Parenting help - DD is acting crazy!

[alphamommy]

Our DD just turned 7. She is a crazy person! She won't listen to anything we say, unless it's to try to find something to argue with us about. I've had enough.

We have tried a zillion different tactics to get her to listen, to behave nicely, and none of them work. I have been sick for most of her life, and have now been sick pretty much non-stop since last July. I can't drive right now, so I'm not able to go to a lot of school activities with her (we just moved here, and I don't really know anybody in the area to pick me up and take me to anything.). I'm not sure if this misbehavior is tied to my illness, and, even if it is, I still don't know what to do about it.

Any ideas? Could I at least get a little pixie dust to get better, and to make our relationship better?

Thanks,
Tammy

[bleukarma]

I’m not a parent so I can’t really offer advice but I’ll send you some pixie dust! I can only image how hard it is to raise another person and when the time comes for me I know I will be apprehensive of the day when they want to argue over everything! Good luck!!!! :pixie:

[BrerGnat]

I'm sorry you are going through this. I imagine it's extremely difficult.

I would say she is probably acting out as a coping mechanism. I'm sure it is related to your illness, since I would think something like that would manifest itself somehow in a young child.

I would perhaps start by speaking to her pediatrician, and see if you can get a recommendation or referral to a therapist, psychologist, or behavioral specialist so you can try to figure out why she is behaving this way. It is important to understand the ROOT of the behavior before you can attempt to improve it. You need to know why she is being this way and will probably need help with some methods you can try with her.

I know it must be hard being "stuck" in the house so often, but you really need to find a way to get her some help before her behavior escalates into something more serious.

Good luck. I hope you are able to find the answers you need. And, I'll send you some pixie dust in the meatime. :pixie:

[SBETigg]

Parenting can be so trying! I have no advice, but I hope it gets better between you soon. :pixie:

[murphy1]

Big hugs! I have three girls, sometimes they are very emotional and high strung and then so sweet!! Girls tend to go through things sooner these days, but I'm sure some of it is your illness, but don't feel bad, you need to take care of you. SInce you moved, I'm sure she will get into her own groove and also find new friends. It can be hard adjusting. I hope your illness gets better, too.

[Tinkerfreak]

I'm sorry you are going through this. I imagine it's extremely difficult.

I would say she is probably acting out as a coping mechanism. I'm sure it is related to your illness, since I would think something like that would manifest itself somehow in a young child.

I would perhaps start by speaking to her pediatrician, and see if you can get a recommendation or referral to a therapist, psychologist, or behavioral specialist so you can try to figure out why she is behaving this way. It is important to understand the ROOT of the behavior before you can attempt to improve it. You need to know why she is being this way and will probably need help with some methods you can try with her.

I know it must be hard being "stuck" in the house so often, but you really need to find a way to get her some help before her behavior escalates into something more serious.

Good luck. I hope you are able to find the answers you need. And, I'll send you some pixie dust in the meatime. :pixie:

I agree. She might need to talk to someone. Acting up may be her way of trying to get attention. I agree that you should not let this go because the worse her behavior gets the harder it will be to change it and I agree that you have to get to the root of the behavior before you can correct it.

[bleukarma]

Although I am not a parent, reading back through some of these answers reminds me of a good friend I have. When she was about 7 her mother got diagnosed with manic depressive disorder and they both have had to deal with some tough situations over the years. We met in high school so I don’t know first hand how her childhood was, but I can only imagine. Now she is 25 years old and has recently decided to go to therapy to cope with some issues she has. Her therapist diagnosed her with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder from what she had to go through with her mom as a child. My friend has never had a job and her therapist told her to not get one until some of her issues are dealt with.

Although I don’t know the extent of your situation, I know an illness is hard on anybody, especially a child. I agree with other posters that getting her in to talk to somebody, somehow, might be a good idea. I would hate for my friend to end up being the adult version of your DD.

[MsMin]

I do think that communication is so important here. Often a 7 yr old can't express the anger she feels for all she has probably been through, e.g. missing a friends party, missing a movie, or not being able to join after school activities and it can grow with time.
I'm so glad you have noticed this and are looking for some answers. There are some techniques to help parents and I find them very helpful in situations just like this.
Yes, I agree it's easier and better to work with a good therapist but sometimes that is not possible. I would recommend a good book to help. I usually have print outs but I don't have any on this computer. One book I used to create a lot of my presentations or packets is an old book called P.E.T. (Parent Effectiveness Training) by Thomas Gordon. I find it very helpful and if you are too sick to get involved in therapy try finding this book, he may even have a more recent book.
Best of Luck :pixie:

[mrsgaribaldi]

:pixie: :pixie: :pixie: :pixie: :pixie: on the way.

[Mousefever]

We've been dealing with a similar sounding situation this past spring with our now nine year old son. He started being argumentative, negative and just not himself. He was not displaying this at school, just at home and mostly with me.

When he would talk about the things that were bothering him, he felt no hope that anything would get better. That is what made me think that he might be experiencing depression. He had always been a resilient kid. I started asking more pointed questions and took him to see his pediatrician. It turns out that he felt so bad about himself and so hopeless that he had thought about hurting himself, (apparently with a knife.)

I'm so happy that we kept asking questions and followed it up with his pediatrician. If we hadn't, we would never have known how badly he was feeling. He is now seeing a wonderful child psychologist and is feeling much better about himself and his world.

I'm not saying that your daughter is depressed, but if you are noticing that her personality has changed recently, it is worth looking into. A younger child's depression will not necessarily manifest itself in the same way as a teen's or adult's. Our son's depression stemmed from a kid giving him a hard time on his soccer team and troubles fitting in at school. It can be that simple, especially if a kid has a genetic predisposition.

[Sammyjo]

I don't know if I can offer anything to help. I know when I was 7 I was awful (I'm 27 now). Every time I said something negative my mom told me "now say something positive" and if I wouldn't she would put a positive spin on it for me. I would also try to not play the game with her. Try not to react when she is miss behaving and shower her with compliments, hugs and love when she does right. You also need to stay positive and calm for your own health too. Maybe you could try doing an activity together, like crafts, for some together time where she can feel special.
The best of luck and ton of pixie dust. Remeber this too will pass.

[PrincessEmmasMommy]

Hi! I'm so sorry you are going through this, and I can't say that I've been through it, b/c my dd is only 4. I am a third grade teacher though and I recognize the moods and emotions of typical third graders. I agree about speaking to the pediatrician asap and seeking some counseling. I also think an organization like big brothers, big sisters may be a good way to go. Get her involved in as many extracurricular activities as you are able to and she wants to. Having an outlet for some of her energy and time to just be a kid and socialize with her peers will benefit her greatly. Good luck!
Jen

[Here we go again...]

Tammy,
I wish I had the answers you need but I do not. All children are different and it is impossible to tell what is causing her to act this way without knowing more about what happens in her every day life.

Please do not blame yourself. Your illness may have something to do with this, but there may be other things too... you mention that you recently moved. Is your daughter adjusting to her new school? Is she making friends? Is there any chance that there is someone bullying or abusing her?

I have a family member that changed at 6 years old... we found out she had been sexually abused. I am not saying that is what happened here, but it is very important that you rule out any possibility. Is there a counselor at her school that you could speak to?

Try to spend some time with her and get her to open up. Someone else suggested doing crafts together... anything that will distance her from what is wrong. Then maybe you can get her to talk.

I know MsMin (beth) suggested a book. I would suggest that you get it or maybe have her mail you the handouts she referred to. Beth can be of a huge help to you. I am sure that she has helped lots of us through tough times.

I wish you the best of luck. Please keep us posted.

[CleveSJM]

:magic::pixie: First, some pixie dust, because we parents need a lot of luck and magic to get this stuff all good.

I agree with the previous posts, check with a pediatrician to make sure it isn't something medial related.

The one tip I give all my friends with kids is to never, ever make an idle threat. If they have been, have a sit down and tell them that it will stop. Also, don't make big punishment threats aren't realistic (no TV, no phone, grounding, etc.). Little 10 minute timeouts (even for older kids) still get the message across and shows who is in control of the situation.

Best of luck!

[daparish]

Hope things are better. Keeping you and your daughter in my prayers.

[Tinkerfreak]

:magic::pixie: First, some pixie dust, because we parents need a lot of luck and magic to get this stuff all good.

I agree with the previous posts, check with a pediatrician to make sure it isn't something medial related.

The one tip I give all my friends with kids is to never, ever make an idle threat. If they have been, have a sit down and tell them that it will stop. Also, don't make big punishment threats aren't realistic (no TV, no phone, grounding, etc.). Little 10 minute timeouts (even for older kids) still get the message across and shows who is in control of the situation.

Best of luck!

I so have to agree with this. DH and I have a saying "Mean what you say and say what you mean". If we tell them that if they do something wrong X is going to happen and they do it then X always happens. We have also found that making reasonable puhishments works better than threats that you know you won't or can't stick to. Some of our house rules are:
You do have the right to be angry with someone but you DO NOT have the right to hit push or threaten anyone. If you are angry give yourself a time out in your room to cool off and let us punish your sister for whatever she did that made you mad if it warrents punishment.
If you do something when we are in public that you know is wrong you will be punished immediately when we get home and we never ever let it go. When we get home the appropriate punisment is handed out.
Do not speak to your parents or your sister in a way that you would not want to be spoken to. We are big on respecting each others feelings and trying to see the situation from the other persons point of view.
I'm not sure what your illness is but I that am very sorry that you are in bad health. I wish you all the luck with this and I hope you get some relief soon. I do hope that you decide to seek some professional help for her sake as well as yours.