Some of these kids are so snotty!!

[murphy1]

I hate the fact that kids can sometimes just be so mean! There is a girl in my dd's class that is having a sleepover party (third grade). She keeps talking about it in class and lunch/recess. She makes a point of telling four of the girls (there are about 8 girls in the class) that they are not invited and tells them what they will be doing (my daughter is telling me this and is not one of the girls invited). I don't know the family anyway and probably wouldn't let her stayover since I don't know them, it's a different time now and I stayed with friends at an older age than this. I don't care if she is having a party or that my dd is not invited. I just hate the fact that she has to make these other girls, including of course my daughter, feel bad. It just hurts when it's your kid dealing with it.

[Disneyatic]

I know exactly how you feel. My daughter is also in 3rd grade and has some real snots in her class to! She has 3 girls in her class that are especially mean and I am always hearing stories of things they have said. It does hurt to have to see your child go through it and also to be so helpless to fix the situation!

My daughter had a situation on Friday, it was a no meat day and they were having fish sticks for lunch which she doesn't like so she brought soup. Well they ended up have tuna sandwiches and she didn't like her soup (it was a new kind) and one of the snotty girls was giving her sandwiches away and wouldn't give any to Emily but instead made a point of giving them to people who already had quite a few. She was so upset that this girl was being selfish and she was hungry. UGH, it makes me want to go up there and shake the rude little ones :blush:

I have a girl scout troop with 8 girls and 5 of them are in her class at school. The snotty sandwich girl is in our troop and she can have her sweet moments but then she does this kind of stuff, I just don't understand it. I think she has a lot of pressure to be "perfect" at home and maybe it makes her act snobby in other areas.

Sorry to digress and tell my own stories but your's made me want to vent as well!

Good luck....I always just try to tell my daughter to focus on the friends that are nice and to be sure to be nice to everyone so noone thinks of her like they think of the mean girls!

[MsMin]

Shari,
I hate when kids do this. Sending :princess: :hug: for you little one and her sweet friends.
Yes, it will give her strength when she is older to learn to handle rejection but it hurts now and as a mom I know you are hurting too. I think it does start at home and many of these families can be so shallow. The truth is it's fewer presents for her! and less work for her mom. I think it does work when the girls get jealous because that's all they know is the material side of life :(

[BigRedDad]

I have a DD2 and she is going through the "mine" phase. She does not share too well, but she definitely understands it. I do fret the days when she goes to school and that type of behavior will exist. I hope I instill enough confidence in her that she will not be that way and I she will be taught that people like that are not worth having as a friend. I for one will not tolerate that behavior from my DD.

If I knew the parents of this girl, I would probably have a talk with them. It may very well be that they do not know she does this. You would have to approach it in the appropriate manner.

[alphamommy]

I can completely understand this. Our DD just turned 8, and one of her friends announced recently, while they were playing at recess, "You're not my friend anymore." DD has no idea what prompted this, but things seem to be okay between them now. Still, DD brings her outburst up occasionally, so I know it bothered her.

For DD's birthday party, she made a list of who to invite. She left out a couple girls in her class, as well as a couple from her Brownie troop. We told her that she had to invite them all, even if they didn't come. One little girl's parents don't allow her to go to parties, but I didn't want her to feel left out. Not everyone came, but we made sure there were no hurt feelings.

The parents of little girl you are speaking about should do the same thing, or shouldn't say anything about it in front of the girls not invited.

Here's hoping that things get better. We just want to protect the feelings of our little princes and princesses, don't we?

Tammy

[Marker]

My first thought was isn't that just kind of the way girls are? I'm closing in on 50 and it seems like the girls in my class when I was a kid did the same thing. And it changes with the wind, one minute your my best friend, then next minute I don't like you and you can't come to my party. I know my daugher (now 20) dealt with the same stuff.

The other side of it is, it's a life lesson. Kids need the opportunity to learn to deal with disappointment, and not getting their way, and having someone not like them. These lessons aren't easy anytime, but they have to be learned. Perhaps this is one of those opportunities.

[MNNHFLTX]

I can understand your feelings; it is difficult for us as parents to see our kids' feelings get hurt because of situations like this. The only thing we can do is help them deal with their reaction, even if we can't change the other child's behavior (although the first thought of the catty part of me was to have a sleepover the same weekend for the other girls not invited to the original sleepover!)

[jax86]

I know just how you feel. MY DD's are older now and it's not as bad, but they went through the same thing when they were younger and it really hurts. I think it is MUCH worse now then it was when I was a kid. kids are VERY spoiled and parents don't know how to discipline. These same parents will be the ones buying their kids beer for parties so their kids won't hate them! My kids are in H.S. and thats exactly what happens. ( and I live in a upper class area, where parents are supposed to be educated!!!)

My neighbors DD is 7 and she is going thru the same thing at school. One girl told her that when she goes out at night she is going to her house and stab her dog!! She even got another girl to say the same thing!! My neighbors daughter was so upset she couldn't sleep at night. When My neighbor called the mother she blew her off, then when she called the mother of the girl who went along with it, the mother was concerned that her daughter was "not being a leader" and offered no apology.

What your daughter needs to understand is that these girls are not worth her time and do not deserve her friendship.

[tinkerbelle75]

I have 2 girls, ages 7 and 9. I hate it when this happens to anyone's child but the truth is , we go through things as children that prepare us for the "real world" and kids will be kids. I totally encourage my daughters to be nice to everyone, and I hope everyone is nice to them, but that's not always the case either way. You can't force someone to be your friend.I wouldn't ask or expect my daughters to invite someone to a sleepover if they weren't friends. Maybe the parents have a small house and can only accomodate 4 girls comfortably? Unfortunately, some people just don't have very much in common with each other. This isn't just adults. Just let your daughter know that there will be many more sleepovers and she'll certainly be invited to some of them, but maybe not all of them. We don't like to see our kids rejected, but it's a fact of life. As for saying something to the girl's Mother....Why?? I think this will do more harm than good. People get very defensive about their children sometimes.Our children also learn how to deal with things by watching us. How you handle it will be another one of her "life lessons."

[ncscgirl2005]

I have 2 girls, ages 7 and 9. I hate it when this happens to anyone's child but the truth is , we go through things as children that prepare us for the "real world" and kids will be kids. I totally encourage my daughters to be nice to everyone, and I hope everyone is nice to them, but that's not always the case either way. You can't force someone to be your friend.I wouldn't ask or expect my daughters to invite someone to a sleepover if they weren't friends. Maybe the parents have a small house and can only accomodate 4 girls comfortably? Unfortunately, some people just don't have very much in common with each other. This isn't just adults. As for saying something to the girl's Mother....Why?? I think this will do more harm than good. People get very defensive about their children sometimes. Just let your daughter know that there will be many more sleepovers and she'll certainly be invited to some of them, but maybe not all of them. We don't like to see our kids rejected, but it's a fact of life. As for saying something to the girl's Mother....Why?? I think this will do more harm than good. People get very defensive about their children sometimes.Our children also learn how to deal with things by watching us. How you handle it will be another one of her "life lessons."


Very good advice. DD7 has a "friend" that acts this way towards her. So when she decides to not be my daughter's friend, DD knows that it's only temporary and that she'll eventually come back around. DD only says "Whatever" to her and she keeps on moving. This same friend has done the same thing in regards to the sleep over but DD got over it (partly because she knew she wouldn't be allowed to go anyway). I say let kids be kids and don't say anything to the mother.

[Jimenyfan]

I can understand your feelings; it is difficult for us as parents to see our kids' feelings get hurt because of situations like this. The only thing we can do is help them deal with their reaction, even if we can't change the other child's behavior (although the first thought of the catty part of me was to have a sleepover the same weekend for the other girls not invited to the original sleepover!)

That was my exact thought too. I hate when kids are mean to one another but at this age they seem to cycle with their friendships, one minute your in the next your out. Just keep being a mom who listens that in itself is a great gift to your daughter.

[murphy1]

Thanks so much everyone! I have pretty much thought out all the same things you all have said. I guess my baggage about being teased when I was a kid (the skinny girl with braces until I was 16) comes into play, too. I have three girls to raise and I think they are doing pretty well handling things w/o me always intervening, she is my oldest and the "kid who trains us". I have developed into someone who is very happy and confident and I know they will, too! I do think the tough stuff makes us stronger even though we don't believe that at the time always. Thanks again!