Please help....

[aprilisis]

I am having such a bad year...Can anyone out there PM me about alcohol-related issues they may have had with a family member? I would appreciate any input on how to deal with such a situation. Like I said- please PM me. I am really sorry for the post, but I really need some advice. Thanks in advance!!!!:thumbsup:

[PAYROLL PRINCESS]

My father was an alcoholic and my brother still is. If you want advise on how you can help them, well you really can't. They have to want to stop. Sorry if that sounds horrible, but it's the truth.
You could always try AlAnon meetings for yourself. Good luck with whatever issues you are having. It's not easy to deal with a disease like this.
My sisters and I no longer associate with my brother because of the things he's done.

[ChipnDaleGal]

I am lucky that alcoholism has not touched my life directly. But I did want to tell you how sorry I am that it is affecting yours in some way. I am glad that you are looking for an avenue to help yourself. If you can't help the alcoholic that you love, then you need to help yourself. Good luck. :pixie:

[MsMin]

It's true -- they can only help themselves and they have to want to help. I didn't PM this b/c it's generalized -- My advice- PSA (public service announcement) ;) Don't be an enabler. Meaning don't help the alcoholic with the problem. Most need to fall in order to seek help. By helping I mean don't buy the alcohol, make excuses for them, help cover it up etc. It's hard but you have to remember it's in their best interest and you are doing it b/c you care.
If you have any specific questions you are welcome to PM me. :pixie:

[conorsmom2000]

I'm sorry that you are going through this - but, I have to agree with the other's....you can't help them unless they want help. You can only help yourself and not enable them. My MIL was an alcoholic who sadly died at the age of 57 from liver cirrhois - she literally drank herself to death. My FIL is also an alcoholic and was her biggest enabler - his health is very shaky right now, but he still drinks and smokes, though he's been warned to stop. My husband has now been diagnosed as an ACOA (adult child of alcoholics) and though he is not an alcoholic, it has impacted him greatly and he is getting help for all that he's been through. Mike would love for his father and brothers to stop drinking but he can't make them, just as we couldn't make his Mom. I can't even begin to tell you some of the things that have happened in this family because of alcohol - and for me, it's only been in the 15 years I've known Mike - for him, it's been his whole life. But, he sees someone who is helping him deal with it and all that he went through as a child and we both plan on attending AlAnon meetings. I can PM you some of the books that Mike's counselor recommended he read. I wish you the best of luck with all of this - take care of yourself. :pixie::pixie:

[crazypoohbear]

April.
You live in the worc. area there are tons of Al Anon meetings in the area. If you don't want to run into anyone you know go out of town. The worcester Telegram lists meetings once a week in the paper.
The Very FIRST thing that you will learn is that
1 nothing you did caused them to drink
2 nothing you do will make them stop drinking
3 nothing you say will make them stop drinking
4 nothing you promise/threaten will work.
Alcoholics are great at making you think it's your fault. IF only you did or did not do such and such, "I wouldn't have to drink"
You can not change any one's behavior but your own. You need to change how you react to what is going on.

[DisneyDudet]

I would suggest Al Anon, which is for family and loved ones of alcoholics, for you. This way, you can learn about it, and maybe help you with your loved one.

I hope you find the information you need. Sometimes it helps to find others that have the same issues you do, and Al Anon will help.

[aprilisis]

Thanks, everyone for the advice. This person that is the alcoholic really has gotten into serious trouble (years ago now), so I thought that would do the trick...but he still drinks.
I am taking your advice & finding some Al-Anon meetings.