What's your take on this?

[mickey&missy]

I just got a letter/permission slip in the mail from DD's school. She in first grade and apparently our school district has what they call "our first grade Character Education program." Great, sounds wonderful!

The letter say "We will focus on how to make and maintain friends, fitting in at school, appropriate ways to communicate, handling feelings, how to get to know someone and being a responsible friend."

I have to say, I'm a little taken back by some of this. To me, making friends and fitting in isn't a character issue, it's a social issue. Actually, on the permission slip part they call it social skills. I think if these are the things their going to teach thats what they should call it from the get go. Handling feelings and being a responsible friend I get. But teaching them how to make friends? I don't know that you can teach that. Some kids are more extroverted and will be more likely to be friends will everyone and some kids are more intraverted and will be happy with one or two good, close friends. Niether is right or wrong.

My biggest issue is teaching them how to fit in. I really question this. How are they going to go about this? It seems to me, in our school district a lot of the kids fit into a certain mold. Middle to upper middle class, intelligent and college-bound, athletic and/or artistic. The kids who don't fit into this mold are, a lot of times, left in the dust. Kids who have ADHD or any kind of learning difference and the kids who don't have everything that the other kids are lucky enough to have have a really tough time. It starts to affect them even in kindergarten. I saw it last year with a few of DD's classmates. 2 of the kids where from homes with just Mom and are literally scraping to get by and they other child was from an immigrant family. It breaks my heart to see how not fitting the mold affects these kids. DD and I have had numerous discussions about the fact that she isn't better then anyone and no one is better then she is. We are all the same. Everyone gets hurt when they are treated badly. She knows we do not treat anyone in a bad way because of a perceived difference, because everyone is the same. We started a long, long time ago explaining to her that not everyone is as lucky as she is and that we are very thankful and lucky to have what we have. She knows there are kids in the world who don't have safe homes, don't have a million toys, and go to bed hunger at night. She understands charity and is very willing, especially for a 6 year old, to give of herself.

I wonder, are they going teach these kids that they have to fit the mold? Fitting in, to me, is a non-issue. There are always going to be kids that are different. Trying to teach them to "fit in" seem like it may cause more problems in the long run. Because now its going to highlight kids that don't "fit in." Maybe they would fit in if we didn't expect everyone to be the same.

Shouldn't they be teaching them to respect each other and their difference, not to bully, how to handle a bully?

In the schools defense, it seems that its going to be a small group thing. The letter gives me the impression that it's 1 group that will meet once a week for 30 minutes. Their are 110 kids in first grade, they can't all go at once and the letter say "this group" not these groups.

I also wonder if this is in response to some problems that have arised in DD's classroom this year. There are 2 little boys, both of whom where in her class last year as well, who have now had 2 fights with one another in less then a week. The first one was 2 Friday's ago, DD was not in school that day. But, from what I understand, the one boy threw an eraser at the other and hit him with it. The boy who got hit with the eraser punched the boy who threw it. Then, this past Monday the boy who threw the eraser pushed the boy who he threw it at. The boy who was hit with the eraser, and now pushed, kicked the other. There where no problems between these 2 boys last year. However, the boy who seems to starting the trouble was a bit of handful last year as well. He got in trouble for pushing DD's best friend. DD says he's "a big bully!"

I plan to call the guidance counselor, whom the letter is from, on Monday. I really want to know if this is a small group thing or something they want all the kids to do and how exactly their going to teach them to "fit in." I'm not comfortable with them teaching this.

Do you think I'm overeacting? DH is out of town, so I don't have him to bounce this off of. I read the letter and put it down and went on about my business. Then I started thinking about it. The more I thought about, the more I questioned it.

TIA, you guys are great!

[Savvy]

oh wow.

I really don't think you are over-reacting. It's like you said, each kid handles making friends a little different. Besides, isn't it bad enough that society pressures people to be a certain way, and now the school's have to do it too? Ugh. I think it's pretty stupid myself, because you really can't teach children how to be someone they are not.

[crazypoohbear]

I would tell the guidance office that instead of teaching kids how to "fit in" perhaps they should be teaching tolerance and understanding. Who in the school system is going to decide what the kids need to "fit into"
is it their idea of what is "normal".
IF it is truly about the 1 kid who is a "big bully" then perhaps they should be talking to that kid and his family and find out what is going on that would make a 1st grader want to bully others, at 6 or 7 this kid has to be learning this behavior somewhere!??

[kakn7294]

It's a nice idea but I can see why you would question it. Teaching a kid how to "fit in" is much different than teaching them how to accept each other for how they are. We shouldn't try to mold our kids to be something they are not - only teach them moral values and tolerance. Our school district does the same thing - caters to the kids that "fit the mold". It's really a problem with the adults, not the kids - they learn from us. I don't think you are overreacting - by all means, call and ask questions! Let us know how it goes!

[MNNHFLTX]

I actually think it sounds like a good idea, at least on the surface. I have a feeling it's less about helping kids "fit in" than it is to bring kids together at a young age and get them to think about what it is to truly get to know someone, not judge them based on how they look or dress or what their background is. And if they also teach kids how to handle conflicts with their classmates appropriately it could be time well spent. From the sound of it, I agree that it's not a true "character building" exercise as much as a "team building" exercise.

Let us know what the counselor says after you talk with them Monday. :)

[mickey&missy]

I actually think it sounds like a good idea, at least on the surface. I have a feeling it's less about helping kids "fit in" than it is to bring kids together at a young age and get them to think about what it is to truly get to know someone, not judge them based on how they look or dress or what their background is. And if they also teach kids how to handle conflicts with their classmates appropriately it could be time well spent. From the sound of it, I agree that it's not a true "character building" exercise as much as a "team building" exercise.

Let us know what the counselor says after you talk with them Monday. :)

I would be all for it if its a team building type of exercise to bring the kids together and help them understand not to judge and how to handle conflict situations. I truely hope thats what it is. But, the way the letter was worded makes it seem otherwise. I know they mean well. You would think, if they really are trying to get the kids to come together early on and learn that their differences are ok and not to judge, that the school counselor, of all people, would have been able to word it better! We shall see!

[merlinmagic4]

I actually think it sounds like a good idea, at least on the surface. I have a feeling it's less about helping kids "fit in" than it is to bring kids together at a young age and get them to think about what it is to truly get to know someone, not judge them based on how they look or dress or what their background is. And if they also teach kids how to handle conflicts with their classmates appropriately it could be time well spent. From the sound of it, I agree that it's not a true "character building" exercise as much as a "team building" exercise.

Let us know what the counselor says after you talk with them Monday. :)

:ditto: I think maybe their written description was not worded properly. Having been a teacher and spending a great deal of time in my children's elementary school, I can tell you that kids desperately need help in the social skills area. To me, they are telling you they are going to be working on social skills with the children, not brainwashing them to learn to "fit in" with a certain crowd :)

[BronxTigger]

What I don't understand is why the school needs a parent's permission to teach some of those skills, especially in the first grade. I teach first grade and I have to spend some time every day on situations that come up in the classroom and talk with the kids about what could have been done instead, etc. Things like "what can you do when ____ happens?"

It sounds like your school may be doing small groups for this, which if its a team building thing makes some sense, but if they are just choosing certain kids for that, how are they choosing the selected kids?

I agree...let us know what the school says when you call. I'm interested to know what kind of program they are using.

[jodijo]

As a parent and teacher, I think character education is a good thing. In my experience, it is not about how to make everyone "fit in." Character education is to teach children how to deal with and treat others that don't "fit in" to their social circles. The lessons that I have witnessed dealt with ways to handle certain social situations. For example, one lesson went over how to hypothetically deal with an ADHD student in the class. It was not to make the ADHD student "fit in" but how to make that hypothetical student feel apart of the class. It gave the students strategies on how to deal with someone like this instead of bullying or making fun of them. It is a great program that helps all children.

[happydisneygirl]

I think that this program has the potential to be really good. I do agree that you should maybe find out a bit more about it. I know that most kids need at least some help w social skills and they should try something to help kids get along.
Sometimes with kids it is something simple like my nephew who was throwing cotton balls at a girl he liked, but it is pretty common at that age you tease the people you like. Sometimes that stuff can get out of hand too and the kids need to find a way to be friends again and let go of whatever little transgressions they had.

And some kids have way bigger problems like bullying and then there are kids who are just not parented with any rules or discipline or kids who are too nice and let bad behavior slide because they don't want to hurt the other kids feelings.
Although your child might not have the serious issues that some kids have maybe they need her there to just be a friend to the other kids, and know she is friendly and would be very helpful in that environment. You sound like an active and responsable parent so your daughter is at least trying to live by that good example you are setting for her, that is huge.
I mean I am sure that alot of kids in that class would really benefit from being your daughters friend. I am sure that once you find out more about the program you will find that there are somethings that they teach that do not apply to your daughter but don't just dismiss it there may be somethings that might help her and you never know just how important you daughters friendship might be to another child.

Look at all the craziness in schools know a days with shootings and beatings there are alot of kids who feel very isolated in school and it only gets worse as they get older, somebody has got to let kids develop those social skills that can determine how they fit in and how they feel later on in life. These horrible attrocites don't just happen they are grown from years of not fitting in and it is up too all of us in society to do what little things we can to make schools a funner and safer place for all our children.
I think you should try to get on board with this program maybe even host a party at your house for the kids (disney theme of course), something so simple could be huge for some of your daughters classmates.

[kim1st]

Hopefully the notice is just mis-worded, and this will actually be a valuable program.

I know in my daughter's kindergarten class - and district wide - they're talking about "responsible classrooms", and it's definitely more about teaching kids how to get along with each other.

They practice how to "greet" people when they meet them, how to make eye contact when they are spoken to and that kind of thing.

Hopefully it will be more about giving everyone better skills for understanding and including each other!

[magicofdisney]

The minute I began reading this, I began to wonder if there's more here than meets the eye. I get the feeling this is more about tolerance. I have a few issues with "tolerance" right now. A is supposed to accept B's religious beliefs. A is supposed to tolerate C's lifestyle. But no one wants to teach B and C to tolerate A's beliefs. It's as if A is no longer allowed to have an opinion. Not using actual terms here because I'm afraid my posts would either be edited in such a way the words would no longer be my own, or be deleted all together. Then I'd be told to move along because someone doesn't want to tolerate my controversial opinion. Tolerance is a two way street and should not be railroaded down someone's throat.

Who knows, maybe they'll actually teach character building traits but I still can't understand why they'd need your "permission". It's not like this is sex ed (which used to require permission, not sure it still does). So again, it makes me wonder what really is going on here.

[junedis]

I have been a teacher for 18 years and have seen many programs come and go. As a parent, you should ask be informed as to why there is a necessary permission slip. If this is a program in the curriculum, you should be able to review the curriculur objectives and curriculum guide. You should also find out if this is always conducted as full classroom instruction. Are there small pull-out groups where your daughter is participating? If so, are you comfortable with that and what role would she play in that? Does any participation in this program remove her from instructional time in the classroom? As a parent you have a right to know. Good Luck !!

[conorsmom2000]

What I don't understand is why the school needs a parent's permission to teach some of those skills, especially in the first grade. I teach first grade and I have to spend some time every day on situations that come up in the classroom and talk with the kids about what could have been done instead, etc. Things like "what can you do when ____ happens?"

It sounds like your school may be doing small groups for this, which if its a team building thing makes some sense, but if they are just choosing certain kids for that, how are they choosing the selected kids?
Honestly, I was wondering about the permission slips too - that took me by surprise. I know in our school they have various programs (a bullying program, "Danger Stranger", etc.) and we only find out about it at PA meetings, when the principal mentions it - there's never been a permission slip that goes home. But, these are usually one time programs, not on going, and it's done as a class, not a small group - Conor is part of the TLC enrichment group (Thinking * Learning * Creating) and since he gets pulled out for 40 minutes, 1 day a week, we did have to sign our permission for that.

I agree with some that have said it sounds like it is more a "team" building rather than character building. It could all be a very good thing, but I would definitely want more information. Let us know what you find out.

[mickey&missy]

So, I finally spoke to the counselor at the school. Apparently, this is a program that they always do in the first grade. In the past its been done on teacher recommendation, this year they wanted to open it up and ask parents if they wanted their child to participate.

It really is a social skills lesson. Not really character, but either way it sounds benefical. The fitting in part is that they are going to teach the kids how to handle it if they, for example, ask another child to play and the child says no. She said the kids feel rejected and it can be the start of some issues. She also said that they try to teach them its ok to have more then 1 friend and its ok to have different friends and so on and so forth.

She said some kids just need a little extra social help. Which I can truely see. Its better to start now.

Apparently, I wasn't the only parent who was concerned about the letter. Which is why it took a little time to get a response. But, she was super nice and helpful.

Its one small group that meets once a week. She said a lot of parents where concerned that the letter was sent to them because there was a specific problem with their child. I wasn't concerned about that because it was addressed generally to first grade parents and guardians.

It sounds like a really good program! I'm glad the counselor was able to answer my questions and clear things up. I really wanted to believe they had the best of intentions and they did!

Thanks guys!!

[thrillme]

I'm sure it's a good thing... but my DS is in 6th now and he's STILL in these "good things". It doesn't seem to stop. In fact now it's picking up the pace so that they are in these "good things" 5 days a week. They don't even "ask" permission anymore...it's a district requirement.

I don't mind my son feeling comfortable with talking to a "counselor" or "advisor" IF he wants to BUT..."I" want to be his PRIMARY go to person and so far I always have been. I also have a good "network" of family and friends that have been there for him and he trusts since birth.

I know these "good programs" started to bother him a bit after a while because the counselor would ask them once or twice a week "if they had any problems they'd like to talk about"...My DS just thought it was "weird" not to come to ME first. I did explain to him that some kids don't have the freedom at home that he does to talk or maybe their home life IS the problem.

I'm not far from what "magicofdisney" mentioned. There are certian "tolerances" that I may or may not be totally comfortable with. I'm not going to take well to the school saying certian things are "OK" without MY final explanation. So I find myself being "guarded" and asking a LOT of questions as to what "Advisory" (the new term) is and EXACTLY what is being covered.

So far the assignments have been about "language" respectful and disrespectful..."your counselor is open for anything"...etc.

Unfortunately there's so much "garbage" going on in schools today I'm torn between "enough" of a "good thing" and "need MORE" of a "good thing". I'm so tossed I don't know what I want any more. I DO know that "I" wanna be the parent and teach my child MY values.

I miss plain old study hall.