerned about the extra work. I figured, that no matter what I would make it through. I guess I'm in the camp that figures "get all of the really hard stuff - diapers, late night feedings, etc. - out of the way now and never look back!!"

After we conceived, I went through a period of time where I almost regretted our decision to have another so soon. I was mostly feeling guilty for our DD. I kept thinking how unfair this was to her blah, blah, blah. I think a lot of it had to do with those early pregnancy hormone changes, although I still have some twinges of guilt every now and then. I am hoping that my children will grow up to be close and hopefully share some of the same interests since they will be close in age. We will just have to wait and see what happens!

Whatever you decide, make sure it is what you feel is right for you and your family. Every situation is different. No matter what, don't let other people's expectations determine your choices! Especially one as important, life changing and permanent as a new child. You will know when the time is right!! Good luck!

[Kidsmom]

I had 4 kids in 5 1/2 years. The best perspective someone gave me during those baby years was this
"Long days.....short years!" I truly believe it.

We wanted our kids close in age and it has been great. We move on as a group to the next thing. They always have someone to play. You can spot a kid from a large family a mile away with how they handle disagreements with friends and their social skills.

BUT....only have children when you are ready. It is a strain on relationships especially when they are babies, but as they grow I found that to go away. We are closer than ever.

My fil who was an only child begged us to have more children the day our first was born. He said he was sad that has no one to share all of his childhood memories with since his parents died. I always thought that was powerful.

The energy comes. I remember being exhausted with 1 baby and very overwelmed too.

If you can handle it....the best gift you can give a child is a sibling.

Oh...mine are now almost 5,7,8,10

[prprincess]

I agree with most of the posters here--only have a 2nd child if you are ready and it is right for you. I have two boys, ages 3 and almost 11 months, and I'm not going to lie, it's rough on me. But mostly because I do not have a strong support system to help me out with things when I need them, and then I work full-time. Otherwise, it's not as hard as I thought it would be. I think it's just a matter of getting used to a new routine/schedule and making things work.

Good luck!!

[murphy1]

I have three girls, they are all 2 1/2 years apart. For me, I never felt "done" until the third one. I tell my friends that you also can't go by your head with kids, (even though we are talking financially, you have to just realize you can do it). I don't really have any help right now and I lost my regular babysitter two years ago (college), my MIL doesn't know how to help, so I just do it all myself (I run my own freelance sewing business around our schedule). I will say the worst age for us has always been three, I don't know where people come up with "terrible twos" b/c three has been killing me (my youngest is 4 next week, yay!!)

I agree there is no right answer on how many, I had my first at 32, so I wasn't very young, but the right age for me to have and to deal with them. If I had them younger, I would have four. But I can't imagine having a three year old at 43, which is what I would be if we had a fourth. And not b/c I would "try for a boy". My three are very close and I have three very special people in my life I couldn't imagine living without (there is never a problem loving any child you will add to your family, some people worry with that with more than one child). Another thought, when you have one child, that is your main concern, but when you have more than one, you just kind of have to divide those concerns, but it works.