Bad Memories

[Harkleroad]

I guess this is a rather personal question but I need help dealing with my husband before we make a trip later this year. Has anyone had anything really bad happen that would prevent them from returning to WDW or another favorite location? My story is this- My husband and I have always loved Disney. We went on our 1st anniversary and planned to go every other year. On our 5th I had a miscarriage at Disney. Although its been several years and we now have a wonderful little boy my husband thinks returning will bring back too many bad memories. I however can't wait to take our little boy. I know we should focus on the good but the bad memories still linger and my husband has no interest in the trip. Has anyone else ever had a similar type of experience? How did you deal with it? Thanks for your advice and for listening (I guess this is a bit therapeutic for me)

[DSNYMOM4JJ]

Oh sweetie I am so sorry to hear about your loss, but am thankful that you had a new addition to your family. I think that you are right in wanting to go..your both have had some wonderful memories at WDW and I think that perhaps a trip with your five year old is just what you both need. Maybe your hubby is worried about your emotions if you return, and I'm sure that it won't be easy on you, and he probably has some deep feelings still inside, but I think a family trip would help heal some wounds.

My hubbys Aunt lost her husband 2 months before we had all scheduled to go on a WDW vacation and I felt at the time that we should postpone our trip or perhaps cancel all together but she said that they had gone on over twenty trips during thier marriage and it was the one place she felt closest to him. She had a few down moments which we all expected, but mostly she felt his presence and relived some of thier favorite memories and places.

Try to think of your hubby and yourself and all the feelings that you will have to deal with during your vaction, but I truly think that it would be worth the return trip to see the MAGIC in your little ones eyes.

Hugs,
Kristine

[snifflesmcg]

When I was 9, we had a worse vacation to WDW than the Griswold's in "Vacation". Yes, this is a true story.


We drove our station wagon from NJ to Fl to stay at Yogi Bear's campground. We had a pop-up camper in tow. It was my parents, me who was 9, my brother 7 and sister 7 months. On the way down, our car overheated and we had some belts break. We chose this campground for cable tv. We get to the site, no cable tv but that didn't matter. A few days into the trip, the tv blew up. The microphone on the video camera broke as well. My dad got bitten by red ants and shook with a fever 4th of July weekend in the park. The red ants also got into one of the coolers and totally ripped apart the chicken that was our dinner. While in Epcot, the flash to my mom's camera got stolen (right out of her bag while going thru the rainbow tunnel by Figment). We return to the campsite and find the cooler with beer and soda in it got stolen as well. On the way home from the trip, we had stopped in GA for the night. My brother didn't know how to swim and hit a dip in the middle of the pool and started to drown. I went to "rescue" him and he pulled me under and I almost drowned. It took 2 people to pull us out. After we went to bed that night, somebody had broken into our car, stealing EVERYTHING in it....the video camera, all of our clothes, Disney souvineers....the works! The way my mother packs, all of our clothes were IN those suitcases. They tried to steal the car but obviously couldn't get the camper off it it. Instead, the stole another (almost identical) car. I know there was a few more things that happened but I can't remember off the top of my head. A week or so later, we did get back some of our clothes. They found them in Jacksonville, FL dumped on the side of the road.

A year later.....we redid the trip to make all the wrongs right. Point being, no matter where you were, you were going to have that miscarriage. I'm so sorry that Disney World brings up such horrible memories. However, this is a great opportunity to make new, wonderful memories with your husband and son. I think you should go, confront those bad memories, and just maybe all those bad things will disappear :).

[Sunshine1010]

Your husband has justified feelings......and so do you. There is no 'right' answer.

We've all gone through something that has triggered bad memories and latched them onto something. How do you deal with this?...each person is different.

It's the same as a parent driving down the road where their child died in a car wreck. It's the same as a brother driving past the hospital where his Uncle died of Cancer. It's the same as an ex-girlfriend never wanting to go to a restaurant where her first love took her. It's the same as someone turning a song off on a radio because that song was 'their song'...but it's not anymore.

Heck, I still think of the ex-boyfriend who dumped me when I hear Air Supply.

So you see hon.....each person attaches memories to different things.

Your husband may feel like that forever. But then again, he may not.

Would it be best if he went and worked through his feelings?....maybe. Perhaps the easiest thing to do would be to go for a 2 day, 1 night stay (if that's feasible). It's not too long, and you would be compromising with his 'wants' with your 'wants'....and you could see how it works out.

Good luck.........

[thrillme]

Places are places and time is time.

Please don't take this wrong but if the terrible thing happened at home would you have moved?

You've got a chance to build some new and WONDERFUL memories with your child. Is it right to take those from him?

Chances are you're going to be so wrapped up in HIS excitement the old pain will dull a bit as you count today's blessings.

The river keeps flowing and you need too keep an eye out for where it takes you or you're going to miss something very special.

[merlinmagic4]

I agree with the PP. I think watching the joy of your son will help him learn to love Disney again :)

I do know someone with a sad story. A friend of mine went on a Make a Wish trip with her son. He passed away a short time later and she has yet to be able to go back. I truly hope she will go someday with her other two children and relive some of the happy times.

I hope it works out for you. You both must have been devastated by that loss, especially at Disney. I hope you get to go and share the magic with your son. Let us know.

[Marilyn Michetti]

Everyone has to heal in their own way, at their own pace, but I DO pray for healing for all of you.

Your loss can NEVER be replaced, but what a blessing your little 5 year old must be. Ask your DH if he would have wanted to take the child you lost to WDW when he/she would have turned 5?

God bless you all. Living in the past, engrossed in a tragedy, robs you of a beautiful future.:(

[Tiggerlovr9000]

On our last trip my MIl passed away at home. She had been sick on and off for a year and a half. We made the decision to go ahead and go on the trip because we had made many trips to the hospital saying it was the end and she would always recover. Just don't know what the right thing to do was. Its hard to put your life on hold like that. I know his sister is still angry we went. She didn't die because we were at WDW. We are planning a trip there next May. to celebrate our 25th anniversary. I'm sure that my SIL will have a attitude about this but I can't worry about that. I am definitely buying trip insurance this time. I did tell my kids if they are ever in a similiar sitiuation with me to please go on the trip and don't feel guilty.

[crazypoohbear]

I'm very sorry for the loss of your baby. I know how you feel. I agree with what everyone else has said. Everyone has some loss that brings up lots of feelings.
My Aunt died in a car accident after coming back from cross country. We met up with her at a friendly's restaurant the night before she died. For years my son's wouldn't go back there. Finally one day we crossed that threshold again. It had it's emotional moments but then they started talking about "this is where we were sitting and remember when she gave us half her brownie sunday"etc. I hope you and your family go and your husband realizes that your loss was terrible but the joy of seeing your son far overshadows the sadness.

[Harkleroad]

I just wanted to thank everyone for their support. I know that we have alot to be grateful for . It just so happens that we (I) began planning our trip and we just had our anniversary which brings up the loss. Reading others' thoughts just seems to help a little more. I know that when we get there the excitement of our little boy will help to replace the bad memories. He will be 20months then (the 5 from the original post was the # anniversary) which means I will be posting for tons of advice on traveling to Disney for the 1st time with a toddler. So thank you again.

[mickeys_princess_mom]

I feel for you both, and know you will make many magical memories on your trip with your child. Let us know what we can do to help you with the planning!
:magic::hug:

[grumpycajun]

I won't share a bad memory related to Disney because I don't have one. But, I will say that the best way to get rid of bad memories is to create new good ones. What could make better memories than taking your little one to Disney for his first time?

[TheMartellFamily]

To see WDW though your sons eyes makes life seem so much better no matter what is going on. It is something that can not be explained until you have to experince it yourself. Trust me it is well worth it and try going on this trip. It seems like such a great therapy and trust me I know.

[Jodi]

I can't say that this is a horrible memory, but, while visiting Disney in 2001, DD, at the time was 9. On our last day, she spiked a temperature of 101, I quickly purchased a bottle of Tylenol at Epcot ( paid way too much for it, but had too) to bring her temp down. Figured we could see the doc as soon as we got back. Well, long story short, she had a bladder infection, which in turn, brought out (latent) diabetes. Fortunately, DH has diabetes too, so, we knew what we were in for. I always wish she would not have become diabetic, but, life goes on and we have been back to WDW every year since. :)

[PAYROLL PRINCESS]

Remembering your lost little one on your trip will be the best way to know that they are still living in your heart. Don't be afraid to say things about whether the baby would have liked this or that. And seeing your 20 month olds face will be so great.